


Beautiful Affection

by MissPerla09



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Comedy, F/M, Family, Father Figure, Gen, Heavens - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mental Disorder, Romance, Starish - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, parenting, showbiz's dark side
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 16:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 88,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13391997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissPerla09/pseuds/MissPerla09
Summary: (The New Version of My Little Little Girls)To Tokiya, his friendship with his ‘identical twin’, Masato was very twisted and full of buts. His loyalty to Masato was tested so many times and sometimes, he wished he was the guy’s enemy instead of a close friend.Why? Because the good-natured Masato had ‘stolen’ Haruka from him. The pure Masato had caused him to be exploited in the showbiz and some people even saw him as Masato instead of himself.But, the sick Masato was also the one who saw the beautiful affection in the cold Tokiya. He believed, Tokiya was the only one who could cherish Haruka like a queen. Tokiya was the only one who could treasure his daughters like his own.Again, their friendship was very twisted and this was just the beginning…Disclaimer: I don't own Uta no Prince sama. I just own the plot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The memory

_**Okay,** Haruka. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this!_

Those lines had become a charm for Hijirikawa Haruka. She had to be mentally stronger when her body could not obtain the rest that it deserved. She clenched her small fists while her stocking-covered legs were fidgeting out of nervousness. No matter what kind of hard slog she had to swallow previously, they were no match with what her mind, body, and soul were fighting against now.

Haruka exhaled a heavy sigh before making her way into the vast and luxurious bedroom. Deluxe furniture appeared from her right and left but her golden eyes only fixed a certain tall figure, standing by a window while holding a picture.

Even though his good look was not the reason for Haruka to marry him, it did not stop Haruka from adoring her husband whenever he was around. Despite the blank and ashen demeanor, his face still looked attractive, especially when his blue hair fit the shape of his face impeccably. His blue eyes flashed their lure as they stared at the neighborhood which was mostly occupied by celebrities. His other hand was placed against the maroon curtain, sending Haruka to hope for an embrace from the pale-skinned but tender arms.

"Good... Good morning, Masato," she greeted anxiously as soon as she stood right behind him. Her fingers were still playing with each other, channeling her restlessness.

The said man slowly turned to see her. The fact that her eyes met his was enough to make Haruka blushed like a fangirl. So, when Masato smiled handsomely before enveloping her petite frame in his warm embrace, she felt like she just owned a paradise.

_Wait! Why is he hugging me all of sudden? Does it mean... He remembers me? My husband remembers me?_

"Good morning. I am sorry but what's your name again?" His soft and innocent question stabbed her heart smack-dab. The paradise that she just saw in her head was razed in the blink of an eye.

_No, he still doesn't remember me._

As they pulled away from each other,Haruka moved her face muscle awkwardly, attempting to smile at her husband.

"I am sorry for not introducing myself earlier. My name is Hijirikawa Haruka," she said. The woman still felt upset when he did not remember her but when Masato's face leaned closer, she also leaned to blush furiously instead.

"Hijirikawa Haruka," Masato rubbed his chin while his eyes observed her intently.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Hijirikawa," he bowed while smiling brightly. "I am sorry but who are you? Do I know you?"

He blurted out a set of the same questions which telling Haruka that the blue-haired man would never spare her a place in his heart and mind. Masato's brain would randomly act like an eraser; expunging everything about her. No one could tell when he would lose his memory again since the pattern was fickle.

Yet, Haruka never felt apoplectic towards the guy because he did not choose to forget his wife. Instead, his system reacted oppositely of what his old self actually wanted.

Everyone knew that Haruka meant everything to Hijirikawa Masato.

"I am your wife. I carry your surname which is Hijirikawa," she replied as calm as possible.

"Huh? For real?" Masato looked adorable as he widened his blue eyes.

"Yes. Your name is Hijirikawa Masato."

"Oh, I see. And you are my wife," Masato stared at Haruka with a puzzled expression, much to her dismay. She yearned for the moments when Masato's eyes only glued to her. Along with his blushed face, he would remark that she looked so beautiful.

The first time Haruka heard such a compliment was when Masato confessed his feeling to her. Despite the sincerity, Haruka still found it hard to believe. Her husband was an idol from a popular group, STARISH, so collaborating with a lot of celebrities including beautiful actresses had covered a large part of his life. While Haruka, she was just a composer of the band's songs. She treated all of them as her friends and she never thought that her plain look could match their level. Marrying a famous idol had never become her goal but the destiny had plotted something unexpected but wonderful for her.

Since eight years ago, not only she shared her life with a loving husband like Masato, she was also convinced with;

**_"I am telling you the truth. I believe that a husband always sees his wife as the most beautiful woman in his world. That's why he married her. And I believe her husband will be always the one who can see her beauty when others say that she is ugly."_ **

Was what Masato said.

"No wonder... Wait, the guy with the long hair..."

"Ren. His name is Ren," Haruka found it hard to make her face contorted with a smile as another harsh reality hit her.

It was... Masato just forgot what Jinguuji Ren meant in his life. It never crossed his empty mind that despite how annoying and carefree Ren was, the guy was a good teammate and childhood friend.

"Yes, yes. He was the one who asked me to hug you if you visited me. He even forced me to write a reminder in my diary," Masato explained as he threw a glance at his black diary which was on a small table. "But I sincerely want to apologize for not being able to remember you even you are my wife. I really wish I could," he gave her a small but apologetic smile as he showed her a STARISH's picture and Haruka when they won the Triple S decisive concert. "And even though I know these guys are my friends, I still can't tell who is who. I guess my brain grows older than it should."

"It's okay, dear. It's not your fault. Don't push yourself too much," Haruka encouraged as she caressed his cheeks.

Now, it was his turn to blush. His eyes sized up when her delicate fingers stroked his eyelids.

"So... What should I call you, Miss Wife?" Masato smiled as her fingers reached his lips.

She chuckled. "You can call me Haruka."

"Haruka," it felt weird when the deep voice awkwardly said his own wife's first name. "Okay, I will call you, Haruka!"

"Good," she continued to pamper him with her warmth. Her fingers were running every inch on Masato's face and he liked it so much.

"Do we have children?" He asked excitedly as Haruka was about to kiss his nose.

Haruka slowly dropped her hands to her side as she could not conceal her shock.

"Ye... yes, we have."

"Ah, it must be these little girls," Masato excitedly grabbed a pink frame from a nearby table.

Haruka glanced at the picture which showing their precious daughters. The picture was taken during their second child's birthday party. Both of them were smiling brightly with the older one carried the younger one in her small arms.

"What are their names, Haruka? They are so cute! The younger one looks exactly like you!" Masato exclaimed as his finger stroked the glossy surface of the frame.

"Hm... The older one is Harumi. She is eight years old," Haruka pointed out at Harumi who has long blue hair. Unlike Mitsuki, she resembled her father. "While the small one is Mitsuki. She is three years old."

"So adorable," Masato did not have any recollection of his children but the sight of them was so endearing that it grabbed his full attention. "Where are they, Haruka? Can I see them?"

Her smile faded. "They... They are at my friend's house. Don't worry. I will pick them up this evening."

"Oh, really?" Masato could not help but be slightly disappointed. "Okay, then. I will see them this evening."

Haruka could not stand to see the sad face but she had no choices. She had to tell him a white lie.

"I will bring your breakfast, okay? Please rest a lot."

"Wait, Haruka!" Masato quickly grabbed Haruka's hand.

"Yes?" She swallowed an invisible lump in her throat as she silently prayed that Masato would never bring up another question about their children.

She just could not take it.

Masato slowly pulled Haruka towards his direction before cupping Haruka's small face in his hands.

"I love you, Haruka," he whispered as he planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

Haruka swore that the sudden confession was enough to shove her tiredness away.

"Masato..."

"Ren said I married you because I love you. He encouraged me to say that every time I see you so that our bond will stay in my mind even the chance is quite slim. It must be tiring for you, right? I am sorry for being sick like this," his sincere remark was so heart-breaking for her that she wished it never popped out in his mind.

She did not deserve his apology. She did not even deserve Masato's love in the first place.

"Don't say that dear," Haruka answered as she also wrapped her arms around the out of shape body. "I love you too and you don't have to apologize for your disease. It's not even your fault. To me, the fact that you accepted me as your wife was greater than what I did to you. I can't thank you enough, Masato."

 _Thanks, Ren. Thanks, everyone,_  Haruka's heart whispered. Ren and other STARISH members knew how challenging it would be for her to juggle with her beloved job, nursing her sick husband, and taking care of their children. She never complained anything to them but they were always there to be the backbone for her.

* * *

 **As**  soon as Haruka shut the door, she leaned against it. Silence filled the air as she attempted to calm herself down.

As expected, the thrill that she received after the affectionate moment with her husband did not last long. Instead, she was distracted by how many saddening changes that Masato underwent.

His hoarse voice... It used to be deep and enchanting.

His skinny body... It used to be fit and well-proportioned.

His memory... It got worse every time she talked to him.

The big question here was how was she supposed to endure other changes when those three had already torn her heart apart?

When he suddenly paralyzed from the waist down, could she handle it? How about when he passed out frequently or vomited blood? Could she face them robustly?

What about the children? Would they lose their father at such a young age? They still needed Masato.

"Mommy!"

Talk of the devil.

Two small girls ran energetically towards her. As usual, Harumi, the first daughter would hold her sister's hand, leading her all the way to their parents' bedroom.

"Harumi, don't run too fast. I don't want you both to trip," Haruka sighed in worry before her children hugged her waist. When they giggled at each other, it was obvious that they ignored her caution.

"But mommy, we want to see daddy," Harumi remarked as she looked up to match Haruka's eyes.

"Daddy! Want daddy!" The orange-haired Mitsuki left Haruka's waist as she put her short hands up and jumped excitedly.

There was no way Haruka would allow her daughters to meet Masato in that kind of state. Masato was sick. He did not remember anything about his family. He was physically weak now and the girls were too young for accepting something shocking like that.

"Maybe next time, dear," as soon as she answered them, Harumi bit her lips in dissatisfaction while Mitsuki just titled her head in a confused manner.

"You always say that mommy," Harumi whined slowly. She pouted while her blue eyes stared forward, showing a small protest.

"Daddy is sleeping so let's not disturb him, okay? Wait in your bedroom and later I will help you with your homework, okay?"

"Okay," Harumi replied lazily before reaching Mitsuki's hand.

A heavy sigh escaped from Haruka's lips as soon her daughters left the corridor.

_I just don't want you both to see what happened to daddy. I don't want my daughters to feel sad._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to HEAVENS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: For HEAVENS, I just put five members instead of seven. I apologize but the first reason is there will be too many casts and I want to cut down the characters whom I don't need their presence in this story. The most solid reason will be revealed later.

**"Okay,**  let's take a break for fifteen minutes!" Without waiting for his teammates' response, Otori Eichii pressed the 'pause' button. Their latest song which would be promoted soon stopped echoing in the vast training room, replaced with the different layers of short pants from the five members of HEAVENS, a popular boy band.

When he turned to meet eyes with his four teammates, he knew he would see the different expression but still suggested the same definition. Some of them were busy wiping the droplets of sweat across their faces but their eyes still shot perplexity to their leader, Eichii.

"We practiced long enough since this morning. I don't want anyone to pass out. Plus, I think all parts are perfect already," Eichii remarked softly. He was proud to see the progress of each of his teammate and he was positive that they would succeed with their new album this time...

And beat a certain idol.

"Really, Eichii?" Mikado Nagi, the youngest member in the group asked. His hands held his knees for a support. "Do you think it's perfect already?"

"Yes, Nagi," Eichii replied which Nagi responded with a bright grin. It always felt nice when his teammates did not hesitate to put their trust in him.

"Eichii is right. It'll be better to take a break," Otori Eiji, Eichii's brother supplied before bringing his watch close to his eyes. "Plus, it has been four hours. Our body still needs sufficient rest."

"Oh, we are taking a break for real? What a relief! To be honest, I am so spent right now!" Kiryuin Van, a guy with a strong  _Kansai_ accent exclaimed. He lifted his arms into the air, relieving his sore muscles after the complex dancing.

"But, are you sure we have zero flaws already, Eichii?" Sumeragi Kira asked. The black-haired guy was usually very quiet but every time he voiced out his thought, nobody could deny him being analytical. "It's not like I don't trust you but to say that we are perfect, I believe your father doesn't..."

"Yes, trust me. We are HEAVENS anyway," Eichii said before his pink lips formed a handsome smirk.

That was right. The popularity that they possessed had completely changed their life. They were no longer the second in priority. They were no longer the boy band that would end up as the second choice in every award, shows, and interviews.

"You know that's not what I mean, right, Eichii?" Kira said. His expression did not change but the sternness in his voice sent the others froze on their spot.

"Trust me, Kira. Plus, we just took 15 minutes break. It's not like we are going to stop practicing for good so just relax for a bit," Eichii said, still wearing his calm demeanor despite Kira's skeptical expression.

_The president is not in this town today. That's why I suggest a slightly longer break._

He wanted to state his thought but Eiji was here. He did not want his brother to know the true color of their 'beloved' president.

* * *

 **Except**  for Eichii, everybody was sitting up on the floor. Eiji and Kira were talking to each other about their songs while the louder members, Van and Nagi were reading a newspaper together. Their body might feel leaden but their mouth could not stop gossiping about any celebrity that caught their interest.

Eichii was sitting alone on a chair, allowing his purple eyes settled on the pictures of a very beautiful woman from his phone. He tried his best to not smile like some teenagers who were madly in love when in fact, he was. Staring at his fiancée's smiling face when he surprised her with a romantic birthday party made him proud of himself for being able to put such expression on her face.

His relationship with Shibuya Tomochika, a famous idol from Shining Agency was something that never crossed in his mind. How come he ended up being mesmerized by the woman? Why did he have to be engaged to a celebrity from the rival agency when a lot of women threw themselves at him?

The rival agency which had both Hijirikawa Masato and his 'twin', Ichinose Tokiya.

The answer was simple. Tomochika meant the world to him. When his life went downhill, Tomochika appeared like an angel, cosseted him with the happiness that he longed for since he was young. There were no moments that he thought was wasted once Tomochika was around.

Everyone swooned over his girlfriend but he was the chosen one, was loved and the one who loved her.

Nobody could steal her from him. Never.

"To be honest, I am so sick of seeing his face! Is he the only one who is active in STARISH nowadays?" Nagi's shrill voice took Eichii away from his own little world. "While his twin is on hiatus, he sure has a veeeryyy bright future, huh? Heck, he is even voted as the Heart-throb for tenth times already. How's that even possible?"

"Relax, Nagi. Why do you sound like you hate him? I like him, though. He makes my work easy," Van supplied. His eyes stared at the blue-haired Heart-throb who became their next target of gossip.

"But, must it always about him? Our group also has hot members. Why did they have to pick someone from a dull group like STARISH? We are way better than him!"

"Nagi, it's not nice to say such thing," Eiji said, curving in a small but disapproving smile. "Even they are from our rival agency, STARISH is still our friends. You cannot just belittle them like that."

"But, Eiji..." Nagi lifted the newspaper page which had boosted his dramatic outburst. "I admit this guy is popular but is he really that popular? All he did was marketing his muscle and he could get the Heart-throb title for ten years straight!"

"Tokiya is very talented, Nagi," Eiji replied, softly. His brown eyes stared at the said guy who was posing in a captivating fashion for his interview. "I had worked with him several times and he is someone that everybody looks up to."

"He can sing and act," Van added, nonchalantly. "He is also cool and very handsome."

"Yeah, as if everybody else in this industry is hideous, not cool, and not talented at all. He's just overrated to me," Nagi continued slurring while his eyes glanced disgustedly at Tokiya's picture.

"Or are you just jealous of him, Nagi? Hahahahaha," the playful Van pointed at Nagi's flushed face. "Don't tell me you felt intimidated by him?"

"No, I am not!"

"He was a child actor and has worked the longest among us. You cannot compare yourself to someone like him, Nagi," Kira's casual but sharp remark made Nagi almost dropped his jaws. Obviously, Kira thought that Nagi was being ridiculous.

"Kira is right. If you want to be like him, you have to wait for another ten years," Van teased while stroking Nagi's small head. "Because it seems your puberty doesn't love you as much as his. Hahahaha."

"Tsk, Nagi doesn't have to be handsome and hot like the guy. He just needs to stay cute," Nagi said. It always amazed them how he could keep his straight face while calling himself cute.

"You sound like a typical teenager who has a complex with his brother," Kira said as he could not stand Nagi's snobbishness.

"Kira, you are mean!"

"You're meaner, though. You are belittling someone who is obviously way better than you. Shame on you."

"What was that!?"

Eiji and Van laughed at their bickering. It had always been so amusing when Kira started talking. All he knew was make people zipped their mouths by using his sharp tongue.

Unbeknown to them, Eichii was silently listening and digesting their conversation.

"Ah, good afternoon, Dad!" Eiji suddenly exclaimed, taking the wind out of everyone's sails. Van almost sprayed the water that he was sipping, unable to hide his surprise at their president's sudden presence.

Otori Raging, the said president walked inside, staring at each of the sweaty faces. He had this snobbish and leader-esque face and aura like Eichii, his first son. The only part that could associate him and Eiji was their brown hairs. Unlike him, Eiji had a softer look.

"Good afternoon, president," the other three bowed side by side, almost instantly.

Meanwhile, Eichii frantically put his phone back into his track pants. He stood up from his chair while his hands clasped tightly together.

_Damn! He is not supposed to be back until three. What's he doing here this early?_

"Good afternoon, Dad," he mumbled.

"Good afternoon, everyone. How's the practice?" Otori who was a legendary singer asked.

"Everything is fine, Dad," Eiji exclaimed, cheerfully. He absolutely did not have an idea about how much his father's presence was like a monster for his brother.

"Oh, really? Good then," he said as he patted each of their shoulders except for Eichii. "Eichii, please follow me to my office. I have something to talk to you. As for others, go and grab some lunch. I don't want you guys to starve yourself just because of the practice. You guys are good enough," Otori said, eyeing any hint of irritation from Eichii's face.

 _You hypocrite!_ Eichi's mind yelled.

"Okay!" The four voices echoed almost in unison. It was always nice to have a very considerate president.

Little did they know, Eichii never shared the same opinion about his father.

* * *

 **"Judging**  from how you guys took a rest, I bet your album will reach the top chart soon. Oh, you guys even read the article about Ichinose Tokiya," Otori remarked, referring to the newspaper page of Tokiya's interview which Nagi left on the floor. He leaned casually on his chair while his eyes never left his son's face. "Hopefully you guys learn something from him. He is the tough rival."

"Hey, Dad. Just cut them some slack, will you?" Eichii said. It had never been restful once he was summoned to his father's office. He always had to put up with Otori's high standard about everything. In other words, Otori always underestimated his teammates except for Eiji. "They have worked so hard for the album. They barely got any sleep this month so..."

"That's the normal process in order to defeat your rival. In this context, your group doesn't deserve a rest or sleep at all."

"But, Dad..."

"I am proud of you, son. I guess I have trained you to be a very good leader. Look at you. You even talked back to your father for the sake of your teammates. That's good. A very good job, I must say," Otori said, softly but layered with sarcasm. He mentally challenged Eichii to spurt more defensive remarks about his teammates.

Eichii clenched his fist, suppressing his urge to scream at his father. His frame from head to toe felt numb with fury and frankly speaking, he did not know when it would last.

"By the way, how's your fiancée doing?" Otori asked. He lifted his eyebrow as he talked but it just showed that he was not that interested in Tomochika.

"She's doing fine," Eichii said, flatly. "Why?"

"Nothing. Don't misunderstand because I don't really care about your fiancée. She is just someone that my son madly in loves with," it took all for Eichii to not strangle his father for disparaging Tomochika. "What matters the most is... Her colleagues, Hijirikawa Masato and Ichinose Tokiya."

"Huh?"

Otori grabbed a folded newspaper from his side, tossing it to his son. Eichii reached it half-heartedly. He fixed his glasses as he read the headline. For some reason, Masato's picture which was on the left side of the paper held his attention the most.

_How similar can he be to Tokiya._

"Masato just took a hiatus. What's wrong with that?" Eichii asked, tossing it to the center of the table. "He's sick anyway and that's bound to happen."

"What's with the boring response? Don't you think that we are too lucky, Eichii?" Raging said. His smirk got wider with the thought that his son would know what he had in his mind. "We didn't even have to lift a finger and that kid already met his cataclysm. Saotome said to me that his illness got severe and there was no sign of recovery. With the guy's hiatus, HEAVENS will continue dominating the showbiz. Your dream will come true again, son."

'All you care is taking revenge against their president, Dad,' was what Eichii really wanted to blurt out. He was tired of this revenge drama. Why would his petty father want to take a revenge against Shining Saotome, the president of the rival company that much? He knew the reason and he was not amused with the way Otori used HEAVENS as his revenge tool as well.

As if trying to recruit Tokiya and mess up with other STARISH member's past was not enough...

"You are rather confident, Dad. Don't you think that it's too early to celebrate? STARISH has another six members and in this newspaper, Tokiya was entitled as the Heart-Throb again..."

"The other five is not important, Eichii. Trust me," Otori said. "The most important part is how you can ruin both Masato and Tokiya at the same time. People don't call them twins for no reasons, you know. Masato is sick and it's already the end for Tokiya as well. You know what I mean, right? I know my son and I are always on the same wavelength."

_You wish._

"I'll see what I can do, Dad," Eichii said, eventually. As long as he did not pretend to show the slight interest of those two members of STARISH, his father would pester him and he never liked it.

 _In fact, I already ruined them before you even though of it. This time, you'll be amazed by what your son can offer,_  he mentally stated.

* * *

 **He**  dragged his long legs along the corridor. He knew he was supposed to join his teammates for a lunch but his mood did not seem to agree with his hungry stomach, thanks to Otori. He was about to wash his face in a nearby toilet when he could spot a beautiful lady, all smiling at him from the opposite of the corridor.

Wearing a loose brown blouse and dark blue jeans, Tomochika looked so pretty in his eyes. Yes, his father was right. She was just a woman who he was madly in love with.

But, at least, unlike Otori, Tomochika was the one who awoke his gentle side every time he almost broke into a monster.

When she kept him warm with her embrace, Eichii wished it was only him and her in this sullied world. He did not need anybody else anymore. He wrapped his arms around the slender body, oblivious to the fact that it took all for her to not wince in pain.

The bruises on her back did not heal yet. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STARISH's visit...

**"Wow,"** was the first word that Masato managed to say after letting his eyes wandered from left to the right, silently admiring how dazzling these five men who sat in a half circle were. "Just wow."

This morning, his wife told him that he was the first son of a very rich family in Japan. He was a member of a very famous seven-member boy band, STARISH and he was the H. Each of them had their assigned instrument and his was piano. Apart from group activities with his six teammates, he was also active as an actor and soloist.

His first reaction when he knew the truth was full of blankness. His eyes were blank. His whole expression was blank. His mouth was also too 'blank' to speak. He never thought that he had spent half of his life glamorously.

But, after looking at his teammates up close, he felt less convinced that the old him even matched their level because...

First of all, all of them looked so cut out to be a celebrity given how dashing they were. Each of them had their own magnetism that could make the women swooned over them.

 _Do I really make friends with someone like them?_ Masato doubted.

Second, how on earth a boy band could have a lot of members like theirs? To him, five-member group was quite a fitting number to perform on stage.

"What's with the reaction, Masato? Why are you looking at us like watching TV?" Ittoki Otoya, the guy who was  _so_  red due to his eyes, hair, and shirt asked. He curved in a chummy smile as he put his arm around Masato's shoulders.

"Well..." Still feeling numb after experiencing their aura, he added slowly, "I did think I am watching TV right now. You guys look..."

"Handsome? Charming? Glamorous?" The only foreign member in STARISH, Aijima Cecil let each of the complementary words escaped flamboyantly from his mouth. "Well, what can I say? We were born dashing including you, Masato."

However, Masato just blinked at the overconfident remark while sitting still between Otoya and another STARISH member.

The only man who had his hair in a ponytail, Jinguuji Ren was silently observing Masato before supplying, "he thinks that you're narcissistic, Cecil."

Masato gasped in horror while the rest of them split their sides. The only one who looked rather insulted was the narcissistic Cecil, crossing his arms over his chest while pursing his lips.

"Is that what you thought, Masato? Please say no because you just hurt my feeling," Cecil demanded, childishly.

"Nope, I didn't! I swear I didn't!" Masato exclaimed while waving his pale hands nervously. His blue eyes sized up as he anxiously tried to explain himself. "I just thought that maybe a celebrity must be full of themselves or else, they can't perform in front of the crowd confidently, right?"

"That still sounded the same as 'narcissistic'," Cecil's shoulders dropped while pulling a very upset face. His teammates just giggled at Masato's more concerned expression.

"Owhhh, Masato is so cute!" The tallest guy and the only one who wore glasses, Shinomiya Natsuki exclaimed like the guy's lunatic fan. He dangerously spread his long arms before trapping the smaller Masato into his hug.

"Wait! What just happened? Which part of this is cute?" Masato asked obliviously as Natsuki squeezed his thin body tighter. Surprising for everyone, Masato seemed did not mind the affectionate body contact from the big guy.

"Don't bother about it, Masato. This idiot sees everyone and everything smaller than him as cute so whatever that you did just now was cute... I guess," the smallest guy in the group, Kurusu Syo explained. He fixed his fedora like a tough guy and for a second, Masato was amazed at how black and glossy Syo's nails were.

"Thanks for explaining, Syo," Masato said as Natsuki pulled away from proceeding any further than squeezing his bones. However, his simple gratitude sent everybody staring at him in shock.

"Wait, you... you remembered him, Masato?" Otoya asked. His red eyes lit up in amazement that Masato thought it could leave him a hole.

"Yes. His full name is Kurusu Syo, right?" Masato answered, nonchalantly. He did not realize the fact that he just called out just one person's name meant so much to other people.

Did it mean his memory loss was too severe? He did not know.

"Yes, he remembered me!" Syo jumped shamelessly before smirking proudly at the rest of his friends. Ren and Cecil rolled their eyes while Otoya and Natsuki stared at Masato like he just said something stupid. "Obviously, he likes me way more than you guys!"

"Tsk, obviously he was just being nice!" Cecil threw an immature remark, concealing his utter frustration after being called 'narcissistic' by Masato. "You look like a kid so he didn't want to make a kid sad."

"What was that!?" Syo stopped his mini celebration before screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Why, Masato? Why? Why only Syo?" Otoya tried to sound like he just cracked a joke even in fact he was hurt inside.

"Well, just because..." Masato replied grudgingly. The way he bit his lips was enough to tell Ren that he had something in his mind about Syo.

"Correct me if I am wrong..." Ren shot an indicative look at Masato. "Perhaps, do you only remember Syo because of his cute but tragic size?"

"Woahhh! That made senses, Ren!" Natsuki exclaimed while clapping like a seal, disregarding Syo who was looking daggers at him.

"Now when Ren put it that way, I feel more relieved. At least Masato recognized Syo merely because of his small size," Otoya bluntly remarked while rubbing his chest in relief.

"Can't you guys just stop assuming randomly? Plus, there is no way Masato only remembered me just because..."

"I am sorry, Syo. I don't want to lie," Masato bit his lips in guilt. He looked so serious that it insulted Syo. "I have a hard time to memorize all of you guys so when I observed our pictures back on the internet, you stood out the most. The others are about the same height but you..."

"Thanks, Masato," Syo clenched his fist, struggling to not attack his sick but still-irritating friend while the others avenged themselves on Syo by laughing hysterically. "Stop laughing, you doofus!"

"This is so much fun. It doesn't matter where he goes, Syo is always victimized for being small. The world really loves tall people I guess," Cecil wiped the streaming tears from his green eyes.

"At least I felt nice to know that the reason why Masato didn't recognize me because I am tall," Otoya supplied, eyeing his own height. Compared to others, his figure was skinnier and he did not have a broad shoulder. Still, it was the ideal figure for the main dancer of a boy band.

"Yeah, unlike certain people," Ren lifted his eyebrow at the certain person who was this close to flip the coffee table right in front of him.

"Cut it out, guys. Poor Syo," Masato added while coughing in his fist.

"Excuse me, Masato. The one who started all of these was you. Did you forget it already? You were the one who said something about his height," Ren reminded, sarcastically and for a second, Masato believed that it was too dangerous to have the man around. He was way too sharp and sly.

"Oh, yeah, you are right," as soon as Masato dropped his fist to his hand, he laughed melodiously, making Syo had his jaws dropped. The pianist really wanted to restrain his laughter since he did not want to offend the short guy but this time, he could not control it. The way Syo reacted dramatically to everything was amusing. No wonder everybody loved poking fun at him.

"Yeah, yeah. Just laugh if that makes you happy, then," Syo sighed in defeat. Deep inside, it felt warm to see the ashen Masato could laugh like he did not suffer from a life-threatening disease in the first place. He looked around and he could tell that the others could relate to him.

There was no way they could forget the sight of Masato suddenly passed out in the middle of the corridor after they attended an interview. Since then, more obstacles struck and their group activities did not seem to stand a chance. Masato was comatose for a few months and no doctors could determine the type and ground of his disease.

And now, they had to help Masato retrieving his memory. Every time they paid for a visit, they always ended up reminding Masato of his job and friends.

"Considering you are cheerful today, you must feel better, right?" Cecil asked. He leaned forward, showing that his attention was all on his sick friend. "How's your memory? Do you remember anything from your past?"

"Nope," Masato's eyes lit up to stress the fact but everyone could tell that he was frustrated with his progress. "I can't recall anything. Even now, I can't believe that I used to work in the same industry as those actors on TV."

"Hey, don't say 'used to'," Otoya who shared the same sofa with Masato patted the pianist's shoulder. "You make it sound like you never recover from your disease. You're still an idol like us, you know. We want to see you singing with us again."

"Yeah, Otoya is right. We are waiting for you to heal and then, maybe we should stage our comeback. Haruka sure can compose the best song for us," Natsuki encouraged.

Masato looked around, keeping the image of encouraging nods from his friends in his poor memory.

"Thank you, guys. I bet the old me must be happy to have you guys as his teammates," Masato remarked with a bright grin plastered on his face.

"Hehehehe. Not exactly," they denied, almost in unison with their awkward smiles.

In fact, the old Masato might suffer from high blood pressure and heart attack because of their mischievousness. Making the strict Masato shouted at them 10 times a day was a regular basis.

Together with Tokiya, the T of STARISH. Both blue heads were the one who ended up lecturing them like their parents. Yet, most of the time, Masato tended to become more emotional and violent once he snapped.

"But..." The pianist who noticed something off suddenly shifted his glances between his friends and the picture on his lap. He then lifted it to match everyone's eye level. "Is this guy one of us too?"

As soon as their eyes looked at the said guy, the brouhaha in the vast room was replaced with the vibes of uncertainty. Natsuki and Otoya avoided Masato's puzzled eyes while Syo and Cecil exchanged glances with Ren, who just lifted his eyebrows.

"Yes. He is Tokiya, the T of STARISH," Ren explained reluctantly while the others started to feel uneasy. The way Ren just lost his infamous smirk made Masato wondered...

_Did I just ask something that shouldn't be asked?_

"I see," Masato observed the guy who never visited him. His blue eyes slowly sized up as he was amazed by something that was so obvious about him and Tokiya. "He looks like me and he seems close to me. Are we siblings?"

"No, but you guys are hailed as the twins in STARISH," Otoya responded. He tried so hard to keep his bubbly expression when his heart ached to see Tokiya's smiling face in the picture.

It had been a while since the last time they met the guy who was the vocalist in the group.

"Owh," Masato blinked. "But why he is not here? It'll be great if all of us can meet together like this, right?" It looked like Masato was still interested to know the mentioned guy's whereabouts.

"Yeah, it'll be great," Syo supplied, flatly. "But it can't be helped, though. This guy is an in-demand idol now so it might be hard for him to pay you a visit."

"I see...Come to think of it, I think I saw him this morning in a few CFs. Is he the spokesperson for the famous hair product?"

"Yeah, he is," Ren answered half-heartedly. It was annoying to talk about that jerk now but he had to endure it for Masato.

"And also a skincare product?"

"Yup," Natsuki nodded.

"But why have I never seen ours? Is it because we are no longer the famous idols like Tokiya?"

 _Auch!_ The rest of them felt like they were just being slapped.

"That's not the best way to put it but yeah, all of us except him worked in showbiz less because we focused on our family," Cecil answered while attempting to swallow the fact that Tokiya was currently the most popular among them.

 _Yeah, Cecil is right. That guy seems busier and more popular because he doesn't have a family to commit to. His time is all for himself so he can take as many projects as he wants,_  Ren thought as he took a glance at Tokiya in the picture, hugging shoulders with Masato on the grand stage.

It had been 17 years since their debut and STARISH never officially disbanded. Nowadays, they focused on their solo projects but the rest of them would attend a couple of shows as STARISH once in a blue moon.

Yet, for some reasons, Tokiya became distant from them. He would give any single excuse that ever existed in this world every time they invited him to a small gathering. According to Kotobuki Reiji, their senior who often collaborating with the blue head on talk shows and dramas, Tokiya had returned to his old self; being way too workaholic to the point of he would ignore his health welfare. But, the worst part was the idol did not allow them to visit him even after he was hospitalized several times.

Before they knew it, all those bitter-sweet memories with Tokiya just faded away because it was obvious that Tokiya was avoiding them.

* * *

**"Man,**  that must be tough for Haruka," Cecil was the first one who commented as soon as they excused themselves from Masato's room.

"And those girls too," Natsuki stared down at the floor. "They said to me that since a few days ago, Haruka never allowed them to see their father since he cannot remember any of them."

"And he looked way paler than the last time we visited him," despite the composure, anyone could spot a heavy sorrow in Ren's voice.

"Did you guys notice how he limped just now? He could walk just fine before, right?" Syo's bitter question made some of them gasped in disbelief.

 _Great. Another trouble,_  Ren's heart whispered and he bet the others also shared the same thought with him.

"Come on, Mitsuki! Let's see if we can see daddy," two girls came out of nowhere, running along the corridor. "Ah, good morning, everyone," Harumi bowed politely, followed by Mitsuki who basically would follow her sister's movements every time she did not know what to do.

"Good morning," the uncles greeted back with a string of chummy smiles.

"Where is mommy, Ren  _ojichan_?" Harumi asked hopefully when the said guy kneeled down to meet her eyes.

"Probably in her room, composing," Ren answered, smiling at Mitsuki who hugged his neck endearingly.

"Then, we can see daddy. Let's go, Mitsuki," without sparing any time, Harumi reached her sister's hand before sprinting into Masato's room. The uncles started to get panicky.

"Hey, girls! Your mommy said..." Natsuki and Syo immediately chased the energetic children but they stopped themselves as soon as they noticed Masato, resting on his bed while staring impassively at the small girls.

"Good morning, daddy!" Harumi and Mitsuki went to Masato's sides respectively before embracing him.

"Morning, daddy!" Mitsuki imitated.

What happened next was too much for the uncles to see.

"Hi... Good morning," as expected, Masato was completely clueless to see a pair of random children greeted him.

"Daddy, we miss you soooo much! Why didn't mommy allow us to see you, daddy? Are you really sleeping all the time?"

"Well..." Masato threw a perplexed glance at his two friends who gestured him to see the frame beside the bed but as clueless he was, he did not get them. Plus, he did not know where he should start since he could not recall these two kids in the first place.

"I am sorry but is she..." Masato was interrupted by Syo and Natsuki's desperate gesture. They simultaneously mouthed 'don't ask who they are' while shaking their heads.

"Daddy, what happened? Don't you happy to see us?" Harumi who could sense the strange aura among Masato and his friends pulled away from her hug. This was when she noticed that Masato was paying his attention to his friends instead of his daughters. He furrowed his brow, trying his best to decipher what Syo and Natsuki tried to deliver.

"Harumi, Mitsuki," Natsuki stepped forward, trying to lure the girls. "Daddy is tired. I think you should let him rest. Come, let's play outside."

"No, I don't want!" Harumi exploded, snatching her hand from Natsuki. She frantically climbed down the bed before looking daggers at her father. "I don't understand. What's wrong with you, daddy? Where's our morning hug? Why did you act like you..." she sobbed while Mitsuki, even she was innocent, she knew she had to comfort her sister just like how Harumi did to her before. The small girl jumped down from the bed before holding Harumi's arm.

" _Oneechan_ , don't cry..." Mitsuki tried to coax her sister but Harumi was too despondent to listen to anybody.

She missed her daddy so much. She resented Haruka for not letting her to see Masato but just when she finally could meet him...

He seemed did not have any recollection about his own children.

"Do you forget about us, daddy? Do you... hate us?" The fists that she had balled were shaking and it strangely hurt Masato.

"I... I am sorry, dear. I did not mean to..."

"I hate you, daddy!" Harumi cut him short with anger as she stormed to outside, ignoring anybody who tried to stop her. Her cute hand wiped the tears that threatened to wet her cheeks.

"Hey, wait!" Masato desperately tried to chase Harumi yet he could not feel his long legs, sending him to collapse onto the floor.

"Masato!" Natsuki and Syo shouted in unison before reaching for his friend who had a horrified expression on his face.

"Are you alright, Masato?" Natsuki asked as the scion trembled hard.

"Hey, Masato! Are you okay?" Syo urged impatiently as he tried to support Masato to stand up but the man was just frozen on his spot. His chest pumped faster as something popped out in his mind.

_What's... What's wrong with my legs?_

"My... My legs..." The blue-haired man touched his legs in terror. "This is strange. Why can't I feel anything?"

"Well, maybe... maybe your legs gave out because you had rested on your bed since last night? Come on, we will help you. Don't panic, okay?" while praying that nothing worse would happen, Syo slowly stood up, followed by Natsuki, supporting Masato to walk.

 _Please, God... Don't make it harder for Masato..._  The blonde duo internally prayed as they looked at Masato's numb legs.

"Okay, Masato. Are you ready? One... two... three..."

As soon as Natsuki stopped his count, Masato pushed his weight upward but his legs disappointed him again. They ended up dragging him to fall flat on the floor again.

For a second, nobody said anything but the air was tense enough, in synch with their thumping hearts.

Syo and Natsuki locked their eyes together out of alarm. They were informed that Masato would suffer from paralysis soon but...

They never expected that it would be this soon.

"Daddy..." Mitsuki who was staring at her father out of puzzlement ended up touching Natsuki's shoulder. "What happened to daddy,  _ojichan_?"

"Daddy is sick, honey. Don't worry. Daddy will get healthy again," while supporting Masato's weight, Natsuki forced a smile to comfort the girl.

"Daddy sick," Mitsuki repeated calmly, oblivious with the fact that she just tugged her uncles' hearts.

"What happened? What's wrong with my legs? They were fine this morning! Why!?" Masato started to lose his composure. He just learned from his friends that he had a family. He had a wife and children who waited for his recuperation but...

If his legs were going to be dysfunctional, what would happen to his family? As much as he lost his memory of them, he did not want to be their burden! He was the one who supposed to take care of them and not the other way around.

"Masato, please calm down. We don't know for sure, right? Maybe your legs just got tired," Natsuki pulled the trembling scion into his arms. He himself almost lost his self - control but he was in no position to feel shaky when Masato needed strength from his friends.

"Hey, guys, what happened here? Why Harumi..." Cecil who just came from outside asked impatiently, followed by Otoya.

"Daddy cannot walk," Mitsuki answered, flatly.

Cecil scooped the girl into his arms as her answer sent him and Otoya to be shocked. They could feel their heart throbbed as they saw Masato was panting anxiously with Natsuki stroked his back.

"I think we should call his doctor now," Syo remarked. His sweat dropped instead of the low temperature of the room.

* * *

**"Harumi!**  Harumi!" Meanwhile, Ren was seen running around the house, getting apprehensive about the said girl's whereabouts. As soon as he saw Harumi stormed out of her father's room with tears streaming down her face, the father of a daughter did not waste any time to look for the girl.

"As much as I don't like you, I wish you were here, Tokiya. You always know where to find Harumi every time she's upset," Ren mumbled while his cyan eyes still looked around before he could spot a small girl, sitting on the ground while sitting in  _seiza_ -style. Ren swore he had looked for her in the area just now but with the way her dress blended in with the colorful flowers behind her, the man could put two and two together.

"Harumi," he stopped when he saw Harumi lifted a smartphone from her side while tears still flowing across her cheeks.

"Who's she calling?" Ren sneaked while hiding behind a big purple pole.

"Please pick up the phone," the blue-haired girl muttered in frustration as she tried to dial the same number a few times. "Hello, Tokiya  _ojichan_."

"Tokiya?" Ren's eyes sized up as the unexpected name came out.

"Tokiya  _ojichan_ , where are you? I want to see you. It's hard here. Mommy doesn't let me see daddy. Daddy doesn't remember Mitsuki and me anymore. Daddy and mommy are bad!"

Ren swore that he found something that was supposed to be a secret between Harumi and her beloved uncle, Tokiya.

_So, all this time, Tokiya did not really ditch us just like what we thought?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I write Utapri fanfictions, I always need Ren's witty and observant sides :) As for Syo, I can't help but tease his height a lot in my stories XDDD.  
> 
> So... that's all, perhaps (that's random). I have nothing much to say about this chapter. Nevertheless, feel free to drop a comment :D


	4. Chapter 4

 

 **"Okay,** Mr.Ichinose! Beguile us with your racy smile, perhaps? Okay, perfect!"

**Name: Ichinose Tokiya**

**Age: 34**

**Occupation: Actor, singer, model**

**Status: Married**

**Partner: His job**

Himura chuckled, feeling devilishly and childishly satisfied as his fingers typed the word  _'married'_ and _'his job'_  on Tokiya's profile with his company tablet. That was one of his methods in order to distract himself every time he heard the photographer demanded the 'best' poses from Tokiya. Like a boy with a lot of free time to spare, he would edit and delete everything that he playfully added on the said profile. However, he almost jumped from his chair when a sudden sound wave of screech, produced by a group of female staffs, not far from him.

 _At this rate, I might lose my hearing for good,_  Himura thought. His free hand stroked his pitiful ear while looking daggers at Tokiya's fans. Yet, of course, they were too ecstatic to notice him. Instead, they continued screaming like boiling kettles and blushing madly but not as cute as a tomato.

But, funnily enough, unlike with the sweet talker Ren or a chummy guy like Otoya, nobody had the guts to directly show how much they adored Tokiya's silky blue hair or his captivating blue eyes and Himura knew why. Tokiya was not the type of guy who easily struck up conversations with girls which made him appeared rather stand-offish compared to his teammates.

"Great job like always, Mr. Ichinose!" The magazine editor-in-chief exclaimed as she touched Tokiya's exposed chest.

 _Here we go, the nth harassment for today,_  the manager thought disgustedly. Even he had witnessed countless flirtation from different people, ways, and directions, Himura still could not be immune to it. He hated to see the ravenous attention because he knew that Tokiya also abhorred it.

But apparently, that was not the last one for today.

"Ichinose-san!" A four-member female idol group squeaked as soon as they saw Tokiya, preparing to go home with Himura. The manager could guess that after they had a performance, they just rushed to the studio in order to meet Tokiya, given they still wore their stage outfits.

"Yes?" The blue-haired idol immediately put on a neutral smile even deep inside, he really wanted to leave the studio as soon as possible.

"We are Canna. We used to work together in our latest PV," Kahoko, the leader of the group bowed, followed by other members. "But I bet you don't remember us, considering a lot of idol groups had asked you to help them before."

"I do remember you guys," Tokiya replied. "The song was 'Our Secret', right?"

 _Why won't I? After such a 'strong' impression,_  Tokiya scoffed in his mind. Being blessed with a very good memory which came in handy when he memorized a script, he had taken note of everyone he had collaborated with.

"Really!?" Two of them including Kahoko squealed shamelessly while the other two whispered 'he remembered us! He remembered us!' to each other while intertwining their fingers.

 _Hahahahaha. That's not something that you should be happy about, girls. In fact, when he said 'I remember you', he meant 'I am watching you guys so if I catch you slack off again, you'll experience hell from me',_ Himura thought, nervously. His brown eyes glanced at Tokiya who was slightly taller than him but the idol did not show any sort of expressions that suggested his annoyance.

_Typical Tokiya._

"You were so dreamy in the last PV! Our previous collaboration was victorious and it's all because of you, Ichinose-san," a girl with colorful nails exclaimed while holding Tokiya's arm. "So, this time, may we... I mean, may we..."

"Yes?" Tokiya made sure that he did not use his notoriously intimidating tone every time his co-stars failed to be punctual without any solid reason.

"You tell him, Kahoko," the girl whispered to the leader, patting her skinny arm.

"I thought you want to say it. Come on. Our manager is waiting outside. We cannot stay too long here," Kahoko murmured, anxiously.

"Yeah, she's right. Our managers are waiting for us. We cannot stay too long here," Tokiya supplied, throwing a sympathetic glance at the startled Himura. His flat but somehow sarcastic remark sent them recoiled.

"We... We would like to collaborate with you again on our latest PV," Kahoko finally said. They certainly picked the right leader since the black-haired girl was the only one who could talk properly without having her words stuck in her throat.

"Oh..." The T of STARISH sighed, pretending to feel bad since he was about to turn them down. "I wish I could, girls. I really wish but my schedule is quite packed. Right, Himura-san?"

Himura did not need to be a genius to realize that Tokiya was shooting his 'just confidently say that I am busy and turn them down' look at him. The girls simultaneously turned to face Himura, which was the only sign that they acknowledged his presence.

"Yeah, Ichinose-san is right," Himura confirmed with a poker face. It was something that he had learned from a great actor like the blue-haired guy.

"Oh... Too bad," Kahoko said. Her teammates lowered their heads, concealing their growing disappointment. "Then, next time, if you are free enough, is it okay if we work together again?"

"Sure. I am willing to help."

If only they did not spend more time flirting with him before having a tussle because they wanted to kiss Tokiya in the last scene of the promotional video, Tokiya would be glad to help them again.

* * *

 **With**  a very relieved sigh since they finally reached Tokiya's house, Himura placed all gifts from the idol's fans on the table, right in front of the television. His eyes settled on Tokiya, staggering towards the kitchen to get some water. Heavy sighs accompanied his pace while his blue eyes were half-lidded, fighting the fatigue at its best.

_Again, typical Tokiya._

This perturbing sight became normal to Himura. Tokiya always ended up so tired once he was at home. It seemed like the sumptuous apartment had absorbed his energy and until now, it never failed to amaze Himura that Tokiya still managed to save himself from bumping into the wall.

"Do you want tea, Himura-san?" The vocalist of STARISH asked, softly.

"No, thanks. I want to go back home anyway," Himura said before slightly bending his torso towards the kitchen's direction. "Remember, Tokiya. Tomorrow is packed with action scenes so you need to take sufficient rest."

It was very quiet. Himura was about to check on the idol in case he already passed out in the kitchen when Tokiya appeared, out of the blue with a blank face.

"But I have to memorize..."

"I believe, you already have every single word of the script in your head, Tokiya. Don't treat yourself that dumb so for once, use your brain to save your time and sleep properly," Himura said, also with the same expression.

"But, there's one book..."

"You can survive many days without books. It doesn't even degrade your intelligence. I bet given your situation right now, the more you read books, the stupider you get. Jeez, you should get your social life back..."

"I don't have a social life," Tokiya said, so flat that it could make the caring Himura cried in any second. The way he stood and answered Himura's advice reminded the manager of a very handsome sculpture but the vast difference was Tokiya could talk and...

Way more hard-headed even apparently, he was not made by stone.

_I mean STARISH, you idiot! Jeez, if it's not because he needs his face for his job, I would have slapped him!_

Just like a brother who loved to see how well his little brother had grown up, the same goes for Himura. He liked it the most when Tokiya hanged out with his STARISH friends because that was when a stoic like him would smile the most. Even most of the time, he would give Otoya or Ren an earful for bothering him, at least, he would also smile or chuckle at their lame jokes.

"Ren contacted me this morning," Himura said and as expected, Tokiya locked their eyes, unconsciously showing his curious look. Tokiya might be reserved but anybody could tell he cared a lot about his friends. "He said Masato was paralyzed all of sudden. It seemed his legs are getting weaker."

"Oh..." was Tokiya's response. His blue eyes looked around and it seemed he strived to come up with a very different topic.

Anything but about his friends especially Masato.

"Don't you want to visit him, Tokiya? I believe you still see him as your friend, right?"

Again, no answers accompanied the questions so Himura knew, it was a sign for him to stop bringing up the sensitive topic about STARISH. Tokiya was quite secretive and preferred to solve his problem alone instead of asking opinions from other people.

As expected from a person who endeavored alone to become an idol when his parents opposed his dream.

"Back to your job, I am certainly not your mother but you always made me think that I have a son who is only ten years younger than me. I don't want to worry about you since you are an adult who is old enough to have kids but with the way you behave now, no wonder my whole family concerns about you. I am starting to think that you are purposely getting obsessive about your job because you don't want to think about your friends."

Little did Himura know, his assumption was like a punch, aiming straight at Tokiya's handsome face. Yes, now Himura was behaving like his mother. He suddenly possessed the ability to read his mind, given how long it had been since the man in his 40s had become his manager.

"I just remember that I have a gift for you, Himura-san," Tokiya said.

"Gift? What gift?" Himura's eyes sized up.

_Where did it come from? Is he really that desperate to stop me from talking about his friends? And what's wrong with me? I am supposed to go back home now but here I am, lecturing this stubborn guy like usual?_

"Wait for a second," Tokiya turned his heels to his bedroom. It just took him a few seconds to reach whatever gift he wanted to hand to his manager before appearing with a small box of a posh perfume.

"Here, I hope you like it," the blue head said, putting the brown box onto Himura's palm.

"What is this?" Himura asked, suspiciously. Looking at the box alone was scary enough for a middle-class employee like him.

"It's a perfume," Tokiya shamelessly snatched the dark brown box from Himura back before opening the lid, revealing a square-shaped and golden bottle of fragrance.

"Is that the same brand that you wear every day?" Himura asked. The way he contorted his face made it sound like Tokiya just gave him a disgusting carcass.

"Yes, I bought this last night."

"You bought that last night!?" Himura shouted. It felt very convenient since the apartment was soundproof. "But, you told me that you went straight to bed!"

_This idiot... Is it so hard to take a rest?_

"I am sorry, Himura-san. I had to lie to you because I was... bored?" Tokiya said. The dark blue eyebrows lifted, showing that he was asking his manager either his excuse was plausible enough or just plain ridiculous.

"Tokiya," Himura, on the other hand, sounded sterner. His scowl turned so sharp that it might kill a dog.

"How about... Nothing interested me at home and I couldn't sleep?"

"Mr. Ichinose."

"So I decided to take a walk in the mall and as soon as I saw this, it reminded me of you?" Tokiya still did not give up, pretending to be oblivious of Himura's upcoming fury.

"Ichinose Tokiya!" Himura was this close to bang Tokiya's head with the wall. His eyes pierced at Tokiya, whose finger covered his ear as Himura's voice stung his eardrum. "Giving a gift to me is not important! My point is if you're bored, you should sleep! Why do you always try so hard to fight your tiredness?"

"Press it, Himura-san. It's really good," Tokiya who tried his best to stop Himura from turning into a lecturer ended up spraying the perfume around Himura's body.

"The smell is too sophisticated to me, Tokiya. It only suits someone like you," Himura said, weakly. Realizing that his lecture fell on deaf ears, he ended up playing along with Tokiya's random perfume CF.

"What do you mean someone like me? You also should wear this so that those rude girls from earlier will greet you too. Teenagers nowadays. Who taught them to be so impolite when you and their fathers are most probably the same age?" Tokiya said while taking off his black jacket, followed by his watch. Yet, Himura knew Tokiya never took a certain red bracelet off his right wrist.

 _Fair enough,_  Himura chuckled.  _Seriously, he's still upset about that?_

"But seriously, Himura-san, just take this. Share it with Kakeru. As for your wife's, I will buy her one next time. Someone seemed to recognize me last night and I didn't want to take a risk by staying there any longer."

"There is no way I will allow my ten-year-old son to wear this kind of perfume and end up being like you. It'll be a pain since unlike you, he's still green to know that having a lot of fans who always follow you around is scary."

Tokiya chuckled, making his tired eyes puffier.

"Yeah, fair enough. I am sorry because you've gone through a lot of trouble because of me. I can't thank you enough for being a good manager," Tokiya said. It was casual but it tore Himura's heart because the sincerity was there. Tokiya felt deeply guilty and he took Himura's sarcasm way too seriously.

Meanwhile, as soon as Tokiya fished his phone out of his jeans pocket, he found something that made his heart beat fast.

"What? Three missed calls?" Tokiya exclaimed as he checked his phone. "Oh... It must be Harumi," he muttered when the screen showed Haruka's number.

"What? You still contacted that Harumi? I mean, as in, Masato's daughter?" the new information piqued Himura's curiosity.

"What's wrong with her being someone's daughter?" the idol asked back, flatly.

"Nah, nothing."

_You know that better than anyone, Tokiya._

Despite Himura's lecture, Tokiya knew he did have something to do tonight and would not sleep early, thanks to Harumi.

* * *

 **"Hello _,_**  Tokiya  _ojichan_!" Unlike the previous calls when Tokiya always recoiled due to her high and overexcited voice, the idol managed to not spill his tea since Harumi talked in a softer manner.

"How are you?" He said as he cracked a smile. His blue eyes glistened as he tried to immerse himself in the stargazing activity.

"I am fine," he could picture a glum face with her infamous pout as she replied him rather in a sad tone. "How about you?"

"Good. How about the others? Are they fine?"

"Mitsuki is fine but... Daddy and Mommy... It seemed they hid something from me and they don't talk a lot with me anymore," Harumi remarked. She could not brace herself to conceal what she battled against in her mind. She needed Tokiya to listen to her rants. She needed her uncle to be close to her heart when she felt that her parents grew distant from her.

 _I see,_  Tokiya thought. No wonder Harumi desperately called him. She just wanted a shoulder to cry on. He slowly got up, with a cup of tea in his other hand, leaving the balcony. He settled on a sofa, waiting for Harumi to vent everything on him.

He was always ready for the lovable girl.

"Mommy doesn't let me see Daddy. Daddy always sleeps in his room and this morning, when I met Daddy, Daddy..." Harumi suddenly burst into tears. "Daddy didn't remember me and Mitsuki. He didn't hug us back. I think Daddy doesn't love me and Mitsuki anymore,  _ojichan_. I don't know what to do."

"Hey, hey. Don't say that," Tokiya who just could not disregard the cracked voice from the broken girl decided that it was the time for him to comfort her. His body hunched, as if the girl was in the same place with him, all crying and whining. It would be better if he could meet her in the flesh. He would give her a hug as an extra comfort. "Your parents love you so much. You know that, right?"

"Then why doesn't Daddy remember his own daughters? Why doesn't Mommy allow me to meet Daddy? I want to play with Daddy," Harumi asked. "Do you have the answers,  _ojichan_? Usually, you know everything."

"Hm... Well, I don't know everything but... The other uncles told me that your daddy is sick and that's why things in your house turn a bit chaotic."

"Daddy is sick?" Harumi's heart sank. No wonder her daddy did not go to work anymore. No wonder her daddy always slept in his room.

_Obviously, Haruka doesn't tell the truth to her children. Am I at wrong here for spilling the beans?_

"Yes. Just like how we cannot hold anything if our hand is sick or we cannot walk if our legs are sick, that's the same with your daddy. You see... Daddy uses his brain to remember your mommy, to remember you and your sister but something bad happened to his brain so he cannot easily remember all of you anymore. "

"Oh... But Mommy doesn't let me see Daddy. How am I supposed to know?" Harumi complained as she felt bitter with Haruka for keeping such an important matter from her.

 _Haruka should not do that. Their children also have to know about their sick parents. But, maybe she is just too sad about her situation right now,_  Tokiya justified in his mind.

That really sounded like the Haruka who he knew since 17 years ago.

"I think it's because Mommy doesn't want to make you sad. She loves you and Mitsuki and she knows you both love Daddy so please don't be angry with Mommy, okay? Mommy is tired. She has to take care of everyone on her own. Don't you pity your Mommy? Do you want to see her crying, hmm?"

That was when Haruka's weary face crossed her mind. Tokiya was right. Haruka always looked exhausted every time she saw her. She never saw her mother rested properly. Haruka woke up so early in the morning to do house chores. On top of that, she was busy composing songs to fulfill the demand she received.

"No. I don't like to see Mommy crying," Harumi replied quickly, making the idol smiled in relief.

Harumi might be sensitive but she was a very obedient daughter. As expected from Masato and Haruka who led a very upright lifestyle. They certainly knew how to educate their children.

"Then, after this, I need you to say sorry to Mommy and Daddy. Be nice to them. Ask Mommy if she needs help, okay? Mommy will be happy and she will not cry anymore. The most important thing is please don't call your parents bad, okay? That's not nice."

"Okay,  _ojichan_!" the girl replied, cheerfully. "Thank you, Tokiya  _ojichan_! It felt nice to talk to you! You always know how to say the things that make me happy."

"You're welcome, dear," he released a relieved sigh. He considered himself as a bad counselor but for some reason, Harumi always ended up looking for him first. The reserved girl normally would not be this open with her other uncles.

"By the way,  _ojichan,_  when are you going to visit us? Don't you want to see Daddy?" Harumi answered with a full expectation.

Tokiya forced a smile as he felt something heavy tugged his heart. "I wish I could but I am so busy right now. I will visit him when I am free, okay?"

"You will, right,  _ojichan_?" She asked. "I saw it on TV. You always wear the red bracelet that we gave to you. That means you never forget us, right?"

"Oh..." He unconsciously stroked the red bracelet as his mind slowly brought up the memory beyond the object. "Who said I forget you? I wear this all the time because... I miss you a lot."

"Really!? Me too,  _ojichan!_  I miss you sooooo much! My wish to see you is veeeeery big. It's as big as my school!"

Tokiya chuckled. He could imagine her gesturing the 'veeeery big' expression with her delicate arms.

"How about you,  _ojichan_? How big is yours?"

"Huh? Well..." he stroked his nose, finding the suitable comparison. "I think it's too big. Bigger than this earth."

"Wow, that's too big! Then, I am sure you'll visit us soon. This is why I love you so much,  _ojichan_!"

Her confession was too warm for his heart. It felt like something heavy was lifted from his shoulders. The girl always gave him the feeling that his life would be perfect if he had a daughter.

The girl had no idea how much she meant in his life.

"I love you too, dear."

_But I don't think I can visit your father soon. The last time we saw each other, I said to him that I hate him._

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Heart-throb title...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to tell you, I totally made up some of Tokiya's family background ^^

 

****Neatly****  wearing her school attire, Harumi slowly pushed the door. The urge to meet and apologize to her father was jumping around in her mind. She wanted Masato to know she never hated him. Instead, she would support him as much as how he always supported her before.

Yet, she could not find him on his bed.

“Where is…” Harumi had her words stuck in her throat as she was served with the sight of her father, walking slowly out of the bathroom. His hands shivered as they clung desperately to all the furniture that assisted his way to his bed. The fact that he bit his dry lips showed his growing edginess in case he would lose his balance out of the blue. The other manifest feature was his face. It was so pallid and when he sighed heavily, Harumi could see that his lips were quivering.

_Are Daddy’s legs sick too? Why couldn’t Daddy walk by himself?_ Her mind whispered in dismay.This sight was too heart-breaking. She was not used to seeing the weak Masato.

Harumi held herself on her spot while her small hand still holding the knob. The blue eyes started to glisten with tears when Masato finally sat up comfortably on his bed. He stroked his chest, feeling something stung the part even after him vomiting up his breakfast. His hand moved to knead his legs when Harumi jogged into the room. She paused, meeting eyes with the perplexed Masato.

“Hi, dear,” Masato greeted, awkwardly. “You’re… Harumi, right?”

“Yes, I am,” she murmured sadly, taking one step nearer to him.

“You are my daughter, right?” He asked again, sending an inexpressible but wonderful feeling to Harumi.

Her father just acknowledged her. Her father just said that she, Hijirikawa Harumi was his daughter.

“Yes, I am your daughter, Daddy,” she replied before throwing herself into his arms. The girl embraced his stiff waist tightly, bursting into tears right away.

Masato was startled with the sudden affection but when he felt his yukata stuck to his skin due to her tears, his heart sank.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He awkwardly patted her back before stroking her long hair. His response just made her snuggled closer to him.

“I am sorry, Daddy. I am so sorry,” she pulled away, looking straight into the blue eyes which had the same color as hers. Her father might be a famous celebrity which was the reason why she gained too much attention from her friends but she felt the proudest when they said she took after his good looks.

“Hey, what’s this all of sudden? I am the one who should apologize to you. I forgot you…”

“But I screamed at you. I shouldn’t say something rude like that. You’re sick and that’s why you forgot about me. I am sorry, Daddy,” she climbed onto the bed before hugging his neck afterward. Her sobs echoed in his ears and he did not like it at all.

“Hey, really, it’s okay,” Masato replied, still patting her back. “Now, we know each other’s mistake and we already said sorry to each other, I don’t think you need to cry anymore. Let’s forget about this, shall we?” Masato said, pulling away so that he could wipe her tears with his thumbs.

“I can’t help it. I saw you walking just now,” Harumi said, silently liking the caresses on her cheeks. “Why did you walk like that? Are your legs also hurting somewhere? Is it because of your disease as well, Daddy?”

“Yeah, my legs have become weak,” he curved in a small smile, touching his knee. “It suddenly happened like that.”

“Maybe if I massage you every day, it’ll be fine,” she remarked innocently as she rested her hands one of his legs and quickly massaged it. “Tokiya  _ojichan_ told me to help you and Mommy so I think, first of all, I should help you walk normally again.”

“Tokiya  _ojichan_?” Masato echoed as the name just rang a bell.

“Yes, he’s one of your STARISH friends,” the girl said as she smiled brightly at the thought of her uncle. Her eyes turned were still reddish from the crying earlier. “I was on the phone to him yesterday and he was the one who said to me that you’re sick. He also suggested to me to help Mommy more.”

“That uncle is the one with the blue hair, right?” Masato asked back.

“Yes, he is! Everyone called you and him twins since you guys are very similar. They even said to me that when I was small, I mistook him for you,” Harumi explained, enthusiastically. Her eyes never left Masato’s face since she missed too talk this long with him.

“Is he a nice uncle?” Masato was not sure why he was curious about that all of sudden.

“Yes, he is! Even he cannot visit you frequently like other uncles, he always asks me what are you doing at home. He’s very close to you, Daddy.”

“Oh, I see…”

_But why did the other guys always avoid talking about him? Was there a fight between them?_

_Or… between me and Tokiya?_

“Harumi, breakfast is ready!” Haruka’s voice from the kitchen cut their conversation.

“Oh, Mommy is calling. Daddy, I have to go now. Let’s play together after I go back home, okay?” she kissed his cheek lovingly before frenetically leaving him. “Bye, Daddy! I love you!”

“Bye, I love you too,” Masato responded softly. Much to his shock, she returned to the bedside with a happy beam.

“What did you say, Daddy?”

“Huh? Do you mean ‘I love you’?” He lifted his eyebrow, conveying his perplexity but it did not stop Harumi to have her cheeks dusted with a pinkish color.

“Can you say it again?” She tilted her head cutely. Her face was dazzled that nobody could guess she just cried a few minutes ago.

_So cute!_ Masato exclaimed in his mind.

“Mommy is calling. You should hurry,” Masato replied, intended to change the topic. The idea of repeating what he spontaneously and sincerely said became embarrassing to him especially when his family was openly being affectionate to him.

For the nth time, he felt he was so lucky to have a family like Haruka and his children.

“Daddy, please…. Just once,” Harumi said while grabbing his arm. Her other hand lifted one finger to show ‘once’.

“Okayyy… I love you.”

“Yeayyy, my Daddy loves me!” She put her fists up blissfully, almost made Masato’s heart jumped out of his chest due to his astonishment. “Now, I can study happily at school. Thank you, Daddy,” she kissed both his cheeks.

“You’re welcome but that’s not fair. You should get kisses too,” Masato held her arm, pulling her closer to him. The closer she was to him, the more he realized that this girl was so dear to the old him and he wanted her to continue feeling the same.

“But, Daddy… I kissed you because you said you love me despite not remembering me,” she stated.

“But I want to kiss you because I really love you,” he said as he cupped her face and pressed the kisses on her cheeks and forehead.

“Daddy, that’s three kisses. You should get more!” She exclaimed, getting ecstatic when she got another energy booster from her father.

“Hey, it’s okay. I just gave it because I want to.”

“Then I want to kiss you four times,” she climbed up the bed before kissing his forehead, cheeks, and nose.

“Harumi, hurry up! You’re going to be late for school!” Haruka’s louder voice echoed again, sending them flinched.

“Oh my… I will go first, Daddy. Bye, see you after school!” The said girl quickly climbed down before scurrying to the door.

“Bye, I will wait for you!” He continued waving until Harumi closed the door behind her.

_She’s so sweet and loving. Just like Haruka,_  he thought. Masato turned his eyes at STARISH’s picture, staring at Tokiya in particular.

_I don’t know you yet but thanks for making my daughter understand my circumstance. I hope we’ll meet soon._

Masato grabbed his diary from the small table beside the bed, writing about Harumi.

Little did he know, the meeting was going to be _very_  soon.

* * *

****_It’s_**** _always scary whenever these two practices together,_ Himura mentally commented. He was busy eyeing the anxious Eichii and the smirking Tokiya who were standing opposite each other. The manager felt the most threatened when his artist was holding a pen, improvising it as a knife since his role was the obsessive antagonist.

“Please stop all of these, Kenichii. Please, I beg you. I know you’re a nice guy. You don’t want to kill me, right? There is no way you will kill your friend just because…”

“Mika is not just Mika to me, Arata,” Tokiya said, playing with his pen. His usually calm tone changed drastically to the breathy but chilling one. He moved closer to Eichii in order to find the opportunity to attack him. “Mika is everything to me. I know Mika more than you. I like Mika more than you and I love Mika more than you! But since she knew you, you ruined everything! You stole her from me! You made her left me!”

“But, Kenichii, now Mika is married to me. She might be your best friend but she’s my wife. Please, Kenichii. Don’t do this, okay? Give me the knife. I know you don’t want to kill anyone. Plus, Mika will feel sad if she knows this…”

“Mika… will feel sad,” Tokiya mumbled, eyes were still gazing at Eichii’s. The hand which held the ‘knife’ tightly shivered at the name before he dropped the object to his side. As he lowered his head, drops of tears appeared, forming a small pool on the floor. “I don’t want to make Mika sad… No, I don’t want to see her sad…”

“Okay, cut!” Himura shouted which was the sign for their countless practice to come to the end.

“So, how was it, Himura-san?” Eichii asked with a childish smile. For a second, he did not look like the leader of HEAVENS who was well-known for his charisma.

“I think we’ve made him tired enough to sleep early tonight,” was what Himura said, much to Tokiya’s puzzlement.

“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean? He’s asking about our acting, right?” As Tokiya pointed out the non-corresponding answer while wiping his wet eyes, Eichii and Himura suddenly made a deafening high five.

“Mission complete!” The adults shouted childishly.

“What?”

“I just made a plan with Eichii to make you tired by practicing so many times. You won’t wander aimlessly at night anymore,” Himura clarified.

“You what?” Tokiya responded with his usual ‘I can’t believe you did this!’-esque face. No wonder Eichii insisted to come to his waiting room way too early when they still had a long time before their interview.

“I deliberately picked this scene so that you would cry a lot and feel easily tired. It’s quite silly but fun anyway. Your eyes were so expressive, Tokiya! I still can’t believe a stoic like you could cry that fast!” Eichii exclaimed, patting Tokiya’s back.

“You don’t mean they are puffy or red, right?” Tokiya said, sardonically. He turned to see his reflection in the mirror before gasping at how red they were, thanks to Eichii’s ridiculous idea. “No wonder you are weirdly fired up with this scene when we haven’t started the shooting yet. Should you be happy because the heroine is your fiancée? You should practice with her instead of me.”

Himura and Eichii giggled at each other, sending Tokiya to roll his eyes. Deciding to ignore the clownish duo, he took a seat, eating a melon bread which he was supposed to take since just now if it was not because of the sudden practice.

“Of course I am happy because of Tomochika but it also made me happy to see you cry so sincerely like that. It’s funny for some reason, right, Himura-san?” Eichii exclaimed, hugging Himura’s shoulders.

“Yeah, veeery funny.”

“But do you know what’s funnier, Himura-san?” Tokiya asked, his mouth was still munching the bread. “You planned with him to make me tired but he was the one who asked me to hang out with him almost every night. I didn’t mention him before since I promised him to not to but now, I don’t see why I should hide it anymore.”

“You what!?” Himura exclaimed, showing a sudden tendency to turn into a monster before pulling away from Eichii’s hug. “You never said that to me, Eichii! Just like Kenichii, you’re also a backstabber!”

Even the line was meant as a joke, it never crossed their minds that Himura was aiming at the right person which was Eichii.

To Tokiya, he might be a friend from the rival agency but Eichii was his backstabber since years ago.

“But, but… I thought that Tokiya would feel bored so…”

Eichii’s luck was in when Himura’s phone suddenly vibrated, which automatically stopped the manager from strangling him.

“I am not done with you,” Himura said coldly before making his way to the sofa. “Hello?”

“Get ready to face the music, Eichii. My manager is quite scary when he gets mad,” Tokiya said, flatly but layered with naughtiness. He was at his second melon bread, showing no sign of stopping his activity.

Eichii shrugged as his chuckles escaped his lips. He took a seat beside Tokiya who was flipping the script page.

“Just like his artist when he’s working,” Eichii commented with a smirk. “If you keep this up, I am afraid your status as the Heart-throb will overshadow my role as the protagonist.”

“No, that’s not going to happen,” Tokiya winced in disagreement while waving lazily. “Your talent is more than enough. I can’t expect more from the son of Raging Otori.”

“Yeah, right.”

The conversation about Otori just goaded the monster side of Eichii. He was here to get friendly with Tokiya before they started their interview for today but his father already disturbed him to steal the spotlight.

Which was a pain to him. Why could not his father leave him alone for a second? He knew his father wanted him to destroy Tokiya but sometimes, his father was too impatient and wanted the guy to completely vanish off the face of the earth as soon as possible.

He never agreed with the method. To him, it was better to start gradually but...

Detrimental which would completely wipe Tokiya out of the showbiz.

“Speaking about the parents, I am curious about yours, Tokiya.”

“Huh? What about them?” Tokiya asked, still scanning the script.

“Well, are they the great performers like you too? Normally, a talented person like you would mention his parents as…”

“No, they worked as a doctor. In my family, I am the only one who is interested in performing arts,” Tokiya said, nonchalantly.

Their conversation caught Himura’s curiosity as well. Even though he had become the idol’s manager since he was a child actor, he did not know Tokiya’s family background well. All he realized was Tokiya was not close to his family. They did not even pay a visit when he was a trainee.

“Oh, really?” Eichii exclaimed, suppressing his shock from being visible. “But, I guess they still supported you…”

“No. They got divorced when I was young. When my mother knew that I passed the audition to be a child actor, she couldn’t accept that and insist me to live on my own,” Tokiya said, bluntly. His eyes never left the script so he did not notice how it took all for Eichii and Himura to not let their jaws dropped.

It struck Eichii’s heart completely. As typical as it was, the sympathy grew in his heart when he knew he was supposed to laugh at Tokiya’s misery.

His enemy’s misery.

_That explains why I never saw him celebrated anything with his family. He literally doesn’t have one,_ Himura thought. Just like Eichii, he could feel a very heavy tug clung to his heart, sympathizing the idol.

“What’s with the face? Are you curious more about them?” Tokiya said, finding Eichii’s blank face as amusing. “How about… My mother always had high expectation on me. She wanted me to be a doctor like her but obviously, it didn’t turn out that way. I disobeyed her because I was stubborn.”

“That was… blunt,” Eichii remarked. That was the ‘smartest’ comment that his brain could construct after being stuffed with Tokiya’s shocking family background.

“Well, that’s the truth anyway,” Tokiya justified. His face did not give any slightest hint that the truth still left scars is his heart.

He simply did not see his parents as the part of his life anymore.

“Well, I am… I am sorry, Tokiya. I shouldn’t have said that… Man, you shouldn’t answer that if you don’t feel comfortable…”

“Hey, that’s okay, Really,” Tokiya patted Eichii’s tense back, eventually averting his attention to somewhere else other than the script. “They did what they thought was the best. Plus, I am already in my 30s. I don’t think to have grudge against them will do any better.”

_But still, abandoning your son just because he has his own dream is never the best decision, though. Rather, it’s dumb. If only you guys could see how much your strictness affected Tokiya greatly, Mr. and ex - Mrs. Ichinose,_ Himura thought.

“But why are you so honest all of sudden? The Tokiya that I know is very private about his personal life,” Eichii asked, voicing out Himura’s curiosity.

“I think it’s because I believe in you,” Tokiya lifted his face, smiling at the flustered Eichii. “I can see that you’re a good person with the way you prioritize your group and your brother. Plus, I won’t agree to hang out with someone frequently unless I am comfortable enough with that person.”

_Ohhohohohoho… Did you hear that, Eichii!? The one that you wanted to destroy since years ago just said that he believes in you! How easy could it be to you? You can kill him when he totally lets his guard down, Eichii!_  The monster side of Eichii murmured in his mind.

If only Tokiya knew that Eichii would cause the worst trauma in his life…

“Well, I think if you want to have someone who you can be more comfortable with, you should find someone to marry. People don’t vote you as the Heart-throb for no reasons, you know. What do you think, Himura-san?” Eichii commented. He agreed that was out of nowhere but he would do anything so that he would not end up sympathize and be the true friend of the idol.

“That’s what I always tell him,” Himura said while flipping pages of a black diary to check Tokiya’s schedule.

“Oh, really? Maybe it’s just me but I think, the title was given to me because I have the ability to increase the number of perverts among the public. Just read those comments on my social media accounts. Plus, I don’t think my children will be proud to have someone with an indecent job like me as their father.”

The awkward silence lingered in the air but Tokiya did not even bother to ask why. He immersed himself back into his script reading.

As for Eichii, while locking eyes with Himura, they were positive that in their minds, they echoed the same thing.

_Ouch._

* * *

****For**** the third time, Tokiya splashed the cold water on his face but his eyes still desperately tried to fight the tiredness which started to spread over his body.

It was all thanks to the practice with Eichii and his stubbornness to sleep less than three hours last night despite Himura’s long lecture.

_Wake up, Tokiya. You have an interview after this,_  he mentally encouraged himself while he felt his eyelids were glued. To make it worse, his head started to feel dizzy and normally, it indicated a sudden catastrophe.

_Should I think about anything that made me awake every night?_

As soon as he asked himself, his eyes seemingly knew the answer. They were red because of previous crying scene and drowsiness but they were also wide open now.

The people that managed to distract his sleep every night were Masato and Haruka.

The Masato who he was constantly being compared to instead of the guy’s hiatus. Instead of looking old-fashioned, Masato was way friendlier and fun to hang out with. Tokiya was just a scary lion who was so obsessive about his job and did not know how to give himself a break.

They were absolutely right because that was most probably why Haruka fell in love with Masato.

Haruka... How on earth was he supposed to forget about the composer? She was the only woman who he wanted to propose as soon as the ‘idols are not allowed to be in relationship’ rule was lifted by their president. Because of her, he did not even bother about the Heart-throb title. He could not care less when he was dubbed as the actresses’ ideal types because his heart was only for Haruka.

But of course, no matter how similar could they be, between a Saint like Masato and a Stripper like him, a pure woman like Haruka would choose someone like the former.

That guy had so much good quality to offer but Tokiya…

He was just like what his haters described him; a guy who only ‘sold’ his body for a living.

No one actually knew that all he wanted was using his talent for his job and when the time came, he would marry Haruka.

It was that simple and innocent, something that one never thought, coming from an on-screen stripper like him.

As he was tottering out of the toilet, he felt his headache slowly swallowed his consciousness.

“Tokiya?”

Maybe it was not that innocent since now, he suddenly could hear the sweet voice of someone’s wife in his head.

“Tokiya, are you okay?”

When he tried his best to not think about Haruka again, his legs lost their balances, forcing him to collapse but something or rather someone was suddenly enveloping her arms around him protectively, coming into his rescue.

“Tokiya!”

The voice turned so close in his ears and even though he knew it was wrong, he always loved it the most when the voice said his name.

The voice sounded so lovely.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am excited about the last scene the most tbh lol. I wish I can publish the next chapter today or tomorrow. I am so fired up and seriously, those days without writing this story was quite stressful for me. If you have something to say about this chapter, feel free to let me know what do you think, okay? ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first meeting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoever you are, thank you for the kudos :D

**A** few hours ago…

**“I do love him but this is too much. I don’t think I can be his slave anymore. He mooched off me, he abused me... I think a bastard like him doesn’t deserve to live…”**

“Oh my… Is she really going to kill him?” Masato mumbled anxiously. He balled his hands into fists when the female lead of the morning drama lifted a knife, preparing to stab her sleeping husband to death.

**“I am sorry, dear… I love you. I do love you but I am so tired of this…”**

“Please, don’t murder him… It’s not good for your future, you know? At least think about your children,” like a supporting character who could only watch the situation in horror, Masato’s eyes practically glued to the screen. It was impossible for him to notice his wife’s presence, standing at the door quietly.

“What show is he watching?” Haruka murmured. While holding a basket of dry clothes, she made her way closer to the television. “Oh… this drama… No wonder he reacted like that.”

She could relate to her husband since she was also the fan of the drama, The Reprisal. The fact that it was based on a real-life event had made a lot of audience greatly invested their emotions. Yet, Masato’s dramatic reaction amused her the most. He was the same with the old him; very manly but sometimes getting too invested in a TV drama.

Haruka smiled cheekily before standing in front of the TV, blocking Masato’s view.

“Ah, Haruka… Please, don’t do that. It’s almost…” As soon as Haruka moved, the credits appeared slowly with a tragic music background, starting with the director’s name. “The end…”

Haruka laughed at Masato’s pitiful but cute disappointment. She settled the basket on the bed, opposite her husband. A chummy smile appeared on her sweet face but the next thing that escaped from her pink lips was not as sweet.

“She still killed her husband and was sentenced to death,” Haruka said casually, picking Masato’s green shirt from the basket to fold. As she spoke, the husband believed that he heard a dramatic and petrifying sound effect, escorting Haruka’s voice.

“What? She really killed him?” Masato’s eyes sized up. He leaned forward to Haruka, oblivious with the fact that his hands just pressed the shirt on the bed, impeding his wife from folding it. “But why? Why couldn’t she think of their children first?”

“I believe a depressed person like her could not think straight anymore. All she thought was she wanted to end her suffer. Her children were no longer in her mind.”

Haruka’s answer brought Masato back to his upright posture. His eyes stared at particularly nowhere but his mind was swirling with many kinds of thoughts. 

_A husband who only eats and sleeps at home while his wife works hard and feeds him,_ Masato thought, analyzing the main characters back. He felt something heavy tugged his weak body.

_The husband is just like me._

His blue eyes observed every inch of his wife’s face. The light make-up was not enough to cover her weariness. Her golden eyes were reddish from staying up late at night in order to compose a few songs for an idol group.   

Was it possible for Haruka to suffer from a depression like Kyoko and ended up killing him?

_If something happened to us, what’ll happen to our daughters?_ Masato’s wild imagination due to watching too many dramas nowadays had played its role well. It managed to push him to pick his dark blue jeans from the basket frantically before settling it flatly on the bed.

“Masato, it’s okay. You don’t need to…”

“It’s okay. Unlike my legs, my hands still function well,” he remarked without looking at his confused wife.

“Well, if you say so…”

Silence lingered in the air as the couple completed the task. At times, Masato would exclaim how small and cute the girls’ dresses were.

“Haruka…”

“Yes, dear.”

“Have I ever hit you just because you still got my clothes wrinkled even you already ironed them? Have I kicked you because you cooked late?” He asked. It sounded too innocent, totally not in sync with his questions.

“Huh?” The golden eyes sized up.

“Erk?” Masato closed his mouth, just realizing the sound of his questions.

_Oh, my… Are they too violent?_

“Are you okay, honey?” Her eyes still widened in surprise when she held his cheek. “Why are you asking such disturbing questions? Is there something bothering you?”  

“Hm, well…What I am trying to say is… if I was a bad husband just like in the TV on top of being sick like this, I supposed you can just leave me and…”

He was startled with a soft kiss on his cheek. Given several occasions where Masato would blush every time she hugged or kissed him suddenly, Masato knew the woman was trying to shut him up.

‘Stop saying crap’ was the line that Haruka most probably wanted to say to him.   

“Why should I leave you? You’re a very good husband and a very good father,” she said, softly. It was very soothing for Masato, especially with the way she gazed at him. “Harumi came to see you this morning, right? What do you think about her?”

“She’s lovely,” his concerned eyes brightened up. “The way she talked to me, the way she hugged me… Everything about her is endearing. She even squealed when I said I love her.”

“You love her even you don’t have any recollection about her?” Haruka asked.

“I don’t know. It just came here,” Masato said, poking his chest. “I think it’s unconditional, just like how I feel when I see you.”

Haruka swore she could literally fly after hearing the confession.

“See.”

“See what?” Masato asked, putting down his hand.

“Our loving Hijirikawa Masato is always in you no matter how many times you forget about us. Your daughter won’t be that excited if you had not been a good father to her, Masato. As for me, I don’t exaggerate when I said that you did the house chore way better than me. Trust me, your cooking is better than me.”

“Huh, really?” The dark blue brow was lifted skeptically. “I believe yours is the best cooking. It’s really delicious.”

“It’s because you only ate my cooking after you fall sick,” Haruka chuckled, tapping Masato’s pointed nose with her finger.

“But it’s really delicious, though…” Masato mumbled.

“Look at that. You can even fold clothes nicer than me…”

Masato looked down. She was right. The folds that he made were so neat. Obviously, it had become his second nature that his body still remembered it.  

“So, don’t think that I should leave you only because you’re sick. It’s not your choice,” Haruka supplied, kissing every inch of the hand which used to cosset her and their daughters with his ceaseless affection. “Your sacrifice to us is what matters and makes us love you more. Harumi said to me that she’ll help you just like how you helped her all this time. You might not remember but she does remember every single thing that you have done to her.”

_Thank you, the old me,_ he thought awkwardly as he savored the kisses from her. _Thank you so much for being kind to your family and thank you for marrying a woman like Haruka._  

Oh, there was also another person that he should say thanks as well.

“Thanks to that dude who had explained everything to her.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Haruka asked, still caressing the big hand.  

“This guy,” Masato pointed at STARISH’s picture beside the bed. “He was the one who told Harumi that I am sick and forget things easily. He always asked her about me. I wish I can meet him, though. To say thanks and what not.”

Haruka struggled to keep her sweet smile when the name was mentioned.

_You do care about your friend,_ _Tokiya,_ her mind whispered. Just like other STARISH members, her heart also lapsed with the thought of the guy.

She hoped their friendship could stay like before. She had bumped into him countless times while she worked but he would avoid her as if she was going to hit him with a broom if he got any closer.

She wished she could do something that would unite Tokiya with other STARISH members again. Maybe if the president gave a chance for her to compose for Tokiya’s or STARISH next album, it would give her some hope.

The ringtone of STARISH’s song curtailed her mind from evoking more memories with the idol. Haruka reached her phone, answering the call from her employer.

“Hello, Mr. President. Yes, I am with Masato. Yes.”

The sudden brightness over the pretty face piqued Masato’s curiosity. Why would the president ask about him out of the blue? What would happen if he was not with Haruka?

“Okay, I’ll tell him. Okay, thank you, Mr. President! Thank you so much,” after bowing several times as if the president, Saotome was right in front of her, she ended the conversation. Golden eyes met the confused blue pair, conveying her thrill.  

“Honey, I think the God just answered your wish.”

* * *

  **Heading** to Tokiya’s waiting room which was in the Shining Agency main building, Masato was served with the sights of trophies and frames, exhibited everywhere. STARISH pictures were exhibited the most, followed by the trophies that they won from a lot of worldwide awards ceremonies. For the nth time, Masato’s mind would desperately convince him that he was not dreaming.

He was indeed the H of STARISH, one of the best-selling groups in the country.

The fact was further corroborated when there were always a group of people greeted and expressed their admiration to him. Heck, a group of juniors even openly said that they admired him more because Tokiya was way scarier and stricter.

Which made him wonder… Just why did they compare him only to Tokiya when he had other five teammates?

Meanwhile, Haruka curved in a smile as she slowly pushed Masato’s wheelchair so that he could observe every inch of the building. Everything fascinated him and he would take every single chance to touch each poster with a deep interest.

_Hope he can find something here or maybe… His meeting with Tokiya later will help him,_ Haruka mentally prayed.

“Oh, a movie with Tokiya!” He suddenly exclaimed, touching the said poster. A few movies of him and Tokiya as the male leads were positioned side by side. “So, I have one… No, it’s… One, two, three… five movie with him, huh?”

“Yes, all of them brought a massive profit to the agency and considered as the masterpieces since people love your collaboration with Tokiya,” Haruka said, calmly. She also stared at the posters and recalled the moment when she was a big fan of them and would binge watch them for countless times with her best friend, Tomochika.

When a movie had two male leads, it was typical for it to portray them as the smart one with his nimble friend and the twins’ movies also did not separate themselves from the clichés. The prim Masato would play a role as a decent guy and be considered as the brain of the pair.

His twin on the other hand would be the polar opposite of him; the _reckless_ and agile guy since Tokiya had a wilder and funkier image.

“It’s amazing to know that I used to work with a famous actor like him,” he exclaimed, softly. “It’s quite an honor since I grow to like his acting…”

“Haruka? Masato?”

It was Himura, greeting them as soon as he went out of Tokiya’s waiting room. A bright smile concealed his worried face which was returned right away by Haruka.

“Good afternoon, Himura-san,” Haruka bowed, followed by the confused Masato.

“Good afternoon. It’s nice to see you again, Masato,” Himura tried his best to not let his devastated feeling as soon as he saw Masato visible. He held out his hand which the said guy reached happily. “You guys want to see him, right?”

“Yes,” Haruka did not forget to flash a knowing smile to the manager. “Honey, this is Mr. Himura Koji, Tokiya’s manager.”

“Oh, really? It’s nice to meet you, Himura-san! Does it mean he’s around as well? Where is he?” The blue eyes brightened up, expecting another figure to show up. “He’s the only friend that I never met before so I am kind of excited.”

_But that only friend is avoiding you as much as possible, Masato,_ Himura thought, sadly. 

“Yeah, he is supposed to be around but the thing is… He’s not and I am currently looking for him,” despite the flatness in his voice which made him sound like a swarm of bees, the couple could tell that Himura was concerned.  “He said he went to the washroom but he’s taking too long. I am afraid he’ll pass out somewhere… You know him, right, Haruka?”

“Yeah,” Haruka sighed, also could not help but worrying about Tokiya.  

“Himura-san, did Tokiya really… Oh, what a surprise!” Eichii who was as curious as Himura about Tokiya’s whereabouts exclaimed. His eyes were directed more towards the perplexed Masato.

“Good afternoon, Eichii,” Haruka greeted with a bright smile.

“Good afternoon, lovely couple,” Eichii said, stepping out of the waiting room in order to approach Masato. “It has been a long time since my last visit, huh? Masato, how do you do? Do you remember me?”

“I… I don’t think so,” with a blank face, the scion shook hands with the tall guy. “I am sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Eichii said, flashing his friendly smile.

“He’s our friend from HEAVENS, Otori Eichii. You love ‘Immortal Inferno’, right? That’s their song and Eichii is the leader,” Haruka explained.  

“Oh, really? I did think that I have seen you somewhere. Your group was dubbed the Best Group, right?”

‘Yeah and it’s thanks to your sickness’ was what Eichii wanted to say.

But, no. Those words were supposed to spill at Tokiya once he found out the certain truth.

“Speaking of that guy, where is him?” He turned to meet eyes with the sighing Himura. “His twin is right here but he’s still missing.”

“Given he still hasn’t come back since… when? An hour ago? I guess maybe he was kidnapped by his fans again,” Himura exclaimed nonchalantly as if he was talking about the weather, much to Masato’s shock.

_Then, shall we report to the police instead of talking here?_ The scion thought, anxiously. Given Tokiya was a very handsome guy, it was not unforeseen that his ‘kidnapper’ would ‘assault’ him.   

“Then, should I look for him? I want to go to the washroom anyway,” Haruka suggested.

“Oh, that’s very nice of you, Haruka. Thank you so much,” Himura said dramatically while putting his hand on his chest. She just saved his time and energy to look for his artist. “When you find him, don’t forget to slap him for me.”

“Okay, just leave it to me,” Haruka chuckled. “Can I leave Masato in your care for a while?” Haruka said, glancing at her husband who was busy worrying about Tokiya’s safety.

“Of course,” Eichii replied. “Let me help you, Masato.”

Little did they know, Eichii was the happiest person to see Masato in that state; sitting on a wheelchair with a very pale face.

_It seems the drug had done a veeeery good job._

* * *

  **“Is** that Tokiya?” Haruka mumbled, spotting the said guy who was staggering out of the toilet, looking all tired.

 “Tokiya?” She called but he ignored her. He blinked harshly, fighting against the dizziness that slowly towered over his consciousness. “Tokiya, are you okay?”

Yet, as soon as the tall frame was close to toppling to the floor, all Haruka had in her mind was she wanted to save her friend. She quickly caught him, trying her best to support the heavy body despite her dearth of strength.

“Tokiya!” She shouted. His head was pressed against her shoulder. “Oh, my… What should I do? Where are other people?” She looked around and strangely found that she could not spot anyone despite the fact that Shining Agency had a lot of staffs.

In the midst of the panic, Tokiya slowly stood up, still holding her shoulder to support himself. He winced as he messaged his forehead with eyes closed.

“Tokiya, are you okay?” As soon as a warm and delicate hand touched his forehead, the blue eyes snapped open.

For a moment, no one said anything. Tokiya’s red lips lost the words to remark on her sudden presence. Now he knew why his heart thumped so fast.

It was because Haruka was here, standing so close to him. She never failed to look so beautiful whenever he saw her. At least, in the idol’s eyes, she was the most beautiful woman that he had ever met even a lot of people would argue with him that she looked so-so compared to those female celebrities that he had ever collaborated with before.

His heart continued pounding against his broad chest but he did not like it at all because it showed that he was still in love with his close friend's wife.

Masato’s wife on top of that…

He thought he was dreaming when he heard her sweet voice, calling out his name but apparently, he was not.

“Haruka?” He asked, huskily.

“Yes, it’s Haruka,” she answered. “Are you okay? You look tired.”

“Huh? Well, I am okay. I am just a bit dizzy but I think I am fine now.”

_I am fine because I am shocked to see you here,_ his mind replied.

“Are you sure?” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Yes, 100 percents sure.”

“Then, take this!”

The next thing Tokiya gained was a strong slap across his bulging bicep.

“What was that for!?” Tokiya could not contain his surprise as he held his victimized arm. His eyes widened in sudden shock that it amused the composer but it was too early to stop her mini revenge on him.

“That’s what you got for going missing for an hour,” Haruka said with a smug face. “Your manager asked me to hit you if I find you.”

“What!?”

“But you will get chastisement from me as well. I resent you a lot, you know that!?” She continued to smack his bicep and Tokiya swore, his fair skin would still be reddish after he reached home. “The first hit, for not allowing us to visit you when you’re sick!”

“Auch!”

“Second bash, for skipping all STARISH gathering!”

“Stop it, Haruka!”

“Third, fourth, fifth bashes, for only answering Harumi’s call but not mine, for avoiding me every time we bumped into each other and for not singing anymore!”

“I said, stop that!” Tokiya caught the smaller hand, glancing at her red palm. “Look at what you’ve done! Doesn’t it hurt?”

_What? He is worried about my hand instead of his arm?_ She could not help but chuckled. Tokiya could be that random sometimes.

“Of course it does,” Haruka snatched her hand from Tokiya playfully. “But I feel so angry right now because I only met you now after three months, you T of STARISH.”

Tokiya bit his lips, feeling like Haruka just slapped him across his cheek as well when she indirectly reminded him of where did he belong to. He was not ready to see Haruka this sudden, let alone to encounter her mini resentment. He knew she demanded his explanation but as stated, he was not ready and the same goes with the situation.

“We miss you, you know that!? I know you’re not really a nice person but I never thought that you’re this cruel to your friends,” Haruka said. She crossed her arms while desperately stretching her neck in order to match his height.

For a second, Tokiya was positive that he was already out of his mind. When it was apparent that she was nagging at him, the only thing that he could focus on was how adorable the woman was.

He always loved to see how casual she was with him, considering they had been friends for 17 years. Besides, being the founder of STARISH had made her grow accustomed to how friendship between guys worked, which led her to be relaxed as well.

Other girls could only dream to talk casually with an aloof guy like him but Haruka was so special that she was the only one who deserved all his care, attention, and…

Love. No matter how many women threw themselves at him, they never brought out his hidden affection like what Haruka did to him.  

“Even Masato also wonders just where are you. Thank God, I brought him here today.”

That alone was enough to smash Tokiya’s heart to smithereens.

“Wh… What? Masato is here as well?” Tokiya asked. He was mentally praying that his ears were lying to him the moment Masato was mentioned.

“Yes, he is! The president asked me to bring him here. You know, just to show him around his workplace. Plus, he has something to say to you.”

“Huh?”

_What kind of ‘something’ that he wants to say to someone invisible like me? By any chance, did he remember something about us?_

“Come on! Let’s go to your waiting room. Everybody is waiting,” she hastily dragged him with her.

“Everybody? Who’s everybody?” Tokiya asked, frantically. It was not hard for somebody with long legs like him to match Haruka’s pace but to think that Masato was so near to him just made him frightened and his body felt like a heavy load. 

_If she means STARISH…_

“Why? Are you expecting all your teammates?” Tokiya flinched as Haruka was quick to catch his mind.

“No, don’t worry. They’re not here, unfortunately,” the sweet smile from her never changed the fact that she was being acerbic. “It’s only Masato, Mr. Himura, and Eichii.”

_Oh, my… So, is she saying that I don’t have a choice but to meet her husband now?_ _What sorts of tight spot that I am in right now?_

The fact that Tokiya suddenly zipped his mouth did not escape Haruka’s attention. She glanced at her back, looking at the nervous Tokiya. His blue eyes were reaching everywhere while she could feel his hand that she held tightly was balling into a fist.

_Judging from his face expression, he’s not ready for this. Maybe he did feel guilty for not visiting Masato,_ she thought. _But, I am sorry, Tokiya. We have to follow Natsuki’s plan._

Haruka and Himura could not agree more with Natsuki’s plan. The tallest guy in STARISH was light-hearted most of the time but he did take part whenever his teammates had a fracas. In this case, all he wanted was for Tokiya to reunite with his friends, starting with Masato, which brought Natsuki to leave his plan to Saotome. 

While Tokiya, the urge to be childish grew in his mind as Haruka pushed his waiting room’s door. Everything seemed to move in an unpleasantly slow motion and the only thing that clouded his mind was he wanted to snatch his hand away from Haruka and leave the building as quick as possible. That was how much he wanted to avoid Masato. He even considered to tell Haruka that the last time they met each other, he screamed at Masato’s face that he hated him.

But nothing came out of his lips. The next thing he realized was the door was wide open, revealing the stunned Masato, staring at him. Just like the scion, the others were off the radar screen.

But little did he or anybody else know, Eichii found this meeting was so amusing that the monster in him laughed hysterically.  

_Here we go! But still, I think this will be more exciting if the children are also here. It will be a great reunion for this family._

 

   

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interview and the fans...

**Every** day, Tokiya would learn something new given his tendency to read books or random articles on the internet and today…

It was no different except the fact that he learned from his own experience.

He concluded that not all reunion with a long-lost friend would be dramatic or full of tears. In his case, it was impossible to achieve since he had a nosy but very caring manager. The next 30 minutes were spent with a long lecture from Himura who revolved around his safety as a popular celebrity.

“Luckily Haruka, your own friend was the one who found you. What happened if your crazy fans ended up found you and started doing anything indecent to you!?”

 _But I hit him, Himura-san. That didn’t make me any safer to him,_ Haruka thought.

Himura also reminisced about a ‘pleasant’ memory in Osaka whereby a fan pulled his artist into her hotel room when he almost passed out from working before being rescued by a staff.

“Seriously, taking care of this guy is way harder than taking care of my son. At least, my son doesn’t get abducted so far, unlike him,” Himura’s dramatic whine gained giggles from Eichii and Haruka.  

While Tokiya was given an earful about his recklessness, Masato still stared at his twin like watching television.

Or to be exact, he did feel like watching television since all this time, he only saw Tokiya via the medium. Unlike his teammates who always visited and took care of him, Tokiya was like an overseas celebrity that he would never get a chance to meet.

The only thing that bothered him the most was Tokiya’s lack of response. Masato smiled at him as soon as their eyes locked but the idol quickly avoided him, settling himself on a red sofa at the middle of the room before getting lectures from his manager.

_Is it me or… he doesn’t like me to be here?_

Tokiya’s handphone vibrated out of the blue, which he desperately hoped for it to happen just for the sake of escaping Himura’s lecture bubble but…

“Hello, president.”  

“Hello, Mr. Ichinose. Is Mr. Hijirikawa with you?” His not-so-beloved president, Saotome called and usually, it did not give him any better news.

“Yes, he is. Why?”  

Nobody realized that Haruka and Himura were smiling at each other, silently celebrating the victory that was just around the corner.   

“Well, that’s good then. Please make sure that he’s ready to attend the same interview with you,” Saotome said, nonchalantly.

“Attending what!?” The usually polite Tokiya screamed at the president’s ear, sending the others slightly flinched at his high pitch.

Being instantly aware that he just temporarily ruined their hearings, he softly apologized before standing up, moving away from them in order to talk privately with Saotome.

“He’s attending what?” Tokiya repeated.

“I am telling you that your twin is also attending the interview,” apparently, Saotome was too happy with the twins’ instant interview to care about his hearing welfare.

“He’s supposed to be on hiatus, Mr. President. Plus, he lost his memory. What do you expect from him?” Tokiya argued.

“Well, that’s why I am telling you this instead of his wife. I am expecting you to guide him. Do whatever you want but make sure he’ll not mess up the interview. I count on you, Tokiya.”

Tokiya almost flung his cell phone at Saotome’s big portrait in the room.

“What? Me?”

“Of course. Twins should help each other,” the sardonic and teasing remark was something that Tokiya never grew accustomed with. “Maybe this interview will help him with his memory.”

In fact, he wanted to destroy the big portrait so much.  

“Wait, Mr. President!”

Tut!

“Waaahh, this geezer is so unbelievable!” Tokiya groaned, staring at his phone screen in disgust. That was the most annoyed expression that they had ever seen from him, considering that he always had been calm and collected.  

“What geezer?” Himura asked.

Tokiya turned to see the other perplexed faces but the one who immediately became his concern was Masato. 

“Well, Masato… I suppose this will be very shocking but…”

“What is it, Tokiya?” Instead of Masato himself, Himura and Haruka asked enthusiastically, which immediately became the biggest clue of the situation for Tokiya. He narrowed his eyes at the duo, staring at them doubtfully. He knew these two too well, including when they were up for pranks.  

“Haruka, Himura-san, don’t tell me you guys already know…”

“Knowing what?” The duo asked back with a very annoying grin.   

“Stop being annoying,” Tokiya said, flatly but it did not do a good job to conceal his irritation. “At least please try to sympathize the victim, won’t you?”

“What is it, Tokiya? What just happened?” Masato interrupted.  

“Masato,” the soft voice began with a more suspenseful vibe. “The president just assigned you for an interview with me and Eichii.”

“What?” both Masato and Eichii exclaimed in chorus.

 _So, the victim is me?_ Masato thought in alarm. His blue eyes met the other pair with the same color, expecting a denial but Tokiya just nodded with a sympathetic expression.

 _This absolutely will be tough for an amnesiac like him,_ Tokiya’s mind echoed.

While Himura and Haruka was in celebration mode due to the twins’ reunion, Eichii smelled a threat for his side right away. 

 _I have a bad feeling about this,_ Eichii thought in horror. _A very bad feeling._

* * *

 

 **Everyone** just left him to comfort the terrified Masato.

Was this supposed to be Haruka’s job? She had nursed Masato the Amnesiac for years so she should be the best person to comfort the guy.

 _Just what do they think they are doing? Since when does the president_ _care about the relationship between his idols?_

So far, all Saotome did was exploiting Tokiya like a slave since he had the Stripper title on his head so the idol was surprised that Saotome still had the decencies in his blood.

They knew that Tokiya always valued perfectionism over his work so they were positive that Tokiya would help Masato regardless.

 _Just do it, Tokiya. Do you want the broadcast ends with a disaster because of Masato’s so-called lack of experience? The reporters out there will desperately search for hot news to belittle or eulogize STARISH. It might be a pain if this matter isn’t handled well,_ his perfectionist side coaxed him while he was still standing in the midst of the room.

With a new mindset, Tokiya slowly took a seat, opposite the fidgeting Masato. The scion no longer had a bright smile over his handsome face. Instead, it looked like he would burst into tears in any second.  

“Hey, are you okay?” He started with striking up a conversation, no matter how stupid it sounded since Masato was obviously far from being fine.

“Huh? Well, of course I am okay,” Masato confirmed. “I am perfectly fine.”

His hands held each other for a comfort since they were…

Shaking. He looked like he was about to attend a horror variety show.

“Yeah, I can see that you’re perfectly fine,” Tokiya said, calmly. His eyes did not leave the sight of the pale-skinned hands which Masato caught him right away. As soon as they met eyes again, Masato blushed. Tokiya obviously knew that that his words did not match his feeling.

“But… I guess, I am slightly nervous because I don’t even remember about appearing in TV,” Masato said, hiding his hands under his dark blue shirt. “How do you do that, Tokiya? You are always calm every time you attend a show. Not to mention it is in front of the big crowd.”

“I have done that since I was 13,” Tokiya said, softly.

“Wow, that’s such a long time. No wonder…”

“But you have done it since you were 18,” Tokiya cut him short so that Masato did not have a room to get amazed with him when the scion himself was not lacking in experience either. What truly served as Masato’s stumbling block right now was his memory loss. “They’re not too different and you are now 34 years old like me. You have more experience than you think.”

“Did you debut earlier? How come you have done it since 13 when mine was 18?” Masato’s curiosity was piqued.

“I was a child actor before I debuted as a STARISH member,” when Masato showed more sign to ask about him and the group, he continued, “But, first of all, maybe eating some melon bread will calm you down.”

“Huh?”

 Tokiya stood up before returning with his melon bread _bento_. Three melon breads were still neatly arranged and for some reason, they looked so appetizing in the eyes of the scion.

“Is this helpful?” Masato asked while his eyes still fixed on the breads.

 _Wow, he doesn’t even have a memory about this bread, huh? Tokiya_ pondered. He put the bento onto the glass table between them, trying to draw out Masato’s appetite.

“I promise, it will. Come on, eat one… If it’s possible, eat all of them,” Tokiya said, slowly pushing the bento towards Masato’s direction.  

“But this is yours, right? Don’t you mind if I eat it?” The scion asked again even his hand was getting close with the yellow bread.

“It’s okay. I already ate mine.”

“Okay, then. Thanks for the food,” Masato said, eyes still locked on Tokiya questioningly for fear that Tokiya would change his mind.  

Silence clouded the room as Masato reluctantly relished the taste of the bread with Tokiya quietly anticipated his reaction.

_If the old Masato is still in him, maybe in two seconds he will…_

“Hmm… It’s so delicious!” Masato’s eyes sparkled in delight and for a second, Tokiya thought that he was temporarily blind due to the excessive aura of thrill from his friend. “Is this your favorite food, Tokiya? The taste is so precious!”

“No, it’s yours,” Tokiya said, hiding his amused grin. It was always soothing for him to see the scion smiled or just enjoyed himself especially when he was eating his favorite food or playing piano.  

It felt like he was watching the bubbly version of himself, given how similar they looked.

“Oh, it’s mine? But you do like them as well, don’t you?” Masato asked back, still munching the bread.

 _Yes, thanks to you,_ Tokiya replied in his head. It had become their ritual to eat melon breads every time they worked together. Masato was so persuasive with his obsession anyway.   

“I grow to like it because the old you always asked me to eat them together.”

“Oh, I see,” Masato eyed the bread in his hand in amazed fashion. “Thank you, Tokiya. This is really soothing my nervousness.”

Tokiya could not help but smile. It had been too long since the last time he was smiling with one of his friends.

“You’re welcome.”

It had been too long and as cold as people always perceived him, Tokiya did miss this kind of moment the most; having a light conversation with his friends without the need to feel the pain from their friendship.

 _Oh, the waterfall,_ his mind sparkled the sight of a cold waterfall which had become the twins’ destination every time Masato wanted to help him with his problem.

This was the right time for him to pay the good deed.

“After this, shall we find a fountain? The old you love waterfall but since we’re not in a forest, we can go to a fountain in this building.”

“Oh, really? Then, I am counting on you, Tokiya.”

* * *

 

 **The** interview went flawlessly.

It was too smooth that the ‘amateur’, Masato found it hard to believe. The melon bread and the fountain-seeing were certainly helpful to sweep away his nervousness but Masato believed, the major factor was Tokiya’s skill and tips in order to make up for Masato’s memory loss. He answered all the questions from the cheeky MCs smoothly as if he already memorized the answer scheme. The idol also knew how to make Masato’s awkwardness as an adorable gesture. For instance, when the scion nodded anxiously to the MCs, Tokiya would throw random remarks that turned Masato so cute for the audience.

For once, Masato also could see Tokiya’s true smile. It was so lively, unlike the serious him before the interview started.

But, Masato never foresaw the impact of his temporary comeback. It was too well-received that his fans had wasted no time to pounce on him for autographs, pictures, and hugs after the interview, thanks to the female MCs who asked for those gifts in the middle of the shooting. Long story short, they just encouraged the fans to do the same.

“Are you ready for this, Masato?” Tokiya mumbled, seeing Masato was back to be the nervous him.

“I… I don’t know, Tokiya,” Masato laughed awkwardly while his mind was screaming in horror. The scion always found it hard to interact with female fans due to his old-school upbringing. Moreover, he studied in all-boys school for years before enrolling in Saotome Academy. His poor constitution also fixed Haruka as the only woman in his world.

So, to see that there were so many strangers drooled over him was just…

Scary.

_Haruka, save me._

“It’s okay. If you’re nervous, just show it outright. Apparently, everything you do is cute to them,” Tokiya said.

Again, Tokiya was very right. Even Masato’s hand was visibly shaking when he had to autograph on a girl’s arm before he dropped the pen to the floor, all of them squealed due to the supposed cuteness.

“You guys are so handsome! I have been the fan of STARISH’s twins for years! Tokiya is so sexy and Masato is still manly!” After hugging Tokiya, a girl in her early 20s pounced on Masato, touching him.

“Me too! I am your fan too!” The others followed suit.

“We hope that you will get back on your feet, Masato!”

“I love you, Masato!”

“Thank you,” Masato replied like a shrinking violet. The one that he only received ‘I love you’ were his wife and children so it felt weird to received sudden love from a stranger.

 “I wish I can marry you, Masato,” a bold fan remarked all of sudden. “Please marry me!”

“But I am already married, miss. I am sorry,” Masato said, politely.

“But I promise I can nurse you better, Masato!”

“Huh?”

 _Speaking of being married,_ Tokiya’s anxiety grew as he suddenly remembered Haruka. Most probably, the composer was done with her meeting so she might be…

 _She’s here!_ Tokiya’s eyes widened as she could see right in front of the door of the studio, the composer was staring at the fans who touching her husband blankly. However, as soon as her golden eyes met Tokiya’s, she quickly formed a stiff smile.

‘Is this okay?’ was what Tokiya tried so hard to gesture to Haruka, referring to Masato’s fans’ attitude. At the same time, his other hand gestured his fans to wait for a while as they were expecting more pictures or hugs from him.

The composer nodded, still wearing the fake smile. She mouthed ‘it’s okay’ but of course, being Masato’s wife, she meant the vice versa.  

 _As if,_ Tokiya’s protective side to her immediately kicked in. As much as he always felt hurt to see Haruka became Masato’s, he hated to see her get hurt.

“Excuse me, girls. I don’t mean to interrupt but can you please not touching him too much? Masato’s wife is here,” Tokiya politely pointed at Haruka who immediately recoiled as she was suddenly brought up as the subject.

To feel frustrated that no staffs bothered enough to control the fans from being too aggressive was one thing but…

For now, it took all for Tokiya to not yell at those faces who glared at Haruka. It reminded him how back then; Haruka received so much hatred for dating Masato. He was positive that until now, she still received the loathing which most probably had become the main reason for her to deactivate her social media account.  

“But, we are Masato’s fans! He’s our idol so he needs to entertain us first!”

“Yeah, his wife doesn’t have a right to be jealous! This is his job!”

“It’s her fault for marrying Masato in the first place!”

The twins could feel a sudden fury grew in their bodies once the last remark crossed their hearings. These girls were too much! 

“Yeah, it’s true that he’s your idol but don’t you feel sad if some girls just touch your husband wherever they please? For example, you…” Tokiya randomly pointed at one of his fans in order to prepare for a self-destruction. “Let’s say that I am your husband and somebody just hugs and kisses me out of nowhere, what will you feel?”

“Of course, I will be so jealous! My husband is you anyway, Tokiya! You’re so hot!” The excited girl shamelessly hugged Tokiya, which caused uproar from other unlucky girls.

“You guys get the point, right? So, please behave,” Tokiya patted her back, praying that she would release him any soon because his lungs felt too suffocated with her tight hug around his neck.

 _Again, Tokiya rescued me,_ Masato thought. _But, I feel bad now._

 _Thank you, Tokiya,_ Haruka’s mind whispered. Like her husband, she also prayed that Tokiya could escape from the girls as soon as possible. She knew the man. Unlike his image, he never enjoyed to have a bunch of girls, swooning over his good look.   

* * *

 

 **Even** they did not say it verbally to each other, the twins knew they agreed with the same fact.

Today was exhausting.

Call him dramatic but as soon as he saw Haruka, Masato’s urge to cry happily was overflowing in him. He kept Haruka’s hand in his since he only felt safe when she was around.    

“Seriously, Himura-san. When those girls circled around me, I was suddenly reminded of Tokiya’s Osaka accident. It’s no joke. I desperately needed my wife with me,” Masato said after he and Tokiya met Haruka and Himura again outside.  

“I know, right?” Himura agreed. His heart was tickled with the way Masato perceived the commotion.

“But seriously, Tokiya, how can you behave so calm when those girls didn’t even hold back? I saw some girls touch you here and there. Didn’t it feel uncomfortable?”  

Unbeknown to everyone, the seemingly harmless question just irked the idol.

_Calm? Who’s he talking about? Me?_

Sure, Tokiya was smiling outside but his inside was torn apart. No matter how many times he tried to mend it, convincing himself that this was just a job, he would find himself trapped in a suicidal hole again and again.

_Trust me, Masato. That was nothing. I have faced worse and the worst._

Thanks to his acting and poker-face skill, he could conceal how much he cried inside for their doings.

“He faces this almost every day so somehow he knows how to cope with it,” Himura said, patting Tokiya’s shoulder.

Also, thanks to Himura because he volunteered himself to answer the sensitive question.  

“Hi, guys!”

Tokiya gasped as a long arm suddenly trapped his shoulders, followed by a voice that would be the last thing that he wanted to hear after the busy day.

It was Van, the oldest member of HEAVENS. The guy always had his eyes on Haruka, even after the woman was officially Masato’s. He might not go as far as stealing Haruka from her husband but his overfriendly personality seemed to welcome more fury from Masato.

“Oh, hi, Van,” Haruka exclaimed, followed by Himura. The guy was so happy to see the woman that he could care less when Tokiya pushed him away from hugging his shoulders.

“Haruka, my love! I miss you!” Van shamelessly reached Haruka’s hand before pressing a few kisses on it. “No words can describe how much I want to see you. You look more beautiful each day I see you.”

Tokiya felt his fury started to erupt but Masato as her husband was faster to react. She pulled Haruka’s hand from Van’s, showing their matching rings.

“Married. She’s married to me,” Masato smiled but everybody knew that Van would be kicked on the spot if the guy could use his legs properly.

“Ops, sorry. I was joking, Masato,” Van giggled nervously. The ‘happy’ memory where Masato scolded him for flirting with Haruka back then suddenly appeared in his mind. “Please don’t scowl like that. You scared me.”

“Of course he would scare you when you acted so shameless,” Himura said. Just like Eichii, he was also chummy with the guy but for some reason, Tokiya never approved their friendship.

“Or rather, what the heck are you doing here? As for Masato, I bet he’s thinking who’s this shameless guy. He doesn’t remember you, you know,” Tokiya remarked, arms were folded on his chest.

“That’s mean, Tokiya, Himura-san! I am not shameless,” his attempt to gain sympathy from the idol was turned down harshly when Tokiya rolled his eyes again. “Nice to meet you, Masato. I am Van from HEAVENS!”  

“Yeah, I supposed it’s nice to meet you too,” Masato said, layered with a burning sarcasm. He did not even bother to shake hands with the guy.

“Hehehe. Where is Eichii by the way? I am supposed to pick him up here,” Van said, avoiding Masato’s hostile glare. He swore if he spoke more with Masato, the scion would crash him with his wheelchair.  

“Didn’t he tell you? He left early because of some urgent business,” Himura answered.

“Oh, really? That’s weird. HEAVENS doesn’t have any schedule today so what kind of urgent business is he saying?” Van muttered, rubbing his chin. “Then, I will go first, guys! Masato, please don’t glare at me like that. It’s scary! Okay, bye, everyone!”

Van quickly left the group but Masato was still glowering at where he came from.

“Why you always seem to dislike that guy every time he’s around?” Himura mumbled at Tokiya. “Normally, you don’t show your dislike to anybody that obvious.”

“Masato will give you the answer,” Tokiya said, flatly.  

“Huh?”

 “What’s wrong with that guy? He doesn’t have any respect to Haruka. Obviously, she doesn’t feel comfortable so why did he keep kissing her hand?” Masato complained, holding Haruka’s hand tightly. “And she’s my wife on top of that!”

“See?” Tokiya smirked at Himura who went speechless.

_These twins…_

“He’s a bit too friendly, I guess,” Haruka said, awkwardly.  

“It isn’t nice to meet him. At all,” Masato bit his lips in anger. “Nevertheless, I would like to say thank you for everything, Tokiya. Thank you for this experience. You have given me a lot of tips and really, I couldn’t have done it without you. I always see you on TV but now, when I met you personally, I found more reasons to respect you. You’re very professional and admirable. Thanks for the melon breads and fountain-seeing as well. The breads are so delicious.”

“No, don’t mention it. You should thank our president for this experience. I just followed his order,” Tokiya said, shaking hands with the scion.

 _That’s not really correct. You guys should thank Natsuki for this experience,_ Haruka and Himura said in their minds. Nevertheless, they knew that Tokiya had taken a good care of the scion.

 _Melon breads and a fountain. He did use them, huh?_ Haruka whispered in her mind.

“Not only that,” Masato tightened his grip around Tokiya’s hand. “If it’s not because of you, I would never get reconciled with my Harumi. Thank you for convincing her and make her understand my situation.”

Tokiya smiled as his mind reached the little girl.  

“You’re welcome. I just did what I think I should do when she asked about you.”

“I see. I wish I can meet you again, Tokiya. But, I bet you’re so busy…”

“Oh, it’s okay, Masato. I’ll make sure that he’ll have a free time and then, I will inform Haruka,” Himura interrupted, caused Tokiya to immediately shoot a look at him out of disbelief.

_My manager…_

* * *

 

**“Tokiya?”**

“Hm?” Tokiya lifted his head from the tablet, meeting eyes with his manager through the rear-view mirror. They were currently heading to another studio for another schedule on that day.

“Can I ask you something?” Himura initiated, eyes were still focusing on the road.

“Why do you suddenly turn cautious? You know you can always ask me…”

“Do you love Haruka?”

It was a silence for a while before Tokiya’s gaze fixed on Himura through the rear-view mirror. A serene smile plastered on the beautiful face.

“Why are you asking me that?” He asked, scrolling down his tablet back.

“Hm… let’s see…” Himura rubbed his chin. “Maybe it’s because I have never seen you being that caring to a woman before. For example, like that Van guy, do you solely dislike him just because he flirts with Haruka all the time?”

There was no way he would let anybody know what he felt about his friend’s wife. This forbidden feeling… he should keep it for himself since he still desperately wanted to erased it.

“I don’t love her,” he answered, staring into the outside of the car. “I just want to see her be happy with the right guy. Masato is the right guy and Van is certainly not.”   

As he threw the remark, his long fingers touched the tablet screen back, stroking each of his friends’ faces in the picture longingly.

His fingers ended on Haruka’s face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s all for chapter 7! I honestly enjoyed writing this chapter (since Masato met Tokiya and everything) and I hope you guys enjoy your reading too. Feel free to leave a comment ^^


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dispute...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you for the kudos :)

****“Woahhhh,**** it’s so pretty, Daddy!” Harumi exclaimed, staring at her image in the big mirror with a fulfilled smile. Her small hand touched every single curve of the neat braids around her head. Mitsuki who was standing beside the bed while holding a drawing block just stared at her sister with bright eyes.

This was one of Harumi’s favorite moments with her father. Before Masato fell sick, he always styled her hair every morning before going to school. It had become the main reason for her to keep her hair long. She loved it when her friends praised Masato’s dexterity.

“Then, do you want me to braid your hair with this style tomorrow?” Masato asked, smiling back at Harumi’s reflection.

“Yes, I would love to!”

“Pretty. _Oneechan_ pretty,” Mitsuki said. She was standing on her toes so that her short hand could reach the braid. “Daddy, this is pretty.”

“Do you want it, dear?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, come here,” he lifted Mitsuki to sit between his legs. Unlike Harumi, it was harder to comb the girl’s hair since she could not sit still. She was always animated and sometimes, she would giggle when the comb tickled her neck.

This was something that could not be replaced. It was always nice whenever Masato spent a bonding time with the girls every night. His sickness should never be a deterrent to him. He would ensure that not a lot of things in his family would be changed just because his health condition got poorer each day.

They spent some more time together, with Mitsuki insisted to draw his face. Yet, it ended up with a few crappy drawings which led her to cry hopelessly in Masato’s arms. The entertained Masato and Harumi managed to coax her to stop crying before Haruka sent both of them to sleep in their bedroom.

After pampering the girls with goodnight kisses, Masato rested against the headboard. He reached the blue mp3 player which was a gift from his teammate, Otoya. It contained all STARISH songs which hopefully would help him to retrieve his memory. He put on the black earphones, slowly relaxing as ‘Mirai Chizu’, one of STARISH’s old song echoed in his ears.

****_"So far, your memory lasted about a week or two.”_ ** **

On the spur of the moment, His doctor’s statement crossed his mind.

_It has been more than two weeks, right? Strangely enough, I still can remember everything,_  he thought.

He really did not want to lose this memory again. It was so priceless.

****_“We still can’t identify your disease.”_ ** **

_Seriously, where did it come from? How come my body suffers something like this_? He pondered, staring at his legs. The disease had callously limited his agility. Every time he was alone in the room, he tried to move his legs without having to cling to anything but he would collapse after two or three steps. So, as the alternative, he would use the furniture as his support. He still embraced the hope that someday, his legs would recover and he did not have to cause more trouble to Haruka. His heart sank every time the petite Haruka had to use her scarce strength to support him. Her body must feel ached due to his heavy frame.

He did ask her to pay a caretaker for him but she said…

****_“I can’t trust a stranger to look after you. Plus, I still can compose songs at home unless I have to attend a meeting. I can monitor your progress and maybe… when you see me every day, you will easily remember me every time you lose your memory again.”_ ** **

She did have a point. Plus, his friends always volunteered to look after him.

Suddenly, he could feel the bed dipping slightly before a soft kiss was pressed on his beauty mark, below his eye. As soon as his eyes snapped open, a pair of golden eyes came into his view. A loving smile followed suit, which was a blessing for his eyes.

“Are the girls asleep already?” He asked, softly. His hand settled through her silky hair, stroked it down to her neck.

“Yes, they are,” she replied. Masato had started to be more comfortable and affectionate to her so she could not ask for a better gift than this one. “You seem to enjoy the music. What are you listening to?”

“Original Resonance,” he answered, removing and rolling the earphones. He placed it on the table, together with the mp3 player.

“Oh, the song with Tokiya,” she supplied, smiling at the memory behind the song. She was inspired to write the song after she observed them working together in order to come up with the lyrics. The song suited them well, not to mention their sweet voices, also blended harmoniously.

“Is Tokiya always that talented in singing?” Masato asked. It sounded skeptical but he had his own reason.

“Yes, he is,” Haruka confirmed. “Back then, he was noted for his singing skill and considered as the main vocalist of STARISH.”

“Oh, really?” Masato’s eyes sized up. To his mind, the position really suited the guy. “But, he doesn’t sing nowadays, right?”

“Yes, he doesn’t,” Haruka lost her smile right away as another reality hit her mind.

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” Haruka shrugged. “Most probably he is just too busy with his movies but come to think of it, he loves singing so much. The Tokiya I know would try his best to find time for singing, especially with you guys.”

“I see,” he remarked. It was a bit frustrating when he started to care more about the guy but his lack of memory weighted him down from searching for the reason why Tokiya abandoned his singing career.

“Maybe you can encourage him to sing back, Masato? At least if it doesn’t fit his schedule, maybe he can sing together with you here and I will play the piano. You know, just for fun.”

“Huh, me?” Masato pointed at himself. “Why, though? Himura-san said to me that since I am Tokiya’s twin, I would be the right person to advise him so that he will take care of his health and what not but to be honest, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because I just met him once,” Masato reasoned out. “I don’t remember anything about him. I don’t know what he has gone through to the point of quitting something that he loves. I don’t know. For some reason, something told me that he’s not happy with his current job.”

“You noticed that too?” Haruka’s eyes sized up. She moved next to Masato, covering the duvet over their waists.

“Yeah, I did. My first impression of him is he is so different from the other guys. They are like the happy chatterboxes but Tokiya… he doesn’t talk or smile a lot. It feels like something has pressured him from enjoying himself. Or is he just that kind of person? A stoic, perhaps?”

“Yes, you can say that,” she said while playing with Masato’s fingers on her lap. “He got more open with us but most of the time, he tended to bottle up everything. It’s just his personality.”

For the rest of the night, Masato found himself thinking about Tokiya. Maybe it was too early for him to come up with a conclusion but he was positive that there were a lot of things about STARISH that were still hidden from his knowledge.

_Why the other guys avoided from talking about him as if he’s no longer a part of us?_  He questioned in his mind.  _Did they hide something from me?_

He really wanted the memory of their past now.

* * *

****The**** second blow pushed his face to his right side. A red liquid gushed from the corner of his lips but it failed to stop Otori from vomiting all his frustration to Eichii. Otori’s fatherly side was always strange and eerie. He never had this cheesy feeling where his heart would sink as soon as he realized that he hurt his son.

Rather, the only thing that he could focus on was how to make Eichii knew that his mistake was unpardonable that he deserved worse than the blows.

“You have never done a good job, Eichii! Never!” Otori yelled as the two pairs of purple eyes stared into each other. The sight of his pathetic son was so despicable that it would possibly bring more antagonism to him.

To him, it would be a divine if Tokiya was his son. He would utilize the guy for his own benefit, taking a revenge on Saotome whenever he wanted.

Unlike Eichii.

Never once, Eichii or HEAVENS made him proud of their achievement. No matter how many awards or recognitions they obtained after blood, sweat, and tears, Otori’s definition of attainment was when HEAVENS could make STARISH die out which would cause a cataclysm for Saotome.

He never realized that he was like a disturbing comedy for Eichii because Otori also never succeeded in achieving his wicked goal. Back then, the legendary singer had tried to brainwash Tokiya to join his company but it turned futile. Then, he ordered Eichii to mess Otoya up. Being blessed with an extraordinary dancing skill which was also one of the main reasons for STARISH’s popularity, Otoya was also the easiest target to manipulate due to his naive personality.

But, just like Tokiya, Otoya’s strong sense of loyalty with his teammates had stopped him from going astray. The twins’ collaboration in movies, theaters, and concerts afterward did not make the situation any better. So, other than Eichii, he was also the merriest person in the world when Masato fell sick.

This time, he forced Eichii to co-star with Tokiya with the hope that his son would overpower the guy with his great acting skill.

Yet, Saotome seemed to know more what he was doing when Masato was supposed to be on hiatus.

As expected, everything was downhill all the way. Everyone, just everyone’s attention turned to Tokiya and Masato. The reunion of the famous twins had made a very big impact and instantly received blanket coverage.

As for Eichii, it took all for him to not let the monster in him showed itself. It took all for the guy not to be off his rocker when Tokiya and Masato had been everyone’s center of attention. Sure, he had a small group of fans who still swooned over him but they quickly went to the twins’ direction which telling him right away that they were not really loyal to him. It also seemed like everybody just told him to quietly disappear from the interview so that all the concentration would go to both the blue heads.

He could not stand the situation any longer so he left shortly after the autograph signing, only to face Otori’s enmity afterward.

“Even Masato was added last minute, you are expected to overshadow them but what have you done!? You just sat there like a loser! And now, you claimed yourself and your stupid group can match their level!? Shame on you, Eichii!”

The familiar burning flowed through his veins. It was a taboo for him every time Otori insulted the group of people whom he shared the same passion with. He looked daggers at his father, matching the guy’s whenever he could not control his fury.

“Don’t say a word about my teammates, Dad,” he said, firmly. He was scared with his father. He really was but he always found himself flew off the handle whenever Otori belittled his teammates. “You can insult me but…”

Another slap hit his face and this time, his already loose glasses flew off. His nose ached from the sudden impact but it was nothing compared to the mental and verbal assault that Otori splattered on him.

“Get out of here! I don’t want to see your face, you loser!” Otori yelled as he pointed at the white door. His eyes were about to bulge from all the screams and blows.

‘The loser one is you. You can’t even beat Saotome-san’s success and instead, you made us even the score’ was what Eichii wanted to say but…

No, it’s okay. The time for Otori to learn that his eldest son was not a loser did not come yet.

After slowly picking up his broken glasses from the floor, he staggered towards the corridor. That was when he could feel the aches spread through his face. Since Otori was a sturdy man like his son, his bashes would certainly give more injuries. His eyes only fixed ahead, did not bother to throw any last glance at his father. He was beaten a lot before so he had grown accustomed to his father’s sides. One of them was Otori never felt even a slight guilt. Instead, he would eye Eichii like he was the most disgusting creature in the world.

Luckily there was no one around so he did not have to hide his bruised face.

Or so, he thought until his purple eyes caught the sight of Kira, his quiet but very observant teammate. From the way Kira stared at him, it was obvious that Kira was expecting him or…

It was obvious that Kira just heard the insanity from his father’s office.

_Why Kira, out of them? I wonder if he heard everything,_ he thought. His big hand quickly covered half of his face.

“Eichii…” The way Kira said his name answered the desperate questions in his head. He knew the guy for years so he could easily tell his tones apart.

“If you worry about HEAVENS, seal your mouth. Don’t even say a word to others.”

“But…”

“Don’t worry, Kira. I can bear it as long as he doesn’t touch you guys,” he said, indirectly stated that Otori was not a doting president who would never hurt his underlings especially for a petty reason. After all the abuse, he was too tired to sprinkle the amazing but fake facts about his father.

Meanwhile, as his yellow eyes could grasp Eichii’s bruised nose, Kira’s shoulders dropped. His assumption had always been right. Eichii, their leader was shouldering a certain and disturbing burden.

* * *

****It****  was late at night but it did not stop the four members of STARISH to hang out together. They might focus more on their personal life and solo projects but the friendship that was sustained since 17 years ago just glued them together. There was an unspeakable oath among them; maintaining their friendship no matter what happened.

Even somebody had grown distant from them.

Unlike Syo and Cecil who were sitting next to each other in order to speak ill of each others’ clothes, Otoya, the only redhead in the group was slurping the curry quietly. A wide grin spread across his face every time his tongue savored the sweetness.

“Otoya, you’re not even a customer. Why are you eating like one?” Cecil remarked after decided that he won his argument with Syo; the guy’s wardrobe was worse than his. The discord from the small guy no longer won his attention. “Your wife is the chef. I bet you eat hers every day, right?”

“That’s why I am eating like this,” Otoya said, still with his famous grin that could make people question his age due to the childish aura that he emitted. “It never feels this heavenly unless it’s her cooking.”

Plus, the answers that he threw to them… They were all sweetness and light. At last, nobody could stop him since he accidentally made other people feel impure. Yes, he was the co-owner of the restaurant but it did not stop Otoya from eating like their regular customers.

“Where is Natsuki by the way?” Cecil looked at Syo while stirring his tea. It was the habit of the youngest member of STARISH, asking where was everybody going since he loved it the most when all of them were together.

Except for the twins. Of course, they could not hang out together because of a very solid reason. Since the restaurant was just founded, Otoya had provided a VIP room which could fit seven people. It was something that Cecil and Syo could not comprehend until now.

****_“Why seven? It should be six,” was what Syo asked when he was informed about the room. “I still can understand if you said it’s for six people even Masato is in that condition, though.”_ ** **

****_Otoya just smiled at him which Ren deciphered it as, “Otoya hopes that someday, he’ll join us as well.”_ ** **

****_“You wish,” Syo made sure that nobody could hear him._ ** **

“Why are you always asking me about him? He’s still in the studio, shooting his children show,” Syo answered, grumpily.

“Oh, sorry for asking you. I thought that you don’t know that he’s shooting a children show,” Cecil said sardonically. Until now, Syo still could not accept the simple fact there was no one in this world would know more about Natsuki’s whereabouts other than him.

“If he’s here, he would disappear and join Otoya’s wife in the kitchen,” Ren, another scion in STARISH other than Masato remarked. “It’s always fun whenever he’s around. He has the ability to make you guys get a stomach ache from all the cooking.”

“The only one who thinks it’s fun is you, Ren,” Syo said. His face contorted with a very angry expression but unfortunately, he still looked adorable. “The rest of us have suffered greatly from his cooking but he still has a nerve for asking ‘what’s wrong with me cooking for you guys?’ That guy can be so stupid sometimes!”

Except for Ren, they were unwillingly reminded of a series of horrifying events once Natsuki set his foot into any kitchen. Mysteriously enough, no matter how many times an expert cook like Masato taught him, Natsuki still did not get it under his thick skull. The horror lasted since 17 years ago and sadly, Natsuki’s cooking skill did not prove any better.

But, the most exasperating part was…

“And for some reason, Ren always can escape from those uncool situations like getting a stomach ache,” Cecil pouted, eyeing the oldest member in STARISH in envy. “Even the cool Tokiya also suffered from food poisoning.”

“I know, right? That guy is so sensitive to unhealthy food. I have never seen anyone’s face can be as blue as his because of someone’s cooking,” Syo said.

Ren lifted his eyebrow at their remarks.

_These guys… they said they hate Tokiya but they naturally said his name whenever we reminisced about something like this,_  his mind said.

“So, what’s the reason for you to call us out here?” Ren interposed, finally bothered enough to lean forward after settling himself against the chair. His cyan eyes pierced at Syo, the reason for their late night rendezvous.

The small face of Syo slowly contorted into what Ren called as Syo’s infamously dissatisfied face.

“I believe you know what it is, Ren,” Syo said, gazing knowingly at the said guy. “I mean, what happened right now to Masato and the supposed to be T of STARISH.”

“Oh, do you mean the interview?” Ren asked back, almost immediately.

“Yeah, I watched that!” Otoya exclaimed, finally leaving his curry alone. Excitement glinted in his red eyes. “Tokiya is so sweet! I did feel bad for Masato but hey, Tokiya was there so I knew it shouldn’t be a problem. They looked so good together!”

“Of course it shouldn’t be a problem,” Syo said, sarcastically. He was not pleased with how positive Otoya took it when the situation did not agree with it. “That guy is a real pro anyway. He can change his persona from the greatest angel in the world to the worst demon in the world.”

“No need to say it like that, Syo. That’s mean,” Otoya said, softly. He was clearly frustrated when he thought that they were supposed to talk about it nicely.

“Well, Otoya… you know that Syo and I hate each other, right?” Cecil said, his thumb pointed at Syo. “But if I agree with him which is obviously a rare occasion, you can say that we’re absolutely right. We all know how great Tokiya’s acting skill is. We have lived with him for years before he decided to move out and ditch us.”

“Plus, that guy’s perfectionism is creepy. He’ll do anything so that nothing can mess up with his works. That guy is so hateful!” Syo supplied.

“Hateful? But just now, you guys were the one who mentioned…” Otoya was startled by a pat on his arm. Ren who was next to him was gesturing to him not to scold Syo and Cecil back.

“So your point is?” Ren asked. He had his own conclusion about Tokiya but until he met that guy face-to-face, it was always early to draw it out.

“My point is, all this time, we tried so hard to hide the truth about Tokiya from Masato since we were positive that they never met each other. But now, since he had met Masato, he had left some impression to the guy. I can see that Masato was amazed by his so-called professionalism. For sure, Masato will keep asking why that guy doesn’t seem to get along with us,” Syo reasoned out. He did not care if anybody would say that he just spoiled the fun for tonight since he believed, Masato was the first priority now.

“And of course, the last thing that we want it to happen to a sick guy is to make him worried about us. We all know Masato, right?” Cecil added.

This. The real problem.

“Then, we should patch up with Tokiya. Just forget that nothing happened between us in the first place,” Otoya suggested. Red eyes sized up with a hope that at least somebody would see eye to eye with him. At this kind of moment, he desperately needed Natsuki with him since the other three still harbored resentment against Tokiya.

But, his pure intention to make all of them united again just brought up the tension even Ren’s reaction was still much calmer.

_If only everybody has the same mindset as you, Otoya..._

“Seriously, Otoya! Why do you even bother to be chummy again with the jerk!? I know he’s your ex-roommate but it doesn’t mean you have to forgive and forget what he did to you, to us! Just because he’s popular, that doesn’t give him a right to insult us! Did you forget that already!? Seriously, a pacifist like you shouldn’t make friends with a disgusting stripper like him! It doesn’t give you any benefits!”

“Syo…”

“A shameless guy like him doesn’t deserve to be a part of STARISH. He was voted for the Heart-throb title because of his excessive fan services. If he’s so proud of the cheap popularity, to hell with him! I don’t want to be associated with someone like him!” Cecil remarked. It might sound too harsh for Otoya as he quickly lifted his head, looking daggers at the foreign guy.

_Here we go,_  Ren knew he had to step forward to pacify them. The three youngest members in STARISH got along well but they would jump down each other’s throat once the issue with Tokiya was mentioned. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The compassionate side...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos :D
> 
> Warning: A brief mention of a movie's bed scene

****“What****  do you think, Ren?” Otoya asked right after Syo and Cecil left the restaurant.

Just like that, they were separated into two teams; the neutral and Tokiya’s hater team. They used to confer on this matter and it was inevitably intense. It felt like a taboo to talk about Tokiya without giving rise to a dispute.

“They got a point and unlike us, they were there when Tokiya said those things to us. We didn’t share the same pain with them,” Ren said. “And we cannot expect them to accept everything like us. Everyone has their own way to deal with a wrangle.”

It was always easy to talk something momentous with Ren. Despite his laid-back tendency, he was like a very understanding brother among them. His insight about everything was always mature and far-sighted.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Otoya agreed, scratching his red head. “Maybe I am just being stupid. I always have this hope that we can solve this. We’ve been friends since before we debuted so I thought there is no way our friendship can be broken because of something like this.”

“No, Otoya. You’re not stupid,” the surprised Ren stroked Otoya’s smaller back, ensuring him. “In fact, we always need someone forgiving like you. Can’t you imagine how this world will turn out if everyone is stubborn and resentful like the rest of us? But, I must say that the real problem is we don’t know what Tokiya thinks about this.”

“I messaged him a few times,” Otoya replied, causing Ren to furrow his brow. “Asking what he’s doing and what not. I also updated him on Masato’s condition.”

“Did he reply?” Ren asked the thing that he was interested the most. He always had a guess that either the soft-hearted Natsuki or Otoya would at least try to keep in touch with Tokiya again.

“Sometimes, saying that he’s working,” Otoya said. It’s upsetting to know that his ex-roommate went back to the workaholic him.

When he believed that they managed to make Tokiya loosened up when it comes to his work.

“It’s quite vague. I wish I can talk face-to-face to him.”

After finding some information from Harumi, Ren’s bile withered away.

Tokiya did care about them. He just did not show it outright.

“Do you remember the day when Harumi found out about Masato’s memory loss?” Ren asked when Otoya did not show any sign to throw his next remark.

Otoya nodded as he sipped his drink. His red eyes fixed on Ren’s.

“She stormed off somewhere, right? I searched for her and that was when I found that she called Tokiya.”

“What?” Otoya muffled, biting the straw out of shock.

“She vented everything on Tokiya. Obviously, Harumi always called him for succor.”

“Which means… he’s actually…” Ren swore Otoya was about to cry out of glee. He even pushed his favorite drink aside.

“Yes, he does care about Masato’s family. I spoke with Harumi herself and she said, Tokiya always asked her about her father. In fact, Tokiya was the one who convinced her to be more understanding of Masato’s condition.”

Ren almost jumped when Otoya suddenly stood up, banging his palms on the table. The screeching sound from the chair due to the sudden movement did not make it any better for Ren’s hearing. The red eyes sparkled with a swift hope and as much as Otoya was a big adult who already had two sons, his childish side had become his second nature. It was something that his teammates had grown accustomed with.

“Then, there’s a hope, Ren! STARISH can be together again!” He lifted his fist in the air, resembling a determined warrior.

“Wow, easy, tiger,” Ren said with a string of chuckles while pulling Otoya to his chair back. He was afraid to break the redhead’s hope lest Tokiya still exacerbated their friendship. “First of all, we need to set a date so that all of us can hang out together including Tokiya.”

“But, how?”

“We need Haruka for this.”

Even both of them knew it would never be as easy as pie. There were still obstinate people in this crisis but the one who they needed to be considerate the most was…

Masato.

The guy could not know the words that Tokiya said to them three months ago.

****_“You guys know what!? I am so done with this STARISH’s friendship crap! I know I don’t deserve to be with the angels like you guys! I am just a stripper, the one who deserves to get burnt in hell! But one thing for sure, you guys are the losers! You guys are just so boring that you guys keep losing your fans to me. Shame on you guys!”_ ** **

They knew Tokiya was not always nice with his words but this time…

He just crossed the line. He broke everyone’s heart.

* * *

****A****  glass of water followed after he swallowed the pill. A few seconds passed when the blue eyes stared intently at a certain white bottle on the kitchen counter.

 _It has been so many years since I counted on you,_  Tokiya curved in a bitter smile at the thought. He knew it was weird that he chose to internally communicate with a bottle of drugs in this early morning.

Yet, as cheesy as it might sound, no words could describe how much he felt thankful to them.

Without them, he might lose his career and also his sanity which led him to lose his life as well.

It was enough. He just lost a bunch of precious people in his life so he did not need to lose more.

It was anguished to face up to.

As soon as he headed for the living room, he found his manager, sitting alone on the grey sofa. His face contorted in dissatisfaction as he was studying Tokiya’s new movie script.

Another movie with a ridiculous plot that he wanted to dissent so bad.

“Tokiya, are you sure you’re okay with this?” Himura asked, carefully. He closed the script harshly, indirectly showing his stand.

“Why?” Tokiya asked back. For some reason, he was standing still in the midst of the room while his right hand was pulled to his back.

“Well, how should I put this…” Himura sighed for the nth time when his brain seemed halting to choose more appropriate words. “I know your public image is… kind of…”

“Yes, I am a stripper so what’s the problem?” Tokiya cut him short. He never agreed with the use of ‘kind of’ when his public image was undoubtedly offensive.

“But this is too creepy, Tokiya,” at last, the brown-haired man voiced what he truly felt. He glowered at the script as if it was a horror novel with a chilling ghost as the cover. “Your scenes with the heroine… Man, how come they have the audacity to shoot those kinds of scenes? What kind of lewd things do they make you…”

“I  _am_  a stripper, remember?” When he repeated the same sentence like a robot, it demonstrated enough clue for Himura that he was worried about nothing. “Plus, this is my job. I have to be professional no matter how lewd those scenes might be.”

“Well, as a manager and not a professional celebrity like you, I never understand that term when it’s according to your logic. How come that word has anything to do with the fact that the director can exploit an actor to do those indecent scenes? If they want to express love or something, there are so many things they can do. Just a simple thing like giving a flower can express love between the two main characters.”

“But I have to make the scenes real. The audience nowadays enjoys more realism so…”

“Enjoy realism as in fantasizes about your body, doing yada yada yada with them?” Himura interrupted him with a smirk. He deliberately said those words in a slow manner, with the hope that it could penetrate Tokiya’s thick skull. “All I can see every time I read your movie scripts was they romanticize abusive relationship. Most of your characters are hot but cruel. The saddest thing is the heroines still stupidly love them. Lucky for me, I don’t have a daughter. Or else, I might spend every night thinking how am I going to raise her when the TV and internet keep promoting these kinds of movies. Not to mention  _you_ ’re the hero.”

“Himura-san, why are you being so serious all of sudden? Normally, you’re…” Something just struck in his head. That was when he realized why Himura would disappear sometimes until he was done with his movie shooting.

It was because Himura thought that…

“Of course, it’s a serious thing that needs a serious consideration,” Himura cut him short with the next sarcasm. “Those scenes are disgusting and offensive.”

 _Yeah, I know it. He thought that I am disgusting,_  Tokiya thought, trying his hardest not to be upset.

“But you are not, Tokiya. You’re not disgusting,” their eyes locked together and Tokiya could not see the look of disgust from Himura anymore. Instead, it was soft and full of care. “If you used a double for those kinds of scenes, I would never be this angry. I don’t know them so they can do whatever they want but I know you, Tokiya. I know inside your heart, you hate to be used like that, right?”

“No,” Tokiya said, trying hard to maintain his poker face. He did not want anyone’s empathy, including his own manager. “Never. All I thought that since I am a stripper, I should do my job properly to fulfill the expectation. They expected me to be as racy as possible and I should do that.”

“You liar,” Himura said. Tokiya knew his manager was about to snap but he decided to ignore it. “The Tokiya I know is off-screen which means, he is just a decent guy who doesn’t enjoy touching the girls. Instead, he loves simple things like children and books. Those things are not even close with his on-screen title. Trust me. With those qualities, people can see the different shell of you. Instead of seeing you like a cold alpha male or whatever they call you, people will change their opinion about you and who knows, you will find your true love. You will find someone who doesn't only love your good looks."

"My true love..." Tokiya as he let his eyes wandered. "Does someone like that really exist, Himura-san?" 

"What?" 

"Masato deserved Haruka because he's a saint. They're a match from heaven," Tokiya said, staring at his other hand who had touched so many girls for his acting. "But, me... someone filthy like me, is there someone out there who will love me sincerely, Himura-san? Can she and her family accept my past?"

"Tokiya, don't say that," Himura stood, heading for Tokiya. He was oblivious of the fact that he just let himself getting into Tokiya's trap. 

“No, it's okay. Just what's wrong with me? Being poetic all of sudden,” Tokiya chuckled bitterly before throwing a suggestive look at his manager. "But before I start working, I want to say that I am truly sorry, Himura-san."

"What? Why?" 

Tokiya formed a wide smile as he brought his hand forward, which he had his perfume. That was when Himura realized that Tokiya always had his right hand on his back. “Because I want you to wear this.”

Without a further warning, he sprayed his favorite perfume over Himura’s body, sending the manager to gasp out of surprise. “I know you are embarrassed to use the one that I bought for you so now when I also had it, we’re even. Now, you matched your artist's smell.”

“What!?”

For the rest of the morning, Tokiya got an earful again; this time for randomly spraying a perfume over his manager.

At least, he managed to divert Himura’s attention from convincing him that his personality was way more beautiful than his physical appearance.

What a person did not feel touched when someone sincerely showed his care for him? It was not like he did not appreciate Himura’s compassion but he truly did not need it.

* * *

****Ostensibly,****  the fate decided to bless Tokiya’s afternoon break with an encounter with Natsuki. Knowing the big guy, he would never enjoy his peace for the whole day. He knew Natsuki had a regular shooting for a children show in the same studio but they rarely bumped into each other.

“Tokiya!!” Natsuki screamed excitedly, running like a hunting tyrannosaurus towards the stiff Tokiya. The next thing he realized was Natsuki already trapped him into his genial hug. “It’s nice to see you! Are you shooting a movie here?”

_It’s… nice? Which part?_

“Yes. Are you taking a break?” Tokiya glanced through his shoulder since Natsuki did not show any sign to pull away.

Three months passed since he avoided all his teammates including this guy but for some reason, Natsuki always could find him. He even acted like they were just drifting apart solely because of their works and not because of their fracas.

“Yes, I am! I want to buy some foods for the children. You’re taking a break as well, right? Let’s meet them! They are all so cute! I bet you’ll love to play with them.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Tokiya remarked, almost immediately. Obviously, he felt so awkward and it was also clear that Natsuki decided not to bother with it.

_I don’t think so, Natsuki. The parents of the kids won’t allow a stripper like me to approach their kids._

His friendship with Natsuki was what they could describe as oil and water. He found that sometimes, it was hard for the reserved him to keep up with Natsuki’s energetic pace. While his duet song with Natsuki, ‘Still, Still, Still’ was depicted as heavenly since both of them had an outstanding singing skill, Tokiya had a funnier story to tell.

It was also a ‘horror’ story since all they had done after their recording session was sharing their opinion about love and when Tokiya vented his sincere perspective, Natsuki took his answer too dramatically. Natsuki ended up crying before holding him high. For the first time in Tokiya’s tranquil life, he shouted desperately for help and ended up feeling nauseous for the rest of the day.

It also managed to serve as a traumatized experience for Tokiya but because of the big guy, he got more comfortable with his friends when it comes to skin contact.

“I miss you… No, we miss you, Tokiya,” the soft voice reached his ears when he could feel Natsuki tightened his hug.

Tokiya pretended not to hear the confession.

Natsuki knew Tokiya never responded whenever he said that all of them missed him. Most probably, the blue head did not feel the same as them.

Or maybe Tokiya just did not believe in him when in fact, he was saying the truth. Most of them might criticize Tokiya but Natsuki knew they missed the guy.

They just did not find the chance or moxie to say it out loud.

“Are you okay, Tokiya? Your face looks dreadful,” Natsuki asked, patting his back continuously. It was his infamous way of showing affection and care. It was also the way he fulfilled the awkward moment when he lacked Tokiya’s response.

“I am okay,” Tokiya replied, patting Natsuki’s wider back in return. He could hear some staffs around them squealing to see them hugging.

STARISH was _used_  to be admired for their brotherhood anyway.

“Did they bully you? Did they force you to do something indecent again?” It was the familiar tone that Natsuki would use whenever he knew his teammate was burdened with problems.

“No. Why are you even asking that?”

“Beats me…” Natsuki sighed. He did not even bother to pull away. They were talking about something private anyhow. “I just heard a weird rumor and it reminded me of you.”

“A rumor?”

“Yes. These guys said something like there are some perverted directors or producers who always take advantage of some hot actors. You know, they will ask them to have a secret relationship or something else that I believe… it’s about obscene things.”

Tokiya did not notice that he was holding his breath as soon as Natsuki’s remarks reached his ears. His hand which reached Natsuki’s back balled into a quivering fist.

“I know it’s just a rumor but I can’t help but worry about you. You are the Heart-throb anyway. I bet you will be their target as well.”

_Why, Natsuki? Why do you even bother to…_

“They didn’t harass you, right? You’re safe from that, right, Tokiya?”

He knew Natsuki did not mean any harm. He just showed his care outright but nevertheless…

It felt like a punch for Tokiya who was indeed one of the victims.

“No, they didn’t,” he said, pulling away from the hug. He himself felt unconvinced with his answer but he desperately hoped that it was enough for Natsuki.

“That’s a relief then,” Natsuki’s shoulders visibly dropped out of contentment and it stung Tokiya’s heart. “I am so afraid that something terrible like that will happen to you out of those people.”

Tokiya was staring at everywhere but Natsuki. Maybe it was the time for him to leave the guy now before he was bombarded with another disturbing question again.

“Oh, I almost forgot about that!” Natsuki exclaimed while clasping his big hands together, sending Tokiya recoiled. “Did it feel good to see Masato again?”

“Huh?”

“The interview! I am glad you could smile that way, Tokiya. It must feel so comfortable to have your teammate around, right? Right?”

No answer from Tokiya who desperately found a reason to leave the corridor as soon as possible.

“I guess my plan worked so well!”

“What?” Tokiya’s eyes returned to Natsuki’s. The blue pair sized up amusingly. “Natsuki, what do you mean?”

“This time, I’ll make sure that you’ll visit Masato at his house. I bet he’s waiting for you, Tokiya!”

“Wait, what?”

Instead of answering him, Natsuki immediately left the speechless Tokiya in the middle of the corridor.

“Good luck for your next rendezvous with him, Tokiya! Just remember that I did all of these because I love you guys!” In the blink of an eye, the tall figure disappeared to who-knows-where.

Tokiya was still staring at the same direction with his mouth slightly opened.

_Natsuki, why?_

* * *

****_Natsuki,_ ** ** _why!?_

Tokiya kept mentally chanting the same name even after a few days especially when he was standing right in front of Masato’s house. Even nobody told him, he was positive that the big guy was the reason why his greedy president was kind enough to make his schedule free for the sake of visiting Masato.

Natsuki was an extreme go-getter. He always had a wide smile on his face but Tokiya was one of the six lucky people who knew that the smile did not always mean something good for everyone.

 _Maybe just for today,_  he thought.

When he was still pounding over knocking on the door, it was slowly wide open from inside, revealing the beaming Haruka. The composer was so excited to receive his call this morning so her reaction did not appear as a surprise for him.

Except for the fact that she looked so beautiful every time she smiled.

“Hi, Tokiya!” she waved at him cutely. “You’re coming!”

“Yes, I am,” he said, sounded more robotic than he intended to. Unconsciously, he returned her wave, which made her chuckled.

“Oh, what’s wrong with us? Waving childishly at each other,” Haruka remarked, naughtily.

“It’s your fault. You started it first,” Tokiya said with the same tone before putting his hand down.

“I am sorry. I am just too excited,” she remarked, honestly. “Please come in, Tokiya.”

“Thank you. Sorry for the disturbance,” he said slowly, allowing himself into the big house which held so many memories for him as a STARISH member.

This was one of their regular places to practice their songs but since a few years ago, he rarely dropped by here.

He tried his best to ignore Masato and Haruka’s big wedding picture as he passed the living room.

* * *

****Despite****  the fact that Haruka asked him to get into Masato’s room right away, Tokiya was standing still behind the ajar door. He looked emotionless but no words could describe how much his heart shattered apart as soon as the sight of Masato, who was trying his hardest to walk on his own reached his eyes. When the scion was panicky with the possibility of giving way, he quickly clung to the closet from his side. His hands were shaking from using all his energy in order to support his weight.

Masato, his friend was struggling.

Just like other guys, he knew Masato long enough to think that the guy did not deserve this kind of hindrance. The guy also shared his dream with Tokiya.

****_“I want to be healthy enough to survive more than 50 years. I hope I will die after I see my children get married and have children too. It’ll be the greatest moment for me and Haruka. Oh, I want to see your family too, Tokiya. I bet your children will be adorable.”_ ** **

Tokiya also knew well enough about Masato’s disease, thanks to Otoya’s messages.

Masato’s percentage to survive was very low.

For once, his loving and loyal side led and pushed him to walk towards Masato. He walked so slow that when he finally caught Masato’s attention, the scion almost lost his grip on the closet out of shock.

“Oh, hey, Tokiya,” the blue eyes sized up. Obviously, he did not want to be caught in such a position. “Since… Since when…”

“Just now,” the said guy said, flatly. “Want me to help you?”

“Huh?”

“Come on, hold my arms. I will guide you step by step,” he stretched out his arms to Masato’s side, expecting the guy to cling to them.

For whatever reason, the usual stubborn Masato did not say anything about Tokiya’s sudden help. Instead, he slowly grasped Tokiya’s arms. The vast difference between Masato’s skinny arms and Tokiya’s muscular arms were visible once they were entwined with each other.

When Masato exclaimed softly for Tokiya’s strength, for the other blue head, his heart shattered again.

“Be careful,” Tokiya said, slightly bent his knees as Masato almost collapsed. “It’s okay. I got you.”

“Thank you, Tokiya.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Seconds passed with Tokiya slowly moved backward, helping Masato to move his legs.

“Since when have you done this?” Tokiya asked, eyes still fixed on Masato’s fragile legs.

“Huh? Since… Since two weeks ago, I guess,” Masato answered, nervously.

“Then, let’s see the progress, shall we?”

“But…”

“It’s okay. I will catch you if you collapse. Trust me,” Tokiya’s voice still echoed the same vibe of coldness. The idol did not sound as friendly as his teammates but for some reason, the care that he emitted matched theirs.

Masato knew he was blessed with a circle of great friends.

“Tokiya.”

“Hm?”

“Can you please not to tell Haruka about this? I don’t want her to get worried.”

“Sure. My mouth is sealed.”

Little did they know, Haruka was watching them from the ajar door. A small smile plastered over her face as she saw the cold Tokiya showed his compassionate side again after drifting apart from them for so long.

_Thank you, Tokiya._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyyy, that's all for chapter 9! I just can't move on from "Still, Still, Still" drama CD that I just had to include one of the scenes in this chapter. I love the interaction between Natsuki and Tokiya >< Okay, enough with the ramble. It'll make me happy if you can drop a comment for this chapter. Thank you for reading! 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Rostary-chan from Wattpad! I can't thank her enough for her support ^^

****“Be****  careful… slowly,” unconsciously comporting like a nurse, Tokiya assisted Masato to head for his chair. His right hand moved to Masato’s back, supporting the scion so that he could sit comfortably. “Is it comfortable? Or do you want to lean back more?”

“That’s okay. I feel comfortable enough so you also should take your seat,” Masato said, smiling all the way when Tokiya obeyed him and settled himself in another chair. “Really, thank you so much, Tokiya. It’s a great help even the progress is…”

“It took you five steps before you collapsed. That’s great already,” Tokiya cut him short. Even he was still wearing his infamous poker face, anybody could sense that he was heartening his friend. “When the doctor said that it’s impossible for you to walk again.”

“Haha. I guess my hard work did pay off, right?” Masato never had the slightest idea that his smile was the one thing that Tokiya needed in this circumstance after witnessing his friend suffering. “Putting that aside, I can’t believe I can see you again this soon. I mean… I just watched your drama this morning and this afternoon, you are sitting right in front of me! This feels like a meeting with a celebrity.”

If there was anything that made Tokiya unsettled was to match up Masato’s upbeat vibes. All he could do was smiling until his face muscle felt ached due to the unnatural state.

"Are you really free today?” Despite Tokiya’s dearth of responses, it did not dishearten Masato from throwing next questions. “If you still have work, you don't have to..."

"It's okay. I am free," Tokiya cut him short.

 _Specially made to visit you, apparently,_  his mind supplied.

"I see. But..." Masato stared at Tokiya for a few seconds before averting his gaze at their reflection in the big mirror which was placed behind Tokiya. "The more I look at it, the more similar we are to each other. It’s amazing!"

Tokiya knew there was no need for him to see their reflection. Out of those people on the earth, he would be the one who did not need such a reminder. Yet, he still could not help but turn to the mirror.

Indeed. They were very similar. Even Tokiya’s hair was darker in color, followed by Masato’s beauty mark under his eye, the rest of the striking features were very similar which fascinated everybody who saw them together.

"Yeah, that's what people out there always told us whenever they saw us together," Tokiya said, turning again to face Masato.

"I know right? But..." Masato’s eyes still fixed on him. "Now that I have a better look on you, you are so handsome, Tokiya. Like a doll. You even look more striking than when you appeared on TV."

Awkward chuckles escaped from Tokiya’s thin lips. It felt weird to be complimented on his look by someone with the similar face. "We  _are_  similar so…"

"Hey, don't say that," Masato exclaimed shyly. Despite his amnesia, he was still quick to catch Tokiya’s ambiguous words. Just like the old him."Even we do look similar, everybody will say that you are much more attractive and well-built. I already lost my shape."

 _Yeah, you did lose your shape,_  Tokiya mentally admitted. Again, his eyes settled on Masato’s skinny arms which were revealed under his yukata sleeves.

‘How come?’ was the only thing he could ask in his mind. Their body sizes were also similar so he still remembered how sturdy Masato was before he got himself ill.

His mind still kept the memory when Syo pestered Masato and him to do an arm-wrestling since the lad was curious about their strength. The others even gasped dramatically when they compared the twins’ arm size since no one could tell the difference apart.

But now, the disease had slowly taken the old Masato away from them.

“What’s wrong, Tokiya?” Masato’s bewildered voice snapped him back to reality. “Oh, I am sorry. My arms must look unsightly to you.”

“No, they don’t!” Tokiya was slightly panicky when Masato quickly covered his arms with his sleeves. The idol internally cursed himself for being tactless.

“They look pathetic, right? Unlike yours,” even Masato did not mean any harm, his melancholic speech felt like a slap across Tokiya’s face.

“No, I swear they don’t,” as Tokiya was haunted by a shot of guilt, his eyes caught the sight of a bag of melon bread which he placed on the edge of the table earlier. “Oh, by the way… I brought melon bread for you.”

It was weird when nobody noticed the presence of the big plastic bag but for Tokiya, the weirdness was a blessing from the God. It quickly served as the best way to stop Masato from belittling himself.

“Waaa, melon bread,” as soon as Tokiya pushed the plastic bag towards him, unlike during their previous meeting, Masato was thrilled to receive them. His blue eyes lit up and for a second, he reminded Tokiya of the blue-haired version of Otoya who would be in seventh heaven once someone cooked him a pot of curry.

The typical Masato could eat the bread all day. But, what Tokiya did not expect the most was his happy friend atypically and quickly took a bite.

“Hmm, it’s maple syrup!” Masato exclaimed, incoherently. His cheeks were puffy from the amount of bread that he had stuffed in his mouth and this childish side of him was quite amusing for his friend. “It’s so delicious! Thank you, Tokiya.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Oh, I am sorry. This is so improper from me,” Masato beamed shyly while his hand covered his stuffed mouth. Much to Tokiya’s surprise, Masato fished out another bun before handing it to him. “Here, let’s eat it together.”

“It’s okay. They’re all yours. You don’t have to…” The more Tokiya waved his hand to accentuate his words, the more he could feel the texture of the bun, touching his palm.

“Don’t be shy. Just take it! Plus, your stomach is all growling. Are you that hungry?” Masato said before casually pointing at Tokiya’s stomach.

Most probably Tokiya was too busy being worried and awkward so he did not even feel his hunger. His face turned red, caused his eyes to wander to each angle of the room.

 _This is so embarrassing!_ His mind screamed.

“Hahaha. Tokiya, are you embarrassed? Please don’t be. Just eat it and you will feel great. As Haruka said, it will feel more enjoyable to eat something nice together. Come on.”

 _Urgh! How did it turn into something like this!?_ Tokiya swore his head would explode due to the overloading embarrassment.

“Thanks,” Tokiya hesitantly accepted the bun before eating it slowly. His eyes locked on the floor, ignoring Masato’s chummy smile.

He used the Masato’s favorite food so that he could stop Masato from belittling himself but he ended up humiliating himself.

“By the way, what’s that? Is it a diary or…”

It’s not his personality to randomly question somebody’s belonging in their own room and the reason for its existence but now, he still felt too embarrassed about his growling stomach. He was that desperate to change the topic.

“Huh? Yes…” Masato took his diary from the edge of his seat before placing it on his lap. “It is my diary. I wrote down everything I observed. Your name will be here soon.”

“Oh…”

“But there is one thing that makes me wonder,” Masato said. His hand was busy flipping the pages all way to the end of the diary until he found the page that he looked for. He lifted the diary to match Tokiya’s eye level, revealing the folded papers which were glued onto the hardcover. “For some reason, the old me wrote something like he doesn’t want anybody to read the paper including myself. That’s weird.”

“And… you still haven’t read it?” Tokiya asked back.

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“Because he doesn’t allow me to do so.”

“But don’t you feel curious enough?” Tokiya asked again. If it were him, he would read it as soon as he found it.

“I do but…” Masato smiled as he closed the diary. “I am kind of scared.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like something tells me not to. The old me must think that my current condition doesn’t allow me to know what I shouldn’t know, right?”

 _Good point,_  Tokiya thought.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“And I got that feeling from you guys too,” Masato added, holding Tokiya’s eyes for some reason.

“As in…?”

“I feel like you guys are hiding something from me.”

_Oh…_

“But, that’s okay. I believe judging from how caring you guys are, maybe you guys just don’t want me to be worried about something, right?”

 _Yeah, and there is another thing that you shouldn’t know too,_ Tokiya thought.

_You shouldn’t know that I used to hate you._

* * *

****“We****  have a song together, right!?” Masato asked, too bright and sudden, which almost made Tokiya chocked his drink. Haruka, who just joined them after offering Tokiya a cup of tea and some cookies also flinched away from her husband.

“Ye…Yeah,” Tokiya coughed, restraining himself to embarrass himself even more even the heat from the tea felt like it burnt his throat.

“Tokiya, are you okay?” Masato and Haruka asked in chorus which Tokiya replied with an ‘OK’ sign. However, the former received a soft hit on his arm from his wife.

“Of course he’s not okay, dear. You sounded like you wanted to pick a fight with him,” Haruka clarified. “Even I am also surprised by your voice.”

“But you also asked him if he’s okay or not,” Masato whined.

“It’s called courtesy, my dear,” Haruka replied sardonically.

“Hey, hey, guy. It’s okay,” Tokiya tried to interrupt but the couple was busy mocking each other. Of course, they would never punch each other but…

Behind their mockery, Tokiya was not stupid to decipher it as their way of displaying their affection to each other.

It hurt and he certainly did not want to witness their lovey-dovey moments.

“It’s not like I am getting a heart attack or something,” Tokiya added. “What’s your question again, Masato?”

“Original Resonance,” Masato said with a wide grin.

“What?”

_Why the hell did he mention a song from 15 years ago?_

“That’s our song, right?” Masato asked. He habitually grabbed Haruka’s smaller hand before stroking it.

“Yes… it is. Why?” Tokiya glanced at their connected hands before returning his focus to his friend.

"It’s because it’s my favorite song,” Masato exclaimed brightly. “And I really love your voice. It's so soothing and sweet. You sure are perfect, you know. You are good-looking, you can sing..."

"Nah, yours is also very sweet, Masato," he complimented back. Given the situation and with Haruka was around, he somehow could read where the conversation would lead him to.

One of them would ask about his singing which had become solely a history in his life.

"But, you don't sing nowadays, right? If you don’t mind…” Tokiya could see that Masato was eyeing Haruka, indirectly asking his wife’s green light to ask the idol a certain question. “May I know why?”

_Bingo!_

“I just don’t have time. The movies offer came all at once and…” Tokiya was interrupted by a phone vibration from his jeans pocket.

 _Himura-san!_  He mentally exclaimed as the said name appeared on the screen. When Himura called, it was always about his works. He desperately hoped that his schedule had to be changed and he had to attend a talk show, movie shooting, or any studio which created an excuse for him to leave the house.

Asking him about his singing career meant he had to reveal the secret why he ditched his teammates. He was not ready to tell anyone about it in any way, especially with Haruka was around.

“Hello, Himura-san.”

When Tokiya was talking with his manager, Haruka patted Masato’s arm, ready with her question.

“I thought that you don’t want to ask him about his singing?” Haruka whispered while her golden eyes glanced at Tokiya carefully.

“I was curious,” Masato whispered back. “I can’t help it. The more I listen to his songs, the more I think that it’ll be a waste for his talent if he quits singing.”

“Oh…” Haruka nodded, satisfied with the answer.

_That makes two of us, Masato. Plus, Tokiya looked the happiest when he sang with you guys._

“Okay, bye,” Tokiya pressed the ‘off’ button, eyes diverted to the couple. “I am sorry but I have to leave first. There is a slight change in my movie schedule and I have to attend a shooting now.”

“Oh, really?” Masato sighed, unable to cover his disappointment.

As someone who had known Tokiya since 17 years ago, Haruka could spot a relief written over the idol’s face, especially when he stood up right away from his seat.

_I can see that you’re happy to leave the question unanswered, Tokiya. Just what are you trying to hide from us?_

"So, when can we meet again?" Masato asked hopefully as he shook hands with his friend.

"Huh? Hmm... I can't guarantee that. I need to confirm with my manager first,” Tokiya said.

"Oh, really? Feel free to come here again, Tokiya. I really like talking with you. I can see why everybody calls us twins. Even I don’t remember you, I feel comfortable with you already," Masato remarked, finally releasing Tokiya’s hand from his.

 _Which part of our conversation did he like, though? I think it's boring because I sounded awkward,_  Tokiya pondered.

"Me too. I also enjoyed our conversation."

 _Yeah, right,_  his mind scoffed at him right away.

"By any chance, if you come here again, can we sing 'Original Resonance'? We can have Haruka to play piano for us. Right, Haruka?" Masato turned to his wife. Her shoulders rose and both the men could see how contented she was with the idea.

"Of course we can! Waaa, what a memory to hear you guys sing that song again," Haruka clutched her hands together. "You don't mind, right, Tokiya?"

Tokiya forced a sincere smile, did not want those two had the idea that he never agreed with the suggestion.

_Just what have I done to be stuck with this couple?_

All of sudden, the thrill that he obtained after he received a call from Himura felt pointless.

"Sure, it will be interesting," Tokiya remarked.

“Haruka, do you have a second?” Masato gave a short wave to his wife, which Haruka came to his side right away.

“Yes?” Haruka lowered her ear, listening intently at Masato’s mysterious instruction.

The composer’s face lit up as she took a glance at Tokiya.

“Okay, I will!”

_What are they doing?_

* * *

****Tokiya**** was standing in the middle of the living room, shifting his gazes between Haruka and the tiffin carrier in her hands.

“What is this?” Tokiya asked skeptically, ignoring Haruka’s lively smile.

“Your favorite food,” Haruka answered cheerfully. She quickly added when Tokiya still put on his confused face, “It has ginger rice,  _miso_ salmon,  _miso_ soup, and some spring rolls. Masato asked me to give them to you since you didn’t eat properly today.”

_That’s… that’s what he whispered to her?_

“He said that? It’s unnecessary,” in order to conceal his happiness and guilt over Masato’s care, his reaction was slightly strong. He anxiously pushed the carrier but Haruka was not the one to give up easily.

“It’s okay, Tokiya. I bet he’s… No, I bet we are all worried about you so just take this as a treat from your friends.”

“But, Haruka, the tiffin…”

“You can return it whenever you want. Plus, this won’t be your first and last visit, right?” Haruka eyed him hopefully.

“Well, I… I don’t know about that.”

“At least please take it for Harumi,” Haruka smiled sweetly. “She always asked me either you eat properly or not. She knew how hard her beloved uncle has worked.”

Tokiya’s heart sank at the thought of the girl. He missed her so much. It was unfortunate that she was still in school or else, meeting her was like a fresh breath of air.

_She had to mention Harumi in this kind of situation, didn’t she?_

“Well, if you said so,” Tokiya sighed heavily as his hand hesitantly took the holder. “Please tell Masato that I really appreciated his kindness and please tell Harumi that she doesn’t have to be worried. Her uncle can take care of himself.”

“Then… when is the next one?”

“Hmm?” He lifted his eyebrow, pretending not to catch her words.

“I mean, when will you come here again? You know that everyone in this house always welcomes you, right? Harumi even said that she missed your singing and wished that you will sing for her when she meets you.”

“And that’s why you made the naïve Masato ask me about my singing?” Tokiya asked. As the slight sarcasm hit her mind, Haruka timidly nodded.

It was an unnerving silence. Haruka knew it was her turn to talk but the way Tokiya stared at her with a very serious expression intimidated her gumption.

She was curious but she knew, it would never be easy once Tokiya decided to seal his mouth.

“I can’t help it,” Haruka said, fingers playing with each other. “I asked everyone just what happened to make you grew distant from us but they don’t have any idea either. I believe you have the answer, Tokiya.”

 _Where’s Himura-san when I need him to be here as soon as possible?_  Tokiya’s mind remarked. His blue eyes glanced at the window, expecting his manager to come any sooner.

“It’s nothing, really,” Tokiya denied, almost immediately. “It’s just that when all of you guys have your own life, own family to take care of, I think that’s bound to happen. I also have a lot of projects to deal with…”

“But Natsuki and Cecil are a single guy like you,” Haruka reasoned out. “I don’t think you’ll have any problem to meet or hang out with them frequently, right?”

“Besides their idol works, they still have family and other things to take care of. Unlike me.”

She knew what he implied. Natsuki and Cecil still had their own personal life to attend to.

But Tokiya, it was vice versa. He spent almost 21 years out his life in slaving away as an idol so his personal life and his job was basically the same thing to him. He needed his job to stay alive and sane.

On the spur of the moment, they could hear a cute voice, followed by the sound of a closed door.

“Mummy?”

“Mummy?” Tokiya mimicked the cute sound from the corridor playfully. “Is it Mitsuki?”

“Yes,” Haruka said. She glanced at Tokiya bitterly as she recognized that the guy just dodged their earlier conversation. “Yes, dear! Mummy is here.”

Due to his distant friendship with his teammates since a few years ago, Tokiya rarely met Mitsuki who was only three years old. Compared to Harumi, he bet that the small girl most probably would not recognize him. Despite being skeptical, his loving side to kids kicked in and he could not wait to see her.

As soon as he saw her walking slowly towards them with messy hair, he could see how much Mitsuki resembled her mother. It felt like he just returned to 30 years ago and met the child version of Haruka.

Her face looked perplexed but it did not stop the girl from heading towards her uncle. While rubbing her eyes to overcome her sleepiness, her eyes still held Tokiya’s face.

“Hi, Mitsuki,” he greeted as he kneeled down in order to match her height. “How are you? I bet you don’t recognize me, right? This is Tokiya  _ojichan_.”

The said girl did not show any reaction. She gazed blankly at the man and for a second, Tokiya thought she would cry out of terror once she realized that she did not know this stranger.

“Daddy!” She exclaimed suddenly before hugging him tightly.

 _Wh…What?_ Tokiya blinked as that was the only reaction he could convey. _Did she just mistake me for her father?_

“Mommy, Daddy can walk! Daddy can walk!” She pulled away, holding his knee. She jumped like a rabbit while forming a wide smile at Haruka.

As much as Tokiya found that this mini Haruka was so cute, he had another problem to deal with.

“No, dear. That’s your uncle,” Haruka said, struggling to pull herself together. If truth be told, this kind of situation had daunted a certain memory in her head and she did not want to think of it anymore. “Daddy is in his room.”

“Huh? Not Daddy?” Mitsuki tilted her head, gazing questioningly at her mother.

“No, this is Tokiya  _ojichan_ ,” Tokiya supplied, pointing at himself.

“Daddy?” Mitsuki replied as a finger poked Tokiya’s chest.

_“Ojichan.”_

“Daddy?”

_“Ojichan.”_

_“Ojichan?”_

“Daddy. Huh? No, I mean…”

“Yeayy, it’s Daddy!” Mitsuki said, lifting her short arms cheerfully.

This kid was dangerous. Apparently, she could easily manipulate Tokiya.

“Waaaa, I can’t believe this! Your daughter is so cheeky, Haruka,” Tokiya exclaimed, staring at the small girl lovingly while his hand caressed her silky hair. "Your reaction is the same as your sister. She also mistook me for your Daddy." 

The composer always liked to see a stoic as Tokiya played with children but when Mitsuki called him ‘Daddy’, it disturbed her.

It  _really_  disturbed her even it did not have anything to do with Mitsuki.

“Yeah, she is,” Haruka said, slowly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next meeting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mention of physical abuse

****“Okay,**** Shibuya-san, Ichinose-san! Next pose, please… okay, that’s so charming! Please hug each other tightly!”

“Were you okay last night? Did something happen?” As soon as Tokiya threw a question, he could sense that Tomochika’s body turned taut in his arms. Photoshoot had become so customary to them that they already mastered the art of ‘talking while keeping their aesthetic and model - esque’ face expression.

Even when Tomochika currently restrained herself from wincing in pain every time Tokiya unknowingly touched her bruises.

“Of course I was. Why?” The long-haired woman remarked. A piercing gaze from Tokiya was overwhelming for her in order to throw more white lies.

It did not make her emotion any better when Tokiya’s question jogged her memory about what happened to her last night. It was thorny and frightening but she had to be strong in front of her friend. The fact that Tokiya would know the fissure in her relationship was the last thing that she wanted it to happen.

She did not want anybody to know Eichii’s true colors.

“It’s because somebody called me last night, all drunk and gave me a bedtime story about how loving her fiancé is. That somebody made me  _really_  worried.”

The sardonic remark sent the gorgeous woman to bite her lips.

_Urghh, this is mortifying! Why Tokiya, out of all people!? Did I call him since I fought with Eichii because of him?_

“The whole world already knows how much you guys love each other,” Tokiya said, flatly. He did not even bother to tell Tomochika to stop blushing since his mind stored another more important subject. “You don’t have to tell me again. What matters the most is please don’t randomly call a guy, saying that you’re alone in your house and what not. It’s so dangerous. Who knows what might happen if you end up calling other guys as well?”

 _I know it. This Heart-throb is concerned about this,_  Tomochika’s mind whispered.

“But… I just called you like…once, right?”

The dark blue eyebrows were lifted which was the obvious answer.

“Then, is it twi…”

“It’s seven times since we have worked together for the movie,” the soft voice confirmed with a serene smile even the words that escaped from his mouth was a tad disturbing.

“What?” Tomochika exclaimed, unable to conceal her surprise. Tokiya slightly spun her, avoided her comically shocked face got captured by the camera.

“Be careful with your eyes and mouth. You’re still in the middle of a photo shoot,” Tokiya reminded from the corner of his lips.

“But, still… it’s seven times… for real?” She knew Tokiya would not choose this kind of moment to crack a joke but she could not help but ask.

Tokiya nodded calmly. When Tomochika showed a sign that she would gasp dramatically and drop her jaws, the guy immediately pulled her closer and shut her lips with his long finger.

“Oh, that looks so intimate, Ichinose-san!” Junpei, the photographer exclaimed, totally pleased with Tokiya’s spontaneous pose.

“Thank you.”

“But… at least I called you; my close friend. It’s still safe, right?” Tomochika asked. It was not only an act that she pulled in order to make her heart feel better. She really trusted Tokiya. “You’re a decent man anyway, Tokiya.”

“What made you think that I am trustworthy? I am still a  _man_ , you know,” Tokiya said, curving in a handsome smirk. For others, she might look like she was seduced by the man but as his friend, she knew that he was advising her to be careful with her recklessness. “Once I become a  _man_ , I am not your friend anymore.”

She knew Tokiya never approved her alcohol consumption. Tomochika was positive that after he worked with her several times especially before she dated Eichii, the blue head believed that his decision not to drink was the smartest thing ever in his life. When others complimented their chemistry both on and off-screen, nobody actually knew that Tokiya was the one who would send her home and put up with her ridiculous drinking habits. She even used to slap and strangle him while she cursed their exacting director. Because of the rowdy woman, Tokiya was so used to get himself into life-threatening situations.

It was still absurd for a prim guy like Tokiya. Even it was merely his business, he was one of the people who was the happiest when Tomochika found someone protective like Eichii as her life partner. Tokiya was so grateful that he never knew that the tall guy was the reason why Tomochika got herself depressed and got drunk again.

“Okay. I promise I will be more careful,” Tomochika mumbled. While she agreed with Otoya that Tokiya was way too strict and serious, the blue head was always right. He just wanted to avoid troubles in the future.

“It’s funny that this time, you don’t promise that you won’t do it again. Rather, it’s ‘I will be more careful’. It sounds like you will drink and cause trouble again but maybe this time, you will call the more trustworthy Haruka instead of me.”

“Huh!” Tomochika pouted. “An alcohol-free person like you will never understand people like me. You don’t know how much we need it.”

No longer putting on a stern expression, Tokiya chuckled as he hugged her tightly, following the shrill photographer’s instruction. The photo shoot which was in tandem with their position as the brand ambassadors for a famous clothing store had always been the most comfortable job for Tokiya.

Why? First, Tomochika had been his friend since they were in training so they had been that close. Second, unlike other actresses who loved to flirt with him, Tomochika was very loyal to his fiancé so she never found him attractive.

Suddenly, Tomochika winced in his arms. Her shoulders were lifted out of tense, causing Tokiya to pull away anxiously.

“What’s wrong?” The blue eyes sized up, staring at Tomochika who was holding her waist.

“Shibuya-san, what’s wrong?” Junpei asked as he lifted his head from the camera.

“No, nothing,” Tomochika beamed but her hand which moved to her back seemed to say the opposite. “I fell down stairs yesterday so I hurt my back and waist. The bruises are still not recovering.”

“Wait, what?” Tokiya took a glance at her slender waist. “If that’s the case, should you rest at home instead?”

“It’s okay, Tokiya. I already got them treated so it should be fine. Junpei - san, you can proceed.”

The photographer and the blue-haired idol looked at each other. As Tomochika hugged Tokiya’s broad shoulder, they knew she meant her words.

When Tokiya thought that the session ended smoothly, other problems always knew how to find their ways.

“You guys have such a great chemistry! Like a match made in heaven!” Junpei exclaimed, loudly.

“Thank you,” the friends said, trying their best to stay optimistic with the ‘match made in heaven’ phrase. Tomochika’s status as somebody’s fiancée had made them no longer feel comfortable to obtain compliments about their chemistry.

“You do know that you are the most popular on-screen couple now, right? People even anticipated your reunion in your latest movie.”

 _Yeah, I know. That’s why Eichii went berserk and hit me last night,_  Tomochika flinched at the memory. It’s not anyone’s fault if Tokiya always could create a good chemistry with his co-stars including her. Ostensibly, he just did his job but for Eichii, it was the peril that could destroy his relationship with Tomochika.

“I personally feel it’s better for you to date Ichinose-san instead of your fiancé. Hahahahaha.”

While Tomochika chuckled just to play along with the lame joke and cover her surprise by Junpei’s candor, Tokiya did not laugh at all. That was typical of him. He was not the one who easily got entertained but when he averted his attention to everywhere that his eyes could spot, Tomochika knew the guy was irritated.

Maybe he lacked communication skill but Tokiya did not see the ‘joke’ as a joke.

Rather, it was rude. Who did Junpei think he was to say something offensive like that to the couple who loved each other?

Tomochika glanced at the idol. She could not help but secretly smile at Tokiya’s robotic face.

_“Tokiya might look the coolest out of us but do you want to know what’s his secret? He loves horror movies. (Tomochika: huh?) Yes, you didn’t mishear it. He loves horror or gore movies so much. He even said to me that even he keeps a poker face every time someone picks a fight with him, he actually kills the person more than 100 times in his head.”_

Tomochika covered her mouth. The urge to giggle at Otoya’s dramatic and storyteller-esque voice grew in her mind. Knowing the ex-roommates who always bickered due to their opposite personalities, she was positive that Tokiya only used his interest in horror movies to scare the redhead.

_Hey, Tomo! Focus, focus! What’re you doing?_

“Haha. Don’t say that, Junpei-san,” Tomochika said. “Tokiya’s fans will be mad if they hear this.”

“Yeah, she’s right. Moreover, Tomochika’s fiancé will get mad as well,” a playful but somehow intimidating voice jumped into the conversation and it made both Tomochika and Junpei recoiled.

Meanwhile, Tokiya was smiling at Eichii who managed to bring some dramatic squeals from the female staffs. Much to his shock, the man did not return the same gesture nor glance at him.

He did not realize how pallid Tomochika was.

“Oh, Otori-san. Good afternoon,” Junpei who stuttered funnily bowed 90 degrees before Eichii. “I… I am sorry. I was joking…”

“It’s okay. I was joking as well,” Eichii smiled, patting Junpei’s small shoulder. “Are you guys done?”

“Yes,” Junpei and Tomochika said, almost in chorus.

“Then, should we have a lunch, dear? Tokiya, join us?” That was the only moment when Eichii directly looked at the guy.

“No, thanks. I will go with my manager,” Tokiya said, quickly. In this kind of situation, there was no way he would ruin the couple’s privacy.

Plus, for some reason, the usually friendly Eichii did not seem like one today.

“Okay, then. Let’s go, dear,” the tall guy grabbed Tomochika’s slender arm, leaving Tokiya and the anxious photographer behind.

“Me and my big mouth! I shouldn’t say something like that, right, Ichinose-san?” Junpei turned to look at Tokiya. He was expecting the idol to comfort him, saying that it was pardonable but…

He received an icy look from Tokiya before the idol headed for his manager. It seemed like Tokiya wanted to blurt out ‘next time, use your brain before talking’ line to him.

_Oh, my… both of them are angry!_

* * *

****“Eichii,****  please. Don’t do this to me,” Tomochika pleaded, tears streamed down her face. Her back was pressed against a wall of a very dark alley of the studio. She was totally cornered by Eichii’s burly frame. “You see… It’s… It’s just a joke. Junpei-san doesn’t mean anything. What matters is I am your fiancée, right? Of course I love you, not Tokiya.”

Normally, Eichii would hit her right away but when he was standing still like a statue, the terror Tomochika experienced was downright painful. She did not know what to expect from him so her brain ended up forcing out more possibilities that made Eichii burnt with anger.

“Or do you think that I almost laughed just now because I was happy to be associated with Tokiya? No, I swear I didn’t! I was thinking about something funny so I almost laughed…”

The strong arms which abused her last night suddenly enveloped her shivering frame.

“It’s okay. You must be happy to laugh like that, right? I am happy to see you happy, dear,” he whispered to her ears, causing more tears streamed down her flawless cheeks.

She was scared to death and now, when he uttered his romantic side instead of hurting her, she felt empty. It was strange but emptiness was something that she was avid for. Rather than all the temporary lovey-dovey moments before getting ill-treated like an animal, she wanted to feel nothing.

“It must feel hurt, right?” His large hand stroked her back. It was an irony when now, he was being wary of touching her. “I am sorry. I promise I won’t hurt you again.”

She felt terrified again. This time, it was of his pointless promise. He certainly would do it again since his blind jealousy would be satisfied only if she screamed in pain.

“No, it doesn’t hurt at all. You don’t have to worry.”

“You… You won’t leave me for Tokiya, right?”

This. This was why she could not trust him anymore. Being jealous of her on-screen chemistry with her co-stars was something that she was familiar with but now, Eichii had grown another complex.

Since their movie shooting, Eichii would feel intimidated every time his fiancée and Tokiya acted together. In his eyes, their chemistry was so great that it was impossible for him to beat the Heart-throb. He even overheard the director’s conversation with other staffs, saying that Tokiya should be the male lead instead of Eichii.

It certainly hurt his pride after being put down by his father, also because of Tokiya.

“I won’t, Eichii. I promise.”

* * *

****“It**** seemed like your memory has improved greatly, Hijirikawa-san,” the doctor said, smiling at the lovely couple. “Normally, you will slowly forget your family and friends in less than two weeks but now, it’s already more than a month and you clearly remember all of them. You even started to remember how you met them.”

“You don’t know how much I want this to happen, doctor,” Masato remarked, returning the man’s smile. “I can’t wait to let my friends know about this. They have anticipated this for who-knows how long.”

“That’s great to hear, Hijirikawa-san. Perhaps did you just meet someone new a month ago? You know, maybe someone who is so close to you but you haven’t met them for a while.”

“Someone new…” Haruka and Masato mumbled as they looked at each other. “Tokiya?”

“Do you mean your teammate, Ichinose Tokiya-san?” The doctor, Toraishi asked back.

“Yeah, he is. I only met him two times,” Masato clarified.

“Then, I suggest maybe you should meet him often. Now, there are two possibilities. Either it’s because of a close bond between you two or he holds a very large part of your lost memory that when you met him, it enhanced your memory without ado.”

_A close bond… A large part of lost memory…_

Those were the only things that ricocheted in Haruka’s mind.

 _No, Haruka. No need to be so pessimistic. You should truly be happy for Masato,_  her mind convinced her.

The exhausting fragment of her life paid off with the good news. Masato’s memory had recovered and she could not ask for more.

As for Masato, he smiled as he gazed at his legs.

 _Maybe, just maybe… My legs will show a good progress too,_  his mind said.

* * *

****“Haruka,****  what do you say if we invite everyone to have a lunch in our house? STARISH, our family, and Tomochika,” Masato said as soon as they went back to their house. “I want to celebrate this good news with them too.”

Haruka’s eyes brightened up. It would be so fun to have everyone together.

But, speaking of everyone…

“But, Masato, does that everyone include Tokiya?” She asked, gaining a perplexed stare from her husband. She helped him settled against the headboard before covering his legs with the duvet.

“Of course. He’s still a part of STARISH, right? I bet the others also will be happy to see him and the same goes for him,” Masato said, innocently.

“Yeah, of course…” the composer mumbled, sitting next to her husband.

_I don’t know if they are really happy to see each other, Masato._

For sure, Tokiya would never accept her invitation if he knew this.

“I will call everyone and ask them about their schedule. I am all fired up,” he lifted his yukata sleeves just like the old him when he wanted to cook before reaching to his cell phone.

“Who… who are you calling first?”

“Of course the busiest man, Tokiya,” his quick answer gave apprehension to her spine. “Once we know his free time, it’ll be easier to gather others too.”

Haruka mentally gasped in horror.  _No, he can’t do that! If he tells Tokiya about this…_

“Actually, Masato,” Haruka held his arm, restraining him to initiate any call. “Why don’t you leave the invitation part to me?”

“Huh? Why?” Mystification was written over his face. “I can’t really help you with other things so the least I can do is…”

“It’s okay. I will do that part,” Haruka insisted, still holding Masato’s arm. “Plus, the others used to say to me that they prefer to have a potluck so I will ask everyone what will they bring for the gathering.”

Masato stared at the smiling face for seconds. Haruka knew she was a terrible actress and almost believed that she failed to convince him.

“Okay, then.”

Then only she could let out a sigh of relief. She knew it would be hard to gather all STARISH members in one room but she had to give it a shot for her husband’s sake.

Or maybe she could tell some white lie in order to persuade Tokiya. She really wanted to question every single one of them; resolving their conflict in one go.

* * *

****On**** the chosen day, Haruka deliberately asked Tokiya to come earlier. Asking the idol to spend time from his hectic schedule was difficult enough and she did not want to spoil his mood right from the beginning once he learned that his other teammates also would join them having lunch together.

So, before the actual event started as they were waiting for Harumi to get done with her music class, Tokiya continued his somewhat-obligatory task; assisting Masato to walk with more steps.

Frankly speaking, the blue head had become moody on that day. Some directors were so greedy in asking him to be more ridiculously provocative. It did not help when his hunch told him that Haruka lied to him.

****_“Why potluck?” He asked. “It’s not like I don’t want to cook for us but don’t you think it’s weird to have a potluck when I am the only guest?”_ ** **

_****“Oh, actually Harumi… she said that she wants to eat your teriyaki chicken again. Well, to be honest, I miss your dish too and I kind of want Masato to taste it as well,” Haruka said, avoiding his eyes as she reached the tiffin carrier from Tokiya. “I hope you don’t mind, Tokiya. I am sorry for the trouble.”** ** _

_****“It’s okay. Speaking of which, why did you take out a lot of plates?”** ** _

_****“I… I just want to wipe them. They are dusty and I do have some free time today.”** ** _

_So fishy,_  he thought.

"Speaking of which, are you currently in a relationship, Tokiya?" Masato asked, dragging him away from his deep thought. The scion clung to Tokiya’s arms, pushing his right leg forward.

"No, not yet," Tokiya answered. His eyes were busy monitoring Masato’s legs that he did not even bother to provide a more detailed answer.

So, as the corollary, Masato ended up asking more questions which unconsciously tested his patience.

"Huh? It can't be," Masato exclaimed, staring at the guy who did not return the same attention. He believed that someone like Tokiya would never have a trouble to date a woman. "Why though?"

'Why, you ask? Because I am still in love with your wife,' was what Tokiya really wanted to say. Still, he pretended that he did not feel disturbed at any degree.

"I just don't find the right one to be my wife. Plus, I am still busy with my work. I don't have enough time to date..."

"But you do have someone that you love more than your job, right?"

“Yeah, I do.”

_Unfortunately, she is your wife._

Tokiya really wanted to answer the question instead of letting it glanced off his mind.

But again, his sagacity saved him from saying anything that might ruin their friendship again.

"Then, I hope she will be yours soon, Tokiya. You are a nice guy so you deserve a nice girl.”

The sincere remarks triggered his rationality again. A certain agonizing memory about him and Masato engulfed his mind but he managed to put it aside.

_The Saint called me a nice guy. How funny._

“Who’s the nice guy? Me?” Tokiya asked. It was a bit sarcastic but Masato’s view of Tokiya was too positive that he failed to spot any.

“Yes, you,” Masato exclaimed. Perplexity was written over his face. “Why?”

“Nothing.”

 _What’s wrong with you, Tokiya? You already took the drug this morning, right? Normally, you won’t easily let your emotion control you,_ his mind told him off.

They finally completed the practice with Tokiya assisted Masato to sit in his chair _._

“You must have your first love, right?” Masato inquired as Tokiya took a seat in front of him.

Now Tokiya knew why he was thin-skinned today.

It was because  _Haruka’s_  husband, Masato was so nosy with his  _love_  life.

“Yes, the same person.”

_Since he is quite meddlesome, I think I should let him know certain things._

“Wow, really? The woman is so lucky.”

“No… I mean yes but she’s lucky because she’s married,” Tokiya said, flatly. He was getting annoyed with the fact that no matter how aloof he sounded, it did not make Masato lost interest in knowing more about him.

“Oh, I am sorry, Tokiya. I don’t know,” Masato’s thin body visibly shrank out of guilt.

_That’s fine, Masato. You always don’t know anything. All you know is being sainted, pure, innocent..._

_While I’m here, the stripper, dirty, abused, harassed…_

“It’s okay. She’s married to someone who is nicer than me anyway. As long as she’s happy, I am happy for her too.”

This. He hoped that the cheesy answer was enough to shut Masato’s mouth.

Despite his bitterness, Tokiya was truly happy for Haruka. During their wedding, apart from mentally exclaiming how beautiful she was with the white veil and dress, he loved to see her smile. It truly showed that she was on cloud nine for marrying Masato.

But, the sincere feeling was always hampered by a sinister feeling. What Masato as the Saint did to him as the Stripper would surface and try to tower over his loyalty towards their friendship.

With the sinister feeling in his heart, sometimes he did want to be Masato’s enemy instead. It would be easy for him to hate Masato outright. All their friendship knew after they were dubbed ‘the Twins’ was being vicious to him.

“Yeah, you’re right. As long as the woman that we love is happy, it’s enough for us. That’s what I feel about my wife,” Masato said, wearing the smile that would typically emerge once Haruka occupied his mind. “All I know is I want to protect her. When that HEAVENS guy… What’s his name again? Van, right? When he shamelessly flirted with her, I even discouraged her from wearing a short skirt if she goes to work. I am afraid that Van guy will take advantage on her.”

“I can’t agree more with that,” Tokiya said with a nod. As an originally conservative guy himself, he would consider doing the same thing to his wife if she faced that kind of flirt.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I can understand you. Back then, you used to tell him off since he’ so thick-skinned. Since Haruka also had a good relationship with HEAVENS, she couldn’t really complain about Van.”

“Did he harass her too far?” Masato’s eyes sized up.

“I don’t think so,” Tokiya replied calmly even he could see Masato’s hand balled into a fist. “He just… you know, just teased…”

“But it’s still unpleasant as her husband,” Masato banged his fist on the armrest, much to Tokiya’s shock. “Tokiya, you must help me.”

“Huh?” Tokiya’s eyes blinked at the sudden energy from his friend. Masato looked like a king from a historical drama who was eager to declare a war.

“Since you’re my friend, you have to help me protect Haruka, Tokiya. I think I might ask other guys as well.”

_Typical Masato…_

“Well, you do have a good point but…”

_I rarely meet your wife. How can I fulfill your wish? Plus, do you really believe in me?_

“I know I am disabled but I still have to protect my family at all cost. I have to fight for them!” Now, Masato did look more like a king. With his yukata and position, completed with his fist, Tokiya was uncertain about how to react.

Should he laugh at his friend? Masato did look like the old him; conservative, patriotic, and strong once he switched on his ‘eager beaver’ mode.

“Masato, relax. He isn’t even here so you don’t need to get carried away like this.”

As he was trying so hard to stop Masato from launching an instant vendetta against Van, the door was suddenly open, revealing other STARISH members.

Which is the complete list of people who he did not want to meet anymore.

“Masato, we are here… Huh, Tokiya!?” a certain redhead exclaimed happily, followed by the soft gasps from other guys.

Tokiya froze on his spot. His mind was numb when he realized that everyone was here. Not only Natsuki who he bumped into sometimes. Not Otoya who still messaged him. He was facing with  _everyone_  who he insulted a few months ago.

While persuading his mind to be as cool as a cucumber, Tokiya turned to Masato. He could not care less that he was scowling at the pianist.

“I thought it’s supposed to be only me as your guest.”

“Huh? No, we invited other guys and Tomochika too,” Masato said. His body tensed up at Tokiya’s sudden change of tone and face expression. “That’s why we have a potluck.”

Tokiya could feel a flowing anger just burnt his sanity.

Haruka just lied to him. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy to see this chapter was uploaded ^^ As usual, please let me know what do you think about this chapter, okay? See you guys in the next chapter. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 'reunion'...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ listening to HEAVENS GATE while writing this chapter (for some reason). ~

****Tokiya**** really loved Haruka… with all his life. She was his first love after all. She became the chandelier (?) when he was hopeless in the obscurity of showbiz. She bailed him out when he lost in the sea of his fans, pining for his perfection like a shoal of piranhas. She appeared suddenly like an angel in his life before metaphorically disappearing since she was married to a guy who looked almost the same to him. As mentioned, she did not completely disappear since they still met after that, only as his composer and friend. That was the ebb and flow of their relationship. It was harrowing but he had to deal with it.

But, no matter how ‘picturesque’ the metaphors that Tokiya wanted to paint on his unrequited love for the woman, he was not a moron. He still had a clever brain which talked him into the fact that he should get angry when Haruka made him feel so. He was not the foolhardy guy in a gore or horror movie, letting his beloved but psychotic woman to do whatever she pleased.

So, today, he decided to avoid Haruka’s golden eyes especially when she cast a remorseful glance at him. He continued to be static like an effigy on his spot until a pair of lean arms enveloped his frame, followed by a bright grin.

It was Otoya, his arguably best friend in STARISH.

“Finally I can see you face-to-face, Tokiya! It doesn’t feel right to only text you,” Otoya exclaimed as his bubbly voice ricocheted in Tokiya’s ears. When everyone plus himself typically felt that he found the redhead’s whine as annoying, the blue head did not feel so.

Rather, it was so warm that his always-throttled chest slowly felt the coziness. It felt like he just found his ‘home’ back.

“Otoya, my turn! My turn!” The thin arms were replaced by a pair of familiar and beefier one. This time, the second friend was seven centimeters taller and bigger than him which made Tokiya felt like he was crushed by an anaconda.

Still, it felt so soothing.

"Tokiya, I miss you soooo much!! You still look as cute as ever!" Natsuki said, ignoring Syo’s tongue-click.

As expected from the two peaceniks in their group. They were those people who believed that life was too short for them to despise each other.

"Oh, thanks," Tokiya hugged the tallest guy in STARISH back awkwardly. There was no way a 34-year-old man like him still looked cute right? Natsuki was still as dramatic as ever!

Not to mention they just met each other last week! Maybe Natsuki wanted to pretend that it happened otherwise so Tokiya decided to play along with the act.

From Natsuki's embrace, he could see that Cecil and Syo were pulling their funnily long faces while Ren...

It was always tricky to guess what the guy had thought about him. The oldest STARISH member was the master of both sides; concealing what he was thinking and guessing other people’s feeling.

“I can’t believe that we would meet here, in Masato’s house on top of that! It feels like a miraculous reunion somehow!”

_If you ask me, I don’t call this as miraculous, Natsuki,_  Tokiya contained himself from rolling his eyes as soon as Haruka’s lie to him crossed his mind.

“Yeah, I understand, Natsuki. But, can you please… Your hug…” Tokiya could feel his lung was smothered when Natsuki tightened his hug more.

“Why!? It’s always hard to see you, Tokiya!” Natsuki cried out, literally pressing Tokiya’s face against his shoulder. The blue head was internally screaming when his hands could not cover his ears when they were squeezed into Natsuki’s arms. “Plus, you looked so tired. Those directors bullied you again, right!? They forced you to strip when you didn’t want it, right?” Natsuki asked, loudly.

“Natsuki, please… Don’t be so dramatic. You made it sound like they had tortured me.”

_Strip? Forced? What are they talking about?_  Masato mentally asked while silently watching the ‘sweet’ reunion. Just like what Tokiya had pointed out, Natsuki made it sound like Tokiya was abused instead of working.

Which was half-true because Tokiya had endured more than an abuse.

"You guys haven't seen each other for a long time?" Masato asked, unable to suppress his curiosity.

"Yeah, this guy is sooo popular and busy. To be able to meet him is like meeting the Prime Minister," Instead of Otoya or Natsuki, Syo responded faster. Thanks to his swiftness, he received a jab in his arm from Ren.

"Watch your mouth, Syo. This is not the right time to pick a fight," Ren murmured. “We don’t want Masato to feel something is wrong, right?”

“But, still…”

_This feels… weird somehow,_  Masato thought. Sure, he was an amnesiac but he was not that oblivious. His brain still functioned well to differentiate between who were really welcoming towards Tokiya and vice versa.

* * *

****“Shinomiya****  Natsuki… Ichinose Tokiya… Aijima Cecil…” Masato recited his friends’ names. He lifted his long fingers in chorus with the number of his teammates that he had mentioned. “Jinguuji Ren… Ittoki Otoya… Kurusu Syo… and the last one is me, Hijirikawa Masato.”

“Woww,” most of them exclaimed while giving a round of applause to the scion. They looked like a bunch of proud parents after their children successfully memorized the whole alphabet, especially when Masato was also as excited to share the good news.

Tokiya was much calmer. He was so happy for Masato’s progress but he felt awkward to express it when others were here. Still, he curved in a small smile.

_Harumi will be happy is she knows this,_  he thought.

He never made an eye contact with anyone other than Masato. He felt stiff and restrained especially when he noticed how sharp Cecil and Syo’s glare at him.

As if he is a plague…

“To be honest, I felt happier with this than when the first time my daughter could read Italian words,” Ren said, pretending to shed tears. “Not to mention the doctor himself said that Masato’s memory shows a good progress.”

“Yeah, I can feel you. All this time, Masato only remembered Syo’s full name,” Otoya said, half-whining.

“But, still,” the youngest member among them, Cecil interrupted with a jovial tone. “Did you just recite everybody’s names according to our acronym? Is it on purpose?”

“Yes, I did. I know this sounds ridiculous but when I did that, it made me more proud to be a part of STARISH. It reminds me that I am the H of this mind-blowing group,” Masato said. His sincere smile and the way his voice carried his true feeling brought the same response from everyone.

Everyone including Tokiya.

“No, Masato. That’s not ridiculous at all. In fact, it’s so heart-warming when at the same time, a certain guy desperately wants to become less as a STARISH member,” Cecil said from the corner of his mouth, obtaining a scowl from Otoya and Ren.

_Well, that’s how you’re going to play, Cecil?_  Tokiya thought. He suppressed his hand from balling into a fist. He could not convey any sort of obvious gesture. Those guys knew him way too much for him to conceal what he really felt.

“What do you mean, Cecil?” As expected, the innocent Masato would ask right away and this was the situation that the peacemakers like Otoya, Natsuki, and Ren tried to avoid.

It had been a long time since all seven of them could meet like this…

“Nothing,” Cecil formed the sweetest smile and if it was not because throwing a vase to people was dangerous, Tokiya would do that for sure.

“I think the acronym suits us well,” Masato said. A bitter smile suddenly formed over the pale skin which made the others edgy. “It ends with H which is me. It feels like all the letters stand for our lifespan. Obviously, I will die first.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Natsuki’s voice sounded louder to Masato since he just sat next to the scion, in unison with others’ gasps and whines.

In the interim, the glacial Tokiya was speechless.

_How could he say he will die first…_

“What the hell are you saying, Masato? Now, you made me sad,” Ren said, stifling his anger from being palpable.

“Hey, guys. I am sorry. I was just joking,” Masato said, anxiously. It was true. He was joking but apparently, it appeared like a bomb threat to the others.

It really showed how much they cared about him.

“Well, for your information, your sense of humor is the worst this time, Hijirikawa Masato,” Syo said sarcastically. “It’s always bad but so far, this one is the pits. I literally could feel a cold wind blown to this side.”

“That’s how lame your joke is, Masato. It’s upsetting,” Otoya said. His red eyes shimmered with wretchedness.

“Okay, okay. I am sorry,” Masato waved his hands, regretted his action right away.

“You better be,” Syo clicked his tongue. He never grew tired in lifting his fedora every time it covered his eyes. “If what you said is true, then I will be the second one to die, followed by Otoya. That’s ridiculous, you know?”

“Okay, okay. I think Masato got enough dressing-downs already,” Ren said, clasping his hands together. “I think it might be fun if we do a quiz for Masato.”

“What quiz?” Natsuki and Masato asked, nearly in chorus.

“Well, let’s see…I think we should pick different facts about us and ask Masato which member we refer to. You know, just to let him know some crazy or absurd facts about us. How’s that sound?”

“Interesting!” Natsuki exclaimed without ado.

“Why not? We’ll avenge on Masato for throwing the lame joke!” Cecil cried out.

_Harumi, when can I see you? Ojichan really wants to go back home now,_  Tokiya thought. He stared at the door, silently hoped that God would answer his prayer. He came with a present for the girl so he wanted to give it to her on his own.

Just what was Ren thinking? Pulling a fun game among themselves so that Tokiya who had avoided them for years would feel isolated.

Yet, he got a totally wrong idea. All Ren wanted was for Tokiya to feel that he still had a place in STARISH. They never ditched him.

“Wow, I have never seen you guys this ardent before,” Masato said, eyeing each one of them before settling on the aloof Tokiya who curved in a small smile right away.

_Come to think of it, Tokiya is quieter than usual today. Maybe he’s still tired from his works,_  Masato mentally commented.

“Of course. After all, it’s rare to have all seven of us together. Normally, it’s six,” Syo said, emphasizing the numbers.

“Stop that,” Ren mumbled, followed by Natsuki’s disappointed look.

But apparently, Syo and Cecil were too ‘fired-up’ to pour scorn on Tokiya.

_So, you also want to play the same game with Cecil, huh, Syo?_  Tokiya thought.

“I know, right,” the innocent Masato said, smiling at Tokiya who awkwardly returned the chummy gesture. “Now, Tokiya is also here so it makes this gathering more meaningful.”

Tokiya almost snickered at the naïve remark.

_Not really, Masato._

* * *

****The**** random quiz was unpleasantly started with a question about ‘which one of us debuted five years earlier than others as a child actor?’ which was obviously Tokiya. The blue head could spot Ren’s attempt to make him join the game.

But Tokiya was too unmotivated to show his interest in reminiscing about their old friendship. Everything felt so boring to him and he could not care less about the potluck.

When Masato quickly and correctly answered it, Otoya brightly explained to the scion that Tokiya would attend Saotome Academy while working as HAYATO at the same time in order to debut again.

“No wonder Haruka said you were her idol back then, Tokiya. You’re so determined to achieve your dream,” Masato commented. “Haruka told me that she wanted to become a composer after she heard your singing. You must be inspirational for a lot of people, right?”

_Inspirational? Me?_

Back then when they were still under training in Saotome Academy, Haruka bluntly told him that it was him who helped her find her dream. It was so shocking to the cold him who at that point, only focused upon his dream to debut again as himself without feeling bothered to make friends…

Let alone to fall in love with such a random girl.

“No, I am not that good,” he replied, flatly.

“Say someone who won tons of The Best Vocalist awards,” Ren said with a smirk but he was responded with a blank stare from Tokiya before the blue head shifted his attention towards Masato again.

“Your singing skill is so amazing. I am so jealous of you, Tokiya.”

Did  _Haruka’s husband_  just say he was jealous of him?

How paradoxical.

* * *

****“Okay,****  the next question. Actually, I am so eager to ask this,” Ren said. “Back then, you were selected to be auditioned for a historical musical. So, one of us was willing to be the heroine so that you could practice hugging your female lead. Unfortunately, you couldn’t hug the ‘girl’ till the end because… I don’t know. Maybe the ‘girl’ was a man like you. Can you guess who’s the girl?”

“Oh, that one!” Natsuki and Otoya cheered while despite their resentment, Syo and Cecil puffed out his cheeks in order to restrain himself from laughing.

The only one who had kept his poker face but boiling inside was Tokiya.

_For pity’s sake, just stop your craps, Ren!_

“You even said something like ‘hugging occurs when your feelings reach a boiling point. How am I supposed to hug a girl who I meet for the first time?’” Natsuki imitated Masato’s Samurai-esque voice.

Masato’s face turned red.

_What’s wrong with the old me? Has he always been that poetic?_

“That was so poetic, Masato,” Syo said, sending Masato to have his jaws dropped.

“As expected from the Saint,” Cecil remarked with a smirk. “Even a hug scene with a stranger will be a trouble for him.”

“Don’t say that, Cecil. It’s so embarrassing! I don’t know where should I put my face,” Masato said, covering his handsome face with his hands. If his legs had no trouble to walk by themselves, he would run instantly and hide in the toilet. “But I wonder who he is… the one who helped me with the hug scene.”

“Oh, I wonder who he is,” Ren lifted his eyebrow, enjoying Masato’s perplexity.

Natsuki and Otoya also rubbed their chins to raise the air of suspense and mystery except for Syo and Cecil who quickly disliked where this conversation was going.

While for Tokiya, this was downright suffocating.

“Hmm… Is it you, Otoya?” Masato asked, diverting his attention to the sweet redhead. “You seem like you don’t bother enough to be a girl…”

“Nope!” Otoya confirmed, shaking his head. “The clue is he’s manly and muscular.”

“Oh…” Masato’s eyes moved to each of his friends before putting two and two together. “It can’t be Ren! I bet everybody will puke if he becomes a woman!”

Everybody burst into laughter. Tokiya could not help but cover his mouth from visibly chuckling.

_Indeed, everybody will puke._

“That’s harsh, Masato. I am still cut out to be a girl, you know,” Ren flipped his hair ostentatiously which almost received a slap from Syo.

Did Ren ever realize that he was too masculine and big to be a maiden?

“The only thing that makes you look like a girl is your long hair. Why don’t you just cut it already? You have a daughter for heaven’s sake! I bet she confuses you with her mother,” Syo bashed.

“I know, right,” Masato agreed. “Then, is it really Ren?”

“Nope. The person is so quiet and can hide very well,” Ren said, eyeing Tokiya who could not help but glare at him.

“What? Does it mean the girl is you, Tokiya?” Masato’s jaws dropped. The reaction was so funny that Tokiya could not help but chuckled. “That doesn’t suit you at all!”

“What are you so surprised at? I just wore a kimono and…”

“There are so many things to be surprised at when it comes to _you_!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Tokiya is an actor after all, Masa,” Otoya said, making sure that Masato did not turn more dramatic than he should be.

“He would do  _anything_ for the sake of professionalism,” Cecil explained.

“He has  _more experience_  anyway,” Syo followed.

Tokiya was not stupid. He knew there were people who disapproved his presence and wished that he would disappear from their sights. He tried hard to match their vibe because he felt bad for Masato but since Syo and Cecil also tried hard to touch a raw nerve…

Okay, then. It had been a long time since he showed them how did it sound when the quiet Ichinose Tokiya got savage with his words.

“Yes, they’re so right. I am professional after all. I can be anything, be it a man or a woman. A doctor, a psychopath, an agent… Oh, I can even play a role as a gigolo since I am disgusting myself.”

The unsettling quietness quickly layered the room. Syo who fixed his fedora froze with the sarcastic remark. Cecil turned away but obviously did not have anything to say. Natsuki and Ren looked at each other while Otoya nervously shifted his glance between Masato and Tokiya.

“Tokiya?” Masato remarked, indirectly asking another blue head either he really meant what he said or vice versa. He did not expect the harshness would appear in the midst of the conversation.

“Why? Did I say something shocking?” Tokiya’s face was blank but anyone could tell that he just attacked both Cecil and Syo with more savage words. “I am sorry if they sound too offensive. Sometimes, I got carried away with my latest role. It’s a coincidence since my current role is a psychopath. Again, I am sorry if you don’t find it comfortable, Masato.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I am… I am fine. No need to apologize,” Masato answered, still felt immobilized with the sudden change of mood.

“What?” Syo murmured when Ren glowered at him.

So much for making everything peaceful without sarcasm.

Luckily, the tense air was replaced by a sound of knocking door from outside. A blue-haired girl appeared with a smile before running slowly as soon as she opened the door.

“Wooow, all uncles are here!” Harumi exclaimed before bowing to them. But, it was obvious for everyone that her eyes were searching for someone in particular.

That was when Tokiya and her met eyes, smiling at each other chummily. She scuttled before wrapping her arms around Tokiya’s neck.

"Finally, you are here. I miss you so much,  _ojichan_!" Harumi exclaimed with a wide grin while the others could swear that other than talking with Masato and Haruka, the reserved Harumi looked the most jovial when Tokiya was around.

"Me too," Tokiya pulled away from the hug before caressing her long hair. "You look even more adorable. How do you do? How’s the extra class?"

"Hmm… to be honest, I am so happy to know that you would here,  _ojichan_. I couldn’t even focus in class,” she smiled before playing with his fingers. A wide grin still plastered on their faces and only they knew what did it mean.

“I see.”

_“Ojichan…”_  For some reason, Harumi acted cutely while her hands swayed Tokiya’s big hand.

“What?”

“Where is the thing that you promised?”

“The thing? What is it?” Tokiya tilted his head playfully.

“That thing…” She followed suit, making her long hair reached her back.

“Oh, do you mean this one?” Tokiya reached a paper bag which contained a princess doll.

“Yeayyy, you bought it! Thank you,  _ojichan_! I love you!” The usually quiet Harumi hugged Tokiya again before kissing his cheeks.

For Masato, it was completely acceptable when the father’s friend cherished the daughter. Yet, it was upsetting when because of disability, it did restrain Harumi from asking him to buy things for her.

Since he could not do what Tokiya could do.

Not to mention the kisses and the ‘I love you’ part, Harumi never did that to his other friends.

_No, Masato. Don’t be so petty. It’s just a gift. They’re just the kisses,_  he mentally convinced himself even he did not know why he had a bad feeling about this.

“Let’s play together in our playroom,  _ojichan_. We have so many new toys. Plus, I want to show you the photos of my new friends," it was obvious to Masato how close and comfortable his daughter to Tokiya. She even wanted to show him the same things that she showed to her father but not to other uncles.

“You should ask permission from your Daddy first. It’s impolite to bring me straight to your playroom. Where are your kiss and hug for your Daddy?” Tokiya pointed at the blank Masato.

_Yeah, said someone who was just being so impolite with his choice of words a few minutes ago,_  he could hear his inner self just scorned him.

“Oh, I forgot,” Harumi quickly approached Masato before hugging and kissing his cheeks. “I am sorry, Daddy. I am so excited to see Tokiya  _ojichan_.”

“It’s okay. I can tell that you’re excited,” he replied with a smile.

“So, can I play with Tokiya  _ojichan_?” She asked, cutely.

“Sure, honey.”

“Yes, I got the permission! Let’s go,  _ojichan_!” As Harumi dragged Tokiya all the way to outside, the room was still engulfed with silence.

“Well, they seem…close,” Masato said.

“Yeah, they do,” Otoya agreed. His bubbly expression was no longer there. Instead, he was struggling to pull a smile.

“Is today the first time he came here, Masato?” Cecil asked.

“No, it’s actually the second time.”

“Oh…”

“We look the same but our life is very different, right?” Masato asked, particularly to no one. “He still reaches the stardom while me… I can’t even walk by myself.”

“Don’t say that, Masato. Trust me. Reaching the stardom is not always the good thing. Having a family who loves you sincerely is much better,” Syo said. It was comforting but he also tried to say that no one should wish to have Tokiya’s life.

So popular but empty inside.

_Why are there so many dramas between these two? As if the fact that they love the same woman is not enough,_  Ren thought, bitterly.

As for Otoya, there was something bothering him.

_You sure are very honest right now, right, Tokiya? You didn’t even bother to hide how much you disliked sitting with us._

****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuh, it's complete~ Please let me know what do you think about this chapter, okay? It will be a great help for my writing. Thank you! ^^


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two shocking truths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to a guest from AO3, Digila-san. :D Their comment made my day and they also made me realized something. Half of the problems in this story would be solved if STARISH talked it out. Even I myself felt annoyed with how Tokiya avoided his teammates before going, ‘ah, he has that reason so it makes senses now.’ Soon, you guys will know why Cecil and Syo were especially bitter with Tokiya. They had a right to be that resentful. :D

**“Mommy,** doll! Princess doll!” Mitsuki cheered, holding a doll with a glittery purple gown. Her short arm was stretched up to Haruka’s eye level.

“Woww, it’s so beautiful! Did _ojichan_ buy it for you?” Haruka asked, eyeing Tokiya who showed no disposition to respond to her. Instead, he was holding a chopstick, feeding Harumi who clung to his arm.

“Yes, Mommy!”

They were all gathering in the dining room, having their lunch. Everybody brought the meals that they felt the most confident with, including Natsuki who was still oblivious of his mad cooking. It was expected that his ghastly tempura was the least popular among them except for Ren. The scion who had the most outlandish taste bud for acknowledging Natsuki’s dish out of them was the first person who dished the tempura up into his plate. He could care less when Otoya and Syo gasped at his plate, imagining the horror behind it.

As for Mitsuki who waited for her mother to dish out her food, she ended up running around while joking with all Masato’s friends until…

“Tokiya _ojichan_?” Mitsuki poked her head right in front of Tokiya who was scooping a small amount of _kinpira gobo_ into his plate. Her sudden exclamation and bright eyes almost sent him jumping out of his skin which might send his elbow to smack Harumi’s face.

“Yes, dear,” he said with a smile. He assumed that she was confirming his name since she still muddled him up with Masato. Thankfully, Harumi already explained to her when they played together in the girls’ playroom or else, Mitsuki would keep asking ‘Two Daddy?’ to everyone.  

“Same with Daddy,” she remarked as she pointed at Masato. It seemed like she went into raptures over meeting her father’s twin. “ _Ojichan_ ’s face is the same with Daddy.”

He chuckled before feeding Mitsuki on a small slice of boiled chicken. It was Tokiya’s natural reaction every time he had food in his hand and he happened to talk to an endearing child.

“How’s it? Is it delicious?” He asked.  

The girl blinked at him as she silently chewed the food. From her facial expression, it seemed like she wanted to tell him, ‘why did you feed me, _ojichan_? Mommy is preparing my food’ but she formed a smile afterward.

“Hm… delicious! Aaaaaa,” Mitsuki opened her mouth wide, expecting the next one. The others could not help but chortle at her jollity. The second daughter of Masato’s family had always been cheery and easy to get chummy with.  

“Oh, do you want more?”

“But, _ojichan_ … what about mine?” Harumi asked from his left side.  

This time, Harumi and Mitsuki saved Tokiya a lot, just by being clingy to him. He could make himself busy like a babysitter instead of joining the others’ conversation. No sarcasm would come to pass and he could leave the house without more sullenness in his head.

“Harumi, can you please leave _ojichan_ for a while? He has to eat too,” Haruka said, throwing a disapproving look at her daughter. She bet Tokiya did not eat properly since this morning so she felt bad for the man. “Mitsuki, come to Mommy. Your food is ready.”

“Okay, Mommy! Thank you, _ojichan_ ,” receiving a caress on her cheek from Tokiya, Mitsuki ran towards her mother.    

“But, Mommy, it has been a long time since _ojichan_ fed me,” Harumi pouted, tightened her hold around Tokiya’s arm. Clearly, she decided not to be obedient today.

“It’s okay, Haruka. It feels nice… after such a long day,” Tokiya said with the widest smile that he himself was shocked to have.

He was mad. Haruka knew it.

“Taste this, Masato. It’s Tokiya’s chicken teriyaki. Very delicious,” Otoya remarked, putting two slices of chicken into Masato’s plate, being oblivious with the fact that his remark sent both Syo and Cecil choked on the said dish right away.

They loved the dish so much that they did not even bother and forget who was the cook.

“Are you guys okay?” Masato who was next to Syo patted his back anxiously.

_Otoya said it’s delicious, right? Then, why they choked on the food?_

“Don’t worry, Masato. They just got their just deserts,” Ren said playfully as he stroked Cecil’s back. He simpered at both his victimized friends before whispering, “That’s what happened when you picked a fight when we are supposed to get along with each other. You guys should thank him for the delicious meal.”  

Tokiya did not have time to scoff at Syo and Cecil’s misery when Harumi patted his arm.

“ _Ojichan_ , when will you come here again?” Harumi asked, opening her mouth when Tokiya fed her on the _kinpira gobo._ “Do you still have a lot of works to do?”   

“I don’t know,” Tokiya shrugged, smiling at her. “Yes, I still have a lot of works to do.”

“Don’t you have a day off like other uncles?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Masato, are you okay? Why are you not eating?” Haruka who finally could sit and help her husband asked. “Is there something you need?”

“Huh? No, nothing,” he forced a smile towards her before holding his chopstick again. “I just wonder why Tomochika cannot join our potluck today.”

“I know right? All she told me was she couldn’t join us today because she has to work. I wonder if she’s okay. She didn’t sound well,” Haruka said. From their conversation over the phone, she was not convinced that Tomochika suddenly had to work.

It sounded like her best friend had just cried.

As for Masato, he could not help but avert his gaze towards Harumi who still clung to Tokiya while talking about her school holiday. She even mentioned her friends’ names without introducing them properly. It was obvious that she had mentioned them several times to Tokiya before. 

_They’re close._

For the first time, he felt like he just lost his own daughter to his friend. Unlike Mitsuki, Harumi was reserved and did not really show her affection towards his other friends. Normally, Harumi would talk a lot or help him eat. She would always stay beside him and sometimes, Haruka did not have to help him at all.

So, to see how chummy and loving her gazes at Tokiya, it was upsetting. Harumi could feel pampered by a man who was the same age as Masato. Something that she was supposed to gain as a child.

But with Masato, she had to act mature and help Haruka in order to nurse him. She was the one who cherished him instead of the other way around.

 _Maybe… she misses Tokiya so much,_ that was the chant that he echoed in his mind for the nth time. No matter in any kind of circumstance, Harumi was still her daughter so he should not feel this way.  

He knew he should not be this petty but for some reason, their closeness disturbed him in so many levels. It made his heart beat so fast. 

* * *

 

 **The** gathering ended after Masato’s doctor came for a regular check-up and advised Masato to sleep. After they excused themselves, Haruka did not waste her time to ask everyone to follow her to their music room.

“You too, Tokiya,” she said firmly when the said guy heaved an irritated sigh.

 _She had to use this room to talk, huh?_ Tokiya thought restlessly as soon as he went into the room. He leaned against the peach wall, his blue eyes shunned from looking around the music room. It amassed so many memories of them, practicing together every time they made a comeback or just simply wanted to hang out.

That was when he realized it had been a while since the last time he sang. Not only as a STARISH member, but he also could not see his future as a solo singer anymore. Saotome lumbered him with nonstop acting jobs that he had to stop singing for years.   

Now, when his eyes gazed at the microphone which he frequently used since they always delegated him to be the vocalist, the room was psychologically disturbing to him.

“Finally, you have the nerve to show your face for Masato. I am curious where were you all this time. Where were you when Natsuki and Otoya tried hard to patch up with you?” it seemed Syo was that eager to talk to him after spending hours being sardonic. He did not even bother to let Haruka talk first. “I thought you’ll wait until one of us kicks the bucket first then only you will come to your senses. If you only came here because the president told you to do so, that's very cheap of you, Tokiya.”

“Obviously, he helped Masato with the interview and even visited him here because the president asked him to. Plus, they gained the spotlight again so this hypocrite just wanted to show that he still gets along with us. Seriously, don’t come here just because you want to say that you’re better than us,” Cecil concluded which instantly had crashed Tokiya’s breaking point.

“I am sorry but before you got all imaginative and tend to spit shits,” Tokiya moved towards Cecil, poking his chest contemptuously. It was a strange happiness for him since Cecil was shorter and younger than him but for others, they were alarmed that they also started to form a circle around them. “Let me recap on what happened in Masato’s room earlier. It seemed like you lost your memory easily. I didn’t do anything but you rude bastards continuously picked a fight with me. What’s with the ‘more experience’ and ‘professional’ reference, huh? Do you think I am so stupid that I couldn’t even decipher it!?”

“You got all thin-skinned because of what you’ve done, you fool!” Syo shouted, ignoring Otoya’s desperate attempt to calm him down. “Then, what kind of name should we give to someone who insulted and ditched us? Angel!? Or deity?”  

“It’s all Natsuki’s idea. Not mine! Stop accusing me stupidly, won't you!?” Tokiya said, eyeing the guy with glasses. “Which makes me want to ask the same thing. Why did you do that, Natsuki? I assume you were also the one who asked the president about the interview.”

“Yes, I was,” there was a hint of bitterness from the usually cheerful face. “But, it’s because I love STARISH. I don’t expect all of us to quickly get along like we used to. I know it’ll be hard. But, at least, pretending to get along with each other just for Masato won’t hurt, right?” Natsuki remarked. His heart ached deeply when there were no signs of apology among them.  

 _That’s what I want to, Natsuki. I really want to,_ Tokiya mentally said.

“And I believe you also want the same thing, Tokiya,” Ren said. This guy was always like a life threat for a secretive person like Tokiya. “Or else, you wouldn’t call and ask Harumi during the past three months, asking about Masato’s condition.”

 “I don’t,” Tokiya said, earning a dejected sigh from Otoya and Haruka. “I just don’t want Harumi to be suspicious of anything.” 

“Of course you only care about Harumi. _Only_ Harumi. Heck, you might as well take her as your adopted daughter or something. Are you her father? Are you the father of everyone’s children? You even sent birthday presents for our children and they would go ‘why is it so hard to see Tokiya _ojichan_ these days?’ It’s always bothersome to answer that!” Syo retorted.

“It won’t hurt if you just throw out the presents and say that Tokiya _ojichan_ is dead or something, right?” Tokiya mocked. 

“It might be easy if you _really_ die, Tokiya. That will settle all problems,” Syo said back, making Haruka lifted her head out of disbelief. “You are the one who should be sick instead of Masato. A nice guy like him doesn’t deserve that kind of suffering.”

“Syo!” Otoya and Natsuki exclaimed, unable to mask their shock. They knew Syo tended to say things that he did not mean but this time, it was too much.

While Haruka… she fought the tears that started to well up in her eyes.

_No, Haruka. Don’t cry. They are just mean to each other because they’re angry. You know they care about each other, right? Everything will be fine. This is why you held the potluck, right?_

She silently blinked her tears away, agreeing with her mind. Helplessness slowly dragged her down because this was the first time she saw this kind of fight among STARISH members.

“Don’t worry. I will just go die if that’s what you want,” Tokiya said as he nodded, scoffing at Syo’s bluntness. “I bet you’re that tired of seeing my face, right?”

As for Ren, it eventually breached his self-control.

“Knock it off! Just what’s wrong with you guys!?” Ren exploded, looking daggers at them who were breathing harshly.  “What are you trying to achieve, huh!? Did you forget what STARISH means to us that you even said something thoughtless like death!? At least, please care about Haruka’s feeling when she sees us like this!”

That was when everybody’s attention was all for Haruka. Much to their dismay, her demeanor was calm but they knew her inside was blown to smithereens due to their fight.

“Don’t mind me. Just tell me when did this insult game happen? Maybe we can sort it out now,” Haruka said, forcing a smile. She was overwhelmed with how they acted nothing like the STARISH that she had been befriended since 17 years ago.

“It was a few months ago. It was on the same day when Masato was found collapsed not far from our training room,” Otoya answered. “We… No, the three of them had a huge fight when you were in the ward with Masato.” 

“What did they fight about?” The composer asked again, easing herself by massaging her arm.

“About how he’s so selfish because not only he did not join our practices, he also turned off his phone on that day. He criticized our skills but he was all the pot calling the kettle black. Himura-san said that his schedule was free but he only showed up a few hours later. Just what on earth did he do that he always slacked off on our practices?” Syo added, enjoying Tokiya’s speechless reaction.

“You didn’t say anything about where were you. Why you were so late on that day,” Ren supplied, staring at Tokiya. “I wonder what you have hidden from us, Tokiya.”

When everybody stared at the blue head, asking for an explanation, words could not describe how chaotic and miserable his mind felt. It was chaotic with what he had veiled from them. It was also miserable with his first skirmish with Masato.

It was just the first one since Masato has been his friend but until now, he kept carrying the sin. There was no way he could expunge how he hit the roof on that day, spurting out his curbed fury towards Masato.

It all started after he heard a certain conversation of his teammates which made him thought; he no longer belonged to STARISH. Then, Masato appeared to comfort him, also saying that he could get the picture of Tokiya’s mental conditions.

Yet, it only sparked off Tokiya’s flare-up. How Masato was the cause of his suffering, his mental disorders… Tokiya let him knew everything on that day.

**_“Now, I will tell you, straight to your face that I hate you, Masato! The thing that I said during the variety show, I meant it! I hate you! I never felt so insulted in my life and guess what? I wish this stupid twins concept never existed! Being your twin is so depressing! You got all the good traits while me… I was treated worse like a whorehouse! But, you know what’s the worst thing!? It’s you’re my friend! You made me go through all these rubbish but I can’t even take revenge on you because you’re my frigging friend! I wish we are enemies so that I can destroy your life just like how you destroyed mine!”_ **

After that, he cursed himself for hurting Masato. 

“Where were you, Tokiya? Why did you skip the practice?” Natsuki added, green eyes gazed into him hopefully. There was neither insult nor judgemental tendency from him but it did not do any better for Tokiya’s mind right now.

On that day, the reason why he switched off his phone after he fought with Masato was he was doing a self-therapy. He also endured a great guilt in his heart for Masato that it drained his energy. Little did he know it ignited another kind of guilt and fight with his other teammates which were the final straw of their friendship.

There was no way he could answer them. They would know his mental disorder and everything would be finished for all of them.

 _Everything…_ according to their president.

**_“Just snap out of it, Tokiya! They just ‘used’ you sometimes because they like you. They like your figure and your job is making them satisfied. Just deal with whatever disorder you have! I don’t care! But, this will be the first and last warning from me. I don’t want to say much. If your teammates know your illness, all of you are finished. I will make sure that STARISH will completely be wiped out from the showbiz forever.”_ **

As soon as the ‘making them satisfied’ order registered in his mind, there they were. Those hands that ‘devoured’ him recklessly, those creepy faces, those people who claimed that they had become the reason of his fame so he deserved some ‘payment’ from him…    

The familiar shiver started to flow to every inch of his veins. It was the always the same sequence. His fight with Masato and other teammates, his Stripper job, ‘those people’, his president and his mental illness.

“Come on, Tokiya. Say something,” Haruka approached him which was the last thing Tokiya wanted everyone to do, especially when he could feel his sweats masked his forehead when the temperature of the room was cool. “We need to know. Was there something urgent on that day? You’re not the one who skipped practices without reasons.”

Still, there was no response which drew out more frustrated sighs and groans from others.

“Then, if you don’t want to answer that, please tell us. Are you consuming drugs?” Otoya was asking an unforeseen question when Haruka was holding Tokiya’s arm.

“Drugs?” Natsuki and Cecil repeated, each with upset and annoyed tone respectively.

“Tokiya, are you okay?” She asked softly as the shiver from Tokiya’s arm was spreading towards her. “Why are you…”

“Those drugs,” Otoya continued, carrying his sadness as he spoke. “They are for your mental illness, right?”

Tokiya froze on his spot. His blue eyes widened in terror that it did not escape Haruka’s sight.

“Wait, Otoya… What does it mean? Tokiya, is that true?” Natsuki asked, slowly approaching Tokiya. He was quite observant all this time and he always tried to ask Tokiya about his constitution whenever he felt that something was going wrong but the blue head would deny as much as he asked.

“Since when?” Ren asked even he also could sense it from the way Tokiya’s behavior changed drastically years ago. “Is it because of the Stripper title? Are you depressed because you’re constantly being compared to Masato?”

 _Quite close, Ren. The answer is far more terrible,_ Tokiya’s mind echoed.

“I don’t know since when it has started but I’ve found the drugs in his house before.  He asked me not to tell anyone but now, since he’s so stubborn, I guess I will just ask him,” Otoya supplied, staring at his ex-roommate who no longer could lift his head and meet anyone’s eyes.

“They… they aren’t,” they could see that Tokiya was struggling to regain his composure. “Don’t… don’t be absurd, Otoya.”

“Don’t lie to me. I roomed with you for years and I know you. You snapped easily, you slept more than usual and you even canceled your schedule on the spot when we all know you’re a hard worker. All of them are the sign of mental illness, right? Do you perhaps… do you have depression, Tokiya?”

“I said I don’t!” He hollered, indirectly pushing Haruka and Natsuki from him. His breathing was uneven that it gradually tugged at Cecil and Syo’s heartstrings. 

Tokiya was suffering. His gesture proved them.  

But, Himura saved him by calling him when he felt like he was cornered by his friends’ worry and curiosity.

“Hello, Himura-san. Oh, you’re… you’re here already? Okay, I will leave now. Wh… What? No, I am… I am fine,” he said as he slowly walked towards the door, flashing that this discussion was over.

“Tokiya, please…” Haruka’s attempt to coax him was cut by his one last look towards his friends.

“Just pretend that this thing never exists and we will be fine,” he said before leaving the house, dragging his emotion-sapped frame to the front door.     

The room remained hushed even Tokiya had left the house.

“So, he’s really suffering, huh?” Natsuki asked, unable to cover the gloom that spread to his face and voice. “I never thought that he has endured a mental illness. No wonder he looks miserable every time I saw him.”

“Thank you, Otoya. This is really a surprising exposure. Even he kept refuting, it’s clear that he is suffering from an illness,” Ren remarked, patting Otoya’s back.  

“Just why did he hide the illness from us? And more importantly, we talked about what happened on that day when Masato collapsed, right? Why did it have anything to do with his illness?” Cecil asked softly. The sudden embarrassment from slurring Tokiya made him felt unfeasible to meet anyone’s eyes.

“Just what happened to him on that day that it made him shivered like that?” Haruka pointed out.

Meanwhile, for Syo, it was still confusing and Haruka’s question also did not solve any puzzle. Plus, two of Cecil’s questions were still left unanswered.

Why did the day Masato collapsed have anything to do with Tokiya’s illness?

And why did he…

“He said we will be fine if we pretend that his illness never exists, right?” Otoya inquired. “Why?”

And why did Tokiya hide his illness from them? Ren was convinced that he knew the answer, thanks to Otoya again.

“I think somebody asked him to or…” Ren held his breath as he himself was shocked by what his brain had suggested. “Or threatened him.”   

* * *

 **When** his teammates had found a devastating truth about Tokiya, Masato had to swallow another secret about the guy.

Which was all this time, Tokiya found his presence absolutely obnoxious.

Masato did not expect these harsh words when he called Tokiya at that night, asking further about the idol’s relationship with other members especially Cecil and Syo.  

“I hate you, Masato,” was what Tokiya said.

“What?”

“I said,” Tokiya repeated, this time his usually gentle voice no longer escaped his lips. “The Stripper hates the Saint so much.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter is soooo hard T_T I was the one who made them fight but now, I don’t even know what they should say to each other. I hope what they discussed and argued did make sense. As usual, if you have something to say about this chapter, feel free to let me know, okay? It will help me a lot :D


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it began...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for your comment, Digila-san! ^^
> 
> Okayyyy! So in this chapter, it reveals the dark side of Shining Agency aka idol world in this universe. I got the inspiration after I read a few articles about the dark sides of Kpop. I don’t know how it works in Japanese entertainment industry so you can say that this story is from my imagination + what I have read. I love reading and writing satirical stories anyway. Satire makes me realize how immoral the current society can be. FYI, this story does portray some mature themes but they are only there just to justify why Tokiya had those mental disorders and how Tokiya’s loving nature clashed with his suffering. I won’t write it in details. I will just mention it briefly. As a writer, I have principles and one of them is I don’t want and never write explicit scenes such as sexual content and what not. I just can tolerate violence lol.

_****I**** know there’s something happened to them. Should I just ask Ren? Or Tokiya?_

Was what Masato had in his mind. The kids were fast asleep while his wife was in her office, composing songs. So, he was alone in his room, still holding his phone tentatively.

He knew, with his sickness and memory loss, he could do nothing but at least, maybe he could talk it out with them. Maybe he could find a way to settle whatever problems they had among them. It was evident that Syo and Cecil were hostile towards Tokiya and the blue head himself also did not try hard to conceal his awkwardness around them either.

He attempted to call Ren. It was twice but he received no answers from the scion. Assuming that his childhood friend was busy, Masato scrolled down the contacts list until he found Tokiya’s number.

For some reason, waiting for Tokiya to pick up the call left a strange lump in his heart. It felt like something thumped his chest, indefatigably forewarned him that their conversation would not end in a good direction.

"Hello?"

Meanwhile, Masato’s call was what Tokiya did not want to encounter the most. He frowned as soon as his twin’s name appeared on the screen. Already wearing a pair of dark blue pajamas, he was lying on his bed restlessly. It was a torture that he had to endure a rough schedule after his dramatic encounter with his friends but still did not get a wink of sleep. Masato’s call only made his mood worse.

“What does he want now?” He mumbled before sliding the phone button to the right side. "What's it, Masato?"

"Em... Well, I..." For a second, Masato stammered when Tokiya did not even bother to say ‘hello’. "Are you going to sleep already?"

"No. Why?" There was a low chuckle followed after his answer. Masato did not see which part of his question was funny so he could feel that Tokiya was being sarcastic.

“I am sorry if I ask this. I know I shouldn’t bother you but Ren didn’t pick up my call. I…”

“Just get to the nitty-gritty, Masato. I am tired,” Tokiya said, feeling worn out to maintain his reserved and cool demeanor. He knew soon enough his friends would tell Masato about his mental condition so he might as well twist the knife in order to ditch his friends again. “If you know you’re going to be sorry, why did you bother to call, then?”

“Huh?”

_Is he angry about something? Why did he sound so harsh all of sudden?_

“Masato, are you there?” Tokiya’s annoyed voice send him recoiled.

“Huh? Yes, yes,” Masato replied. His nervousness owing to Tokiya’s abrasiveness led him to stutter. “About our friends…”

“What about them?” The last three words only made Tokiya sound dour since he could intuit which direction the conversation would bring him to.

_Control your anger, Tokiya. It looked like he’s getting afraid of you,_ his mind whispered.

_But he asked for it. I think he deserves to know a smidgen._

His mind was always carved up when it comes to Masato. The first side wanted to be a good friend of Masato and never wanted to upset him but the other side was too callous. It wanted Masato to feel all the pain that the man had caused.

"Is there… Is there something wrong with you guys? Why Cecil and Syo seemed cold towards you?"

“No, we are fine," Tokiya said, quickly. “We get along well.”

“But I didn’t see it that way,” Masato sighed, did not have the slightest idea that Tokiya was balling his hand into a fist as he could spot Masato’s grit.

“I told you, we get along well.”

“Please don’t lie to me, Tokiya,” Masato supplied. “I might lose my memory but you can’t hide everything forever. I know there’s something that I should know. I asked everyone why they seemed to avoid talking about you but no one answered me...”

“I hate you, Masato.”

Tokiya’s voice turned terrifyingly sotto voce. He just whispered but the words that he carried were too piercing for Masato. It took long for Masato to meet Tokiya after he lost his memory but it just took his one night to learn that his friend actually hated him.

“What?” was the only word he could mutter when his chest felt hurt from the throb of his heart.

“I said… The Stripper hates the Saint so much.”

Tokiya’s mind was so unruly that he unintentionally let his hidden loathing of Masato slip. It was something that had nothing to do with their current conversation.

“What are you on about, Tokiya? Where did that come from?”

Closing his eyes to Masato’s question, Tokiya breathed a heavy sigh.

“Seriously, why do you have to be such a pain? You just worsened the situation and it made me hate you more. Everyone has been too considerate towards your feeling since you’re sick but here you’re, trying to make me spill the beans. Can’t you just ignore it and continue with your life instead?”

“I am asking you because I know there’s something happened among my friends! I couldn’t sit here doing nothing!” Due to the desperation that had built up in him, Masato could not help but raise his voice.

“That’s what you’re supposed to do! Sit there and do nothing!” Much to Masato’s shock, Tokiya yelled at him. His voice was more thunderous, depicting his ill temper. “I was already tortured when you’re healthy so when you’re sick, please spare me more trouble! I don’t want it anymore!”

It was a pregnant silence as Masato rested his free hand on his chest. Not only Tokiya’s voice was so terrifying, he felt like he was talking to an enemy instead of a friend.

_What did he mean by ‘tortured’?_

While for Tokiya, he realized that he was this close to revealing his resentment regarding their ‘twins concept’. His ramshackle emotion was having a hold over him and he could feel the attack given how trembling his body was.

“Please use your common sense, Masato. Use your brain,” Tokiya said. It sounded so mocking for Masato who had an inferiority complex about his disability. “The others are so nice to you but for some reason, you guys always missed one member which is me. So, logically speaking, there’s something happened between us and what is it? I did something which made them resented me. I insulted you guys for being unable to reach stardom when you’re in the same group with me. But still, since you’re sick, they didn’t want to make you worried so they decided to keep it as a secret. Is it that hard to understand, hmm?”

“Don’t treat me like I am a fool, Tokiya,” Masato said. It was so hurt when he just learned of this sarcastic Tokiya.

“You’re, Masato. You’re,” Tokiya scoffed, followed by his snicker. “They gave you hints that you should stay out of this but you kept butting in. So how am I supposed to treat you, huh?”

“I think I will feel healthier if I know what happened in STARISH and figure on the solution with you guys instead of doing nothing,” Masato said. His voice quivered with the thought of his hopelessness in this situation when they were always there for him. “Do you know what did the doctor say to me? My memory improved most probably because I met you. Previously, it only lasted for two weeks but since I met you, it lasted until now. It hints that you contribute the bigger part of my memory. You mean so much to the old me, Tokiya!”

Tokiya was too broken to speak. As if the familiar warmth from Masato’s words was not enough, all the moral support that he received from the guy due to the stress from his ‘stripper’ job before had also clouded his mind.

It cruelly reminded him how supportive Masato was as his friend. That guy had saved him from committing suicide so many times before.

“I wish we can reconcile. I want STARISH to be together again. I believe that alone will make me stay healthy.”

_As expected from the Saint,_  Tokiya thought in bitter.  _But I am sorry, Masato. I had to keep you away from me. Then only all of us will be fine._

This time, he would use Haruka to hurt Masato. He knew how much the woman meant for her husband.

His president’s threat darkened his mind again.

****_“If your teammates know your illness, all of you are finished. I will make sure that STARISH will completely be wiped out from the showbiz forever.”_ ** **

He suffered from clinical depression and complex post-traumatic stress disorder since more than ten years ago but he could not let them know.

“No need to patch up with me, Masato,” he said, clearing his throat. His chest felt heavy already with what he had planned to say but he was left with no choice. "Because between us itself, we do have a conflict. We are twins with blue hairs, similar personality and we get along well but you miss the last part. We both love the same woman."

“What?”

_Did he say... he loves Haruka? Or..._

“Yes, it’s Haruka,” he said, precisely guessing Masato’s thought. “And that’s the answer for your questions. How can I be in a relationship when I love your wife?" Tokiya said, sending a shiver down to his twin’s veins. “She’s my first love and I am still madly in love with her until now. When the president finally lifted the relationship ban, I was about to propose her but I was slightly later than you. But today, I just heard the most interesting statement from you. Do you remember? You said, ‘I hope she will be yours soon, Tokiya. You are a nice guy so you deserve a nice girl.’ Really? Do you really hope that Haruka will become mine?”

“Stop that, Tokiya,” Masato said, unable to conceal his anxiety. “This is not funny.”

“I am not trying to be funny. I just gave the real answers since you’re so curious about me. It’s not my fault. You asked for it,” Tokiya mocked. “You already dug your own grave by saying that you’re jealous of me for being Haruka’s inspiration. You know what? Since I inspired her and I changed her life, she should be mine. Not yours.”

Masato was too scared to speak.

“But I guess God still sympathized with me. You saw how your daughters treated me, right? You know what? Both Harumi and Mitsuki used to mistake me for you. I think this might be a big chance for me to replace you in your family in case you die. You trust me enough to protect Haruka from Van anyway.”

Each of Tokiya’s word was like a deep stab through Masato's heart. The scion shivered with the possibility of Tokiya would betray him, considering the big chance was there.

And he was one of the contributors to the big chance.

“Why are you so quiet? Too afraid to speak? I bet you’re. Your twin here is not as kind as you think, Masato,” Tokiya added playfully but still managed to suggest a menace. "So, just a bit of advice. Next time, please believe those who are always there for you. Not someone like me.”

Masato froze in his place when the call ended with a loud thud. His eyes stared at nothing in particular but he knew, he was daunted by the threat.

_Did Tokiya really mean what he said? Was that a real threat?_

His phone lit up, showing a message from Ren.

****Hey, I am sorry. I was with my daughter. Why did you call me?** **

With difficulties, Masato typed out a new message.

****Ren, Tokiya has become so weird.** **

* * *

****_Done_**** _with Masato. I can continue my life as usual. No more STARISH, no more Haruka,_ Tokiya thought as he tossed his phone to the small table before slamming his body in the bed. He never thought that one day, every single threat that he blurted out to Masato would haunt his life forever.

A few minutes passed but something still bugged his head.

He missed his teammates. He missed their tendency to be a bunch of clowns who cared about him more than he did. The potluck was a red-letter day if it was not because of the fight.

Tokiya stared at the ceiling as he sadly reminisced about those happy and painful moments with them.

* * *

****How****  much did STARISH mean to Tokiya?

The answer was unthinkable but if he had to put in a simpler way…

STARISH was his home and his teammates were the family members. For someone who grew up in a brusque family with workaholic parents, it was bound that his friends were everything for him. Their randomness made his life colorful. He used to have a mindset that all he had to do was working hard for his future but knowing more about them had him realized that each person in this world needed somebody in their life.

It was never fun and meaningful to be alone.

His teammates were so random like suddenly asking him to call all of them by their first names.

“Come on, Tokiya! You can do it! All of us already practiced it when you were in Hokkaido last month,” Otoya insisted when they were taking a break from their dance practice.

“Does it matter? It’s not like I treat you guys differently,” Tokiya reasoned out. He felt more discomfited when all six of them were eyeing him out of anticipation.

“Yes, it does! We’ll sound more like seven siblings instead of teammates,” Cecil exclaimed. “Come on, Tokiya! You called me Aijima-san for four years already! I want you to call me Cecil.”

“You call me Syo but we rarely hang out together. Heck, you are close to Masato but you still call him Hijirikawa-san? Let’s be consistent and close-knit!” Syo said, smacking Tokiya’s back.

After arguing almost for fifteen minutes, Haruka who just went back from her meeting joined them. It sparked another idea for Ren who was aware of Tokiya’s feeling towards the composer.

“Haruka, can you call him ‘Tokiya’ instead of ‘Ichinose-san’?” Ren said.

“Huh?” Tokiya and Haruka exclaimed in unison.

“Haruka also started practicing our ‘call by first name’ rule. She should call you by one too,” Otoya added.

“Yeah, Haruka! Show him!” Cecil encouraged, followed by Natsuki’s touch on her shoulder.

“Well…” Haruka who was sitting in  _seiza_  style held his eyes, followed by a sweet smile.

It felt strange when everyone was overjoyed at this kind of matter but as soon as Haruka was involved, Tokiya could not evade but be riveted on her voice which attempted to address him as his first name.

“I’ll try even it’s so awkward,” Haruka fanned herself. “Why does it make me nervous?”

“It’s because Tokiya looks so stern to be called by his first name, right?” Ren teased, ignoring the dissatisfied look from the said guy.

“No, no. I swear he doesn’t,” Haruka waved her hands earnestly. She had no idea how endearing she was to Tokiya who had suppressed his feeling towards her for a long time. “It’s just that… Okay, I give up. I guess… let’s be closer,  _Tokiya_.”

If Tokiya was as bubbly as Natsuki or Otoya, he would jump excitedly.

After that, for whatever reason, Haruka stretched out her hand like they just closed a deal while Tokiya accepted it vacantly.

“Okay, let’s do that.”

“Hey, what’re you guys doing!? Do you have to shake hands? Unbelievable!” Syo cried out.

“They’re too socially awkward. That’s why,” Ren supplied.

“They’re so cute!” Natsuki exclaimed, pulling both his socially awkward friends into a hug.

Tokiya ignored their repartee and the urge to escape from Natsuki’s bone-crushing hug. Instead, he was smiling for the rest of the day.

* * *

****Tokiya****  also would be the cynosure of his teammates when they gained a break including Christmas Day. Tokiya had inured himself to spend his vacation alone since he lived with his parents so he had no problem when his friends wanted to spend their Christmas Day with their family.

But apparently, they did not share the same opinion.

“Tokiya, are you sure you’ll be okay?” Otoya asked, pulling his luggage.

“Yes, I’ll,” Tokiya said, eyes were glued to his novel. When he received no responses nor whine from his thoughtful roommate, he lifted his head.

Otoya was frowning, which caused another ‘I’ll be fine’ answer from Tokiya.

“But you’ll be alone. I can’t celebrate Christmas Day in the orphanage when I know my best friend will be alone here!” Otoya cried out. His red eyes glistened with concern and Tokiya bet, Otoya’s fans would go crazy if they could see this kind of expression.

But in the eyes of him as Otoya’s roommate who saw the redhead for 24 hours, Tokiya thought that the redhead was just too dramatic. This kind of reaction was hard to be comprehended by a stoic like him.

“You make it sound like I will die from loneliness,” he narrowed his eyes, attempting to scare his not-so-beloved roommate. Unlike usual, it did not work out. “I won’t die, Otoya. Just go already! You don’t want them to wait for you, right?”

“If you say so, I guess I will leave now. See you after the break,” Otoya said, pulling his luggage as he headed for the door. “Bye, Tokiya.”

“Bye. Take care,” the blue head replied, returning his attention towards his novel. It was not like he was annoyed with his roommate. The guy had always been caring about everyone.

But, a few seconds later, Tokiya almost changed his opinion about the sweet redhead when he could spot a suspicious glimpse of red hair from the corner of his eyes. He turned, only to see Otoya, standing from outside of the room while staring at him. Only half of his face was shown which made his infamous puppy-liked eyes more visible.

“Tokiya, seriously?”

_He reminds me of Doraemon who finally gets a holiday but still hesitates to leave Nobita alone,_  Tokiya thought.  _It’s not like I will be bullied by Jaian if I stay here._

“Yes, Otoya. I am not Nobita, okay? I can survive on my own,” Tokiya said with a heavy sigh. “We all will throw a party soon, right? So, you should go and enjoy yourself in the orphanage first.”

“Okay, then.”

The door was closed but Tokiya had a different idea. He put the novel on his table before heading for the door. As soon as he slammed it open, his not-so-beloved roommate was still there, still in the original position. It was obvious that he was going to open the door and ask Tokiya again.

“Hehehehe,” Otoya scratched his red head, swallowing his saliva as Tokiya crossed his arms over his chest.

_He’s going to get angry with me._

“What do you want now, Otoya? I said I am fine, okay?”

“But…”

“Tokiyaaaa, let’s join my family for Christmas Day! Kaoru wants to see you!” Syo who suddenly stormed out of his room interrupted their conversation, followed by the more and less energetic Natsuki and Cecil.

“Hey, that’s unfair! I was about to ask him to follow me first!” Otoya protested which childishly brought the uproar in the middle of the corridor.

“You’re slow, Otoya! Kaoru is asking me to bring Tokiya to our house. He wants to talk about medical stuff with him.”

“Obviously you’re not being a useful twin for Kaoru, Syo. He even wants to talk to his brother’s friend instead!” Cecil scoffed. “Tokiya, why don’t you follow me to my country? I bet you love to learn about different culture, right!?”

“Shut up! I am asking him first, you fool!”

As Tokiya was speechless to see his three youngest teammates argued with each other, Natsuki was flashing a smile.

“In case you wonder…”

“Yes, I do. Why do they have to fight about it when I am fine to celebrate Christmas Day by myself?”

“That’s how friends are, Tokiya. Sometimes, they will worry over us more than ourselves,” Natsuki’s casual but sincere remark brought something warm in Tokiya’s heart. “Well, we talked about this a lot about how you always spent time alone during a break. We just thought that we wanted you to have fun with our family too.”

_How’s celebrating Christmas Day with a family will feel like? I have no idea,_  Tokiya pondered. His family never celebrated events together so he never knew.

“Well, I guess I understand what do you mean, Natsuki.”

When Masato and Ren already joined the argument about who would bring Tokiya to their house first, the blue head knew he would never be alone again during his upcoming vacation.

* * *

****Little****  did Tokiya know, when he started to be more open and accept STARISH as his family, his ‘career’ had ruined him and his friendship.

It all started when Saotome pulled a meeting with his assistants who were also the famous celebrities, Hyuga Ryuya, and Tsukimiya Ringo.

“They both are quite famous nowadays, right?” Ringo, the only cross-dresser in Shining Agency tapped his fingers on Tokiya’s picture, followed by Masato’s. It was the article for their participation in Neo Dream Music Festival, performing Original Resonance. “A lot of fans dubbed them twins for their similar looks. Why don’t we make it official, Saotome?”

“Yeah, it’ll be a good promotion for the group. Lately, HEAVENS also can easily defeat STARISH with their fierce image so we have to come up with a different concept for all seven of them,” Hyuga pointed out.

“No, we don’t have to change all of them,” Saotome swayed his finger in their direction. It was clear that he had an idea from the start. “All we need to change is Tokiya. With Masato as his teammate, it’ll make our job easier.”

“Huh?” Hyuga exclaimed, grimacing at the easy-sounded plan. “That’s it?”

“What do you mean, Saotome?” Ringo asked, staring at Tokiya’s smiling face perplexedly.

“We have to fix him with a certain image. Fixed but powerful,” Saotome began to explain. His smile was eerie since his plan would not only bring him way more opulence but also indicated his lack of humanity. “All STARISH members have their permanent image especially Masato. It’s obvious that people will relate him with historical drama, ikebana, husband material and what not. He gained tons of similar projects which needed him to be all conservative and saint-like. The others also have gone through similar situations. Otoya with his sweet demeanor, Ren with a flirty image but Tokiya? He has worked the longest in this industry out of them and he had proved himself as a versatile entertainer.”

“But, what kind of image are we talking about here? Come to think of it, you’re right, Saotome. Tokiya’s image has overlapped with other members’ so it’s kind of hard to identify his image especially when his personality is similar to Masato. Cool, calm, and collected,” Ringo remarked.

“But he’s not as traditional as Masato. Tokiya is more flexible in that sense,” Hyuga pointed out which cast light on the meeting. His eyes sized up before gazing into his boss. “I think I know what Saotome meant. He wants to make Tokiya as the very opposite of Masato, right? For example, if Masato is the Saint, Tokiya will be…”

“The Stripper,” Saotome added, gaining him a loud gasp from Ringo and a blank stare from Hyuga. “Thanks for the idea, Hyuga.”

“So basically, Tokiya has to…”

“Yes, Hyuga. He has to be provocative, in contrast to the modest Masato.”

“But, Saotome… should we give such title to Ren instead? While Tokiya is flexible, he’s still prim and innocent. I don’t think he can carry such offensive title,” Ringo highlighted. “He’s not even a ladies’ man like Ren.”

“And he’s also not a show-off like Ren. Remember that,” Saotome replied. “Ren made it too obvious that he’s confident with his charm. Women nowadays find it corny, you know. Instead, they want someone like Tokiya. Quiet, mysterious, but sexy. Plus, there are so many girls romanticize abusive relationship, alpha males, and bad boys. It doesn’t matter how creepy the guy’s personality is, as long as he’s hot, he’ll be forgiven easily. Those stupid girls are Tokiya’s target audience.”

“And yet, you’re the ‘smart’ president who exploited his artist for such an immoral job?” Ringo snickered before laughing.

“Of course. We give what the majority wants no matter how perverted they are. I am not establishing this agency to give moral education to my customers. I simply want to make money,” Saotome emphasized, smirking at his own words. “Plus, Tokiya should be grateful for what I have done to him. I gave him the second chance to debut again as himself so he might as well use his Stripper title to show his appreciation to me.”

“But STARISH is well-known for their clean image, Saotome. Are they going to be alright with Tokiya as the Stripper?” Hyuga asked. His boss’s ability to answer any kind of question piqued more of his curiosity.

“In fact, they should thank Tokiya later for making STARISH more popular. Trust me. In future, among them, Tokiya will be called the Heart-throb. Why? Because he’s the Stripper and he will gain us way more profits than his teammates. Plus…” Saotome paused, enjoying his assistants’ anticipated expression. “A lot of VIPs want him and will pay us a lot for Tokiya’s ‘service’. They are waiting for my green light.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, Hyuga, Ringo, and Saotome are veeeery OOC in this story. Just saying XD As usual, if you have something to say about this chapter, feel free to let me know, okay? Thank you for reading ^^


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The so-called date...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, guys! I am so happy to receive them ^^

****“Original****  Resonance.”

As soon as the song title glanced off the stadium, a round of vibrant applause rained down the whole space. Both Tokiya and Masato bowed 90 degrees, smiling enchantingly at the audience before flashing one at each other. No words were needed when they knew their hearts palpitated in the same tempo. Rapid but full of exhilaration.

The first concert of STARISH’s sub-unit was a huge success and they were so proud of it. They bumped their fists together, silently celebrating their hard work and triumph.

Before the sub-unit was formed, Masato and Tokiya had a fairly close friendship. They had other five friends who they also hang out with so they could not say that they spent a lot of times together. Everything changed after they were assigned to perform temporarily in a sub-unit with Original Resonance as their emblematic song. Not only the song topped a lot of charts for several weeks, but they had also found that compared to other members, they were always on the same wavelength. Their manners, life view, hobbies, looks and many more were similar which supported the fans’ reason to dub them the twins of STARISH.

“I like to talk to him. It feels like I just found my long-lost twin after 20 years. My father’s hair color is even the same with him so he might be really my twin brother,” was Masato’s joke when they attended a talk show. “Unlike Ren, Tokiya doesn’t cause me problems so it’s fun and faster to work with him.”

“I thought so too. My mother’s hair color is the same as Masato’s so he can easily pass as my twin brother as well,” Tokiya’s added. “And yeah. Unlike Otoya, Masato doesn’t cause me problems too.”

The friendship started so primly and innocuous. But later, as they grew older, they would learn in a harrowing way that their fates were entwined to each other from the start.

If they knew it earlier, they would avoid it. Most probably, they did not want to have anything to do with each other.

Meeting and knowing each other were partially the big mistakes for them.

* * *

****Meanwhile,**** in Saotome’s office, the president was watching HEAVENS’ last performance intently. Their concert was held on the same day as Tokiya and Masato’s.

Was it a coincidence? Saotome never thought so. Raging Otori might be his rival and also his enemy on a personal level but he knew the guy like his best friend.

Just like himself, Otori used any possible way to beat him.

“It’s amazing!” Ringo exclaimed while using nail polish. “As expected from HEAVENS.”

“By using five members?” Saotome replied sarcastically. “I wouldn’t call it amazing, Ringo. Our agency only used two members from STARISH so it’s obvious who is more successful.”

“I can’t agree more with that. Tokiya and Masato shine the most when they’re together,” Hyuga supplied, sitting at the coffee table with Ringo. “Your calculation about them drawing the most attention is very true, Saotome.”

“Who are you talking to, Hyuga? I am the only one who can beat Otori’s masterpiece so I can see what others can’t see. Especially Otori’s plan to beat me,” Saotome said. Staring at Eiichi who was thanking his fans for supporting the concert, he found the guy amusing. “He wants to use the whole HEAVENS to vanquish me but I only use Tokiya to fight back. Tokiya will bring a lot of profits to us with Masato’s help.”

* * *

****“So,****  Otoya will sing this part with Syo,” Haruka mumbled, scribbling the said guys’ names on the music sheet before putting down her pencil. A heavy sigh was heaved from her red lips and that was when she could feel the familiar growl in her stomach.

“I don’t have dinner yet. No wonder,” she murmured, glancing at the brown clock on the wall.

It was almost three o’clock in the morning and she had just done writing a few songs for STARISH. She received no order from Saotome but her new ideas could not be left wasted and so was her time.

She closed the piano lid before standing up. After doing some stretches for her sore arms and shoulders, she silently headed for the kitchen which was way far from her room. She often burnt the midnight oil when she had a lot of songs to write so walking alone in the middle of the corridor to grab some food was not a big deal.

Unless her head suddenly decided to be ingenious like a novelist, imagining that random creatures would jump out of nowhere and spook her…

“Oh my… It’s so dark and quiet,” she muttered while dramatically leaned against the wall when her golden eyes stubbornly concentrated on the end of the corridor. It was like a typical horror movie set; it was chilly that she felt something just nipped her exposed arms. The moon was the only source of light for her but if she switched on the lamp now, something would pop out right in front of her and…

“No, don’t be ridiculous, Haruka. You’ve lived here almost for four years and so far, you haven’t spotted any, right? Come on. You’re hungry, Haruka. You’re hungry.”

With the charm in order to keep her mind distracted, she switched on the lamp. After breathing out a very relieved sigh since she did not spot any weird creatures, the girl fixed her eyes straight ahead until she reached the kitchen. Haruka was not sure with everyone’s schedule but she would often bump into the boys who had a late night schedule or just simply practiced until morning especially Tokiya.

Deep inside, she was hoping that the idol would head for the kitchen as well. To accompany a fraidy-cat like her to eat was a pain but at least, his presence was enough to make her feel safe. The guy’s moxie and composure were something that she had admired other than his talent and perseverance.

Or maybe, she just wanted to see him.

After soaking her  _ramen_  in the hot cup together with chopped scallion, egg, spinach, and other toppings, she was about to head straight for her room when she almost bumped into a tall figure. She squeaked right away, almost dropped her  _ramen_  cup.

“I am sorry!” she exclaimed before lifting her head to meet eyes with the guy. “To…Tokiya?”

It was Tokiya, the guy who she had in her mind a few minutes ago. The guy with the dark blue jacket was gazing at her with wide eyes. For some reasons, he touched his chest while panting heavily.

“Yes, it’s Tokiya. Why are you reacting like I just trespassed on here?” He said. “Not to mention, your shriek…”

“Oh, it’s ear-splitting, right? I am sorry,” she grinned shyly. It was something that she could not change for ages, let alone overnight. “I was imagining things when I came here and I was hoping that you would at least show up so that I felt more secure… oh my!”

_Oh, no. I just said my thought!_ Haruka mentally screamed while hitting her lips lightly.

“But it seemed like I scared you even more,” Tokiya supplied, ignoring the fact that his heart was thumping fast since she just stated that she was thinking of him.

_It seems we are thinking of each other,_  he thought.

“And then, your scream scared me.”

“Yes, it did. I am so sorry about that,” Haruka bowed again while being cautious about her  _ramen._  “By the way, what’re you still doing at this hour?”

“I was in the training room, memorizing a script,” Tokiya said, pointing at a room which was located almost at the end of the corridor.

“Oh, is it a new movie?”

“Yes, with Masato.”

“Then, why didn’t you practice with him?”

“I don’t want to push him to follow my routine. Masato is certainly hardworking but he knows how to give himself a rest. Unlike me,” Tokiya said before a mesmerizing smile plastered on the thin lips.

_He’s just like me. Too absorbed in our work. No wonder we bump into each other a lot at a time like this,_  the composer mentally said. For some reason, she was staring at his smile.

“What about you?”

“Huh? Well, I… as usual, I am hungry after working,” she said, lifting the  _ramen_ cup to match his eye level.

“Oh…” His blue eyes were unexpectedly glued to the packaging which also showed various toppings for the  _ramen_. The smell was enthralling and he could easily imagine how delicious it could be. He never ate it due to his strict diet and lifestyle but now…

His blue eyes were staring dangerously at the mundane but scrumptious dish like a kid who craved for ice cream.

“Oh, do you want it too, Tokiya? I have an extra cup for you if you want and we can eat together,” and to make it worse, Haruka asked him to eat together. “But I bet you don’t want it, right? It’s _ramen_  and it’s still early morning. I am so hungry so I grab anything that instantly cooked but can make me full.”

It was  _together_. His life was tiring because his job normally did not end earlier than midnight but his early morning was always blessed with a so-called date with Haruka. Tokiya had six friends and no-dating rule for him to keep a watchful eye on so this  _ramen_ -date should not be squandered just like that.

But the problem was the  _ramen_  itself. Should he cook another thing which was healthier instead?

“No, it’s okay. The sodium…”

At last, his stomach divulged him. It growled so hard that it made them holding each other’s eyes.

“Tokiya, is that you?” She asked, vacantly.

“No,” he denied quickly but the red dust started to spread through his pale skin.

_Stupid stomach!_

* * *

****Haruka****  was still giggling silently when Tokiya, also silently savoring the  _ramen_. She turned to the opposite direction where she could face the window. Because of Tokiya’s tragic stomach rumble, the pitch-black sky did not seem eerie to her. Thanks to Tokiya, the man did not only make her feel secure but also made her laughed at his humiliation.

“Stop that, Haruka,” she could recognize the voice. It was Tokiya when he tried hard to act as nothing happened. As soon as the girl turned, she was ‘blessed’ with Tokiya’s narrowed and supposed-to-be-intimidating eyes.

“Sorry, not sorry?” Haruka said with a wide grin. “It reminded me of…”

“The festival day when your stomach growled right in front of me, right?” Tokiya said before a smirk plastered over his face. “That’s the nicest sound that I’ve ever heard from a demure girl like you.”

_Urgh!_

“You have no idea how embarrassed I was. It’ll feel better if it’s other guys instead of you!” Haruka exclaimed, stirring thebroth.

“Oh, I wonder why?” Tokiya asked. In the midst of the curiosity, his face was getting closer to hers. “Do you feel more comfortable with others than me?”

“Do you want me to lie?” Haruka asked back, glancing at the man from the corner of her eyes.

“No. I am asking because I want to know the truth, obviously.”

“To be honest, it’s awkward because I… I respect you. You have more experience than us and your singing always energizes me so I always end up looking up to you. Even the others also say that they depend on you for many things given how thoughtful and smart you are.”

That was what she said but deep inside, she felt something was missing. It seemed like there was a significant piece of the puzzle which she had lost.

_For some reason, I think the answer is incomplete,_  she thought.

“You don’t have to feel that way, Haruka. We’re on the same level now,” Tokiya said. He himself noticed his demeanor. A lot of people said that he frequently looked like he judged or underestimated people when all he did was being a perfectionist.

“Yeah, especially when your stomach growled just now. I immediately felt that we’re on the same level. Hihi,” Haruka said. Her expression turned so impish that it almost made Tokiya shoved a large amount of  _ramen_  into her mouth if it was not because she was Haruka.

“Do you want me to leave you alone and go back to my room instead?” The threat was even more menacing when Tokiya put on a very blank face but letting a chilling voice escaped from his lips.

“No, please don’t,” she immediately switched on her beseeching mood. She moved closer, unconsciously charmed Tokiya with her glistened eyes. “I still can’t get rid of the fact that something will emerge if I am alone…”

“You should be conscious of the window first of all,” Tokiya said, pointing at the window which was just next to Haruka. “Who knows what might emerge and break the window when you’re still eating, right? It happened a lot in movies. I mean  _a lot._ ”

It was silent when Haruka stared at Tokiya blankly while swallowing her saliva. Slowly, she dragged her chair along, sitting closer to the guy.

“Stop that, Tokiya,” Haruka said, slowly. She frowned when Tokiya split his sides. “You have no idea how I want to be brave like you so that I won’t imagine things.”

“Trust me. It’s hard sometimes,” Tokiya added before taking a sip of broth. “I watched a lot of horror movies with others and many times, I don’t know why they screamed a lot when the scenes were not that scary. They asked me to be around because they felt secure but when they’re done, they scolded me because I couldn’t relate to them. At least, Masato got scared sometimes which made him more human. It makes me wonder if I am more robotic than human.”

Haruka tittered. She could imagine the situation well given she was used to everyone’s personality. Syo, Cecil, and Otoya were the typical cowards who could cry in their sleep but could not overcome their curiosity simultaneously.

“Don’t worry, Tokiya. Everyone has good and bad points. You’re fine as you’re,” she said as a pretty smile spread over her lips. They stared and smiled at each other before averting their gazes elsewhere.

_That was close,_  Tokiya thought as he silently breathed out a relieved sigh. There was no way he could let his feeling for her shown.

“Thanks, I guess,” he said, attempting to fill the silence. “But I must say that I am so grateful to have them as my friends. They changed me. Every one of them means a lot to me.”

“Me too,” Haruka said. She beamed as all the craziness from their past crossed her mind.

“But, please don’t tell them about this. They’ll make a fuss and it’ll be tiring to handle,” Tokiya said, shaking his head at the thought of his friends’ dramatic reaction. “They always react dramatically towards what I say…”

“It’s because behind the aloof demeanor, you have a very loving side, Tokiya,” she said. The silk-like voice was one thing but to hear such heartening words from his beloved girl soothed him so much. He could listen to her all day and no music could match her voice. “They are just impressed and admire you more. To be honest, we’re still shocked that you love children.”

“I am not surprised given how cold I was,” he stated. “I don’t have a fun childhood. I spent too much in studies so I didn’t hang out with my friends. When I see children, they’re like the emotional healing for me. They remind me of the childhood that I would never have so I love to see them smile and don’t worry over anything. I wish someday, I can travel and volunteer for children.”

“When will it happen when you’re so busy with your work?”

“I don’t know. Maybe after I decide that my job kills me and I lose my passion for it,” that was when he turned and that was when they noticed how close their faces to each other. Their arms brushed against each other, sending a weird but warm feeling to their veins.

It was a pregnant pause as they stared into each other, admiring each other’s features. They did not know how exactly it happened but for now, they were charmed by the other person so much.

“Hmm…well…” she timidly dragged her chair away from him. Apparently, she was the factor why they sat that close. “I guess we can go back to our room now. You must be tired, right? You should get a rest now.”

“I guess so,” due to feeling so awkward of their position, Tokiya blurted out whatever remark off the top of his head.

Tokiya escorted Haruka to her room. Saying goodnight to each other when it was already five o’clock in the morning before heading for their ways, they slept with the familiar but wonderful feeling every time they spent time together.

* * *

****Saotome****  was pulling a meeting with the biggest investor of his company, Nakamura Takeshi and his daughter, Nakamura Yuna.

“Well, I can see that your daughter is ecstatic,” Saotome said, chuckling at how Yuna blushed at his comment.

“I can’t help it. I have my eye on him since a long time ago,” Yuna said. Despite tucking her brown hair behind her ear innocently, the reason why she was in the room with her father was far from being innocent. “But he never spared a glance at me. I wonder if I am not beautiful enough for him.”

“Tokiya never has eye for beauties like you. That’s how he is,” Saotome said, tapping his fingers on the table. “But I am sure. Once you have him in the palm of your hand, he’ll be all yours.”

“Of course he’ll. I’ll pay him a lot and he doesn’t have to work for the rest of his life. He’ll belong to me forever,” Yuna stated, confidently. “That’s what he got for ignoring me.”

_And that’s what Tokiya got for being a stripper,_  Saotome thought. He smiled at Takeshi who was eerily proud of her daughter’s attitude and the topic that they were discussing.

Something that was fun for Yuna but hell for Tokiya.

“Mind to tell me why you did pick him? You do know that Masato is similar to him, right?” Saotome said. “Masato even comes from a very rich family like you.”

“Why? The answer is everything. Everything about Tokiya is fascinating!” Yuna squeaked. Unlike her professional appearance which showed her high position in her company, it was only her job until evening. At night, she needed Tokiya as her indecent entertainment. “He’s handsome, smart, has a sweet voice and many more. He has so many strong points that it makes me want to ‘explore’ him more and more. As for Masato, I am sorry. He’s just not my taste. Too proper and boring. I can’t stand someone traditional like him.”

_I am never wrong with my instinct. Tokiya indeed can bring the most money out of them. Even other clients also commented the same thing about him,_  Saotome thought.

“I see. That’s okay. I am not planning to ‘rent’ Masato to anyone. He has to remain pure for his image,” Saotome said. “Plus, he’s from a very prestige family. His father surely will kick up a fuss if he knows that I make my friends ‘rent’ his son’s body.”

“I can’t wait to see Tokiya. He’s perfect to be the father of my future children,” Yuna commented excitedly.

“You’re too far-sighted, Yuna,” Takeshi commented, half-joking. “You don’t even start anything with him and you’re already thinking about having children with him? What about your husband, then?”

“Oh, come on, Dad. Tokiya is so perfect! How come anyone can turn him down? I bet you’re also proud to have him as your future son-in-law. About my husband, I can divorce him anytime if Tokiya wants to get serious with me,” Yuna said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“But again, just a gentle reminder. Everything about what we discussed here should be our secret. He’s an idol so he’s not supposed to be caught having a relationship. I hope you understand that,” Saotome supplied. His chummy-uncle image was replaced by a more serious one. It was important for him to ensure that his clients would not spill the beans.

“Sure,  _ojisan._  I’ll keep that in mind. So far, I need him only at midnight, just for my stress relief after working all day.”

They could hear slow knocks from outside. Saotome calmly closed their indecent contract before putting it aside.

“Come in,” Saotome said. The door was open, revealing an orange-haired girl. She was holding a file of music sheets close to her chest while smiling timidly at them. “Oh, Haruka. Please come in!”

“I am sorry for the disturbance,” Haruka said, bowing before the two people who she was familiar with due to their frequent appearance in mass media.

“It’s okay, Haruka. We’ve finished our meeting anyway. You know Nakamura Takeshi, right? He’s our investor and this is his daughter, Nakamura Yuna.”

Haruka bowed to them again but for some reason, all Yuna did was rolling her eyes before looking at anything but the composer.

“And this is Nanami Haruka, our top composer,” Saotome said friendly while stretching his hand out at the shy Haruka.

“So, this is STARISH’s composer, right?” Takeshi remarked, smiling like a proud father. “I must say for such a young girl, you sure have a knack of songwriting, right, Yuna?”

“Yeah,” Yuna muttered, looking at each of her red nail instead of Haruka.

_I think I’ve never met her before so why does she seem like she dislikes me?_ Haruka pondered.  _Or is she one of the typical STARISH fans who hate me because I am close to them?_

“Thank you for your compliment, Nakamura-san. It’s an honor for me,” Haruka replied, deciding to ignore Yuna as much as the girl ignored her. “The reason why I came here because I want to show STARISH’s new songs to you, president.”

Haruka nervously put a few music sheets on the table which Saotome swiftly grabbed one of them. The man never criticized her songs but it was not enough for her to be self-assured. She believed she still had a lot to learn.

“I know they won’t release any album soon but I just want to ask your opinion about them,” Haruka reasoned out when perplexity was written over Saotome’s face.

“Hmm… this is only the first song but I fall in love with it already,” Saotome commented, earning a relieved smile from the composer. “As expected from you, Haruka! You’re always productive and hardworking. For the rest of the songs, we’ll discuss them later, okay?”

“Okay, president. Thank you so much,” Haruka said, bowing at everybody before leaving the room. It soon was occupied by a heavy and irritated sigh from Yuna.

“I don’t like her,” she said without hesitation, drawing a perplexed expression from her father and a smirk from Saotome.

“What? Why? This is the first time you see her, right?” Takeshi responded. Almost every day, he would be shocked at how ridiculous his daughter’s temper could be.

“Yes, but I know Tokiya isn’t really close to any girl except that chick!  _Ojisan_ , I hope you can settle this matter. Please make sure that Nanami will stay away from Tokiya because he is mine! I won’t let myself lose him to a plain girl like her!”

“Don’t worry, Yuna. I’ll make sure that Tokiya will never date anyone,” he said.

_It’s the part of my plan to separate Haruka from Tokiya._

That was the end of their meeting. The ruthless president had more with those people with the same interest as Yuna. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, feel free to drop a comment. I'll be glad to know what do you think about this chapter ^^


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling in love more than she thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Brief mention of sexual assault
> 
> The scene of variety show was inspired by Korean variety shows, ‘Thank You for Waking Me Up – SS501’ and ‘Intimate Note – Super Junior’.

****Saotome****  had known Tokiya inside out given they collaborated in a lot of projects even before the blue head joined his agency. To everybody, their relationship had been like a father and a son but the materialistic Saotome which not all people were familiar with only saw Tokiya as a puppet.

And tonight was the first time for Tokiya to learn about the sordid side of his boss. It was right after he was sexually assaulted by his senior, Kouda Shin who was also the producer of his and Masato’s new movie.

The T of STARISH was currently standing in the living room of Saotome’s lavish house, facing the founder of Shining Agency. His hair was messy and lost its usual style while his grey shirt which he wore together with an unbuttoned jacket was wrinkled. Yet, the most interesting feature for Saotome was Tokiya’s blue eyes which were partly veiled by his long bangs. It was not a usual glower that he would cast when he was about to explode at his co-workers for slacking off on their job nor when Otoya had been too much with his pestering. Rather it was deathly and full of detestation.

Saotome did not have any idea how much Tokiya hankered after stabbing his lips which kept smirking instead of apologizing.

“I know,” Saotome initiated nonchalantly. “I know how you’re feeling right now. I understand it but I don’t think we should settle it here. You don’t want my maids to find out those embarrassing things about you, right?”

Listening to the lively voice, Tokiya really wished he could kill his president right now. Lucky for him, his scarce rationality only let him balled his shaky hands into fists. Without words, he trailed after Saotome, heading for the second floor. As he moved, all the pain and repulsion that flew through his body callously reminded him of what happened to him a few hours ago at one fell swoop.

He did hear a lot of rumors that the producer, Kouda Shin was interested in men but he never thought that all this time, the senior who he addressed as Kouda-san would have such feeling towards him.

Tokiya’s mind was chock-full of oaths towards his president and Kouda when he was standing opposite of Saotome’s office table. The legendary singer was still smiling at the idol which led him to look at anything but the old man. Yet, Tokiya found himself feeling more appalled at the countless trophies around him. One of the trophies that almost made him wanted to spit at was The Best Tycoon of the Year.

He lost his respect for his president more and more.

“You don’t have to meet me this soon, you know? You should go back to your dorm first and take a shower.”

“Take a shower? For what?” Tokiya asked vacantly, eyes were glued to the floor. It sounded like a stupid question but God knew how he used it to veil how nasty he felt inside.

“I know you’re still shocked, Tokiya. It still doesn’t feel comfortable, right?” Saotome said as he approached Tokiya who was glued to the spot. “It’s normal since it’s your first time. Soon, you’ll get used to it. But seriously, that guy… I did tell him to make a beginner like you sleep instead of putting a ‘rape drug’ in your drink.”

“So, that means there’ll be second, third and so on?” Tokiya asked as he lifted his head. He wanted to yell but his frame was too numb with wrath. “That’s why you want me to take a shower as soon as possible. It’ll obliterate the sins that you and Kouda-san have committed to me.”

“Of course. Do you want your friends to know that you just slept with a man?” Saotome chuckled. This time, his jokes were not only lame but revolting. “When they all believe that you’re straight?”

“Why did you do that, president?” Tokiya said, almost whispering. He lost his voice since it felt like both his disappointment and misery strangled him in unison. “All this time, I looked up to you and I even wanted to be successful like you. Why did you do that?”

“It’s because you can bring more profits to everyone, Tokiya. You’re the most valuable asset in our agency and you should be honored with that.”

“But why I felt like you just treated me like a plaything?” Tokiya asked again. “I never gave consent to something like this but why did you…”

“Come on, Tokiya. You felt miserable because you keep thinking that such a thing is abnormal. You should tell yourself that…”

“That’s totally abnormal! What president would make his idol getting assaulted like that!? Are you freaking kidding me!?” At last, he reached his breaking point, screaming at the top of his lungs. He could care less with how funny and throaty his voice sounded. “I didn’t join your agency so that you can treat me like a prostitute!”

“I guess you’re still dense in this matter. I don’t blame you. You’re still 21 years old after all,” Saotome reasoned out. It seemed to Tokiya that the man was treating his outburst worse than a child’s tantrum. “You have been in this industry since you were 13, right? I am sure you’ve heard some rumors.”

“So, are you saying I am one of the victims now?”

“You aren’t supposed to call yourself a victim, Tokiya. No, you’re not a victim,” Saotome said. Again, he was treating Tokiya like a child with an anger issue. “In fact, they will reward you more jobs, more screen times, and the most important thing is more income. You should be happy because they chose you when a lot of idols nowadays are still struggling for those things.”

“I don’t want them if it means I am going to get assaulted again,” Tokiya said, firmly. “I might not be sainted like Masato but I still have dignity. I won’t let them do whatever they please. I have a right to refuse.”

However, his remark caused Saotome to lose his smirk. Instead, it was his turn to look daggers at the idol.

“Too bad. You’re going to serve those who want you. There are five of them and I believe more will come soon.”

“I won’t allow that,” Tokiya replied, almost simultaneously. His body started to tremble with the thought of there were more ‘animals’ out there, waiting for him.

“Excuse me? What do you mean by ‘allow’?” Saotome mocked as his smirk returned to his lips. “Do you really mean you won’t allow that? So, should you allow that to happen to your friends instead?”

“What?”

“Just use your brain like you usually do, Tokiya. Use it,” Saotome added as he pushed Tokiya’s head. “Just why did I frequently pair you up with Masato? It’s because he has a sainted image and you’re the carbon copy of him. Since that particular quality is meant for him, you guys cannot carry the same image. You, Tokiya should be the opposite him. Just like how there are always the smart and athletic twins, you will be the Stripper when Masato is the Saint.”

It felt like the order came from hell, let alone to imagine how his future in the showbiz would be. Up until now, he never imagined himself as a person who ‘sold’ his body for a living.

“That’s not funny, president. I am an idol, not a…”

“Your level is way different from your teammates, Tokiya. In this industry, it’s normal when a versatile idol like you is secretly chosen to serve the VIPs. You have a great figure so just make use of it! Their mouths will totally be sealed. They never spill the beans as long as you do your job. Even the super-rich Nakamura Yuna is also interested in you. Can you imagine how luxurious your life will be, Tokiya?”

“STARISH has been the best-selling group. So has our senior, QUARTET NIGHT. What else do you want, president? You even have a sought-after composer like Haruka.”

“It’s not enough. Shining Agency is still on a par with Raging Entertainment so I will do whatever it takes to crush that freaking company,” Saotome declared. His eyes flashed creepy determination as the rival company was mentioned. “So, in order to reach the goal, I will use you, Tokiya. You belong to me so you’ll do as I say.”

“I am not an object!”

“Your parents ditched you so basically nobody owns you! Instead, as stated in your contract, you’ll do whatever the agency wants including to be the Stripper. Soon, people also will see you in that way so you can’t run from that, Tokiya! You got me!?”

Tokiya could only stare at Saotome. All kind of detrimental feeling hastily swallowed his energy and stunned him inside.

“I can see it, Tokiya. You still want to rebel. You want to file a lawsuit or something, right? How clichéd. Just so you know, countless idols from the previous generation did that against their company but they lost. Instead, they suffered more for the rest of their life. People don’t even remember them anymore so don’t you ever dream of it. Or else, I will pick your friends to do your job instead. Do you want an innocent freak like Otoya to replace you? Or perhaps, I can pick Cecil who always says that he appreciates STARISH shits and what not? It’s your choice, Tokiya.”

That marked the end of their dispute. Tokiya knew he was totally defeated once his friends were mentioned.

“Or… I can make Haruka do it instead. I bet there are still VIPs who love an innocent girl like her. She’ll be easy to manipulate.”

_No._

* * *

****Tokiya****  could care less about how long did he take a shower in the bathroom until Otoya knocked on the door.

“Tokiya, are you okay?”

“Otoya, are you awake already? Sorry if I…”

“No… it’s okay. I just want to tell you that the president sent a text.”

It took all for Tokiya to maintain his composure. The last person that he wanted to hear about in this very early morning was his president.

“Oh, really? What’s it about?” Tokiya asked, wearing his bathrobe. He fixed it so that it would fully cover his chest.

“He said that the ‘Good Morning, Idols!’ team will shoot about us at seven. He asked us to prepare and spruce up our room…”

_Shucks!_

Why today when he was really not in the mood to act happily on camera after being tormented physically and mentally since a few hours ago?

He had a hunch that Saotome was indirectly threatening him by using his friends.

“Tokiya? Yoo-hoo?” Otoya’s voice followed by a few small knocks.

“Sorry,” Tokiya pulled the door open and that was when Otoya’s red eyes widened. They kept staring at him for seconds.

 _What’s with that look? Did he see something?_ The fearful side of Tokiya started to feel the goosebumps. He eyed himself carefully and only found out that he was fully covered.

“What’s wrong?” He braced himself to ask which made Otoya gasped.

“I know it! You have a fever, don’t you!?” Otoya said, pointing at his roommate’s face.

“Huh?”

“I thought that your voice sounded throaty but now when I looked at your face, I know you have a fever! That’s what you get for taking a long shower, Tokiya!”

Typical Otoya.

But thanks to his typical side, Tokiya just realized that he had a fever. He put his hand on his forehead, followed by his neck.

_Ah, the temperature…_

Was it because of his overnight suffer or the long shower? He did not know.

“Come on! You have to take a rest. I will ask the president to give you a rest for today’s schedule,” Otoya frantically pulled his arm before quickly dragging him to their room.

“Wait, Otoya! Be careful! The floor is still slippery, Otoyaaa!”

Sometimes, Tokiya was positive that Otoya’s soles could nullify slippery floor. He could move around freely without being cautious.

* * *

****“I****  am sorry, Tokiya,” Otoya said from the top bunk while hugging a pillow.

“It’s okay,” Tokiya mumbled from the bottom bunk.

Due to Tokiya’s fever, Otoya insisted him to sleep on the bottom bunk instead of his top bunk. It was normal for them since Tokiya was sick a lot and all of them were caring enough to look after him.

“I can’t believe the president doesn’t let you skip ‘Good Morning, Idols’. He said something like ‘it’s not like Tokiya has to run or enter a marathon’.”

“He does have a point though,” Tokiya said, along with bitter chuckles.

“Your meeting with the Kouda-san ended late, right? Is it really you and him only?”

_Yes, and it’s not even a meeting. It’s a hell, Otoya._

“Yes.”

“That’s weird. Why he didn’t call Masato along?”

_He won’t because the ‘meeting’ was fake._

“That’s not even a meeting, Otoya. He just called me because he needed someone to hang out,” Tokiya replied. “Since it has been a long time since I met him.”

“I see. Then, I suppose you go to sleep first. We have two hours left before the shooting starts so good night, Tokiya.”

“Thank you, Otoya. Good night.”

* * *

****Exactly****  two hours later, the shooting began. Apparently, the showbiz had been way too ‘creative’. They even wanted to expose the idols’ bare faces and bed hairs in the morning so that the rating would go up. It was extra work for them to keep their skin healthy so that the camera did not even catch even a pimple on their faces.

Being the first one to wake up given himself was a light sleeper, Tokiya ended up helping the emcees wake his teammates up. After encountering various kind of STARISH’s sleeping habits, they continued with breakfast session. Much to Cecil’s dismay, they had to play a game which savagely tested their knowledge in Kanji writing and Japanese idioms. The only foreign member of STARISH ended up merely eating seaweed since he got the last place.

The next session was proceeded with confession game. For those who had a pent-up frustration towards their teammates, they would shout it from the rooftop. Much to Tokiya and Masato’s bewilderment, the other five quickly left them with a string of smiles that deserved slaps.

“We’re here to complain about the twins! Their sweet brotherhood should be destroyed today!” Syo yelled enthusiastically. The fashionable freak in him did not even bother to comb his hair primly.

“Yeah, it feels like we just gained ourselves a nagging mum and dad,” Cecil supplied.

“What did you say!?” Tokiya and Masato shouted back. It was almost in unison and powerful enough to make them flinched. “Say it again!”

“As expected from the twins,” One of the emcees, Matsuda commented out of amazement, followed by his partner’s nods. “They even shouted the same thing. Ichinose-san, is your throat doing fine?”

“Yes, it’s,” Tokiya replied. “I am all fired up to defeat them.”

“We don’t nag. We just pester them,” Masato reasoned out.

“Huh? Is that the same thing?” The second emcee, Kazunari pointed out.

“I guess the twins are angry already. I suggest after we complain, we say something sweet like ‘I love you’ or something along the line?” Ren supplied. He was the person who knew it very well how it felt like when Masato made somebody pay the price. “I believe it will soothe them immediately.”

“Yeah!”

“No!” Only Syo rejected the random suggestion. “Where did that come from? Just shout that we don’t hate them is enough, Ren!”

“You’re no fun, Syo,” Ren clicked his tongue sympathetically at the grumpy guy. “Then, I guess I will start first.”

“Can we just pass on this person?” Masato asked, sending all the crews and Tokiya laughed at his ‘allergy’ to his own roommate.

“Hijirikawa-san even called you ‘this person’ instead of ‘Ren’, Jinguuji-san. I don’t think he likes you,” Matsuda shouted at Ren.

“That’s what I want to complain about, Matsuda-san! You, Masato! Don’t you think you’re being too harsh to your childhood friend? The nicest remark that I have gotten from you is ‘get lost!’ but Tokiya can bother you whenever he wants. That’s unfair! I want some attention too!” Ren added. It took all for Masato not to pull Ren’s long hair out of his skull.

“For some reason, I really want to shave his head,” Tokiya said as he eyed dangerously at Ren’s long hair.

“I think instead of shaving, we just have to pull his hair out of his skull,” Masato added.

“These twins are so brutal,” Kazunari remarked in disbelief. “I don’t think you can say ‘I love you’ to them, Jinguuji-san. They will start an uproar.”

“Because of Masato, Tokiya even started to learn swordsmanship when I took three days to drag him to play soccer. That’s unfair too!” Otoya continued childishly. “But I still love you guys!”

“When one person nags, the other twin will support. They’re so cute!” Unlike others, Natsuki complimented Tokiya and Masato’s intimacy.

“If you think that’s cute, why would you be there, Natsuki? Should you be on our side instead?” Masato asked. His puffy eyes narrowed as he cast a disapproving look towards the others.

“I really want to but they forced me to be on their side since they wanted to bash you guys!”

“Hey! Don’t spill the beans, you fool!” The others reacted.

“Oh, my. We got caught!”

Tokiya was too tired but it energized him a bit to see his friends smiled and laughed like they had no pressure as the idols. Yet, they started to freak out when Masato and he listed their bad habits as revenge.

The last session which was surprising and almost caused Tokiya to fling his slipper towards the television was the hidden camera. It took place when Saotome conducted a fake meeting with him; offering him to be a soloist and left STARISH. It was supposed to be a touching moment since he insisted that he would never withdraw from STARISH but for Tokiya…

To see Saotome’s face itself was very revolting. Luckily, when others hugged him out of happiness for his loyalty, it comforted him right away.

It did until he got a message from Saotome after the shooting.

****You must love your friendship with your teammates, right?** **

****Then do your job right and your teammates will be safe.** **

It definitely made his fever worse.

* * *

****Haruka****  was startled by Tokiya’s sudden movement. He shifted restlessly while his breathing wavered from his chest. The girl who just took a seat next to the bed after receiving a call from Otoya leaned closer, immediately noticing beads of sweat on Tokiya’s forehead.

“Tokiya, do you hear me? Tokiya!” She hesitantly shook his shoulders but there was no sign that the blue eyes would open.

Instead, they still trembled in unison with his hands.

 _What kind of nightmare is it? He seems so scared,_  she thought anxiously. Feeling unsure of what to do, she grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly.

“It’s okay. I am here. No need to feel scared,” she whispered. She felt stupid to coax a person who was three times braver and stronger than her in such a way but that was the only thing she could think of. This was the first time for Haruka to nurse a sick guy so she felt at a loss.

Much to her relief, Tokiya slowly relaxed, judging how his chest breathed evenly. She carefully put his hand onto his side before grabbing a handkerchief to wipe his clammy face and neck.

 _No wonder Otoya is very worried. His fever is very high,_  Haruka thought. Placing the light green handkerchief beside the pillow, Haruka could not help but stare at the sleeping face intently. Minutes passed but unlike her previously awkward moments with Tokiya when she ended up staring at him before diverting her attention from him, this time she was free to gaze at him as long as she could.

 _I know I am not supposed to think about this but when Tokiya’s face is red like this, he looks adorable. Especially his cheeks. They look like apples. I wonder how he looked like when he’s a baby,_  she thought, drawing herself closer to Tokiya’s face.  _Not to mention the eyelashes… they’re beautiful and long._

“Haruka.”

The girl was astonished, quickly glanced at her back. It was Ringo and Hyuga, eyeing her with disapproving looks. She quickly stood up, bowing before them. Ringo was a cross-dresser with lovely and happy images to keep but right now, he looked stern with arms crossed over his chest. Even Hyuga looked much calmer, Haruka noticed that they were not pleased with her presence in the room.

“What are you doing in a boy’s room?” Ringo said. A smile was formed but the aura around him was chilling.

“Huh? Well, Otoya asked me to look after Tokiya from time to time until they come back from work,” Haruka explained.

“I see. Is he just sleeping? How bad is the fever?” Hyuga added, glancing at sleeping Tokiya.

“Yes, he’s. It’s bad and they might bring him to the medical center later.”

“Oh…” Ringo exclaimed nonchalantly. “Well, since he’s just sleeping and you don’t have anything to do, I guess we should talk about something, Haruka. This is important.”

The only thing Haruka could do was swallowing the lump in her throat.

* * *

****“Huh?”****  was Haruka’s first response. She was made sitting in the salon while Hyuga and Ringo were standing opposite her. The girl had this hunch that they deliberately did that so that she would feel intimidated and immediately obeyed them.

“I know this is sudden but you have to do this for the sake of Tokiya’s career,” Ringo enlightened seriously. “You have to be less close to him.”

“Yes, Haruka,” Hyuga added. “He’s an idol and he has a lot of fans. He should be loved by a lot of people so if they find out that he’s close to one particular girl…”

“But we’re just friends, Ringo-san, Hyuga-san. I don’t see the need why I should be less close to him,” Haruka said.

“You don’t see it. That’s why you need to be less close to him, Haruka,” Ringo said flatly. He was curving a bitter smile but Haruka knew, he was mocking her for being dense. “You just can’t get it why this is important for Tokiya’s career. You see… Saotome has a big plan for him. He’ll make Tokiya reach the stardom until he’ll be everyone’s heart-throb. So, in order to reach that, he is neither allowed to date nor being close to any girl. Why? It’s because he belongs to everyone. No one should be allowed to take him for herself, got it?”

Haruka lost her words.

“We’re saying this because we’re suspicious of your relationship from the very beginning. We know Tokiya won’t do something risky for his career but we have to take the precaution. We never know what might happen between a boy and a girl especially the fact that you used to be his fan so it’s best if you can avoid him,” Hyuga supplied. “Don’t worry. Once the no relationship rule is lifted, you’re free to date any other STARISH member except for Tokiya.”

That was harsh for her. Even the talking was done but Haruka felt her mind was still heavy with the sudden and cruel order.

Her hear sunk more when she rested herself beside Tokiya who was still sleeping like a log.

To imagine that she had to avoid him from time to time when she always wanted to spend time with him was…

Painful.

_Ah, I guess I have been too obvious with my feeling. I thought that I hid it well. Stupid me. I should know from the start that I am a bad actress. Unlike you, Tokiya._

_Our president is so harsh, right? I can’t believe I have to be less close to you when we’re not even in a relationship._

_It’s even more painful when I realized that I fell in love with you more than I thought. I suppose there is no more after-midnight talking with you after this or else I don’t know if I can suppress my feeling towards you any longer._

_I don’t know what you feel about me but I wish you can know that I love you, Tokiya. I love you so much._

She held his hand, enjoying the touch despite the warm temperature. She loved it but for some reason, it also made tears welled up in her eyes.

 _Ah, this is not good. I shouldn’t cry when I do this for him. Stop being ridiculous, Haruka. It’s not like that they’ll send him abroad or something. You still can meet him every day,_  Haruka thought as she blinked away her tears.  _I guess this is what Tomo meant by sacrificing your feeling for the sake of someone you care about._   _It hurts but you know you’ll be satisfied afterward._

_But, Tokiya… I wish we can still be friends without the need to avoid each other but I guess the adults are right. We never know what might happen in the future._

_So, starting from today, I promise to you that I’ll try my best to forget my feeling for you because…_

_I love you, Tokiya. I love you so much._

With the silent promise, she closed their distance, kissing his forehead lovingly, followed by his red cheeks.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s all for chapter 16. If you have something to say about this chapter, feel free to drop a comment :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most exhausting battle...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot for Tokiya and Masato’s movie was taken from a Korean movie, Midnight Runners. :)

****Since**** the first assault, it took all for Tokiya to brace himself every time he had to ‘entertain’ Saotome’s clients. Even it occurred seldom owing to their packed schedules, all the experiences of being assaulted had managed to wreck all of him. Every day was a taxing battle for Tokiya in order to fight for his urge to stay in bed without doing anything, let alone meeting people. He knew the Lazybones Tokiya was not the real him but he could not help it.

It occurred to him that he wanted to sleep for a year instead.

Before he knew it, all those multiple problems that he had suffered from had caused him to lose his smile. It was usually formed after he met STARISH and Haruka but now, to laugh at their jokes itself was a tiring crusade. He lost his interest to spend time with them and preferred to sleep since his body was dead beat all the time. Strangely enough, his energy level remained the same and it was so frustrating for him.

When Saotome finally announced that the no-relationship rule was lifted, it only made Tokiya’s heart sunk more to his abyss of despair. He was already informed that the lifted rule was for everyone’s freedom except for his.

He would never have any future with Haruka. Even he was not sure of her feeling towards him, at least he could try to win her heart but Saotome had managed to affix another harsh reality in his life.

And now, he was still unable to smile even when they sat in a circle in their training room. It was after their dancing practice and Otoya suggested to everyone to talk about their future plan. Yet, Tokiya spent the entire time by staring at the floor blankly, being oblivious of the fact that Haruka was having a hard time to restrain herself from gazing at him. Their position which was coincidentally opposite did not do any better for Haruka’s heart and mind.

_Come on, Haruka. Keep your promise. Don’t stare at him,_  the composer’s mind anxiously reminded her.

Meanwhile for Tokiya, when he did not seem like he could not care less about his teammates’ future plans, his ears were all open and his mind was happy for them. The only problem that he had now was to react properly since he was too emotionally drenched.

_So, Ren has currently courted a model after being a ladies’ man for years._

_Haruka wants to be a composer forever._

_Otoya wants to be a judge and coach for dancing competitions._

_Cecil still wants to be an idol and hopes that STARISH will last forever._

_Masato also wants to be an idol for a long time and already has a girl in his mind._

_Syo said, if he’s married, he wants to have twins._

_And Natsuki being Natsuki. He wants to continue hosting children shows._

_That’s nice. Everybody has their own plans._

But the moment that affected Tokiya the most was when they accidentally talked about Masato’s current schedule which was full of programs with children from orphanages, schools, and various variety shows.

“You look awkward with the kids,” was the first comment from Ren regarding Masato’s interaction with the children in general.

“Really?” The others except for Tokiya exclaimed in disbelief.

“Masato looks natural to me,” Haruka added, followed by short nods from others.

It quickly delivered a cheesy but wonderful feeling for Masato once Haruka’s compliment echoed in his mind.

“Thank you, Haruka. But to be honest, I was so awkward. I was lost and I didn’t know what should I do,” Masato confessed, followed by a heavy sigh. “I never played with kids that much before.”

“Wow, I don’t know that,” Natsuki commented. “Does it mean you don’t really like children?”

“Rather than saying I dislike them, I guess I am neutral?” Masato suggested. “My childhood was spent with adults especially my father’s staffs and friends so I am kind of… yes, I am awkward. I guess I am the type of guy who only adores children after he has his own.”

“That makes sense,” Syo agreed.

“I guess our boss gave to you that kind of schedule since he wants you to appear sainted for the children as well. It’s bound to happen that someone like you is expected to set a good example for them,” Ren supplied.

_Meanwhile, since I am the Stripper, the frigging boss literally banned me from seeing children,_  Tokiyamentally remarked.

Again, Tokiya did not know how long was he spaced out untilNatsuki’s up-close and perplexed face reached his sight.

“Tokiya?” The big guy pointed out. It was his habit not to respect personal boundary and Tokiya had gotten accustomed to it but since the assault, he found it unacceptable.

_He’s too close!_

“Hmm?” The blue head looked around, eyes with different colors were all holding him out of curiosity.

“What about your future plan?” Masato asked. “I bet a smart person like you will have the most unique plan.”

“Not really,” Tokiya said, accompanied by awkward chuckles.

“Huh, let me guess!” Otoya exclaimed, enthusiastically pointed his finger at his roommate. “You want to read all books in Kita-ku Central Library after you retire from your job. Or… you want to further your studies…”

“That’s not even close, Otoya. I just want to keep working and I don’t have a plan to retire,” he said. The vocalist of the group really tried to match their upbeat energy but he could not afford to do it. Instead, he just wanted to leave the training room and sleep.

_This is just stress, right? It’ll disappear soon, right?_

_So, he really wants to keep working and be just like what Ringo-san and Hyuga-san said,_ Haruka’s heart whispered. She could not help but feel hurt again even she was supposed to respect Tokiya’s decision.

“But I am curious about your ideal type, Tokiya. You have co-starred with a lot of actresses so is there anyone who catches your interest? Perhaps, do you prefer someone chic like Tomochika?” Syo asked. The others could not help but lean towards Tokiya, immersing themselves in the suspense.

Yet, Tokiya just shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

“Well, how about someone innocent and cute like Haruka?” Syo’s sudden exclamation while pointing at Haruka sent the composer flinched and gasped.

This time, Tokiya’s reaction was far more interesting. Instead of answering the question right away, he stared at Haruka, seemingly looking for a suitable answer.

He had no idea how the stare from his perfect blue eyes was so mesmerizing for the girl. She could stare into them all day but due to Ringo and Hyuga’s warning, she diverted her attention to anyone but Tokiya.

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t have an ideal type,” Tokiya said at last. It was flat but Haruka could feel something heavy tugged her heart.

She knew her hope for Tokiya was destroyed but still…

It was hurt. The way Tokiya blankly looked at her, it was upsetting.

“I am sorry, guys. I am so sleepy right now so I’ll leave first,” Tokiya said, sluggishly stood up before walking out of the vast training room.

The confused circle of friends had a lot in their minds about Tokiya’s recent behavior.

“Do you think he’s disturbed about something? Yes, he’s not always talkative but today, he’s so quiet. He didn’t even join our conversation,” Syo said, glancing at the door.

“I think he has been very moody since our movie shooting. I still feel bad about them, though,” Masato confessed, staring at his black sport shoes.

“Do you mean how people keep dubbing you both as The Stripper and The Saint?” Ren asked which was swiftly answered by Masato’s weak nods.

“To be honest, that’s not fair. What do they think they’re doing? Calling someone The Stripper especially for a prim guy like Tokiya. Of course, it would upset him a lot,” Otoya remarked as he grimaced. He sympathized his roommate a lot but knowing their job, they were supposed to accept however the public perceived them.

“And that Kouda-san kept playing The Stripper card. He literally forced Tokiya to shoot a shower scene and other things which I rather not mention here in front of them,” Masato said, especially eyeing Otoya and Haruka. “I can tell that Tokiya was angry even he still did it. To me, those scenes were not essential and quite… explicit for children when the movie is supposed to be about two trainees from a police academy. I understood when Kouda-san said that shower scene was necessary because they wanted to show our bruises after the fighting scene but to make only Tokiya did it… is it strange?”

“Well, it’s maybe because you’re The Saint so our president protects your image to that extent,” Natsuki suggested, only to gain a frustrated sigh from the scion.

“But they just can cut the scene if it ended up strange, right? Not to mention they took a ridiculously long time and many takes to complete it. Kouda-san kept saying stupid stuff like since I wasn’t allowed to shoot the scene, Tokiya would cover for me like...”

“Seriously?” Cecil added as he grimaced at Masato’s story. “He said that? What a lame excuse! He sounds like he’s so desperate for rating.”

“That’s the reality of the showbiz, Cecil. Not all is sunshine and rainbows,” Otoya said as he smiled bitterly.

“The worst thing is when I tried to step in, Kouda-san insulted us back, saying that idols shouldn’t be fussy and talk back to their producer,” Masato supplied. The anger that he felt when he faced Kouda slowly flowed through his veins back.

“Well, he is certainly true. We’re employed by them so we’re expected to obey their order well,” Ren remarked. “While I understood what you felt, sometimes you have to control your temper, Masato. Especially when Tokiya himself was fine with it.”

“I know this is not important but nowadays, Tokiya looked disgusted when I tried to hug him,” Natsuki remarked. He pushed his glasses from going down his nose before an upset sigh followed. “I noticed it happened since he worked for the movie.”

“As for me, when I asked him to teach me kanji, he said he was tired and I had to work hard by myself sometimes,” Cecil said. “While what he said is true, it still made me feel hurt. Maybe it’s because he looked colder than usual.”

“He even looked annoyed when Otoya and I insisted him to play soccer with us,” Syo stated.

“But as his roommate, of course, I have seen the weirdest thing out of us,” Otoya supplied. He bit his lips for a while as he was organizing his thoughts. “Sitting at his desk while doing nothing is one thing but when Tokiya is fully-covered all the time when we’re both guys, I started to feel like ‘does this guy think I am a pervert or something?’”

“Okay, that’s really strange. It’s not like he was never topless when we’re around before,” Syo exclaimed with his regularly loud voice. “What about when we were in hot spring before? He was fine with that!”

“Guys, I suggest we should refrain from talking about things like that since Haruka is here,” Masato pointed out. He tended to observe the girl so he could tell when she was ill at ease at the certain topic that they brought out.

“Oh, my. I am sorry,” they apologized right away and almost in chorus. All of them except Ren and Masato bowed before their respected composer, much to the girl’s panic.

“It’s… it’s okay, guys! I think it’s my fault for joining this conversation when this is supposed to be STARISH’s problem…”

“What do you mean, Haruka? You’re part of STARISH too,” Masato remarked, feeling slightly offended. “Without you, STARISH wouldn’t exist and we won’t be as close as we are.”

“Masato is right. You deserve to know every little thing about us but if we make you feel uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to tell us,” Ren said, sending a wink at the girl.

“O…okay,” Haruka said, feeling flurried at the sudden gesture.

“Yeah, that includes when you feel that you want to slap Ren for winking at you,” Masato remarked, sending the others laughed.

They were laughing but their hearts and minds were still clouded with Tokiya.

* * *

****When****  all of them were heading for their rooms, Haruka called out Masato right away.

“Yes, Haruka,” Masato replied, curving in a smile. They were standing right outside of STARISH’s training room.

“I have something to talk about Tokiya,” Haruka initiated. Her mind was jumbled up with her care for Tokiya and the warning from Hyuga and Ringo.

_At least I can do this much since I am still his friend, right?_

“Yes?”

“I am just thinking that the best person who can console Tokiya is you, Masato,” Haruka said, finally could sort out her thought.

“Huh?”

“Well, I mean… since Otoya said that Tokiya refused to share his problem with him, I think maybe Tokiya will be open with you instead. I believe you can hold a deep conversation with him.”

_She’s really worried about Tokiya. Well, who won’t, though?_  Masato thought as he observed her face. For some reason, Haruka did not look as cheerful as she was these days so it concerned Masato the most.

“Don’t worry, Haruka. I am planning to talk it out with him soon. Since we all suspected that it was caused by our movie shooting, I hope that at least he’ll be open with me,” Masato said, holding her shoulder.

Haruka smiled and Masato swore he would do anything to see such a beautiful feature from her.

“Thank you, Masato. I hope this is only between both of us. I don’t want others to misunderstand my intention when I asked something like this from you.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t worry, Haruka. My mouth is sealed.”

* * *

****“Huh?****  Me?” Tokiya asked, pointing at himself. He and Masato were in their waiting room for an interview but instead of talking about their works, Masato directly asked him something that he struggled for these days.

“Yes, you,” Masato replied swiftly. He was activating his typical mode; talking like closing a deal with his king-from-historical-drama posture despite handsomely wearing a black jacket. “Do you actually feel stressed out with the twins concepts and Kouda-san’s movie? Please tell me, Tokiya.”

Masato’s slightly dramatic approach was responded by Tokiya’s perplexed face. His head was tilted as he munched a cookie that he brought from the dorm.

“No. Why should I? They’re just a job, right?” Tokiya asked back. “By the ways, do you want cookies, Masato?”

“No, thanks.”

_Come to think of it, since when Tokiya loves to eat something childish like cookies? But, wait! It can support my points in case he acts defensive,_  Masato thought as he dangerously eyed the cookies packet in Tokiya’s hand.

“You want it, right, Masato? Just take it!” Not only his palate but Tokiya also strangely had a childish attitude and being over cheerful today.

“I said, I don’t! What’s with you eating cookies all of sudden? Are you out of mind?”

“What? Which part of ‘eating cookies’ is out of mind? I am a human being so of course, I want to eat them sometimes!”

“That’s the most ridiculous excuse that I’ve ever heard! You had been gloomy these past days and all of sudden you’re cheerful like you’re possessed by HAYATO’s ghost. You have been hiding something, right? Tell me!” Masato’s violent mode whenever Ren got on his nerves was suddenly switched on. He pounced on Tokiya, grabbing the guy’s white collar.

“Masato, my neck…”

“Everyone’s worried about you, you know. Tell me!” Masato urged, ignoring Tokiya’s choke.

Much to their shock, the door was suddenly open, revealing a crew who could not help but gasp at their violent posture. The panicky Masato quickly released Tokiya’s poor collar, internally cursing himself for being too enthusiastic with his interrogation.

“Yes?” Tokiya was much calmer since apparently, he was not the ‘culprit’ in this shocking situation. Little did they knew, he felt like he just lost a neck since Masato was so strong.

“Well, hmm… I just want to say that the interview will be postponed for 30 minutes due to technical problems,” the guy with a black shirt and baseball cap explained.

“Okay, thanks for the information,” as soon as Tokiya replied in a very friendly manner, the crew quickly bowed before closing the door.

“You’re The Saint, Masato. Not God of Death. You should be careful with your image,” Tokiya said with a low chuckle. “But I guess we can cover it for you later in the interview.”

“That’s not my concern now. Let’s face it. How am I supposed to think about my image when my friend has been so weird these days?” With still crossed arms over his broad chest, Masato faced his friend. “Seriously, Tokiya. Do you feel stressed out?”

“No. I am eating cookies.”

“But the others told me that you’re spaced out a lot and you had been very moody. Even Haruka is also concerned about you.”

“Oh, really?” He might sound cruel but Tokiya had avoided the girl most of the time so he was startled to hear her name again. “I guess I was just tired with the schedule and want to enjoy my me-time. I am still an introvert who sometimes wants to rest from seeing people anyway.”

“I see…” Masato nodded. “But for some reason, Kouda-san looks fishy to me.”

The sudden comment almost made Tokiya choked on his cookie.

“Kouda-san? What do you mean?”

“I know this will sound offensive and that’s why I don’t share this to others. I wonder if Kouda-san is interested in guys…”

Tokiya’s face turned as white as paper.

“Wh…what?”

_Calm down, Tokiya. Listen to him first._

In the midst of soothing himself, Tokiya’s hands started to tremble. It was caused by not only the assaults but also the possibility that his friends would find out about Saotome’s wicked plan.

“I apologize for being rude but I don’t like the way he stared at you,” Masato explained. His serious but funny expression was no longer there. “I know sometimes guys can feel amazed by each other’s abs or muscles but the way he stared at you… I don’t know. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Or is he just so caring towards you since you are his junior?”

_You sure have no shame, Kouda-san,_ Tokiya thought.Trembling while literally burning with anger was a torture for his frame.

Now, the crude Kouda just burdened him with another pain. It was more insulting for Tokiya when he, the victim had to cover up for his attacker but like in every situation, he had no choices.

“I am sure he’s just caring. He and I are like… brothers.”

Thanks for his acting skill and Masato’s shallow knowledge about a good relationship between seniors and juniors in showbiz, Tokiya managed to convince his friend.

He was so exhausted by all these dramas. He tried his best to lead a noble life but troubles always managed to find him.

He did not know for how long he could say ‘I am okay’ to his friends.

* * *

****Masato****  and Ren’s friendship was unique and could pass as a sitcom. While they understood each other the most, they also had a tendency to pick a fight with each other. In a rare occasion, they would be in cahoots especially when they wanted to bash their senior, Kurosaki Ranmaru for belittling STARISH. The childhood friends were the best partners when they were in a good term but also the best comedy duo when they decided to get on each other’s nerves.

Today was no different even Masato decided that Ren was the most useful friend he could ask when it comes to his decision to confess his love to Haruka. Sadly for him, the others were too innocent and did not have much experience in dating. Masato even blamed himself for not collecting much dating experience before dredging up that he only studied in all-boys school for years.

Or else, he did not have to sacrifice his pride in order to ask Ren for love advice.

“Ren.”

“Yes, Masato?” Ren replied despite the blue head already said his name four times. The fact that he continued to respond without even feeling annoyed had managed to annoy Masato instead. The blue head knew more than everyone that Ren was teasing him for finally asking something from him.

“Just… just so you know, I am not asking you this because I think you’re the best person for me to ask. Rather, I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a choice, okay!?”

“But it still can’t deny the fact that you need my help,” Ren said with a smirk. He knew in this desperate situation, Masato would not clobber him.

_Urghhh!! It’ll be much better if Tokiya can help me in this situation instead. Or else, I won’t suffer this kind of humiliation,_  Masato mentally whined.

“It’s about Haruka, right?”

The only blessing in disguise was how easy it was to ask for Ren’s advice since they knew each other too much. Long story short, the blue head successfully obtained sufficient love advice from Ren while enduring the guy’s narcissism about how important he was to Masato’s future.

So here he was, holding a bouquet of flowers while meeting eyes with his beloved girl.

“This… this is for you,” Masato said, nervously handing a bouquet of flowers to Haruka. “I hope you like it.”

“For me? Thank you so much, Masato,” Haruka said, gazing happily at the beautiful flowers. “But what is this for? Not that I am complaining. I love it but…”

“I love you.”

Since they were standing by the lake, they could literally hear the sound of cold wind blown to their direction. As if nature also decided to disapprove Masato’s speedy confession.

“Huh?” Haruka exclaimed as her golden eyes widened.

Masato was mentally screaming in horror. Sure, Ren advised him to be direct and said something straight from his heart but…

Was it supposed to be more romantic? He sounded more like closing a deal instead of asking Haruka out due to his deep voice and flat tone. It was something that he was accustomed to and he never thought that it was a problem until today.

****_“Your voice, Masato. Make it softer and melodious. Don’t talk like a historical character. One more thing, you should listen to how Tokiya talks. Even he looks aloof but the reason why the girls swoon over him is his voice can melt their hearts. His tone and everything are charming. Or… you can learn from my voice instead. My fans always told me that mine is...”_ ** **

Recalling Ren’s words, Masato quickly recalled Tokiya’s voice especially his talking manner.

_Yes, that Narcissus wannabe is right. Tokiya looks cold but his voice is sweet._

“Well, I mean,” Masato adjusted his voice and for a second, he thought that he was attempting to sing on a stage instead. “I love you, Haruka.”

“Huh?” Again, they exclaimed in unison since the remark was awkward in so many levels. Not only Masato failed to mimic Tokiya’s tone, he even repeated the same sentence.

“Oh…” Pink dust spread over Haruka’s face, making her looked so adorable like a doll.

_Come on, Masato. Be descriptive like your lyrics. I know she’s adorable but please focus!_

With the sudden burst of determination to prove Haruka just how much he loved her, Masato finally blurted out a series of lines that should have been said since four years ago.

“To be honest, I’ve fallen in love with you since we were in the academy. At first, I adored how you enjoyed music and how wholehearted you’re in pursuing your dream. Whenever I felt like giving up, you would always there for me and brightened up my days again. As time goes by, I realized that I didn’t just like you but I love you. I would smile like crazy when you smiled like... no, yours is not crazy. It’s very beautiful. Just so you know, I am the happiest when we bumped into each other. Each day, no matter where I go, you’re always in my mind and I want to be with you. I know this is sudden but Nanami Haruka, let’s go out!”

It was certainly relaxing when he could confess his feeling even Haruka was obviously flustered.

“Masato, I…”

“Ah, you don’t have to answer right away,” Masato said frantically as he noticed that he might sound rash. “You can take your time as much as you want. I will wait for your answer but…”

He took a step forward as his blue eyes were still holding the girl’s.

“I have a feeling that you’re waiting for someone,” Masato said, much to Haruka’s shock. “Or maybe I am wrong. But still, I hope you’ll give me a chance to win your heart, Haruka. I promise I’ll prove you that I am sincere with my feeling,” Masato said before abruptly leaving her.

At least, he had Haruka’s answer to anticipate instead of jumping into the lake right away out of embarrassment.

****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if Masato and Tokiya looked OOC ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The selfishness...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Suicide attempt

****Masato**** was still making a huge effort in order to be the best guy for Haruka. No matter how ridiculous it was, his manly heart and mind were set for it.

One of the ridiculous ways was by bothering Tokiya in his room. It was a voice lesson according to him but it was weird and amusing that the others (except for Ren who was still sleeping in his room and Natsuki who went to work) ended up joining the blue heads.

“Your voice is so sweet, Tokiya. I don’t understand why the president doesn’t give you a chance to produce your solo album. Now, can you please say my name in your usual tone?” Masato said while sitting on the floor.

“Masato,” Tokiya replied right away. His hand which was supposed to scribble small notes on his script remained static.

“What about ‘Otoya’?” Masato requested, pointing at the redhead who was observing them from his bed with full of interest.

“No!” Both Otoya and Tokiya objected without a second thought.

“Why?”

“That doesn’t sound right, Masato,” Otoya said, trying his best not to show a sign of disgust. Tokiya and he were not always in a good term so to hear that Tokiya would address him ‘romantically’ was a tad disturbing.

“Yeah,” Tokiya acknowledged. “My voice tends to be deeper when I scold him so that’s definitely a no-no.”

“Then, how about saying their female name?”

“Otomi… Syoko… Cecilia…”

“Syoko!?” Syo responded immediately, rising from Otoya’s chair.

“Cecil is a unisex name, Tokiya!” Cecil retorted.

“What about Haruka?”

“Haru… wait! Why are you doing this all of sudden?” Tokiya ended up putting his script aside.

“I am analyzing your voice,” Masato confessed. “Ren said that my voice sounds patriotic so…”

“Well, your voice does sound patriotic but I honestly think it’s manly and charming. It made girls feel safe,” Tokiya remarked, followed by the nods from others. “Plus, the patriotic part applies to your tone since you’re raised in that way. I think your voice can be sweet. Just listen to Original Resonance back. You sounded so amazing in that song.”

“But I prefer to talk sweetly like you.”

“But this is how I talk regularly. There’s nothing sweet about that,” Tokiya said. He did not understand why Masato was inferior about his voice. “Seriously, what’s this about? Did you get an offer for a romance movie?”

“No. He’s actually trying to win Haruka’s heart!” Cecil exclaimed, followed by others’ giggles.

“What?”

“Wait! How do you guys know that!?” Masato quickly turned as his eyes sized up in terror.

“We saw you both by the lakeeee,” Otoya and Cecil swayed childishly while singing. “By the lake, by the lake.”

“Your ‘I love you’ is so cute even it sounded a bit strange. For some reason, the wind was also strange on that day,” Syo added, cheeky chuckles escaped from his lips.

“You guys…”

“Waaaa, he’s mad!”

“Masato, please don’t get angry! We promise we won’t do it again!”

While the room was figuratively burning due to Masato’s anger and nagging, Tokiya was spaced out at his desk.

_Masato is so lucky. The Saint, Haruka…_

At least, Tokiya believed he would be happy if Haruka ended up with someone loving like Masato.

At least, that was what he believed.

* * *

****Despite**** Masato’s praise for Tokiya’s voice which was worth a solo album, Saotome already had a shocking plan for the scion and Haruka.

“A… a solo album?” Masato repeated. His face was stiff due to shock and happiness at the same time since Haruka would compose all the songs.

As for Haruka, she was excited because more works for her and this might become a bit easy since she only had to compose for only one singer instead of seven. She smiled at Masato which was returned shyly.

“Yes, Masato. You and Haruka are going to work together for your solo album. I want you both to produce a masterpiece that will top all charts.”

While Masato was glad about the opportunity, something occurred to his mind.

“Thank you, president. I… I really appreciate the offer but are you going to produce others’ solo albums as well?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s because I only want to produce yours, Masato. Is that clear?” The president said as a smile spread across his lips. Little did the partners know, he was not actually smiling. Sometimes, he hated Masato’s consideration towards his teammates. Unlike Tokiya’s, Saotome could not use Masato’s consideration for his own benefits. “Don’t worry. While you are working for your album, the others will be given chances in variety shows and what not so don’t worry about that.”

It was enough for Masato to breathe out a relieved sigh.

“I see. Then, I will try my best for my album. You can count on me, president.”

“Of course I will count on you. Your talent should not be wasted. The theme that you’re going to work on this album is love songs. Haruka, I expect you to ensure the melody so pleasant and sweet for the fans. You’ll be composing songs for The Saint so your songs will establish his image more as an ideal husband.”

_Contrasted with Tokiya who will be the ideal stripper,_ Saotome thought.

_Ideal… husband? That’s too early for my age,_ Masato’s mind echoed.

“Ideal husband… sweet… love songs,” Haruka who was ecstatic with the new project could not help but mumbled the words. It was her way to immediately create a mental image which led her to gain ideas faster. “Okay, president.”

“Good. Since both of you will work and spend time together a lot, I have a good suggestion. Why don’t you guys date each other and write songs about your love story? You both certainly will make a cute couple.”

“President, that’s…” Pink dust spread to every inch of the couple’s faces. Masato was too speechless to finish his words while Haruka stared into the floor. It would not be this awkward if she did not receive Masato’s confession beforehand.

“What? I don’t lift the relationship rule for nothing, you know. You both have my blessing so you can date each other if you guys want,” Saotome did a great job in acting like their father who got all thrilled for his grown-up children’s love life.

At least in front of the idols except for Tokiya, he had to do this much.

“That’s too sudden, president. I don’t think…”

“Yes, I know this is a crazy idea, Masato. Just ignore me. You can do whatever you want as long as your love songs will top the charts. I wish you good luck with your songs.”

“Thank you so much, president,” Masato bowed, followed by Haruka. “But if you don’t mind, I want to ask you something else.”

“Yes?”

“About the recent mental health check-up, has Tokiya received a good result? Perhaps, did he get diagnosed with any type of illness?”

“Wow, you’re not even curious about yours, Masato. What a good twin.”

“Ah, it’s not like that. It’s just that we’re worried about him. It seems he’s stressed out a lot with his works and…”

“Being stressed out is normal, young man. You can’t find a job which has no stress at all. Plus, Tokiya has been in this industry since he was 13 so I think he’s smart enough to manage his stress. But, just in case he can’t handle it, he always can consult with our psychiatrists. They will be there to help.”

Masato nodded, meeting Haruka’s eyes which also conveyed the same degree of satisfaction from Saotome’s answer.

_I guess we’re worried about nothing._

* * *

****_This_**** _is still awkward,_  Masato thought as he closed the door.

“Well, I guess I look forward to working with you,” Haruka said before bowing before the man. Masato always found her voice adorable every time she bubbled over with gusto.

“Yes, me too. I look forward to working with you,” Masato bowed back.

_That’s what I am saying but the truth is, I am more than nervous to spend time with her,_  he thought. His mixed but bursting feeling engrossed him so much that he did not notice that just like him, Haruka also remained her posture due to nervousness.

_I wonder if this is a good chance for me to learn more about him,_  she thought.

“What are you guys doing?” Somebody’s perplexed voice made them gasped out of shock. They straightened their bodies out, facing the voice’s owner in absolute terror.

“Tokiya, you surprised me,” Masato said, stroking his chest. That was when he realized that Tokiya also had his hand on his chest but looking much calmer.

“Masato, trust me. I am even more surprised to see you both in such a posture,” Tokiya said flatly but still layered with sarcasm. “Did you guys just meet the president?”

“Yes. We’re going to work together for my album,” Masato said happily since Tokiya would be the first person who he wanted to share this good news with.

_Ah…_

“You’re so amazing, Tokiya. You told me that my voice can be sweet and today, the president wanted Haruka to compose all love songs.”

_You’re even more amazing, Masato. You told me I should have a solo album but instead, you’re the one who will have it,_ Tokiya mentally replied.

“I told you,” Tokiya said as they bumped their fists together. Truly, he was happy but he was also upset to think that they would spend more time together. The fact that he missed to talk with Haruka every night also got the best of him.

_Why can’t I just be a normal friend? I am supposed to be fully happy for him but…_

_Why Haruka?_

“You see this guy, Haruka? He asked me to coach him in how to speak romantically to you,” Tokiya teased, finally talking properly with the girl after avoiding her for so long. He could spot her shocked expression but Masato’s horrified face entertained him more.

“Tokiya, you don’t have to say that!” Masato exclaimed but the smirking Tokiya proceeded to knock on the door, waiting for Saotome’s cue.

Masato swore, one day he would rather die than getting teased by his friends all the time. They got cheeky nowadays, especially when Haruka was around.

* * *

****As**** soon as Tokiya found himself in front of Saotome’s table, the first thing that insolently greeted him was his latest medical report, being flung to his face by the old man.

“You must be kidding me, Ichinose Tokiya,” was the first set of words that Saotome blurted out, which almost made Tokiya laughed. It was indeed ‘funny’ but Tokiya lost his energy again to laugh or smile after using all of it to prove to his friends that he was fine.

“I was about to say the same thing to you,” Tokiya mumbled without looking back at his president. Instead, he curiously took the flying medical report. His nose twitched since it still stung from being attacked by the object.

“Clinical depression and complex PTSD… Seriously, Tokiya?” Saotome mocked the two mental disorders which Tokiya was diagnosed with. “One is bothersome enough but now you have two illnesses?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Tokiya asked back. His president was way overdramatic when they both knew who was the cause of his mental disorders.

“Now are you saying that since you are depressed and sad all the time, you don’t want to do your job? How funny.”

“I am sorry but I don’t see which part of it is funny,” Tokiya said, slowly putting the medical report on the table. “Just so you know, that’s bound to happen when you and those animals treated me like a whore.”

“Those animals who you insulted are your lifeblood in this industry. I thought someone experienced as you will eventually understand why I did this to you but I guess you’re just like your suicidal seniors. You guys are a bunch of weaklings!”

“If we’re a bunch of weaklings, what that makes you and the animals? The scum of the earth?” His voice was weak but it stabbed deep into Saotome’s pride. “You know what, president? The more I know your true color, the more I pity you. I did hear a lot of rumors you know.”

“What do you mean? What sorts of crap are you talking about, huh?”

“You ditched your ex-composer after making her pregnant and now she was nowhere to be found. At the same time, you also sold your body for a living. Your agency also practiced a similar system; choosing the so-called most valuable asset to be sexually assaulted but in your case, it’s not considered as ‘assaulted’ since you gave your consent. I wonder how pathetic your sense of dignity…”

“Shut your mouth, Tokiya! Someone like you doesn’t deserve to give a big speech about dignity here.”

“I learned more about dignity thanks to my friends,” Tokiya said. “So, since I am diagnosed with the disorders, I guess I can seek treatment, right?”

Now, it was the time for Saotome to take revenge.

“No. You’re not allowed to seek any therapy since it will risk other idols to know your disorders including your friends.”

“Then, what’s the use of undergoing a medical check-up if I can’t get the treatment for my illnesses? Is your Saotome Hospital really a hospital?” Tokiya remarked. He really wanted to scream on the top of his lungs but he could not find his energy.

“It’s a hospital but in your case, allowing you to consult a psychiatrist will risk your secret of being a whore so it’s definitely a no-no for me. Masato already asked me if there is something wrong with your mental health so I can’t afford to risk anything after this. Just solve it yourself,” Saotome declared. He grabbed a file from his side which indirectly ordering Tokiya to leave him alone.

_If you say so, I’ll just kill myself. Then only all the problems can get solved, president._

* * *

****“Thank****  you for the dinner, Masato. It’s really good,” Haruka said, strolling together with the said guy. They just went back from their meeting before Masato said that he wanted to pay for her dinner. They ended up eating in an Italian restaurant and chatting more than they intended to. It certainly managed to reduce the awkwardness which lately thwarting their conversation.

“It’s okay, Haruka. Your songs will help me shine so I think I should do this much,” Masato replied. His muscles were a bit sore from today’s schedule but no words could describe how happy he was, especially when his beloved girl smiled at him.

“I wonder if you have something that you want to eat but you still don’t…”

“ _Takoyaki_!” He exclaimed right away. The way his blue eyes brightened up without ado amazed the girl.

“Really? Do you want to eat  _takoyaki_?”

“Yes! The last time I ate the dish was with Ren and Kurosaki-san during Let’s Shining TV shooting but I still can’t forget the taste. The sauce brings out the flavor of the burning hot morsel. Despite its name, it contains a little bit of octopus,” Masato supplied, being oblivious of the fact that he just stark copied Ren’s first comments about the dish.

_How cute! I always see the mature Masato so to see him like this is… new,_  Haruka thought.

Yet, the adorable expression did not last long. Instead, Masato frowned at a certain sight from the lakeside.

“That’s Tokiya, right?” Masato asked, pointing at the lake direction.

The composer turned which later wearing the similar expression as Masato’s. The sight of Tokiya standing by the lake was not rare since all of them loved to stay there for seeking comfort or just wanted to be alone. Even it was at night, the scenery was still breathtaking and soothing.

“Yes, he’s.”

“You can’t help but stare at the scenery, right? Especially when your workload is too much and you just want to clear your mind.”

“Yes, you’re right. I also love to sit alone there if I want to find inspiration,” Haruka said. Deep inside, she was curious to see Tokiya’s face up-close. Their distance made the guy looked vague in her sight.

“Shall we go now?” Masato suggested.

“Sure,” Haruka followed. She was walking behind Masato when her head suddenly hit something hard. She looked up, feeling confused to find that her eyes met Masato’s wide back.

“Masato?”

“Why is he…” Masato who stopped his pace was staring at Tokiya anxiously.

As for Haruka, her eyes widened as soon as she could see Tokiya who was already in the water completely disappeared from their sight.

_What?_

“What’s he trying to do? Tokiya!” Masato quickly ran towards the lake, followed by Haruka.

Their heartbeat felt painful as they still could not spot Tokiya. Masato continuously screamed for his friend but to no avail. Being afraid of his own imagination, Masato quickly put off his shoes before handing his wallet and phone to Haruka.

“Can you please call the hospital? I will search for him,” without waiting for Haruka’s answer, Masato quickly jumped into the lake, swimming as deep as possible to find his friend.

With shaking hands, Haruka called Saotome Hospital. She stuttered all the way as she fixed the lake with a horrified gaze. She could not afford to answer the staff properly since her heart constantly prayed for Tokiya.

_God, please. Please save Tokiya…_

* * *

****“Are****  you sure it’s just normal stress?” Ren asked the psychiatrist suspiciously. Arms were crossed over his muscular chest. Masato and Haruka who were standing from his sides also could not help but eye the guy. “Or is there something wrong with his medical report?”

“No, he’s completely fine. You see, you can’t just simply label someone as depressed just because he looks sad all the time. Plus, he himself said that it’s not a suicide attempt. We already conducted a thorough mental examination for each of you and all results are good. We know how to do our job,” The psychiatrist with glasses literally warned them to respect his credibility.

_How stuck-up!_  The childhood friends rolled their eyes. They decided that it was best not to ask more or else the so-called credible psychiatrist would tell on them. Together with Haruka who was still shocked, they went back into the ward.

“I dropped my watch so I went to find it,” was what Tokiya said. His face was still pale but his condition was getting better. “I think that’s when I got a cramp in my legs and I couldn’t swim back.”

“Which watch?” Otoya asked swiftly.

“A new one. You never see it, Otoya.”

Tokiya knew the redhead was going to ask that so it was best for him to prepare the answer beforehand.

“Tokiya, are you sure you’re really okay? Do you have something that you keep bottling up? I noticed that when I hugged you…”

“That’s because your hugs are bone-crushing, Natsuki. I think everyone agreed to that.”

“Yes, really! It hurts sometimes,” Cecil acknowledged as he glanced at the confused Natsuki.

“For me, it always hurts,” Syo supplied.

“You see. I am not saying I am disgusted or anything but sometimes, you have to hold back a little, Natsuki. We know we look cute to you but…”

“Hey, I am not cute!” Syo retorted. That was so typical of him.

“But, you’re the one who gets hugged the most, Syo,” Otoya said, earning a glare from the small boy.

The fight was continued but for Masato, he had so many feelings in his head. He ended up insisting everyone to leave while he would stay there for the rest of the night.

“You scared me, Tokiya,” was what Masato said as soon as his teammates left them. He lost counts on how many he breathed out a sigh of relief. “For a second, I thought that I would lose my twin for real.”

_But, that’s why I want to commit suicide, Masato. I don’t want to be your twin._

“Thank you… for rescuing me.”

“No need to thank me. Just keep alive and happy is enough for me. Not only me but also others.”

The sadness from Masato’s eyes broke Tokiya’s heart. That was the first time he saw Masato looked so despondent.

_I guess I was too selfish for having a suicidal thought,_  Tokiya thought.

“To be honest, I am not convinced when the psychiatrist said you’re fine but who am I to question an expert? But I beg you, please… STARISH will never be the same without you. It has to be seven of us. I know you've got a lot in your mind given your workload is non-stop but just remember, you have us. We’re always here for you, Tokiya.”

They stared at each other, silently hoping that the other person’s misery would be relieved.

* * *

****It**** was three o’clock but Tokiya could not get a wink of sleep. He sadly glanced at Masato who was sleeping on the brown sofa soundly. The guy was obviously tired from his schedule and to make it worse, he had to save and deal with a suicidal friend.

_He’s certainly a good friend,_  he thought. That was when Saotome’s warning when he visited him a few hours ago crossed his mind.

****_“Just snap out of it, Tokiya! They just ‘used’ you sometimes because they like you. They like your figure and your job is making them satisfied. Just deal with whatever disorder you have! I don’t care! But, this will be the first and last warning from me. I don’t want to say much. If your teammates know your illness, all of you are finished. I will make sure that STARISH will completely be wiped out from the showbiz forever.”_ ** **

That was when he realized that even after he died, he could not leave everything peacefully. His teammates would be the victims and the vicious cycle would never stop. The fact that his friend would never achieve their dreams scared him. He knew selfishness would never get him anywhere. He might escape from Saotome’s wicked plan but it only victimized his friends including Haruka.

In this case, he was the most suitable person to be sacrificed. He did not have a family who would defend him nor expected him to change their future. All things he did would only affect him and he had nothing to lose.

He had to protect his friends but how could he when they especially Masato slowly could notice his mental illness and Saotome continuously warned him?

_Think, Tokiya. Think. This is an urgent situation. What should you do now? You don’t have anyone now. You’re all alone._

He completely lost track of time. He did not know for how long stared at the ceiling blankly while his brain was busy as bees.

So far, he could not defeat Saotome because it would cost him his friends.

But maybe if he worked extremely hard, he could attack Saotome and those ‘clients’ back. They all had the power and that was why they could do whatever they pleased.

So now, it was his turn to obtain power so that he also could do whatever he pleased.

For the first time after the painful assaults, Tokiya smiled happily from the bottom of his heart.

For STARISH’s future victory.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for making this story too dramatic ;)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two years...

**Two** years passed and a lot of things had changed among STARISH.

First of all, due to his extremely hard work, the already famous Tokiya eventually shot to stardom. When it meant stardom, he basically epitomized his group and be the exemplar among the idols. His standing was way higher than his teammates. While Masato was the second one in terms of popularity, he still had time to spend on group activities so he still could maintain his relationship with everyone. For Tokiya, it was almost impossible unless it was for a grand event like STARISH’s concert.

“We should limit your appearance in variety shows since you’re too popular for that. Idols attend variety shows when they want to gain attention but you already gained that from your acting. But, if you do attend it once in a while, it will surely skyrocket the rating. We should make the audience always anticipates you,” was what Saotome said.

If truth be told, being a guest for variety shows was never easy for an introvert like Tokiya. Idols were expected to have fun, be all cute and witty while at the same time, always winning at whatever games they were assigned to. The only time when he felt confident was when his teammates were around. Times passed and since they managed to soothe his nervousness, he silently anticipated attending one with any of his teammates.

And yet, Saotome had always been Saotome. He insisted to promote Tokiya as the Stripper who was superb in acting rather than a regular idol who tried their luck at various fields. As always, the blue head did not have any choice. After all, it was his goal to make money as much as Saotome wanted and single-handedly beat Raging Entertainment so that he would never meet Yuna, Kouda or any ‘animal’ out there. He could read Saotome’s mind perfectly thanks to their regular encounter. Once he reached the target profit, the president would stop ‘renting’ him.  

Yet, in order to achieve his fame, Tokiya had lost so many important parts in his life. Of course, sacrificing his sleep until he got physically sick was not a big deal. He had suffered from it since he debuted as STARISH member so he could always endure it. Yet, when his mental disorders obstructed him from working properly, he decided that he had to consult a psychiatrist who would not be in cahoots with Saotome and falsely claimed that his mental health was just fine. He had to seek treatment from other hospital but at the same time, he could not let his friends know his secret.

That was when he decided to buy a house and move out of the dorm. It caused an uproar among his teammates who could not accept his sudden decision.

“Do you really have to move out, Tokiya?” Otoya asked. His red eyes cast worry and sadness. Syo and Cecil also wore the similar expression, especially when Tokiya’s room side was already empty and he just needed to pack his clothes. They wished the other three could cancel their works at that moment so that they could talk this out together. 

“And why are you even asking? It’s bound to happen, right? You guys will get married eventually and you can’t expect me to live here forever,” Tokiya said coldly. His emotion instability led him to get easily annoyed with how caring his teammates were no matter how many times he asked them to mind their own business.

“Still, you can’t just move out so sudden,” Syo said. His mind was desperately coaxing him not to yell right away. He really wanted to be as collected as his other friends but so far it was to no avail.

“It’s not even sudden. I already told Otoya since two weeks ago but he didn’t let me told you guys. I really don’t understand this guy,” Tokiya said. “What’s he? Four? He acted like a kid who can’t sleep alone.”

Cecil swore he could see that Otoya felt insulted by his roommate’s words, judging from how he suddenly lowered his head and his hands were balled into fists. The only foreign member in STARISH always had a soft spot for the redhead. He could not stand the most if such a sweet person like Otoya got hurt especially by a seemingly insensitive person like Tokiya.  

“You can put it in a nicer way, Tokiya,” Cecil supplied, silently holding Otoya’s arm for comfort.

“I think the four-years-old kid here is you, Tokiya. You can’t even understand your own best friend. Obviously, he didn’t allow you to tell us because he wanted to convince you until you changed your mind. And don’t make me call you stupid since you don’t even realize that the issue here is not him sleeping alone. He just doesn’t want you to live separately because he loves it the most when all of us are together. Is that too hard for a smart person like you to understand!?” At last, Syo snapped when he could not sense any regret from Tokiya. “I thought that you already love STARISH as much as the rest of us do. I thought that you already see us as your home.”

_I do, Syo. In fact, you guys are the only home I have,_ Tokiya thought. 

“I bet it’s not like you really want to live separately from us. In fact, you have a secret, right?” Otoya added, sending his roommate’s face to be slightly pale. It managed to stop Tokiya from packing the last shirt.

“I don’t,” Tokiya said as calm as possible. He was done with his packing but he doubted he could escape from their questions easily. The way they stood next to each other also sent him the same message.

“Your personality changed so much, Tokiya. I know you’re stressed out with your workload but like I said, you had changed so much. Are you sure you’re really okay?” Otoya said.

“I said I am okay. How many times do I have to tell you?” the familiar fury started to flow in his veins. He knew this moment would not end well. Even Tokiya himself hated it when this certain kind of fury towered over his calmness since he could not control it.

Otoya was absolutely right. His personality had changed so much.  

“Don’t lie to us, Tokiya. Obviously, you’re not okay. You should tell us...” Cecil could not finish his words as Tokiya suddenly slammed down his baggage. He turned to his teammates, anger burning in the blue eyes.

“Which part of ‘I am okay’ that you don’t understand, huh!? I am okay!” Unlike his high note which was honey-like pleasant, his voice at this moment was like a thunder; too loud and intimidating. He figured the fact more when he realized how pallid and disappointed all his teammates were but his mouth was too loose to hold back. “If you have this much free time, you guys should practice instead of sticking your noses into my life! You know there are a lot of reasons why you don’t have works today, right!?”

“We just care about you, Tokiya. Is that what a friend should do?” Cecil said. This guy was usually childish but when he got all gloomy, Tokiya knew he had made a big mistake. “I am glad that I am in STARISH due to our friendship. I bet everybody wants us to be like before.”

_Not a chance, Cecil,_ Tokiya mentally commented. This was the first time he realized that his determination to be a celebrity also cost his friendship other than his health.

_But, it’s okay. This is only temporary._

“I... I am sorry, you guys. I am so sorry,” Tokiya replied. He mildly massaged his spinning forehead as if it could help him control his temper. “I don’t mean to yell. It’s just that, I am so tired to answer the same question over and over again. When I say I am okay, trust me. I really mean it. Again, I am really sorry.”

He grabbed his baggage before quickly leaving his shocked teammates. It was bad to think that it ended this way but Tokiya did not have any choice. He had to hide his disorders from them.

Meanwhile, Syo breathed out heavily as he slowly headed for the door.

“I am going back to my room,” he said. It was hard to drag his legs since he was still heavy with sadness but it was more important to find another place to comfort himself.

For Otoya and Cecil, they still had a huge shock from the first yell from Tokiya. Sure, the guy did not have the nicest temper out of them but he never raised his voice.

Unlike today.

“Well, Otoya...” Cecil who still struggled to calm down rested his hand on Otoya’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. From now on, I’ll be your roommate. I know it must be lonely for you to have the whole room by yourself, right?”

Otoya knew Cecil did not mean it when he mentioned the ‘lonely’ part. That was just his way to comfort him. 

“Thank you, Cecil. I really appreciate that.” 

* * *

 

**For** Himura Koji, being Ichinose Tokiya’s manager was as easy as when he was HAYATO’s manager. He was the same guy who was very punctual and well-prepared for his job but unfortunately…

The blue head also managed to unconsciously make Himura anxious about his ‘professionalism and seriousness in works’ principle.  

First of all, when it comes to racy scenes in movies…

“This film will have a lot of bed scenes so I really count on you, Ichinose-san,” Ryota, a director of Tokiya’s movie said.

“It’s okay. I’ll try my best.”

The answer which was delivered in a friendly tone was one thing but to know that someone prim like Tokiya was perfectly fine with it was weird according to Himura. He knew it had been a long time since the last time he met the guy and growing older might make Tokiya change his life principle but still…

Himura just could not believe that Tokiya would agree on it easily.

“Excuse me, Ryota-san,” Himura said, softly pulling Tokiya to him. “You know you can always decline the scenes if you’re not comfortable, right? Why don’t you ask for a double instead doing it on your own? Plus, don’t you think you’re too young to do that?”

“It’s my job, Himura-san. I have to do it,” Tokiya whispered back as if the ‘job’ he referred to would kill a person if he declined it.

Hearing the answer, Himura had nothing to say. Regarding this matter, there were only two types of actors. The first one was like Tokiya; too professional even it ruined his morals.

“I know it’s easier to work with you, Ichinose-san. At first, Saotome-san suggested me to offer this role to Hijirikawa-san since he’s more experienced in action movies. Yet, he refused to do the bed scenes so I am glad that you agree on it easily. Thank you so much, Ichinose-san!”

The perfect example of the second type of actors was Masato. He still valued his morals so he refused to do kissing scenes or worse than them.

_The world is so weird. They extolled someone ‘professional’ like Tokiya but found it hard to work with someone pure like Masato,_ Himura thought. _What’s wrong with removing the bed scenes? Are they really that important?_

But that was not the end of Tokiya’s weirdness. While he was willing to do anything for Ryota and other directors who he got chummy with, he was extremely hostile towards certain people like Kouda Shin, Nakamura Yuna, and a few other giant company owners. They all offered Tokiya the highest pay for every single movie and CF but instead of being grateful, Tokiya still had the audacity to treat them as his underlings. When he was with them, he would show a clichéd celebrity’s personality; stuck-up and demanding.

“I demand you to remove this scene. It’s stupid and useless.”

“That amount is too cheap for a celebrity like me. Make it triple or find someone else to play the role.”

“Why should I listen to you? Who’re you to force me? Your company can’t even survive without me.”

Et cetera. There were a lot of arrogant remarks from Tokiya that Himura could not register in his mind.

“Is it okay for you to say such things to them?” Himura could not help but ask.

And Tokiya’s answer was always similar.  

“They have to do this much if they want to hire me.”

Yet, Tokiya was the sweetest when it comes to his teammates.

“I think Ittoki Otoya will be the best choice for this role. He has this vibe that makes people love him easily. Out of us, we treat him like our youngest brother so I guess to be a cute brother suits him the most.”

“Syo is very manly. You can give him any kind of stunt and he can do them flawlessly. It’s his thing to perform stunts on his own.”

“Natsuki is not a one-trick-pony. Just because he loves children shows, it doesn’t mean he can’t be versatile. Just let him plays the evil role and you’ll see what I mean.”

Thus, he would receive compliments from the directors for recommending his teammates and proving them that he was never wrong.

“I guess the rumor is true. You’re so considerate towards your teammates that you always recommended good roles for them.”

“You’re so admirable. Even you’ve become this famous, you never forget to let your teammates shine as well.”

_I just want to work more with them and I have to let them shine as well. Lately, the president doesn’t really give them chances,_ he thought.

Nevertheless, this was what he wanted. He ruled them, not them oppressing him. He was glad to be on his level now. 

* * *

**“For** heaven’s sake, please control your temper, Syo,” was the first thing Ren said when they were in their company car. He knew the mood was already down because of the talk show that they attended just now but he could not help but admonish Syo. “Just like your height, your temper is very short.”

“You should tell the emcees off who kept asking about Tokiya from us instead. What’s the use of inviting us then? We’re not Tokiya’s manager!” Syo retorted. It was a torture for Otoya who was sitting between the two fighting guys “And one more thing, stop relating my height to every single situation!”

“But still, you shouldn’t answer negatively like that, Syo. We’re expected to answer them nicely. The emcees just did their job which was delivering what the fans wanted to know the most,” Ren said back as he fully turned to Syo’s direction.

“I can’t believe the public sometimes. They glorify someone indecent and strip a lot like Tokiya while at the same, they don’t even curious about Natsuki who really loves children. And just now, the emcees even said that they shouldn’t ask about Masato’s love life since apparently he and Haruka got haters for that,” Syo remarked.

“I couldn’t thank the emcees enough, though. He saved us and I don’t want to see Haruka have a hard time again,” Masato said from their back. He and Haruka were so happy around each other but the public seemed to hate Haruka for dating him.

When in fact, he should be the one who they hated since he asked her out first.

“Yeah and Otoya here is even pitiful, though. He got a screen time a lot just by telling them how’s Tokiya in their room.”

Syo’s remark gained him the sweetest smile from Otoya. The red eyes kept staring at him but for some reasons, they looked creepy. From the way Ren widened his eyes while the others sat silently, he knew it was not only him that found Otoya intimidating.

It was like Otoya tried to say ‘shut up!’ or ‘go to hell!’ in a sweet way.

“Please calm down, Syo,” Otoya said as he rested against the seat, closing his eyes. “Or else, the shorter your temper, the shorter your height will turn out.”  

“What the... What’s with the hypothesis? Since when did you learn how to tease my height, Otoya!?” Syo exclaimed.

“Since you don’t know how to shut up,” Cecil replied from his back which later caused another fracas between them.

At least when they fought amusingly, all of them could temporarily forget the bitterness that they felt after attending the talk show.     

* * *

 

**Tokiya** could swear that his own destiny hated him most of the time. He felt extremely terrible after fighting with his teammates just now when Saotome suddenly summoned him to his office. As soon as Nakamura Yuna and Nakamura Takeshi’s glares met his eyes, they managed to make his mind and heart bloomed. They did not have any idea of how much he yearned for their discontent.

It was the time when he smirked at them evilly instead of the other way around.

“I want my money back! There’s no way I want to invest in this agency for him anymore!” Yuna said as she rudely pointed at Tokiya’s poker face. She deliberately screamed at the top of her lungs just for notifying Saotome how chronic her problem was. “This jerk has made me insane with his stuck-up attitude! He even got a nerve kicking me out of his house!”

“I can say the same thing to you too. You got a nerve to insult and force my manager to give you my password. Who do you think you’re? My girlfriend?” Tokiya remarked. His voice was far from ear-splitting but he always managed to make his opponents felt like he just kicked them in their stomachs.

“We had slept together for a few times, Tokiya. So, what else am I supposed to be?”

“A bitch?” Hearing Tokiya’s spontaneous reaction, Takeshi quickly rose from his chair. His fair skin turned all red and he did not know how much Tokiya loved it. “You should be glad that I didn’t hit you for talking so rude to my manager. Seriously, did your father teach you to treat everyone like a toy?” 

Tokiya did not even need to ask for Saotome’s approval for being rude to their investors. He knew the president was already on his side, just from judging how quiet he was. His quietness meant he enjoyed Yuna’s dramatic whines as much as Tokiya did.

“I suppose you mind your words, Ichinose-san. Do you have any idea that all this time, you should be grateful that we’re your investor?” Takeshi said, standing just next to his daughter.

“No, you guys are the one who should be grateful that I sold your products well.”

“ _Ojisan,_ please say something!” The frustrated woman ended up fishing for sympathy from Saotome. “Tokiya is very cold to me when he’s supposed to give me what I want!”

“The problem is why were you in Tokiya’s house, Yuna? Didn’t we agree that you both are not allowed to spend time together in each other’s house?” Even Saotome obviously blurted out the logic, Takeshi’s eyes sized up in disbelief. Their long-lasting relationship had convinced him that no matter in any situation, Saotome would take his side.

But apparently, it depended on which side brought profit to the founder of Shining Agency the most.

“Well, you know... I kind of missed him and I want to...” Yuna stuttered as pink dust spread over her face. Unlike Haruka who looked so endearing every time she blushed, Yuna’s effect was totally opposite.

She looked so disgusting, unlike Haruka.

_God, Tokiya... Can you please stop thinking about Haruka! She is dating your own friend,_ his mind coaxed him.

“I want to rest, president. I have a lot of shooting to attend tomorrow but somebody who already has a husband barged in on my house. Logically speaking, I should prioritize my work, right?”

“Absolutely,” Saotome said, much to Yuna’s shock. “Tokiya takes his job seriously so we expect you not to bother his personal time, Yuna. It’s for the sake of your company too.”

Yuna’s immature thinking quickly got the best of her as a certain face crossed her mind. She chuckled sardonically even her heart was about to explode with hatred. 

“What a lame excuse you have there, Tokiya. As if everyone is stupid,” Yuna mocked.

_She’s so loud. I really want to go back home now,_ Tokiya thought. He massaged his neck in order to soothe his anger but the woman before him did not seem to get a clue.

“You can lie to the whole world but for me, you don’t want me because you’re still in love with that Nanami, right? For heaven’s sake, she’s Masato’s girlfriend! Don’t tell me that she seduced you and Masato at the same time and that’s why you kept rejecting me! I can’t believe that you can be besotted by a greedy bitch like her!”

It was so rare for Ichinose Tokiya to act without thinking twice. He was supposed to be level-headed in any kind of situation but thanks to Yuna and her stupid imagination, she turned him into a monster. Once Haruka was referred in such a slurring way, he could feel how fast his large hand moved on its own, slapping Yuna across her face. It managed to send her to the floor which caused Takeshi quickly comforted his daughter and yelled at Tokiya at the same time. Without leaving any comment nor reflecting on his ‘wrongdoing’, Tokiya left them.  

_Ah, finally... it turns quiet again._

Now, he left everything to Saotome. He knew the old man would handle the two ‘animals’ well.

“ _Ojisan,_ look what the hell did he do to my face!? How am I supposed to meet my client after this!?” Yuna screamed. Her red-nailed finger pointed at her red cheek.

“Just cancel the meeting, then,” Saotome said nonchalantly. The way he steadily chained himself to his chair without bothering to apologize just wounded the Nakamura family.

“Excuse me? Your idol just hurt my daughter and that’s all you had to say?” Takeshi remarked. As one of the elites in the country, he could not believe that his own friend managed to make him feel insulted.

“Your daughter had made him angry so she literally asked for a slap. I don’t blame Tokiya in this case. He needed to be well-prepared for his works and your daughter has been inconsiderate and disrespectful for him.”

“Excuse me, _ojisan_? What did you just say?” Yuna stepped forward, trying her hardest to be as intimidating as her brown eyes met Saotome’s. “Why should I respect him when he’s supposed to be my underling? I paid him and I can do whatever I pleased to him.”

“That’s the story from two years ago, honey. Now, Tokiya is way more successful and elite than you both. You can’t control him anymore. In fact, he has all the rights to treat you and your father as an underling instead.”

The father and daughter stared at him but he knew, their minds were not as empty as how their expressions looked like.

“Do you guys want to end his contract with your company? Sure but you will lose a lot of profits and your customers will side him. Do you guys want to sue a lawsuit or something? Bring it on. I have a lot of evidence regarding how lascivious Nakamura Yuna is to the point of she dared to cheat on her husband.”

That was enough to numb the Nakamura family.  

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have something to say about this chapter, feel free to leave a comment :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Digila-san, my commenter! Happy birthday, Digila-san! :D I uploaded this chapter without knowing her birthday but I am so happy because I had great timing in posting this chapter on her birthday.

****“Why**** can’t you even do it right!?”

“What about you then!? Can’t you stop being nit-picking about everything!?”

 _Ah, they’re fighting again,_ Masato thought wearily. As usual, he ended up standing between the fighting duo, trying his best not to side anyone while soothing their anger. It was not even half an hour passed but the whole training room felt like it seethed with tense. A lot of years elapsed and they all had other commitments like family and solo projects so it was hard to gather all seven of them (especially for them to meet Tokiya) unless it was for their comeback practice.

And yet, the moment was always ruined by a fracas between Tokiya and Syo.

“Hey, guys. Stop that,” Masato lost count on how many times did he say ‘stop that’ or ‘please stop fighting’ to Tokiya and Syo. They were at each other’s throats again, starting from how Tokiya kept nagging about each of their tiny mistake in dancing or singing. “We rarely can gather everyone like this so should we settle this matter nicely instead?”

This matter existed dues to Tokiya’s obsession with defeating HEAVENS for everything.

When this unpleasantly clichéd moment took place, Natsuki and Otoya tended to take it positively but anyone could tell that they were hurt by Tokiya’s harsh words. Cecil always bottled up because he respected Tokiya as a very experienced teammate while Syo just simply talked back, given how bad his temper was. Masato and Ren would get stuck in the middle since they both almost never got scolded but it still did not make them felt any better.

“How am I supposed to stop when this guy kept repeating the same mistake? He should stop playing soccer in the evening if he performs this bad!” Tokiya reasoned out, making Masato flinched at his loud tone.

“But you can tell him nicely, you know,” Otoya supplied as frustration spread over his face. “Syo works hard every day and he only spends less than two hours to play in the evening. That’s the only way for him to release his stress.”

“If he never improves, he doesn’t even deserve a rest. He should be grateful that nobody scolds him for sleeping yet,” Tokiya retorted, looking daggers at Otoya. At this point, Cecil naturally approached the redhead to defend him while Natsuki was behind Syo.

“Then, do you expect me to work 24 hours like you!? You might want to live like a robot but I don’t!” Syo remarked as he pushed Natsuki’s hand from holding his shoulder.

“Then you can quit being an idol. This industry doesn’t need someone incompetent like you,” Tokiya said. As usual, the poker face and flat voice did not match the brutality in his words.

Everybody gasped at the ruthless comment except for Syo. His usually loud mouth felt numb to shout back as his mind still haltingly processed Tokiya’s words.

_What... what did this bastard just say?_

Seeing Syo’s reaction, Cecil could not endure it anymore. It was true that he and Syo did not always treat each other well but the guy was still his close friend.

“Tokiya, I’ve had enough of you,” Cecil stepped forward, looking daggers at the blue head. “All this time I’ve looked up to you and I wanted to work hard like you. But now, I really can’t stand your attitude. When you’re with us, you always ruined the moment. Can you appreciate your friends more instead of whining about everything? You’re the one who has to loosen up, Tokiya!”

“Then, is it okay if HEAVENS ends up defeating us?”

“To be honest, it’s not like we don’t care at all. Of course, it will be nice if we can top the album chart instead of HEAVENS,” Ren interrupted, much to others’ shock. They knew when the usually nonchalant scion voiced out his opinion, he meant business. He totally wanted that particular situation to stop. “But your obsession and perfectionism suffocated us. Not to mention you sounded so stuck-up every time you stated your opinion. It’s true that you’re the most popular among us but it doesn’t give you any right to simply call people incompetent without witnessing how hard they worked in order to meet your standard. You and your obsession with beating HEAVENS... stop pushing that idea into us, Tokiya. You might work for money and fame but don’t assume that the rest of us are the same.”

“Guys, I think that’s enough...” Masato wanted to stop but much to his surprise, Otoya quickly cut in with a determined face. Not to mention...

His sight... Why did everything seem like they were spinning? His constitution got worse each day and he did not want this happen when he still had his friend’s crisis on his plate.

“We want to be an idol because we want to sing for our fans and at the same time, enjoying what we love to do the most. The one who has to change here is you, Tokiya,” Otoya stated. He felt that he did not know this glamorous but sharp-tongued Tokiya. Instead, he missed his  _real_  ex-roommate a lot.

“I wish instead of fighting because of our small mistakes, we’ll cherish our times together. It’s always hard to meet you but you’re always angry about everything. To be honest, it hurt sometimes, Tokiya,” Natsuki also could not help but confessed his dissatisfaction.

When Masato’s eyesight returned, Tokiya’s expression pulled him the most.

It was as calm as usual but for some reason, he could see that the handsome face was sprinkled with pain.

_Did he feel upset about what they said?_

Masato was close but if truth be told, no words could describe what Tokiya felt right now. All of them except for Masato ganged up on him and while he did admit that his obsession was sickening, it still...

Stung deeply through his heart. Especially when all of them literally shared the same opinion.

He worked for fame and money. He ruined their practice together by expressing his honest opinion. His attitude was suffocating.

That was what they thought of him. He could see it but they could not see that all of their opinions about him were wrong.

But here he was, standing while instantly losing his moxie to defend himself. He could not even say to them that he loved his job because he loved working with them. As he could not stand to be judged severely by his friends’ cold eyes, he grabbed his bag and small towel angrily.

“Okay, then. Sorry for always being a wet blanket and thank you for telling me,” he said before quickly leaving their circle.

“Hey, Tokiya,” Masato tried to reach the guy’s shoulder but was completely ignored. Instead, the blue head disappeared faster from the room.

It was saddening for Masato when Tokiya did not even glance back at them. When his eyes met his other friends, they were staring at him.

“Masato,” the only redhead in the group initiated, “I don’t know which side are you...”

“Why should I take a side? I don’t want to,” Masato said, feeling slightly offended. He could care less when all of them looked surprised. Obviously, they expected him to agree with him. “It feels like you’re asking me to choose between my mother or my father.”

“You can say that because he rarely scolds you, Masato,” Syo remarked, immediately send Masato to a wave of burning anger.

“Mind your words, Syo. I did advise Tokiya to be soft with his words,” the way Masato’s voice sounded sterner shocked the blunt guy. “But I also think that Tokiya isn’t fully wrong. It doesn’t matter if we want to beat HEAVENS or not, we should always improve ourselves so that we can be a perfect performer. Plus, do you guys seriously think that being the most popular member of a band is easy? People expect a lot from him, he has a very tight schedule and I bet our president also stresses him out since he’s the Heart-throb. We’re not the only who has a hard time here.”

While they visibly understood him, Masato knew there was still dispute among them.

“Whatever. I already lost my respect for him,” Cecil decided.

“I don’t want to listen to someone who only loves fame instead of truly enjoying his job,” Syo supplied.

All Masato could do was closing his eyes and forcing himself to calm down. Otherwise, the violent him who he had forgotten since he got married and had pretty daughters would emerge back. He did not want to strangle nor kick anyone right now.

 _God, just how did it turn out like this?_ He thought.

* * *

****Saotome**** smirked as he was staring into two men before him. 17 years passed and he could give himself a pat on the back for turning them into what he wished for. They were physically similar from head to toe but their different image and destiny were apparent. It was all because of his twin concept. One of them, Masato was the Saint who was the ideal husband of many women while the second guy, Tokiya was the Stripper who was adored for his body.

Now, Masato was a married man with a happy family, thanks to Saotome’s plan to separate Tokiya from Haruka.

Now, Tokiya was still single and available to be fantasized by a lot of women.

“Did you summon us all the way here just to show your so-called fatherly smile? You don’t have to do that, you know,” Tokiya remarked, did not even bother to be polite. Masato from his side had his eyes sized up out of shock. No one in Shining Agency had enough audacity to remark sarcastically against their boss as much as he knew but on that day, he learned that Tokiya could do so.

“I am sorry but I can’t help it. I am so proud to see you both grew up so much. I met you both since you were 17 and now you’re 34. Too much time had passed, right, Masato?”

“Yeah,” Masato said. He did not know what to do in this situation. Saotome was being chummy while Tokiya clearly was not pleased with it. To make it worse, Tokiya still did not patch up with others so Masato wondered if he and Tokiya were still in a friendly term.

“So, your point is?” Tokiya who did not smile even once was clearly irritated. “Come on, president. I know you’re sensible enough not to waste my time on something oh-so-nostalgic like that, right?”

“You’re as serious as ever, Tokiya,” the president replied with low chuckles.

_Yeah, thanks to you, animal._

“Okay, the reason why I called you both is because of this,” Saotome took out a picture from his drawer, raising his hand to match their eye level.

It managed to widen Masato’s eyes but failed to amaze Tokiya. Judging from how close the position between Masato and the famous actress was, he could read where this situation would lead to.

“President, I can explain this. It’s not what you thought…”

“It’s okay, Masato. I believe in you. There’s no way you’ll ever cheat on your beloved wife,” Saotome said before placing the picture on the table. “If we’re about to assume something clichéd, this girl was sick all of sudden and you didn’t have a choice but to bring her to her waiting room. Of course, you had to touch her and that’s when somebody took this picture. Am I right?”

“Yes, that’s what happened,” Masato responded as he lowered his head. His mind began to imagine the most frightening circumstance; the picture would be leaked which would cause Haruka and his daughters’ trust in him break.

Little did he know, Tokiya was also worried about the same possibility.

“They have not been revealed in public yet. I already ordered my staffs to request all websites that have the pictures to remove them but just in case somebody leaks them, I want…”

“Okay, I will take the responsibility,” Tokiya cut him short. He was tired to hear rambles when he already could guess the whole point of this sudden meeting.

“What?” Masato exclaimed.

“Since the picture was not clear enough, it can be me or Masato so if the public demands to know, you want me to admit that it’s me, right?” Tokiya said, ignoring Masato’s response.

_The damage has been done, Masato._

“Yes, Tokiya! You’re so smart!”

_Thanks to you, animal._

“Wait, president. This doesn’t sound right…”

“It does, Masato. Luckily in the picture, you wore a hood so people can’t see your hair color well. After all, you can consider this as a gimmick for your latest movie together. Tokiya is the evil twin who only knows how to live recklessly while you are the exemplary twin.”

“But, president, I am sorry…” For the nth time, Masato was determined to throw his opinion straight to his president’s face. “I don’t mean to be rude but don’t you think this whole twin concept is ridiculous at times? Why does every time something like this happens, Tokiya has to shoulder them all?”

“It’s because you’re the Saint and he’s the Stripper. Do you understand?” Saotome’s voice was much calmer but it still made something crept through Masato’s skin. “You see, the more scandals Tokiya has, the more advantages he has but the rule doesn’t apply to you. You are doomed if people learn about this picture. Just take it easy, Masato. Even Tokiya is fine with it.”

Masato turned at Tokiya, only to receive a small smile from the guy.

“It’s fine,” Tokiya said.

_No! How come you say this is fine, Tokiya!?_

It was more frustrating for him when Tokiya did not look like he cared about this situation at all. It seemed he was the only one who was over dramatic.

“I hope you don’t tell anyone about this even your teammates,” Saotome said, a finger pointed at the scion which immediately indicated that he meant business.

While Saotome was more casual in this meeting, his mind was full of his enemy’s smirking face.

 _That damn Otori!_  The president thought angrily. He just knew it from his hunch that Otori was the mastermind of Masato’s scandal. He surely knew how to choose a top actress to make the situation with Masato looked more scandalous.

* * *

****Unlike**** Tokiya’s walking pace which was fairly fast and elegant, Masato’s was slower due to the mixed feelings in his heart. There were so many things that he wanted to talk to Tokiya but…

_Ah, I don’t care! When I said I want to talk, I will talk! I am a man so there’s nothing to be afraid of!_

Said a man who was afraid of bugs and used to shout as loud as his wife after seeing them during their date.

“To… Tokiya!”

But, his voice was not ‘manly’ enough. Apparently, he was nervous to talk to his own teammate.

“Yes?” Tokiya turned right away. His expression was normal but due to so many reasons, Masato felt like he was talking to an acquaintance instead of a close friend.

That was when he realized how distant Tokiya was. Not only from him but also the others.

“I am so sorry for the trouble.”

“It’s okay,” Tokiya said. Obviously, he had more to say since he stopped his pace, turning back to his friend. “But, this is the third time, right? I wish you can be more careful after this. Our boss has a lot of rivals and who knows what they might do to you in the future. Plus…” The two pairs of blue eyes stared at each other before Tokiya added, “You surely don’t want to hurt Haruka, right?”

_Because I don’t._

“Of course I don’t. She’s everything to me,” Masato said as if it was not obvious enough for Tokiya.

_Me too, Masato._

“I promise I’ll be careful after this.”

“I am afraid you can’t do it easily. You’re the Saint after all,” Tokiya said as he held his chin. His eyes lost focus as he was collecting thoughts about this situation. “Here’s my suggestion. Next time, if you encounter the same situation, please call the girl’s manager or any staff immediately. Make them bring her to somewhere instead of you.”

“But… what happens if she’s really sick…”

“As for me, I don’t care. I have ignored these kinds of dramas for countless times and guess what? Nobody died so far.”

Masato froze.

“It’s up to you either you want to remain optimistic and what not but you do learn acting, Masato. Use it to decide either that particular girl is really sick or just wants to trap you,” when Tokiya turned his heels in order to leave the headquarters as soon as possible, that was when Masato could gather his thoughts and words.

“Hey.”

“What?” Tokiya stopped again but this time, he was too lazy to turn back.

“I know you’re already informed about this but on tomorrow night, we’re going to pull a party for Syo and Natsuki’s birthday. Would you like to come?” Masato said, trying to sound as chummy as possible. He could not stand the awkwardness any longer despite he and Tokiya did not have any crisis on the surface.

“I am busy,” Tokiya said coldly. “Plus, I don’t think they want me to be there. I am only a wet blanket who causes fights among us.”

“This is a birthday party, Tokiya. There’s nothing to fight about,” Masato remarked softly. “The others insisted me to invite you since I am the only one who can meet you frequently.”

“The others as in Otoya and Natsuki, right? What's wrong with them, being the peaceniks all of sudden? I thought they said they dislike my temper,” Tokiya said. “How about the ‘others’? I don’t think they want me to ruin the party and to be honest, I feel so awkward around you guys. I can’t even feel the chemistry anymore.”

“Please don’t say that, Tokiya. You know they didn't mean it...”

“Just send them my regards. I don’t think I can make it,” Tokiya pulled away a pair of gifts from his bag before handing them to Masato. “Thank you for mentioning the party. I almost forgot about the gifts.”

As Tokiya walked away from the corridor, Masato was still glued on his spot. His blue eyes were still gazing deep through the sight before him even his twin already disappeared.

_So, he did prepare to celebrate their birthdays._

* * *

 

 ** **Tokiya****  slowly opened his eyes before being greeted by the sight of his dark room. He was not sure since when did he sleep at his table so all the flashbacks…

Were they his dreams or was he spaced out before falling asleep? He was not sure.

Yet, he could care less about his strained neck and back when all the memories with his friends still tugged at his heart. His body felt heavy as the fact that he could not turn back their times registered in his mind.

“It’s all my faults. I caused STARISH troubles. I should withdraw from STARISH since a long time ago,” he muttered. His head was still resting on the laptop’s keyboard, could not care less when it caused the screen to show a lot of STARISH pictures in fast motions.

Maybe today, after work, he would meet Saotome. He wanted to end everything. He wanted to cut all his ties with STARISH. It hurt but he did not have choices.

If the others knew that he threatened Masato last night, there was no way they could forgive him. There was no way he could meet Harumi anymore. The girl should not meet someone who said that he wanted to replace her father.

“I will ask the president to officially announce my withdrawal from STARISH,” he mumbled before rising from his table.

“Why do you want to withdraw?” A male voice suddenly reached from his back, causing him to gasp loudly. He turned, immediately relieved to see Himura who was standing with a confused face.

“Himura-san, good morning,” Tokiya said while his hand covered his yawning mouth.

“Good morning, Tokiya. I am sorry for making you shocked but I am already here since fifteen minutes ago. For some reasons, it’s hard to wake you up,” Himura explained. That was when he realized how pallid Tokiya looked. His eye bags were visible.

“It’s okay, Himura-san. It’s me who overreacted when you always come here every morning,” Tokiya remarked.

“You looked sad since yesterday, Tokiya. What happened during yesterday potluck with your friends? Do you miss them already that you opened their pictures in the laptop?” Himura said, glancing at Tokiya’s laptop screen.

That was when Tokiya remembered that last night, he was being dramatic alone while looking at his pictures with his friends. He quickly slammed shut the light blue laptop in panic. Something that a neat and proper person like him would never do until now.

“No, everything is fine,” Tokiya said, immediately grabbing his white towel before heading for the bathroom.

The idol shut the bathroom door but Himura was still there, staring at the laptop.

_He said he wanted to withdraw from STARISH but why? Why would he want to do it when he still looked at their pictures?_

Years had passed and when people said that Tokiya was aloof and reserved, Himura did not share the same opinion. He could tell that all Tokiya had in his mind other than his works was STARISH. Everything about the group was a treasure for him.

 _I bet his decision to withdraw is not out of his will,_  Himura thought.

He would not let this happen. He would tell Ren or Otoya about Tokiya’s decision since he knew, they would side him.

A message that he got this early morning slowly clouded his mind. 

****Himura-san, I need to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere?** **

****Please don’t tell Tokiya about this.** **

It was from Ren. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am kind of relieved because the flashback ended in this chapter so we can proceed to what other STARISH members would do about Tokiya after this :) As usual, if you have something to say about this chapter, feel free to leave a comment ^^


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding the solution...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the crappy chapter. I am so sorry for the worse grammar and repetitive sentences/words. I tried to use less time for every chapter since I am quite busy but I still want to complete this story. :)

****Masato’s****  blue eyes were staring at his wife, who was reminding their pretty daughters about all the necessary care for him. Neatly wearing a light blue dress and a black handbag, Haruka would meet Saotome since she was offered to write songs for an album of a famous celebrity. Since two days after Tokiya’s threat, his heart beat fast whenever he saw his family together. His gaze always mixed with love and anxiety.

What happened if he really lost them to the guy who was much more perfect than him?

When he continuously prayed that such a thing would never happen to him since his family was his everything, destiny seemed to side Tokiya more.

Haruka would spend more time together by working with the blue head since he was the popular celebrity with the planned album.

What a shocking and villainous ‘happenstance’.

When Haruka and Harumi were thrilled about the idea due to the fact that it had been a long time since Tokiya sang, Masato could not even smile. Not after when he knew the true color of his friend.

_They will spend time together more and more and Tokiya will…_

He quickly shook his head.

_What am I thinking? Haruka is my wife. She won’t do such a thing._

“I already prepared Daddy’s porridge at the kitchen so after this, please feed Daddy, okay?”

“Okay!” Both siblings jumped and exclaimed animatedly. They were always in full energy once they were assigned to look after their father.

“Please stay away from trouble when you guys play, okay?”

“Okay!”

“If Daddy needs something and you can’t help him, please give Mommy a call, okay?”

“Okay!”

“Later, your uncles will be here to meet Daddy so please behave and greet them properly, okay?”

“Okay… huh?” This time, Mitsuki tilted her head since her sister did not react as loud as her.

“Wait, the uncles? Does it mean Tokiya  _ojichan_  will be here too?” Harumi asked, holding Haruka’s wrist with a full expectation. “Did you invite him as well?”

It crashed Masato’s feeling right away.

“Of course not, honey. He won’t be here since I am attending a meeting with him, remember?” Despite the calmness, a soupçon of worry layered her voice. After the latest encounter which resulted in Tokiya’s dramatic but worrisome reaction, she was ready to talk it out more with him.

Even she knew it would not be as easy as pie.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot that,” the small shoulders slowly dropped before Harumi’s expression turned bright again. “But Mommy, can you invite _ojichan_  here after the meeting? I really want to have fun with him!”

_Why, Harumi? Is it not fun when you play with Daddy?_

Masato knew he had been over sensitive but he could not help it. Until Ren and others explained everything which they would do so once they visited him today, he could not sit still and witness how ecstatic Harumi was just with the thought of her beloved uncle.

“I can’t promise that, honey.  _Ojichan_ is very busy. He can’t always come here as he pleases.”

Harumi pouted while her eyes stared at the floor.

“But… I guess I will try to tell him that you miss him a lot and really want to see you. Maybe it will make him find some free times to come here?” Haruka said, stroking Harumi’s back.

The blue eyes lit up again before Harumi gave a strong nod. A pretty smile crept over her face.

“Thank you, Mommy! When you see  _ojichan,_  can you please tell him to take care of his health? The last time we played together, he looked so tired. I don’t want him to be sick.”

Haruka smiled but God knew how complicated she felt inside at Harumi’s remark. The same feeling when Mitsuki called Tokiya as ‘Daddy’ slowly clouded her mind.

_It’s not surprising that you care a lot about him, Harumi. It’s all by instinct,_  Haruka thought sadly.

“ _Ojichan_  was tired,” Mitsuki added, also with a concerned expression.

Haruka smiled before pressing some kisses on her daughters’ foreheads. She headed for her husband who was quieter than usual. He was sitting on the bed while holding a book.

“I will go first, Masato. Don’t hesitate to give me a call if you need anything, okay?” she mumbled as she was busy showering a lot of kisses over the pale face. Yet, she was startled by a tight hold around her small waist, pulling her on her husband’s lap.

“Masato?” This kind of affection was not surprising since she received it often but normally…

“Woahh, look at that, Mitsuki! Daddy is holding Mommy!”

Masato would do it only when there were only two of them. But now, Harumi and Mitsuki were watching them in a full interest and the man could not care less about the awkward situation.

“Masato, the girls… the girls are watching…” The dusted pink over Haruka’s face made him tightened his hold.

“I love you, Haruka,” He said suddenly, causing Haruka almost passed out from the lovey-dovey but awkward moment. Her face color could match Otoya’s red hair already and Masato was insanely fulfilled of being the cause.

_At least, Tokiya never made her blushed, right?_

“What’s with the confession all of sudden, Masato?” When she received no answer but a deep stare from him, she knew it would figuratively spoil her heart which only beat excitedly for him. “Well, I love you too.”

“Really?”

“Yes, of course,” her arms were on Masato’s broad shoulders while their faces were getting closer. At this moment, Haruka desperately hoped either one of these two situations took place; something suddenly knocked some senses into Masato’s head and he would quickly release his hold around her or the girls would leave them alone and go outside.

“Always?”

“Yes, always! Please don’t stare at me like that. I am afraid I can’t focus on my work today,” Haruka remarked at last. Years passed but she still found herself enchanted by Masato’s love towards her.

“That’s great to hear then. Do think about me all the time instead of another person.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. I mean… Please come back home quickly or I will miss you so much,” he said, releasing her waist.

“Okay,” looking at everywhere but Masato since more staring battle would cause dramatic heart failure for her, Haruka scurried towards the door.

“It feels so good to see Mommy and Daddy are nice to each other.”

And yet, Harumi’s remark caused the composer to blush more.

_What’s with them today? So mischievous all of sudden._

* * *

****“Syo,****  Cecil, you guys can go and play with them,” Ren said out of the blue when all of them were still at the front door. “It’s not safe to let the girls play by themselves when all the adults are talking here. Plus, we’re going to talk about Tokiya and I am sure you guys are not interested to know, right?”

“Wh… what? Of course I would rather play with the children,” Syo said, diverting his eyes towards some random objects in Masato’s house like vases or pictures. He knew once Ren could see his face, he was all ‘finished’ since the guy was like the master of face-reading.

“Come on, girls. Let’s go to the playroom and have fun,” Cecil who was ‘smarter’ quickly held the girls’ hands before walking straight ahead. Just like Syo, the youngest member in STARISH also hid his face from Ren’s view.

“Don’t worry, Harumi. Soon, I will bring Tokiya _ojichan_  to you and you guys can play for as long as you want,” Ren shouted as the girls and Cecil were getting farther than Masato’s room.

“Really, Ren  _ojichan_!? Thank you so much!” As expected, Harumi exclaimed. That was the loudest voice that they had ever heard from a reserved girl like her.

As soon as he, Otoya, and Natsuki went into Masato’s vast room, Ren knew what was waiting for him.

Masato with a blank face but his hand was holding a glass tightly.

“Okay, Masato. Calm down. I know you’re angry but please listen to me first,” all of sudden, Ren bowed 90 degrees while apologizing like a student who was caught smoking by his teacher.

“Ren, I don’t think Masato is angry,” the innocent Natsuki remarked which he received a nod from Otoya right away.

“No, he’s definitely angry! He would put on that face whenever he wanted to smack me for stealing his melon bun or when I didn’t tidy up our room!”

“Well, that’s your fault for making him angry in the first place,” Otoya said casually.

“What? You used to steal my  _precious melon bun_ , Ren?” The emotionless face was still there but now, even Otoya and Natsuki could feel the temperature of the room turned lower. “Even I don’t remember anything but one thing for sure, you give me more reasons to finish you off. How dare you stole my precious bun.”

“No, please don’t say that. Please… I am sorry, okay? I was just too mischievous back then,” the scarier Masato looked like, the nearer Ren got to him. This kind of sight was totally normal for STARISH back then and it was disturbingly nice for Otoya and Natsuki to watch it again.

“Then, why did you do something that made you feel sorry? Why did you do something just because you’re mischievous back then?” Masato even started to lift the empty glass.

“But I didn’t promise Harumi to bring Tokiya here because I have a bad intention, Masato! I can explain that!”

Seeing how absurdly scary the situation was, Otoya and Natsuki had no choices but to interrupt. However, after finally managing to take the glass that Masato was eager to hurl at Ren away and put it aside…

“I’m sorry. I guess I am just too sensitive when it comes to Tokiya. He said he wanted to steal my family and now, he got a chance to meet my wife often. While me, I remained hopeless and useless in this house.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Otoya said, quickly taking a seat beside Masato before holding his skinny arm. “Who said you’re useless? Your family has become this happy thanks to you, Masato. Plus, you can see how much your wife and your daughters love you, right?”

“But if your rival is someone like Tokiya…”

“Why should you compare yourself with Tokiya who has nothing to do with your family? This is your family, not his,” Natsuki added, also taking his seat beside Masato.

“We did discuss this matter when we were on our way but I guess, it doesn’t hurt if we listen to your conversation with Tokiya again. Can you please play it now? I know you still feel upset but this is very important,” Ren said as he took a seat right in front of Masato.

Replaying the conversation was like asking somebody to stab his heart again but Masato knew, he was in no position to be picky. He hated to doubt his own friend. He hated to feel intimidated by how perfect Tokiya was so he knew in this situation, he should put his trust in the rest of his friends.

Silence lingered in the air as four of them gathered all their attention towards the recording.

****“Please don’t lie to me, Tokiya. I might lose my memory but you can’t hide everything forever. I know there’s something that I should know. I asked everyone why they seemed to avoid talking about you but no one answered me...”** **

****“I hate you, Masato.”** **

****“What?”** **

****“I said… The Stripper hates the Saint so much.”** **

****“What are you on about, Tokiya? Where did that come from?”** **

****“Seriously, why do you have to be such a pain? You just worsened the situation and it made me hate you more. Everyone has been too considerate towards your feeling since you’re sick but here you’re, trying to make me spill the beans. Can’t you just ignore it and continue with your life instead?”** **

****“I am asking you because I know there’s something happened among my friends! I couldn’t sit here doing nothing!”** **

****“That’s what you’re supposed to do! Sit there and do nothing! I was already tortured when you’re healthy so when you’re sick, please spare me more trouble! I don’t want it anymore!”** **

Otoya opened his mouth while his index finger was raised. He clearly wanted to point out something since Tokiya in the recording suddenly exploded over Masato’s innocence but quickly decided that it was the best for them to listen to everything first.

The conversation which turned into a great tension between the twins continued.

****“I wish we can reconcile. I want STARISH to be together again. I believe that alone will make me stay healthy.”** **

****“No need to patch up with me, Masato. Because between us itself, we do have a conflict. We are twins with blue hairs, similar personality and we get along well but you miss the last part. We both love the same woman."** **

The more the conversation went on, the more they realized there were so many things that they did not know about Tokiya.

It was true that they were in the same team and had lived together for years but there were so many things that they overlooked when it comes to Tokiya.

****“Yes, it’s Haruka. And that’s the answer to your questions. How can I be in a relationship when I love your wife? She’s my first love and I am still madly in love with her until now. When the president finally lifted the relationship ban, I was about to propose her but I was slightly later than you.”** **

****“You already dug your own grave by saying that you’re jealous of me for being Haruka’s inspiration. You know what? Since I inspired her and I changed her life, she should be mine. Not yours.”** **

Natsuki slowly grabbed Masato’s arm, indirectly coaxing the scion from not taking Tokiya’s words to his heart.

****“But I guess God still sympathized with me. You saw how your daughters treated me, right? You know what? Both Harumi and Mitsuki used to mistake me for you. I think this might be a big chance for me to replace you in your family in case you die. You trust me enough to protect Haruka from Van anyway.”** **

****“Why are you so quiet? Too afraid to speak? I bet you’re. Your twin here is not as kind as you think, Masato. So, just a bit of advice. Next time, please believe those who are always there for you. Not someone like me.”** **

Heavy sighs took a turn as soon as the recording ended. No one could pull themselves together in short time and Masato knew it.

“Well, before we start with this topic, I think we should explain things to Masato first, right?” Natsuki suggested.

“Yeah, Natsuki is right,” Ren straightened his posture.

They told the blue head everything. They started with how Tokiya used to be aloof before slowly learning to be open with his teammates. No details were left.

“No wonder he doesn’t get along with you guys,” Masato remarked. “And no wonder he looked awkward with me. We’re already not in a good term but I am too oblivious of that situation.”

“I never thought that Tokiya also has a feeling for Haruka,” Natsuki commented.

“Me too,” Otoya said before all of them eyed Ren who for some reasons looked the calmest out of them.

“Well, I did notice that back then but I thought my hunch could be wrong. Plus, Tokiya didn’t show any initiative to ask Haruka out or what not so I don’t think I should poke my nose into his love life,” Ren explained.

“But now, he suddenly sounded like he resented Masato when they are supposed to be close friends,” Otoya added. “It’s frustrating when you realize that all this time you don’t fully understand what your friend has in his mind.”

“Haruka and the twins concepts. Those are the reasons,” Natsuki added. “Or else, he wouldn’t bring them up in the first place. Did you guys notice how his voice changed? Otoya is right. He sounded like he resented Masato a lot.”

“Then, what am I supposed to do? I can’t even remember anything from my past and now I just found that my own friend resented me,” Masato said, his voice quivered. “No wonder the doctor said that to me. Now I know it. It’s not because of the close bond. Rather, it’s because Tokiya holds the large part of my memory. Perhaps, did the old me mistreat him or something? Or am I the one who stole Haruka from him? Please tell me, you guys! I have to know.”

“No, Masato. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Otoya said, resting his hand on the broad shoulder. “Rather, it was us who mistreated him. Just like what we told you, we isolated him since we’re ashamed of his Stripper title and when we thought we had to patch up with him, Tokiya already showed that he wasn’t that interested to meet us. I bet he felt hurt a lot.”

“Rather, you cared a lot about him, Masato. Trust me,” Natsuki said, a sweet and convincing smile crept over his lips. “When the rest of us turned our back on him, you stayed neutral or backed him. So… oh my. This turned even more complicated. Why should he resent you when…”

“When we knew Tokiya is not the type of person who is ungrateful, right?” Ren asked which was replied by Natsuki’s nods right away. “And knowing him, I don’t think Tokiya is the type of person who cares what people think about him. Trust me. He’s so thick-skinned when it comes to criticism from fans and what not.”

“But he still has feelings,” Natsuki said as a bitter smile crept over his thin lips. He could relate to this situation the most. While he just smiled when some people thought that he was too creepy for loving children too much, deep inside he was hurt. “If he kept stating ‘The Stripper’ and ‘The Saint’ in the conversation, it meant deep down he doesn’t like what he achieved now. He’s suffering.”

“Which means he still valued his morals. If our assumption is right, we have a lot of things to apologize to him,” Otoya concluded. The last confrontation with Tokiya, followed by what Himura told them had made him sighed in regret a lot.

Something crossed Ren’s mind right away and later he would learn that he should think of it from the start.

“So, when Himura-san said Tokiya did have depression, it’s most probably not because of the typical one that celebrities have when they achieve their popularity. It’s because of something else. If we’re going to blindly accuse someone, it should be the psychiatrist from Saotome Hospital,” Ren said, remembering how he and Masato basically rolled eyes on the day when a certain psychiatrist lashed back at them for questioning Tokiya’s mental health report. “He said to us that Tokiya was totally fine. He claimed that Tokiya’s stress at that time was normal.”

“Should we refer to the president about this?” Natsuki asked. “It’s about his staff anyway.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Otoya said, almost instantly. For some reason, it did not sound right to involve Saotome in this matter which he had no idea that it was the smartest action ever for them. “I think it’s better if we try to settle this matter on our own.”

“You heard us, Masato. We won’t let this matter slide. We know Tokiya is not the type of person who acts low just because of a woman but as Otoya mentioned, we might not fully understand what he has in his mind. If it’s really true that he wants to steal your family from you, don’t worry. We’ll protect you,” Ren said, followed by a sigh of relief from the blue head.

“Thanks, guys. I really appreciated that.”

* * *

****Being**** a judge for a prestige singing competition was supposed to be one of the most favorite jobs ever for Tokiya. Sure, he did not sing himself but to see the youngsters with awesome singing skills reminded him of his youth especially with STARISH.

Yet, the nostalgic moment was completely ruined by his two other co-workers.

Which were Shining Saotome and Raging Otori. Just who the hell decided to put two of them together in the same competition?

A lot of articles described how lucky and amazing he was to be able to work with two legendary tycoons in showbiz but for him, he would rather judge alone. When it was the time for a short break, he realized that he should judge alone more, thanks to Otori and Saotome’s annoying drama.

“Well, who do we have here? The talented Ichinose Tokiya with his boss, the legendary Shining Saotome,” Otori exclaimed from his seat, almost sending Tokiya to choke on his drink. The idol tried his hardest not to communicate with the man but with how loud and attention-seeking Otori’s voice was, it was hard to ignore him.

_Who else do you expect then? Aladdin and Jasmine?_ Tokiya mentally mocked.

“You said it like you yourself are not legendary and you don’t have splendid sons,” Saotome said. Tokiya wondered how the man managed to ‘sincerely’ praise his enemy without vomiting right away when all he did other than talking about money was insulting Otori.

“Hey, don’t say that. Eiji might be good but Eiichi still has a long way to go compared to Tokiya. Who held the Heart-throb title for ten years straight? It’s Tokiya, not Eiichi, right?”

‘Can you guys stop comparing A with B, A with C and so forth? It’s so suffocating’ was what Tokiya really wanted to blurt out. He had lived for years by being compared with Masato, his close friend. Now, when he and Eiichi had a fairly close relationship (even nowadays, the guy looked much aloof now), they were also compared which was the last thing he wanted to take place.

“I guess next time, you can lend Tokiya to me, right, Saotome? I do have a big project in my mind for him.”

“Sure you can.”

Seeing the two showbiz bastards talked to each other nicely when in fact they always found ways to step in each other way was one thing but…

Tokiya disapproved the way Otori paid attention to him. He could see that Eiichi was never been spoiled by his father, not like how certain people assumed.

* * *

****“Eiichi,”****  Tokiya exclaimed as he and the said guy bumped into each other as soon as the singing competition ended. The TV station was supposed to be still hectic in the evening but for some reason, he could only see Eiichi.

And because of the quiet corridor, he could totally focus on how Eiichi looked like. Too gloomy. Normally, the guy would smile right away as soon as they met.

“Oh, hi, Tokiya. Are you done with your work?”

“Yeah. How about you?”

“Done but unfortunately, the event is not as grand as yours,” Eiichi said, walking his way towards Tokiya. “You judged with my father, right?”

“Yes. Why?” For some reason, Tokiya’s heart beat fast. If he was going to be dramatic, he thought that Eichii would harm him given how scary his expression looked like. The way his purple eyes stared into his blue eyes was intimidating.

“Nothing. Just asking,” he said, slowly leaving the blue head’s spot. “Congratulation, Tokiya. I heard that they only selected the best star to be the judge so you should be proud of it.”

“Thank you,” Tokiya replied before leaving the corridor as well. He was oblivious of the fact that Eiichi turned back, looking daggers at him.

_Tonight, I am sure Daddy will talk craps about Tokiya and slur me for not being as splendid as that guy,_  he thought. The longer his distance between Tokiya, the more he wanted to pounce on the guy and stab his body continuously and…

_No, that’s not fun at all. I should let him suffer slowly._

He sighed heavily, still looking daggers at the end of the corridor even Tokiya already disappeared.

_You know what, Tokiya…_

_All this time, I thought that I would make Masato suffer and kill you._   _That’s why I put the drug in his drink. I am so glad to see Masato slowly lose his life but now…_

_I think I’ll change my mind. I will kill Masato by telling him your dirtiest secret. The secret that you absolutely don’t know that you have it but it will make you suffer for the rest of your life…_

_And do you know what’s the fun fact about the secret? It’s…You shared it with Haruka._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, feel free to tell me what do you think about this chapter ^^


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More dark truths...

****Thanks****  to the information from Himura, STARISH were split into two teams once they could schedule their free time. The first team; Cecil and Otoya would meet the psychiatrist who was Tokiya’s savior, Mayama Jun. As expected, it was so hard to convince the experienced expert.

“Please, doctor. I know you have your own policy and you’re close to Tokiya but it’s important for us to know his illness. It’s important for STARISH. We don’t want him to suffer alone anymore,” Otoya said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Cecil on the other hand had nothing to say. The guilt which cruelly haunted his mind these past days had sealed his mouth even he was as curious as others. “He’s our dear friend and we just realized that so many things about him that we don’t know. Since it’s impossible for us to ask him since he won’t tell us, we thought that it’s wise to ask somebody who he depends on for his mental illness.”

The said doctor sighed heavily. This was not ethical but from all the consultations he had conducted with Tokiya since years ago, he could tell that STARISH could help the guy out. He could tell that STARISH could support the idol since his illnesses mainly resulted from his willingness to protect his friends.

They were the encouragement that he needed.

“Okay, then. I’ll tell you this only because from our consultations, I believe that you guys can help him out. Just a gentle reminder, mental illnesses do not simply get cured because of affection or sincere feeling from one’s friends or family but it can boost the patient’s motivation to fight his illnesses.”

“I understand, doctor,” Otoya said.

“I beg you. Once you find out the truth, please be good to Tokiya. Please be there for him because even he didn’t tell me all the triggers for his mental illnesses, I believe that he doesn’t deserve to live this way. I know he’s a good guy, knowing the way he talked especially about you guys.”

“What do you mean, doctor?” The redhead asked. He could feel his heart beat so fast as he saw how despondent Dr. Mayama looked right now.

“Yeah, and why did you mention ‘his mental illnesses’ instead of ‘illness’? Does he have…”

“Yes, Aijima-san, Ittoki-san. Tokiya was diagnosed with two illnesses; clinical depression and complex PTSD since he was 24 years old but I believe he suffered from it earlier than that.”

“What?” Otoya’s eyes met Cecil’s, silently sharing their surprise.

_That… that long? Why?_  Cecil thought. His green eyes sized up in horror.

“At first, he said that it happened since he was HAYATO due to his hectic lifestyle and his parents’ abandonment. As he grew up and achieved his current fame, his illness got worse. He said to me that he hated to be called Stripper and fantasized by a lot of women. But you know what’s the weirdest thing?”

“What is it, doctor?” Both the STARISH members asked, almost in chorus.

“For some reason, Tokiya didn’t want you guys to know. He didn’t say ‘I don’t want anyone to know’. He said ‘I don’t want STARISH to know’.”

Cecil and Otoya could feel their hearts skip a beat.

“I believe the part that he didn’t tell me will cause a big reaction from you guys had you guys know it. Given his collected and strong personality, I don’t think how the fans treated him could cause him to suffer like that. I believe there’re more disturbing things that we don’t know. Or else, he wouldn’t suffer from complex PTSD as well.”

_So, he moved out and refused to meet us because he kept a secret? What could it be? What’ll happen if we find it?_  Otoya thought. Cecil from his side looked spaced out but God knew how warped he felt inside.

“And I do worry about Tokiya when he said this certain thing. Even I keep suggesting him to lead a healthy lifestyle but due to his job, he can’t help it.”

“What is it, doctor?” Otoya inquired.

“He kept saying that he wanted to sleep for a few years. He kept saying this especially when his illness got worse,” Dr. Mayama explained. “Just so you know, when a person keeps saying something eerie like he wants to rest or sleep for a long time, that actually can lead two possibilities. The first one is he simply wants to take a break from his busy life. For this part, you guys as his friends can simply bring him to somewhere far from this city. Maybe somewhere peaceful like islands will help him to clear his mind. But… if he falls into the second possibility, he means he wants to end his life.”

It managed to send the scariest feeling to the STARISH members’ veins.

“For your information, Tokiya had tried to commit suicide so many times. He had tried to cut his wrist, drown himself, drink poison and many more but for some reasons, Hijirikawa-san was always the one who ended up rescuing him. He told me that because of Hijirikawa-san, he stays alive until now.”

Like a flash, the downright sadness clouded their frames.

Tokiya was suffering for so long but they were too clueless about it.

* * *

****The**** second team; Ren and Syo would interrogate Dr. Murano Suoh, the psychiatrist of Saotome Hospital who arrogantly claimed that he knew how to do his job.

So today, after more than ten years, they were here again to ensure Dr. Murano’s credibility.

“Oh, it’s Jinguuji Ren and Kurusu Syo from STARISH,” Dr. Murano exclaimed, eyeing the two men who were already in his office.

“Yeah and we’re here to ask about Ichinose Tokiya, also from STARISH,” Ren said. Syo who knew what the remark meant immediately observed Dr. Murano’s reaction.

As expected, he turned pallid right away.

“I know this question sounds stupid but did the famous idol’s name ring a bell? Perhaps, something that took place more than ten years ago?” Ren remarked.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to ask this for the last time. When Tokiya was 21 years old, was his mental health really okay?”

“Yes. Why?” The psychiatrist said, trying hard to sound annoyed and convincing. “Seriously? Did you really come here just for asking about something that old?”

“Yes because just like back then, we doubted your credibility as a psychiatrist. Perhaps, did you ever make something sinful to Tokiya like claiming that he’s normal when in fact, he’s not psychologically stable? How much that whoever paid you? I can pay you more, you know.”

“Excuse me, Jinguuji-san. What’re you trying to say, huh? Did you just question how I did my job? You’re just an artist who only knows how to sing and act so you have no right to question my credibility. If you have nothing useful to say, I suggest you leave this room like a mature adult. I have patients to consult today.”

Ren never thought that it could be this easy to provoke someone conceited like Dr. Murano.

“Unfortunately, we have a lot of things to say. Plus, the longer you waste our time by not saying something useful like Tokiya’s true condition, we’re afraid we can’t behave like a mature adult. Don’t worry. Your patients don’t need an unethical expert like you anyway.”

“What?”

Suddenly losing his composure, Ren quickly pounced on the doctor before pushing his head to the table. His demeanor completely turned into what Syo could describe as ‘The Evil Ren’.

“That’s what you got for being haughty, doctor,” Syo said, taking a seat next to Dr. Murano’s head. “Now, speak.”

“Jinguuji-san, Kurusu-san, please… Don’t hurt me. Do you want other staffs to hear us? Let’s talk nicely and…”

“I did. Masato and I did talk to you nicely about Tokiya’s mental health but what did you say back to us? He’s totally fine and you know how to do your job. You kept repeating the same lines. You know what? After our last meeting with him, we don’t think you did your job right. Rather, you let him suffered for so long without our knowledge.”

Dr. Murano let out a gasp. His heart beat faster, matching the increasing pressure from Ren’s hands.

“Now, I want you to tell us everything about Tokiya’s mental health. I repeat ‘now’ before you suffer worse than this. You know my family, right? If you dare to report this matter to the president, I will send my underlings to hurt you and your family. Got that? Or do you want to lose your arm first then only you can make a decision?”

“Okay, okay, Jinguuji-san. I’ll tell you. Actually, Ichinose-san… Ichinose-san has suffered from clinical depression and complex PTSD.”

“What?” Syo looked at Ren but the guy was too busy torturing Dr. Murano by twisting his arm more.

“Why did he suffer from that?” Ren said.

“I can’t say that. That’s a secret.”

“I believe the reason why you refused to tell us not because you’re ethical. You’re clearly far from that so don’t waste our time and just spill it!”

As his arm was twisted more, Dr. Murano almost let out a loud scream but Syo was faster to cover his mouth.

“This is not the right time to scream. You have to tell us the truth, doctor!” Syo remarked, also losing his patience.

_For someone who’s normally hot-tempered, he sure took time to be fired up, huh_? Ren mentally remarked, along with low chuckles. He was glad that Syo finally had been honest with himself.

“Answer him, you bastard!”

“Sexual assault! Ichinose-san was raped since he was 21 years old…”

Ren almost released his tight grip around the doctor’s arm out of shock. The truth was so far-fetched for their hearings. He looked at Syo who shared the same expression as him.

“What the hell are you talking about!? There’s no way…”

“I swear I’m telling the truth, Kurusu-san! Ichinose-san was a rape victim and that’s why I have to fake his health report…”

“That’s so absurd! Why would you fake his health report when you know he’s sexually assaulted? You’re supposed to acknowledge his illnesses and treat him!” Ren said, losing his composure for the second time.

“I don’t have choices! The president ordered me to do that or else, he would finish me off!”

Just like what Otoya and Cecil felt at the end of the conversation with Dr. Mayama, Syo and Ren swore that they almost forgot to breathe.

The more they learned about Tokiya, the more dark truths got unraveled.

* * *

****Himura**** knew this phase would happen but it was still worrisome.

Since the day of Tokiya’s full album meeting which was the same day when he asked Saotome to officially remove him from STARISH, Tokiya was so worrisome.

The fact that he worked too hard in order to make his mind busy was not surprising. It really sounded like him but when his mornings started with Tokiya’s rambles about giant octopus’s size compared to two busses, Himura knew the blue head’s health was poorer and soon enough, he would pass out. His hobby which was suddenly switched to watching random animal facts videos proved the manager that his assumption was right.

Tokiya was too stressed out to be his normal self.

Even Tomochika who got paired up with him for their latest drama also could not conceal her worry. Now, when they were in the midst of their practice in Tokiya’s waiting room, the woman spent more time to worry about Tokiya instead of practicing. When all Eiichi did to her was hurting her because of his extreme jealousy, Tokiya strangely made her feel warm. The idol suddenly could bring up the caring side of her which was buried by Eiichi’s hostility.

“Hey, Tokiya,” Tomochika picked up the script which had dropped from Tokiya’s hand. Even she poked his hand, it took a while for him to fully open his eyes due to his excessive tiredness. “Here, your script.”

“Oh, thanks,” Tokiya said before placing the script onto the table between them.

“Are you okay? Should we take a break?” Tomochika asked, lowering her eyes so that she could match Tokiya’s. Her heart ached from the thought of Tokiya would fall sick again due to his sleep deprivation.

But once her phone suddenly rang which was the tenth time for that day, it did not only manage to wake Tokiya up. It also reminded her of another man who hankered after her attention.

The call was from Eiichi. Something that she had avoided since this morning since she was jaded with him and their abusive relationship.

“Just pick up the phone, Tomo. I bet whoever called you might be worried sick about you,” Tokiya mumbled, leaning against the sofa. His long fingers massaged his forehead.

“It’s okay. This person should know that I am working right now,” much to Tokiya’s surprise, Tomochika detached the battery from her phone.

“I need to focus,” Tomochika said, a wide smile plastered over her lips.

“Okay, then.”

They just took a break when the door was slammed open, revealing a very tall guy with a bright smile.

“Tokiya! Tomo! Himura-san!” Natsuki greeted.

“Hi, Natsuki!” Himura and Tomochika exclaimed right away, followed by Tokiya’s weak wave of his hand. Himura who sat alone way back from Tokiya’s sofa quickly stood up before heading for Natsuki’s direction.

Meeting anyone from STARISH was the last moment Tokiya wanted to happen but to see Natsuki tried so hard to patch up with him even after the unlucky potluck, he did not know how to react.

“You’re participating in a new variety show now, right?” Tokiya asked, trying to sound distant.

“Yes, we took a short break. You must care about me a lot that you always knew my schedule!”

“No, I don’t! I just heard from other people.”

“Nah, I know it! You might try to sound aloof but deep down, you still love STARISH!”

“Hey, where did that come from!? I said I don’t!”

‘You’re so stupid, Tokiya’ was the line that echoed in Himura’s and Tomochika’s mind. Through eye contact, they both silently shared the same prayer.

Hopefully, Tokiya would not try too hard to ditch his friends especially Natsuki because the big guy would try harder to bother him.

The cheerful moment continued until they heard somebody’s squeal from outside. Since Natsuki forgot to close the door, it was easy for the two members from a female idol group, Canna to get in and excited at seeing Tokiya and Tomochika together.

“Waaa, Shibuya-san and Ichinose-san are here!” One of them instantly exclaimed, eyeing the two stars with full admiration. “Are you memorizing a script for your new drama?”

_Yes, why? Did you expect Aladdin and Jasmine then? Tokiya thought._ Their high voices and manners were so distracting for his hearing and mood.

“Yes. Are you girls excited?” Luckily for Tokiya, Tomochika was there to entertain the girls who were never tired to chase him around and request collaboration from him.

“Yes, of course!” Another girl answered her cheerfully. “We’re a big fan of you both. You guys always have good chemistry. Oh my, I really wish I can be as talented as you guys.”

All Tokiya did was smiling lazily.

“Tokiya, I have to go now,” Natsuki said, poking his arm before pointing at the door. “See you soon, guys.”

“Okay, see you soon,” Tokiya said with a fairly loud voice. He was giving the girls the last chance to be polite with Natsuki but apparently, they were still busy to praise Tomochika and him.

Himura waved at Natsuki while glancing at his artist knowingly.

_I know you said ‘see you soon’ without meaning it but you know what, Tokiya? You’ll definitely meet him and the rest of your friends very soon._

This time, Natsuki remembered to shut the door which allowed Tokiya’s composure broke freely.

“Hey, girls,” his attention was solely for the juniors now. His strict vibes were emitted which also caused Tomochika to freeze from her seat.

“Yes, Ichinose-san,” the girls responded, slightly gasped at his stern expression.

“Do you guys know Shinomiya Natsuki?” The idol demanded. As usual, he kept his poker face but only those who were in the same place as him would know how his intimidating aura was too much to handle.

“Ye… yes, Ichinose-san.”

“Then, why do you guys treat him worse than a wall? He’s in the same group with me so that makes him your senior as well. You guys know that, right?”

“Yes, we know.”

Tomochika eyed Himura but the manager just lifted his shoulders.

“Just let him be,” Himura mouthed.

“Then, is this what your agency taught you? Just greeting the people who you like? That’s sooo rude,” Tokiya could not care less when Tomochika nervously poked his arm in order to soothe him. Instead, he stood before facing the girls who were way shorter than him. His arms were crossed, earning a pair of pale faces from the young idols.

“Since you guys never show that you have changed your attitude, I’ll warn you now. If you ever ignore my manager or any other senior artist again, you’ll see what I am able to do. Got that?”

“Sorry, Ichinose-san. We’re so sorry,” the first girl remarked, bowing before him which was instantly followed by the second girl.

“By the way, what are you supposed to attend today?”

“Music… The Music Princess.”

“And you still have the nerve to greet us instead of showing up there early. Do you think other people don’t have anything to do other than waiting for stuck-up idols like you? Go!”

Tomochika flinched when Tokiya raised his voice. The two juniors quickly bowed before leaving the room. Even with the closed door, they could hear the girls’ voices clearly, possibly greeting any soul that they could come across.

“Teenagers nowadays,” Tokiya mumbled angrily, still staring at the door with his arms rested on his hips.

Yet, no matter how scary he looked like, Tomochika and Himura could not help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, looking daggers at the two people. This was when he could feel his surrounding was spinning while his head turned heavy.

“No, nothing. It’s just… that’s admirable. You look so cool when you lost your coolness, I guess,” Tomochika said. She was frowning but she still looked cheeky.

“I could see it coming, Tokiya. You bottled up everything only to explode today. You must still care about your friends, right?” Himura supplied.

“No, please don’t misunderstand, Himura-san. It’s not like I care about them. That Canna girls just need to learn how to be polite and I am tired and…”

Everything happened so fast. The tall body who looked temporarily cool before his juniors suddenly collapsed, earning a loud gasp from Tomochika while Himura quickly approached him.

“Tokiya!” Tomochika could feel her heart almost dropped from the sudden faint. In the midst of the panic, she held Tokiya’s head. “Himura-san…”

“Hey, Tokiya! Tokiya!” Himura patted the artist’s cheek but as he expected, he earned no responses. Tokiya was completely out which looked funnily tragic. “We need to call the medics.”

As for Tomochika, she had encountered a sick Tokiya for a few times but for some reason, this moment was the most horrifying for her.

She absolutely did not want bad things to happen to such a precious friend.

* * *

****“It****  was fatigue. His body already reached the limit and they will conduct more examination. Most probably, he’ll stay here for more than a week,” Himura informed as he and other STARISH members except Masato were sitting around a coffee table. He glanced at Tokiya who was still unconscious on the white bed before diverting his attention to the others’ sad faces. “And do you guys know what did he do before he collapsed? He scolded juniors from Canna since they did not greet Natsuki. He even claimed that Natsuki is in the same group as him. I don’t see why he should be that concerned if he really wants to ditch you guys.”

Those eyes with different colors sized up. They were mixed with happiness, sadness, and bitterness.

“I know it. He still cares about us,” Natsuki commented. Words could not describe how wonderful he felt inside.

“So, his threat towards Masato is also fake, right? He must do that so that he can continue keeping his secret,” Otoya added.

“So many things turned out shocking when it comes to him. We also have things to tell you, Himura-san,” Ren said. “And this is quite shocking as well.”

“What’s it, Ren? Did you guys already find anything?”

“Yes, Himura-san. Tokiya doesn’t only suffer from clinical depression but also complex PTSD,” Otoya supplied. All five of them already shared what they got from their secret investigation among them which was the reason why they looked so gloomy.

“Wait, what? Two… two illnesses?” Himura asked back. “Why PTSD though?”

“When he was 21 years old, he was sexually assaulted,” Natsuki responded.

“What?”

“That assaults lasted about two years but we still did not know who did that. For sure, he endured more than one assaulter,” Syo added, still feeling disturbed with the fact that his friend’s suffering was far worse than they could imagine.

“And how did you guys find this? From the psychiatrists?” Himura asked. The fact was too far-fetched for his mind to register.

“From Dr. Murano Suoh, the one who works for Saotome Hospital. He was responsible to conduct our mental health check-up and he was the one who faked Tokiya’s mental health condition. But you know what’s the scariest thing, Himura-san?” Natsuki remarked.

“What is it, Natsuki?”

“The president was the one who ordered Dr. Murano to fake the report but we still don’t know for what purpose,” Cecil answered.

“Wait, wait… Are you guys sure about this?” The manager found it hard to believe. All this time, Shining Saotome was the one that he looked up to. He admired the man’s talent and his humble attitude the most. “I can’t imagine that the president will do something like that.”

“We understand, Himura-san. We also found it hard to believe,” Otoya remarked, smiling bitterly at the manager.

“So, we were just thinking, in order to find the evidence, we need to think like Tokiya,” Ren stated, earning frowns from his friends. “He is a very organized and well-prepared person. He typically doesn’t give up easily in order to achieve his goal unless something threatened him. Something which absolutely will cause him more harm had he refused to give in. So, maybe he did keep the evidence that he was assaulted somewhere.”

“Wow, you guys are so amazing! How did you guys think…”

“No, Himura-san. It’s actually Ren’s idea. We just agreed with him,” Cecil exclaimed, followed by others’ nods.

“Yes, it’s actually quite scary when he claimed that it was our idea. Normally, he’s so proud of himself,” Syo supplied, eyeing the long-haired scion suspiciously.

_This guy should be a detective instead of an artist,_  Himura thought. He was amazed so many times by Ren’s sharpness.

“Anyway, Himura-san,” Ren who refused to take all the credits quickly continued, “We need your help again. I know as his manager, you know his password and everything but perhaps, does he have something that he doesn’t allow you to access? Like… maybe his PC tablet or…”

“His laptop,” Himura said, almost instantly. “That’s the only thing that he won’t use when I am around.”

“And you stated previously that he still saved a lot of our pictures,” Upon hearing Ren’s remark, Cecil and Syo lifted their heads in disbelief. “You said he fell asleep while looking at our pictures, right?”

“Yes, he did. I think you’re right, Ren. He must store evidence like voice recordings or something. I don’t think Tokiya will let his assaulters escape that easy.”

“I agree, Himura-san. I hope you can help us break into his house so that we can dig every room. This is the only chance before he gets discharged again,” Otoya added.

“Plus, Masato is still confused with what happened so the sooner we can find out everything, the sooner we can stop Masato from feeling concerned,” Ren commented.

“Sure, guys. Anything for my artist.”

They all turned to throw a determined look at the unconscious frame on the bed. Tokiya’s pale face and slow breathing broke their hearts but from now on, they would do anything to bring back his smile.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene where Tokiya scolded the girls was inspired by Korean Drama, My Love From The Star. I found that Jun Ji Hyun looked cool lol. As always, feel free to tell me what do you think about this chapter, okay? ^^


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They would fight for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Longer chapter, mentions of sexual assaults and suicide attempt. 

**Tokiya's** first week of being hospitalized was great anguish. Being nagged by Himura and the doctor who no longer showed admired him as he used to was his morning greeting.

"You never learned, did you?" was what the doctor said.

"Of course he didn't, doctor. This guy is unbelievable," Himura supplied.

But, it was not Tokiya's way to talk back to people who were much older than him and said the right things. His silence did not mean he would follow their advice or orders though. Once he was discharged, he would continue his routine; working himself to death.

But, apparently, God sure did not agree with him. These past days had been chaotic and he almost did not have time to be spaced out since STARISH always dropped a visit. No matter how cold he acted, no matter how many times he pretended to sleep so that he would not have to talk to them and no matter how much he glared at them...

Their smiles were still so bright, just like when they were still close friends.

Were they still friends? Tokiya did not care anymore. He tried to make them know that he built an invisible wall between them but the longer he tried to keep their distance, the closer they became. Even Cecil and Syo who were so hostile towards him before also became soft-hearted and were even willing to nurse him.

"Since you both are free this morning and tomorrow, why don't you both take care of him?"

Tokiya expected them to argue right away as they received a crazy suggestion from Ren but much to his surprise, they just nodded and stayed silent. Syo opened his mouth only after Ren left them.

"Just so you know, we're not going to nurse you because we love you."

"I don't care," Tokiya remarked with the softest and most annoying voice he could make.

That only declared a childish war between them. It seemed like everyone just ganged up on him, making sure that he would relax as much as possible. Even when Tomochika visited him, Himura forbad her from saying a word about their upcoming projects.

"Please, Himura-san. At least bring my tablet PC or phone. I am going crazy if I just lie down here and do nothing," after two days, Tokiya decided to plead with Himura.

"What do you mean by doing nothing? You can just watch TV or keep talking to your friends. They don't just visit you for nothing you know."

Tokiya did not see the function of his friends in this humdrum situation until this particular day. It was when Cecil and Syo decided to be so noisy by lecturing on healthy lifestyle, thanks to the internet.

"Using caffeine is definitely a no-no for sleep. If you take in moderate doses, it can block sleep neurotransmitters which cause insomnia. Instead, you should take foods that contain... tryptophan? What the hell is this? Oh, it's amino acid," Cecil who still had a hard time to read kanji had his eyes so close to his phone screen.

"78% of people use gadgets before going to bed but they emit blue light which is said to delay melatonin production. Hah, serves you right, Tokiya! No wonder you got a phone curfew from Himura-san!"

_These two chipmunks are so noisy_ , Tokiya thought. His back was facing them while he had his pillow covering his head. He was supposed to maintain that posture until they got tired but instead...

He was the one who lost his temper first. Since he did not have any respect for them unlike with Himura or the doctor, Tokiya ended up flinging all sorts of tools in the first class ward to his friends.

"Get out of here! How am I supposed to produce melatonin if you don't shut up!?"

"Waaaah, somebody, help! The patient is getting out of his mind!" Syo screamed at the top of his lungs, moving towards the door.

"Even you kicked us out, we won't give up, Tokiya! We'll disturb you!" Cecil yelled like a determined warrior.

Tokiya could not care less when he flung the tray straight to Syo's head, let alone when the guy passed out.

"Wahh, Syo! Are you okay!?" Cecil exclaimed, holding the half-dead Syo.

Tokiya absolutely could not care less.

Yet, he could not care more when on the same day, Masato visited him.

"We need to talk," was what the guy said. It was hard to guess what he had in his mind given his face was emotionless. For sure, the usual excitement and brightness that Tokiya could spot every time he met the guy were not there.

_Of course he'd put that face. Why should he smile at me? I wanted to steal his family after all._

"Honey, I will pick you up later," Haruka noted, stroking her husband's hair before giving the last glance at another blue head. She immediately reminded Tokiya of something.

Nanami Haruka was not the only woman who he loved but also the only woman who hit his head after the album meeting since she was fed up with his aloofness.

"I think so too," Tokiya replied.

* * *

**"That**  jerk... he didn't have to hurl the tray, you know!"

Meanwhile, other STARISH members and Himura were breaking into Tokiya's house. The whole house was full with Syo's complaints, emphasizing how he got the bruise on his forehead.

"Then, is it okay if the glass hit you instead?" Cecil mocked.

"That's not what I meant!"

"Now I know why Tokiya tended to be cool when he's angry. It's because he saved up his energy in order to beat you two," Ren said, observing the living room. As expected from Tokiya, his place was always neat. Given how private he was, it was impossible for Tokiya to hire someone to tidy up his house. "He must be waiting for that moment to come."

"Shut up!" Both the chipmunks yelled back.

They proceeded to Tokiya's bedroom right away. Ren was sitting at Tokiya's table with Himura sat next to him. They were staring at Tokiya's light blue laptop while Cecil and Syo were rummaging through Tokiya's big closet.

_Oh, my. Tokiya will certainly fling more things if he sees this,_  Otoya thought. Suddenly the thought of when Tokiya yelled at him back then when he tried out HAYATO's costume sending the shiver down his spine.

"Hey, stop making a mess! You guys do know how much he hates it, don't you!?" Otoya warned right away.

"It's okay. We'll fold his clothes as precise as he did," Cecil said confidently but that only made Otoya shake his head with the most horrified expression that he had ever put this year.

"No, that's not going to work. He certainly can spot the difference!"

"What's his password again?" luckily for Syo and Cecil's ears, Otoya's attention was diverted to Ren's quizzical voice. "Luckily he doesn't even bother to buy the more sophisticated one since this one lasted for years. If he uses the one which requires his fingerprint, it'll be harder for us."

"That's the easiest part about Tokiya. He takes care of his things well," Himura supplied. His brown eyes were still gazing at the screen as if the password would magically appear if he did it any longer. "But, he's bad at remembering his own passwords."

"Oh, really?" The other three said, almost in unison.

"Yeah. He can't remember complicated passwords. I have to remind him except for this password because he never tells me."

"Then, he must store something juicy here," Ren said, straightening his back eagerly. "I wonder what's the easiest password for him."

Suddenly, Natsuki's long fingers reached up, carefully typing a certain word out. Much to their shock, Tokiya's desktop background which only showed the laptop brand appeared without ado.

"Huh??" Himura and Otoya exclaimed, staring at the beaming Natsuki.

"Natsuki, how?" Ren turned his body, facing the said guy.

"Hihi. It's STARISH," the big guy remarked, showing a 'peace' sign. "Himura-san just said that Tokiya can't remember complicated passwords, right? And my head is still blooming with how he defended me from the juniors who ignored me so I guess his mind would easily remember STARISH."

As for Himura who always believed that Tokiya still appreciated his group, Natsuki's explanation did not come out as a surprise. But, for Otoya and Ren, a soft and warm feeling slowly clouded their hearts which used to be hostile towards the T of STARISH.

Tokiya... he still remembered their friendship despite his detachment.

"That's amazing, Natsuki!" they exclaimed, raising their thumbs.

Meanwhile, for some reasons, Syo and Cecil were silently shedding tears.

"Thank you," Natsuki replied.

"Then, our job will be easier then. Let's invade this dude's privacy, shall we?" Ren rolled up his black sleeves. With his bulged muscles, he looked like he wanted to slam another head against the table instead of just simply clicking files in the laptop.

"Hey, what're you guys doing?" Natsuki lifted his head, asking Syo and Cecil who were in their own world and did not bother to tidy up Tokiya's closet as they promised. When he received no responses, the tallest guy in STARISH approached them and that was when louder sobs reached his ears.

* * *

**"Why**  are you visiting me?" was the first sentence that came out of Tokiya after the silence between he and Masato was too suffocating.

"Why shouldn't I?" Masato asked back.

"I threatened you to steal your family. You should wish this guy to have the worst luck ever instead of visiting him," Tokiya said. Unlike Masato, he still had no moxie to face his twin.

"Not when  _this guy_  acted suspiciously," Masato said, finally pulling his stern expression. The other guys already told him what they had found from the psychiatrists but he was not satisfied yet. "I admit, at first I was so scared. I don't remember anything about our past so can you imagine how I felt when I found out that you resented me? Of course I was panicky!"

Masato could spot how hard Tokiya bit his lips. It was unison with how tight his hands clutched his blanket.

"I am sorry."

"You suddenly sounded sincere after successfully being intimidating," Masato remarked, leaning his body forward as he talked. "You did that because you have a secret, right?"

And Masato could spot how shaky Tokiya's blue eyes were. Yes, he did have a secret.

"Yes, I have."

"Then, tell me everything," Masato said. His voice was slightly husky from his determination to emphasize his words. "I know it's not proper to force you but I believe, what happened to you had also involved me. Remember, you told me that you suffered a lot when I was still healthy so you don't want to suffer more when I am sick. So, I am doing this because I don't want to cause more trouble for you. If there's anything I can do despite my condition, I will do it."

_Damn... he remembered exactly what I told him. Well, of course he would. I was cruel to him._

It took a moment for Tokiya to reply. His eyes were close but God knew how busy his brain was in order to collect his thoughts.

"You still don't want to cause troubles for me when I threatened you that I would steal your family? Really, Masato?"

"I believe if you really wanted to steal them, you'd do it a long time ago."

"Maybe I just wanted to wait for the biggest opportunity. Now, you're sick so I can..."

"You love my children anyway and I am so happy for that. If I die soon, I trust you enough to take care of them. As for Haruka, if she eventually falls in love with you after I die, I don't see why I should oppose it. She has a right to start a new life."

That was enough to shut Tokiya up. Mentioning death clearly left something for Tokiya's heart and at this moment, Masato had learned something.

Tokiya was a loyal friend. This guy never betrayed him.

"Stop that nonsense, won't you?" Tokiya muttered, clearly feeling annoyed at Masato's spontaneity.

"Then, stop making yourself a jerk and spit it out already. Everything."

Heavy sigh layered the tension between them before Tokiya began.

"It all started with our titles. The Saint and The Stripper..."

* * *

**"Owh..."**  was Ren's first response as soon as he clicked the pictures folder, followed by Otoya's stiff expression.

"Well, he did save a lot of STARISH's pictures," Himura remarked, smiling bitterly at the two friends' responses. The manager believed STARISH would reunite soon once they collected sufficient evidence.

And if Tokiya still decided to be stubborn and cold, he would not hesitate to whack the guy and send him to the hospital again if it meant it could mend his relationship with his friends. Despite the violence that he wanted to apply, all Himura wished was for Tokiya to be happy. He had spent so much time for being alone and he did not deserve that.

"He even saved pictures from Syo's wedding. I thought that Himura-san forced him to come here," Otoya remarked. The red eyes did not leave the pictures which consisted of them, gathering around Syo and his wife, Risa in a hall. Out of them, Tokiya, whose shoulders were held by Natsuki had the stiffest expression despite his bright smile.

"Yes, I did. I practically had to drag him to attend the wedding. It's so hard and he's heavy," Himura explained.

"Well, now we knew that deep inside, he was happy for Syo. What a great actor," Ren commented, proceeding to click the next file.

"Syo, don't be angry anymore. Tokiya did not feel forced to attend your wedding. He even saved all the great moments," Otoya said but he received no responses from Syo who were sitting between Cecil and Natsuki, facing the closet.

"Come to think of it, he was also happy to attend Haruka and Masato's wedding. You know, when he still loves Haruka and everything," Otoya pointed out.

"This guy is so complicated. Because of him, we have to be a detective," Ren remarked. His palm was supporting his chin while the other one still randomly clicked other files.

Eventually, they found a file with 'Ichinose Tokiya' name.

"What's this? His pictures?" Ren mumbled, only finding that he was wrong forthwith.

Instead, it revealed a lot of audio files.

"His songs?" Otoya suggested.

"But he did put all songs in 'Songs' folder, right?" Ren answered. "Or did he already receive new songs from Haruka, Himura-san?"

"No, she doesn't give any yet," Himura confirmed.

"I wonder what it is," Ren muttered, playing the first audio file.

It started with no sound for almost two minutes before Saotome's nonchalant voice echoed in the room.

**"I know. I know how you're feeling right now. I understand it but I don't think we should settle it here. You don't want my maids to find out those embarrassing things about you, right?"**

"President?" Otoya exclaimed, his flawless forehead was furrowed as he paid his fullest concentration.

**"You don't have to meet me this soon, you know? You should go back to your dorm first and take a shower."**

**"Take a shower? For what?"**

They never heard Tokiya's voice turned out so shaky and throaty like this.

**"I know you're still shocked, Tokiya. It still doesn't feel comfortable, right? It's normal since it's your first time. Soon, you'll get used to it. But seriously, that guy... I did tell him to make a beginner like you sleep instead of putting a 'rape drug' in your drink."**

The three guys gasped in shock. Those eyes with different colors widened as so many disturbing words lingered in the air.

Comfortable. First time. Beginner. Sleep. Rape drug and... No, the whole lines were so wrong in so many levels.

**"So, that means there'll be second, third and so on? That's why you want me to take a shower as soon as possible. It'll obliterate the sins that you and Kouda-san have committed to me."**

Otoya might still not understand the whole point of the conversation but Tokiya's low voice was enough to make his tears welled up. He was oblivious that Natsuki, Syo, and Cecil were currently shedding tears because of the reason that he would learn soon.

**"Why did you do that, president? All this time, I looked up to you and I even wanted to be successful like you. Why did you do that?"**

**"It's because you can bring more profits to everyone, Tokiya. You're the most valuable asset in our agency and you should be honored with that."**

**"But why I felt like you just treated me like a plaything? I never gave consent to something like this but why did you..."**

**"Come on, Tokiya. You felt miserable because you keep thinking that such a thing is abnormal. You should tell yourself that..."**

**"That's totally abnormal! What president would make his idol getting assaulted like that!? Are you freaking kidding me!? I didn't join your agency so that you can treat me like a prostitute!"**

Ren might look the calmest out of them but his hand which was landed on the touch pad was shivering in rage. His sharp brain quickly could guess what were Saotome's ultimate but vicious goals and plans.

**"Too bad. You're going to serve those who want you. There are five of them and I believe more will come soon."**

Otoya's tears dropped. As for Himura, the chair which Ren sat on was the only support he relied on when his mind could not endure the truth from the recording.

**"Just use your brain like you usually do, Tokiya. Use it. Just why did I frequently pair you up with Masato? It's because he has a sainted image and you're the carbon copy of him. Since that particular quality is meant for him, you guys cannot carry the same image. You, Tokiya should be the opposite him. Just like how there are always the smart and athletic twins, you will be the Stripper when Masato is the Saint."**

This was the answer for Himura's long-time question about why Tokiya was willing to act any kind of scene.

**"Your level is way different from your teammates, Tokiya. In this industry, it's normal when a versatile idol like you is secretly chosen to serve the VIPs. You have a great figure so just make use of it! Their mouths will totally be sealed. They never spill the beans as long as you do your job. Even the super-rich Nakamura Yuna is also interested in you. Can you imagine how luxurious your life will be, Tokiya?"**

This one answered Himura about why Tokiya hated Yuna and her father so much.

**"It's not enough. Shining Agency is still on a par with Raging Entertainment so I will do whatever it takes to crush that freaking company. So, in order to reach the goal, I will use you, Tokiya. You belong to me so you'll do as I say."**

**"I am not an object!"**

**"Your parents ditched you so basically nobody owns you! Instead, as stated in your contract, you'll do whatever the agency wants including to be the Stripper. Soon, people also will see you in that way so you can't run from that, Tokiya! You got me!?"**

More tears dropped from Otoya's red eyes. He himself was an orphan so he would be the person who would understand the feeling of belonging to no one the most.

**"Or else, I will pick your friends to do your job instead. Do you want an innocent freak like Otoya to replace you? Or perhaps, I can pick Cecil who always says that he appreciates STARISH shits and what not? It's your choice, Tokiya. Or... I can make Haruka to do it instead. I bet there are still VIPs who love an innocent girl like her. She'll be easy to manipulate."**

At last, this was the answer why Tokiya desperately tried to keep this secret from STARISH.

It was because he wanted to protect them. He did not want them to be sacrificed instead.

More audio files were played and they broke their hearts more.

**"So, since I am diagnosed with the disorders, I guess I can seek treatment, right?"**

**"No. You're not allowed to seek any therapy since it will risk other idols to know your disorders including your friends."**

Ren swore he would strangle Saotome once he saw him.

**"Allowing you to consult a psychiatrist will risk your secret of being a whore so it's definitely a no-no for me. Masato already asked me if there is something wrong with your mental health so I can't afford to risk anything after this. Just solve it yourself."**

This one answered them about why Dr. Murano faked Tokiya's health report.

Next, more recordings...

**"Just snap out of it, Tokiya! They just 'used' you sometimes because they like you. They like your figure and your job is making them satisfied. Just deal with whatever disorder you have! I don't care! But, this will be the first and last warning from me. I don't want to say much. If your teammates know your illness, all of you are finished. I will make sure that STARISH will completely be wiped out from the showbiz forever."**

**"No, president! Please, don't take any of my friends! I promise I will do better! Please, I beg you..."**

**"Why should you protect someone like Ren? You're informed that he used to be a playboy, right? Even he's changed, I bet it doesn't hurt much if he replaces you. He can work way better than you."**

**"No, please, president! You can do anything to me but please don't take my friends! Please!"**

**"Then, do your job right. No matter what kind of preference they have, you're supposed to obey them like a slave!"**

"Please... just pause it for a minute," at last, Otoya blurted out what his mind had screamed. "I just can't take it anymore."

"Don't worry, Otoya," Ren clicked the 'pause' button, smiling bitterly at the redhead. "I was thinking the same thing too. More pleading voice from Tokiya and I swear I will kill someone right away."

"I know right," Himura added.

Everything around them felt numb. No one had enough energy to spare when it was all absorbed by the darkest truth that they had founded.

Tokiya's pleading, Tokiya's suffer... All of them took place a long time ago and...

They had never been there. The guy had suffered alone but they were too oblivious of it. They were blinded by their dissatisfaction and misunderstanding.

"I want to see Tokiya so bad now," Ren whispered but it was enough for the other two to hear.

"Me too," Otoya mumbled.

"Hey, guys. You should read this one," Syo's cracked voice interrupted the silence as he showed a brown diary.

The guy, Natsuki, and Cecil had their eyes as red as Otoya's.

_What? There's more?_

* * *

**In** the ward, no words came out from the scion's half-open mouth. Instead, only his deep breath expressed what he truly felt while his blue eyes looked like they wanted to bulge.

Masato was too angry that his feeling quickly towered over all his senses. His hands were shaking as if he would punch somebody right away.

And if only his legs could function normally, somebody would die today because he would pounce on the bastard and strangle him to death.

That so-called respected president... he would sure he would end the bastard's life.

"I admit that I did blame you from time to time when things went wrong but trust me. Rather than making me suffer, you saved me a lot. One of the occasions that I still remember until now is I used to stare at a knife, wondering if I should stab myself or just cut my wrist. I wonder which one was the smarter choice, which one didn't hurt much. I was so despondent and I felt lost. Just then, you showed up. Even you acted innocent and even asked me did I cook something, I had this hunch that deep inside, you know what I've gone through but just like me, you were threatened."

It was Masato's turn to close his eyes. Tokiya's face looked spiteful all of sudden since it cruelly made Masato imagined easier.

How miserable Tokiya would look like as his mind was battling either stabbing himself or cutting his wrist would be the better choice.

"Ah, I am so mad now. What should I do?"

"You gave me the reasons to keep alive, Masato. Your support made me strong. And when Harumi was born, I must say that she completed my life. She gave me this strange vibe that made me feel I have to live for her. Her smile healed me every time I remembered those assaults especially the first one. The rape drug and the fact that I was touched by a man... It haunted me and..."

"Stop, that, Tokiya," Masato's hand grabbed Tokiya's arm but his voice was sterner. "You're shaking."

"You too, Masato."

"It's because I am angry. It's not dangerous but you... You're shaking because you're traumatized, right? This is the reason why you got the illnesses, right?"

"It's okay. I can handle that," releasing his arm from Masato's, his hands clutched each other. He shut his eyes, mentally convinced himself to calm down. "I am used to this. I think my body can handle this."

"I said, stop that!" Masato's violence always emerged but this was the first time he hit Tokiya right on his head. "Why do you have to torture yourself more!? You endured it alone for so long and now, you decided to recall it? If you have time and energy for that, you should use them to fight for your rights!"

"I am too tired for that. I've tried so many times but I failed and each try was so painful," Tokiya said. His voice cracked as the familiar emotionally pain felt like it just squeezed his throat. "I just want to let everything go. I don't want to bottle up anymore since they're hurting me. If I keep holding my memories with you guys, I'll continue feeling the pain. I am so tired, Masato."

Masato's shoulders slowly dropped.

_What should I say to him? I don't think letting him go is what everyone wants._

"So, are you saying that letting go everything including STARISH is the right choice? When all of those guys want to patch up with you? When your sacrifice was all for them including me?"

"It doesn't matter. You guys have a great life and I am so happy about that."

"What about Harumi? What should we say to her if she asks to meet you?" Masato said, trying his best to suppress his anger.

"I don't know. I guess I have to forget her and..." Tokiya gasped as Masato suddenly grabbed his collar harshly. Blue eyes with rage reached his sight.

"You have to keep fighting for your right, Tokiya! You're not a Stripper and you should prove it to everyone! It's not too late for you to change what the public has in their mind about you!"

"You don't need to be concerned about that, Masato. I just officially withdrew from STARISH..."

"No, you don't! STARISH is supposed to be a seven-member-group and it has to be that way forever!"

Ren's dramatic voice echoed, sending the two blue heads wondered about...

Since when the rest of their friends and Himura were behind them? They never noticed it. But one thing for sure...

The five pair of eyes settled on Tokiya. Only him.

Those familiar but warm looks... when was the last time he got it? Tokiya could not recall it.

"Rest assured, Masato. This idiot will never betray you for Haruka," Ren said, pointing at Tokiya who understood him right away.

"I know," Masato said. No words were needed. Just like siblings, they could read each other's mind right away.

All of them wanted Tokiya in STARISH. He could not leave them forever.

"Given how shocked they looked like, I think they already found the truth, Tokiya," Masato said, eyeing the speechless Tokiya.

As expected, Otoya and Natsuki were the fastest to trap his stiff body into the warmest hug.

The hug which indicated that their brothers-like friendship had started again.

Tokiya's mind was empty. He tried to digest and figure out the outcome of this dramatic moment but at the same time, he was overjoyed with the tender attention from them.

"We're sorry, Tokiya. We hurt you a lot," was what Natsuki and Otoya kept whispering to his ears.

For sure, if they knew everything, they would be doomed but the other side of Tokiya's mind convinced him that it was fine to cherish this moment. It was totally fine for him to accept their warm hugs. It was completely okay for him to sigh in relief that his burden slowly faded away from his shoulders.

It was because this time, it was their turn to fight for him. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, please let me know what do you think about this chapter, okay? See you guys soon :)


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